Government failure

What Do You Wear to a "Gov't Doesn't Suck Rally"?


There's a new rally brewin' in the nation's capital, one that's gonna have some trouble connecting with an audience. The Wash Post reports:

Organizers of the "Government Doesn't Suck March" (their choice of words, not ours) were inspired in part by last week's Washington Post poll that revealed widespread negative perceptions of federal workers.

"We hear it day in and day out: the government sucks, federal employees are lazy and their positions are redundant," said march organizer Steve Ressler, founder of GovLoop, a social networking Web site for public servants.

"It's time to turn the tables and remind the world that government employees just happen to be people—people that don't suck," Ressler said in a message sent to The Federal Eye on Sunday announcing the march. Government workers "are a lot of cool cats" who work hard, listen to good music and watch Stewart's "The Daily Show," "but that's all after they've spent a whole day keeping the country running," he said….

The "Government Doesn't Suck March" to Stewart's "Sanity" rally is scheduled to start at 10:30 a.m. Saturday at the North end of the National Air and Space Museum. Government workers and their friends and family are encouraged to join up and march together to "put a human face on governmental bureaucracy, to show the country that you're capable of having a laugh and "to send a reminder that we're not red tape, we're not slack-jawed desk jockeys and we don't suck," Ressler said.

More here.

Hat tip: Baylen Linnekin of Crispy on the Outside, the only food-product-and-policy blog with a cookie crunch.

From the vault, a suggestion that, contra Ressler, government does suck much of the time.

NEXT: "That Show By Those Hipster Know-It-Alls Who Talk About How Fascinating Ordinary People Are"

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. …they’ve spent a whole day keeping the country running.

    Cause lord knows the country wouldn’t “run” without government. I can’t wait to see this one play out!

    1. Government’s too Damn Sucky.

    2. As sloopyinca put it:

      We could cut our Dept of Education that has no schools.
      Or the Dept of Labor that manufactures nothing.
      Or the Dept of Energy that operates no power plants.
      Or the Dept of Health(HS) that operates no hospitals.
      Or the Dept of Agriculture that grows nothing.
      Or the Dept of Homeland Security because we have a DoD.
      Or the Dept of Commerce because they sell/trade nothing.

  2. The Saints do suck.

  3. National Polish a Turd Rally!

  4. Anarchy sucks. Ask anyone who has lived through it. Not that some government workers don’t suck and are not redundant, if not wholly unnecessary.

    1. I don’t know anyone who lived under true anarchy, do you? really?

      1. I don’t, personally. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist. The current state of Somalia comes to mind. History is full of examples.

        1. Which Somalia? The one that improved under anarchy, or some other one?

        2. “Stop criticizing the government or we’ll turn into Somalia.” Good luck with that one.

        3. Somalia means drink right?

        4. Obvious idiot is obvious. Somalia is a better example of tribalism and common law governance than “anarchy.”

    2. I can’t even think of a modern anarchic state. There are some communes still around, but nothing at a national level. Hell even Somalia has a tribal system, even if they are drug lords leading tribes of cracked out 12 year olds.

      1. I can’t even think of a modern anarchic state.

        Perhaps because an anarchic state is a contradiction in terms?

        1. State: a government or politically organized society having a particular character

          Anarchy: absence of government

          state =! government

          Oh dear god the semantics!

          I agree it was poor wording, but I don’t think it was as incorrect as you are implying.

          1. That is unless you want to argue government synonymous with organization.


          2. Albert Jay Nock nailed this one 80 years ago or so.

            1. Ya, like I said it was poor wording on my part. But then again arguing or even discussing anything anarchist is usually a giant cluster fuck.

          3. ANARCHY—a theory that regards the absence of all direct or coercive government as a political ideal and that proposes the cooperative and voluntary association of individuals and groups as the principal mode of organized society.

            Presuming that a “state” can be a voluntary organization, it is entirely possible to have an “anarchic state”.

    3. As someone who wavers between anarchism and minarchism, I think that government is at best a necessary evil, so even if one does believe that some government is necessary, it is important to keep in mind that it does suck.

    4. I can’t think of any so-called anarchy that sucked worse than the massive centralized tyrannies of the 20th century.

  5. The existence of the rally disproves its hypothesis.

    1. Most of us work jobs where we can’t all take one day off together to whine in the street about Glenn Beck’s mischaracterizations.

      1. We admire the French.

  6. Government workers and their friends and family are encouraged to join up and march together

    Kim Jong Il would proud if he weren’t so ronery.

  7. If I worked for the government I would stay clear of this thing for the simple reason that it may be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.

    1. It’s like a whole bunch of people saying, “We’re not witches.”

    2. Trust me, government workers are not going to march on their day off.

      1. I like the idea of government workers wasting a day on an activity that doesn’t affect my life.

      2. They just some stimulus money to pay them to march

    3. “Day Without a Government Bureaucrat”?

  8. The problem is not that government workers are any more or less comtemptable than private sector workers. The problem is that a very large minority (at the least) of government workers perform functions that are unnecessary or harmful to running of the nation. And that’s a leadership problem.

