Oscars

Oscar Roundup 2011: Anglophilia Trumps Technophobia

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If the Oscars seemed long to you tonight, think about how drugs can stretch your sense of time and then imagine how long the show must have felt to the presenters. For those of you who didn't make it to the end of the broadcast, The King's Speech beat The Social Network for Best Picture. Apparently, Hollywood's belief that disabilities are ennobling and English people are classy is more powerful than its fear of amusements that compete with movies.

The Social Network didn't exit empty-handed: It won Best Original Score, because it deserved to, and it won Best Adapted Screenplay, because the Academy wanted to honor the man who provided the presenters with their shrooms. The shutout award went to True Grit, which walked in with 10 nominations and walked out with no Oscars at all. It had the disadvantage of being good.

The other big winner this year came when we saw a series of film clips that had been Auto-Tuned. My Twitter feed lit up with remarks that the technology had finally jumped the shark, but I prefered to think of the montage as a special award to Auto-Tune the News, which after all made more entertaining films last year than half the studios in Hollywood.

And the biggest losers? The audience, of course, but beyond that:

1. Dead Celebrities. It's not enough that all those actors and directors had to die. When they finally got their due in the annual death montage, the Academy insulted their memory with a song by Celine Dion.

2. Country Music. Under international law, Gwyneth Paltrow's attempt to sing country is casus belli for Nashville to bomb Hollywood.

3. Music in General. I love Randy Newman, but his Best Song winner was a paint-by-numbers rehash of every other song he's written for the Toy Story series. Even so, sadly, it really was better than the other nominees.

4. The President of the United States. In a surprise cameo, Barack Obama revealed that his favorite film song is "As Time Goes By." Oh, Barack. If you had picked "Shaft," I would've voted for you.

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  1. Oh, that show was tonight? Oops.

    I watched Red instead. Not bad, not so great. Helen Mirren looks like a sexy gnome.

    1. I kill people dear

      1. Ms. Mirren, I like your style of foreplay!

  2. The President of the United States. In a surprise cameo, Barack Obama revealed that his favorite film song is “As Time Goes By.” Oh, Barack. If you had picked “Shaft,” I would’ve voted for you.

    Not only is Obama not Kenyan, sometimes he barely qualifies as black.

  3. It’s a shame that the facebook movie won any awards at all, but not terribly surprising.

    It’s surprising that True Grit won every award it deserved, and so not that much of a shame.

    1. Hailee Steinfeld didnt win.

      I havent seen it, but everything Ive read says she should have won best actress, much less best supporting.

      1. Why the heck was the actress playing the main character nominated for supporting but Bridges was nominated for lead? \end{rhetorical}

        1. Because that way they can make sure not to give any awards to the best movie of 2010.

        2. Because no way was the academy making their leading actress nominees have to compete against her.

        3. Im assuming it was the same reason William Daniels was nominated for best supporting actor Tony Award for 1776.

          Im sure the standard is slightly different for movies, but for plays, it was because his name was listed below the name of the show instead of above it.

          He refused the nomination.

  4. You are a braver soul than I, Jesse.

  5. Jesse may be the one straight man in America who watched the whole broadcast. Why all the hate on the King’s Speech. I thought it was a good movie. It seems more interesting than a bunch of Harvard douchebags suing each other.

    1. I thought it was pretty forgettable…

      1. I totally disagree. It was well acted. It had great characters and a great message. I don’t think it will be forgotten. People will watch it for years. It is a classic Hollywood story.

        I think people rip on it to be contrary and because people have become so cynical they are incapable of appreciating anything but cynical stories. The movie is earnest. And that kills it among a certain set of people.

        1. I thought it was forgettable while watching it, it didn’t hold my attention. It has nothing to do with contrarianism.

        2. The movie is earnest. And that kills it among a certain set of people.

          You are a closet monarchist. For the obvious reason and for the less obvious one.