    1. After working in civil service I’d have to disagree with your first comment. Most of the government employees I dealt with couldn’t survive a private sector job if they tried. Incompetent would be an understatement. The system breads incompetence and apathy rather than competition and success.

      1. Well, in theory some have jobs that are justifiable, even if they do them poorly.

        1. That’s why I only disputed the first comment and with anecdotal arguments at that.

          The last sentence though I can make a pretty good argument for with or without anecdotes and some hard data.

  9. And lastly:

    I’d be angry if this weren’t so pathetic.

  10. But who will run the country on Saturday at 10:30? Surely, we will go careening into chaos!

    1. The country shuts down between 4PM on Friday and 9AM the following Monday. No country-runnin’ between those hours.

      1. Judging by D.C. traffic, the country actually shuts down around 5 PM on Thursday or 1:30 PM on Friday depending on the week.

        1. exactly. most government employees get every other Friday off.

    2. But who will run the country on Saturday at 10:30? Surely, we will go careening into chaos! a ditch, where Obama will then push out of while…


      1. Will there be a Slurpee stand?

        1. According to recent speeches a Slurpee stand and a Starbucks.

        2. According to recent speeches a Slurpee stand and a Starbucks.

  11. What Do You Wear to a “Gov’t Doesn’t Suck Rally”?

    A drool bib?

    1. Don’t forget the helmet.

    2. I’m betting union t-shirts will be the preferred attire.

    3. What Do You Wear to a “Gov’t Doesn’t Suck Rally”?

      Crotchless panties.

      Because it’s clear you enjoy being fucked.

  12. I’m wearing a tinfoil hat and a shirt that says “what color is the sky on your planet?”

  13. What do I wear to this rally?

    An “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt. With arrows pointing in all directions, that’s what.

    1. Gah! I just stole that without knowing you said it first. Sorry.

      1. A modest share of the income will do much to appease my indignation, Jim.

    2. Bravo Sir

    3. “I’m From the Government, and I’m Here to Help”

  14. And you can’t use the marathon port a potties, beyotches!

    The marathon falls on the 31st, the day after the rallies, and race director Rick Nealis told the New York Times he booked 800 portable toilets for the same weekend and wasn’t willing to share.

    Nealis said Comedy Central organizers had contacted marathon staff asking to share the wealth, and that even though the network offered to split the cost and clean the toilets before the morning of race day, he refused to help.

    “I understand that they were having problems ordering Porta-Potties, that they might have to go as far as Baltimore to get them, but I just didn’t want to share,” he told the Times.

    Nealis announced plans to lock the portable toilets during the rallies, and even told the Washington Post he was getting the potties delivered under cover of darkness to avoid them being abused by rallygoers.

    1. The Rally to Restore Uremia!

    2. Instead of cutting his costs, he’ll have marathoners running through piss-puddles.


    3. Thereby guaranteeing the mess left on the mall will be far worse than that left by Al Sharpton’s rally.

  15. I am wearing a rain barrel with two suspenders, and my wife is wearing a potato sack. That is all we have left after paying the government workers not to suck.

  16. If they were smart, they would hold the rally on a Tuesday. Then, when the world invetiably falls apart, they can point and say, “See, you really need us!”

  17. OK, now I want to show up to this thing and be a complete asshole. And no jokes from any of you.

    1. Hold up a racist sign every time you see a news camera.

      1. Just one Obama-as-Hitler sign will ruin everybody’s day.

      2. In other words, just be yourself.

        1. My hatred transcends race. And class. And space and time. I hate people yet to be born. I hate people who will never be born.

          Omnihateral panloatheist.

          1. I meant to type “Just be yourself, sage.” But I am sure the goateed version of yourself is very nice.

            1. I am my own evil twin.

            2. just be yourself

              That would be about 55% asshole. Not complete asshole.

      3. Hold up a racist sign every time you see a news camera.

        A picture of Juan Williams over the words “Fox Negro Channel.”

        1. Juan Williams way to right wing and conservative for us. He was just a bad fit with his Uncle Tom porch Negro jive.

          Mumia on the other hand . . . .

    2. OK, now I want to show up to this thing and be a complete asshole. And no jokes from any of you.

      May I suggest: White Privilege is the #1 Killer in America?

      The key is to overdo it like an undocumented waving a Mexican flag and wearing a Che t-shirt on May Day. Yup. Suggestions of our very own Communist Revolution. That appeals to the heartstrings.

      1. They like Bigger Government. If there was just a word that rhymed with “bigger” and had some relevance to the current political situation…

        1. Bigger, please!

  18. The March of The Suckers.

    Protesters for the status quo have a long and embarrassing history of buffoonic behavior.

    “What do we want? No Change! When do we want it? From Now On! S-T-A-S-I-S… What’s that spell?”

    1. S-T-A-S-I-S… What’s that spell?

      Job Security! At least until the system inevitably breaks, we hope sometime after we die!

      1. Take off the s at the end.

  19. Have you ever heard of a rally you want to attend less than this? I’d crawl on my hands and knees through broken glass for 50 miles to not attend this rally.