          1. How would saying the movie is earnest and supports the idea of selfless public service makes me a monarchist?

            1. And wouldn’t you prefer The King’s Speech?

            2. The obvious reason is because, you know, the fucking movie is about a King.

              The less obvious reason is because earnest romanticism is inherently Monarchist (or at least communitarian) while cynicism is inherently individualistic.

              Anyway John I hope you know I am mostly fucking with you…and only because I love you.

              1. ..and only because I love you.

                No homo.

          2. What’s so wrong with being a monarchist? You treat it like a dirty word.

            1. What’s so wrong with being a monarchist? You treat it like a dirty word.

              Many, if not most, libertarians have a problem with slavery. Monarchism implies that subjects are property of the king.

              ie the tenancy for Monarchs to describe poeple as “their” subjects.

  6. Norm Macdonald was on twitter through the whole thing…
    Normmacdonald: by the time the dead guy montage starts kirk douglas will be in it
    about 3 hours ago

  7. So a movie about a stuttering imbred who couldn’t handle the easiest job in the world won best picture. Good to know.

    1. Trust me, I was taking notes.

      1. speaking in the third person plural is my favorite perk of being monarch. Royal We FTW

        1. The backhanded wave is mine

    2. Jesse said above that the facebook movie lost.

      1. well played. you get a shiny statue.

        1. I’d like to thank the Academy, my agent, and of course the people without whom this wouldn’t have been possible: All the regular commenters at Hit & Run. Except for Warty.

  8. think about how drugs can stretch your sense of time and then imagine how long the show must have felt to the presenters

    Scarlett Johansson. Zooted to the gills on something. I thought she was clinging to her co-host for dear life, and that her eyes were rolling so far back in her head that they might make a Shawshank-like run for it and tunnel up to her brain through her sinuses.

    1. Hollywood hats going to the Oscars. They only go to them because they have to. If I had to go, I would take a few ludes as well.

  9. These are wonderful! Thank you for sharing armani sunglasses

    1. Ha! Douchebag spammer sugarfreed the link.

      1. What does that mean for the universe?

  10. Hailee Steinfeld didnt win.

    I havent seen it, bestmishubut everything Ive read says she should have won best actress, much less best supporting.

    1. We’ve heard these arguments before, and they were no more compelling then. Hailee Steinfeld didn’t deserve Best Mishu, end of story.

    2. Natalie Portman definitely deserved Best Actress. Have you seen Black Swan? She was fantastic.

  11. fasd, I’m going to have to run your comment through a plagiarism filter.

    1. There’s no plagiarism in anarchy.

    2. Considering my views on IP, I wont complain.

      1. Plagiarism isn’t really an IP issue…

  12. Sorry, but while the Coen Bros. episodic randomness was awesome back in 1998, it has grown pretty wearisome after all these years. They need to switch to children’s programming.

    1. True Grit was not at all episodic randomness (except for maybe the ‘You are not LaBeouf’ scene, and even then there was Checkov’s Character’s Profession in it)

  13. I love Randy Newman, but his Best Song winner was a paint-by-numbers rehash of every other song he’s written for the Toy Story series. Even so, sadly, it really was better than the other nominees.

    There is so much wrong with this statement…I mean all 4 songs pretty much were musicrimes, but…

  14. It is a crime that the town did not win any awards. discuss.

    1. I have a friend who refused to watch the Oscars because Piranha 3D didn’t get any nominations. I think she was serious.

  15. If I’d have known in high school Trent Reznor would a) look like that b) win an Oscar I’d of not liked Pretty Hate Machine so damn much.

    The Kings Speech is a very good movie – not my choice for Movie of the Year but better than a lot of past winners.

    The Facebook movie had its moments but at the end of the day mediocre.

    1. If I’d have known in high school Trent Reznor would a) look like that b) win an Oscar I’d of not liked Pretty Hate Machine so damn much.

      Or as I put it…I’m not sure what’s weirder: Trent Reznor wins an Oscar, or Trent Reznor looks like he belongs at the Oscars.

  16. Jesse may be the one straight man in America who watched the whole broadcast. Why all the hate on the King’s Speech. I thought it was a good movie. bestmishuIt seems more interesting than a bunch of Harvard douchebags suing each other.

    1. I thought King’s Speech had pretty shitty mishu, personally.

      1. i’ve seen better mishu on a tranny

    2. The Chinese takeout in Danbury really has the best mishu of all. Spicy and not too much sauce.

  17. I just want to know how the Koch brothers were involved

    1. Georgia-Pacific supplied the tissues that sopped up all the crocodile tears…

  18. Apparently, Hollywood’s belief that disabilities are ennobling and English people are classy is more powerful than its fear of amusements that compete with movies.

    I keep getting that the Social Network was written as a rant against teh internet. i do not disagree. In fact it is obvious that it was, but i am disappointed that there is a constant blindness to the other obvious fact that the film achieved the exact opposite of what it intended to portray.

    People saw and liked the movie because they like Facebook….and ultimately they like Facebook’s creators all the more because of the movie that they saw.

    Jesus its as if Neon Genesis Evangelion was never made and the intent of the creator to criticize robots beating the crap out of each other in stunning animation did not completely have the exact opposite effect he intended.

    This shit happened a decade before Facebook even existed.

    1. but i am disappointed that there is a constant blindness to the other obvious fact that the film achieved the exact opposite of what it intended to portray.

      It’s pretty simple. When the AV squad rants against the Math Club, people are going to side with the
      Math Club.

    2. This. I cheered for Eisenberg in that speech. It’s like many people felt about Nicholson in A Few Good Men. Also Sorkin. So what’s he getting at…?

  19. The author clearly is not shy to show which movies he would have wanted to win. Yes the Oscars are silly, and sometimes stupid movies win, but in this case “The Kings Speech” was not the worst decision by far.

    The facebook movie will get very stale very fast, imagine anyone watching that movie in 10 years time. The kings speech however will probably be regarded a classic worth watching in the future, a good criteria for being an Oscar winner in my opinion.

    1. The facebook movie will get very stale very fast

      It’s already stale, isn’t it?

      1. It might be required viewing in sociology classes, where people will ask, “WTF were they thinking back than????”

  20. why wasn’t this post made during the Oscars?

  21. Better than the French Cesars, where everybody’s favorite child rapist picked up Best Director, and got lots of applause.

    Worse, all the commentary seems to be how awful it was that Oscar snubbed the child rapist.

  22. The brand, Timberland when divided into its constituent words, reflects the type of shoes, they design and produce.

  23. Best performance I saw was Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone.

  24. Couple a questions:

    1) Why did those kids sing at the end? They seemed no more remarkable than any number of kids choirs. Were they retards or crack babies or something?

    2) What were they thinking with those hosts?

  25. The Oscars, like the STOTU and the Bob Newhart show, are only valuable as a vehicle for drinking games.

    1. Don’t put Newhart down in the same class as Oscars and STOTU…sacrilege !

  26. Do they have a category for YouTube videos? In fact, why not just lump those in with Best Picture?

    I also think a Plinkett review award should be created.

  27. Watched True Grit in the theater instead of the Grammies last night. Unfortunately, everybody got my hopes too high and it struck me as a well done but unspectacular Western with some hilarious frontier sass. After seeing The Wild Bunch, no Western since has been comparable, unless you count “No Country For Old Men” as a Western…

    Haven’t seen the King’s Speech or The Social Network yet, but The Black Swan was my favorite of all the one’s I’ve seen.

    1. After seeing The Wild Bunch, no Western since has been comparable, unless you count “No Country For Old Men” as a Western…

      Red Dead Redemption was the best western of 2010.

  28. Don’t forget the biggest loser: Christian Bale’s wife. Let’s be honest — dude forgot his wife’s name.

    1. Really? In that case Mr. Bale himself might be the real loser going forward…

  29. 4 long years, and the academy refuses to acknowledge the artistry of
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Man_Japan

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