  20. What Do You Wear to a “Gov’t Doesn’t Suck Rally”?

    A badge.


  21. I’m still hoping that Stewart will go kaufmanesque on this and have cossacks rundown the “protesters.”

    But he won’t since he wants to show Beck that he can get a gathering of his brain-dead audience to show up also.

    1. Brain-dead maybe, but they can clap like trained seals. That comes in handy.

      1. That’s an unfortunate side effect of watching Nancy Pelosi during Obama’s speeches.

    2. There would be true justice in the world if Christopher Hitchens had enough strength to make an appearance.

    3. I met some Canadians in Ottawa who are going to this…really wtfed me.

  22. Sweet Christ, what kind of a massive toolbag do you have to be to attend this thing, let alone organize it? This shit sounds like a rally for Ahmadinejad or something. I thought true “liberals” were all about questioning authority and not about bowing down to arbitrary masters. Oh wait…Bush isn’t in office anymore. Now they hold the scepter so this bloated mass of fraud we call a government is A OK. Fuck you hypocritcal scumbags.

    And they have the audacity to say “that people don’t suck”. Saying people as a whole don’t suck is meaningless. People as individuals can, and often do suck. They suck so much they should be fired or relegated to menial low-paying jobs instead of cushy beltway thrones many have become accustomed to with indignant passion. I say fire most of these assholes so houses in the D.C. area actually enter the realm of quasi-affordability. But the status quo makes that nigh impossible, and these adovocates for the DMV, overseas Military Disasters, IRS, FBI, CIA, DoEd, DoE, and the endless seas of private grafters willing to suck the last bloody drops of sour milk out of the dessicated husk that is the taxpayer, implicitly want it to just get bigger. Cheese and Rice.

    1. *rises from chair, begins to clap*

  23. It would be pretty easy to prove how awesome government is by making all local, state and federal taxes completely voluntary.

    1. Wow…+1

  24. I think it’s true that federal workers generally don’t know how much they suck.

  25. I am wearing a rain barrel with two suspenders

    Don’t forget your top hat.

  26. I should also note that they suck at organizing a protest in the 21st century. I can’t find a facebook page or forum to troll their subsidized asses.

    Who doesn’t have facebook page for their organization and/or event? The Massachusetts Libertarian Party has one – and that’s like six people.

    1. Facebook? That’s so pedestrian.

      1. They get a seperate (but equal!) social network? Next they’ll get their own schools!

  27. Hell’s Angels are never around when you need them.

    1. Comparing Hell’s Angels to cops. You are lucky you don’t hear from their lawyers, JsubD.

  28. How about the sign that says “I shaved my balls for this?

    1. It would be especially effective if you were dressed like Mohamed Atta.

    2. extra bonus points if you tranny it up

  29. The system breads incompetence and apathy rather than competition and success.

    Fucking loafers!

    1. The system breads incompetence and apathy rather than competition and success.

      Fucking loafers!

      What else would you expect at such a half-baked event?

      1. Makes you wonder what they will cook up next.

        1. Next they’ll be whining that they knead dough.

  30. Wow…So were they like, trying to out-Onion the Onion?

    1. it so hip it’s passe. the onion gets out-onioned everyday.

      1. If The Onion switched to straight reporting, no one would notice.

  31. The only garb to wear to a “government doesn’t suck rally” that furthers the rally’s theme is a ball gag.

  32. The “Government Doesn’t Suck March” to Stewart’s “Sanity” rally is scheduled to start at 10:30 a.m. Saturday at the North end of the National Air and Space Museum. Government workers and their friends and family are encouraged to join up and march together to “put a human face on governmental bureaucracy, to show the country that you’re capable of having a laugh and “to send a reminder that we’re not red tape, we’re not slack-jawed desk jockeys and we don’t suck,” Ressler said.

    Memo from Obama: All employees of the state will receive overtime pay for the day in addition to an extra vacation day and paid personal day. Please see your department head for details.

  33. Anyone willing to give odds on how much overtime they will be paid for on that Saturday?

  34. Government workers and their friends and family are encouraged to join up and march together to “put a human face on governmental bureaucracy, to show the country that you’re capable of having a laugh. . . [.]

    I don’t think the criticism of government employees is that they’re humorless. If anything, they’re laughing all the way to the bank.

  35. “Government doesn’t suck.”

    “It’s not about the money.”

    “I promise I won’t come in your mouth.”

    1. What are lies my parents told me, Alex?

  36. Do you think any of the drones who work at the IRS realize that if they all quit none of us would have to pay federal income taxes?

  37. I really wanted this rally to be scheduled for a Tuesday.

  38. How to not suck: First rule – stop sucking.

    I see a t-shirt business opportunity here:

    “Stickin’it FOR the Man!”
    “Uncle Sam is my Homeboy”

    And of course, the classic from Judge Dredd : ” I Am The Law!”

  39. It’s a good thing I’m nowhere near DC; otherwise I might have to do a run of

    Government doesn’t suck
    it BLOWS


  40. Not only do they suck, but also they swallow all the false beliefs spun about how they’re necessary.

    Government work is make-work for racists — feminists, blackists, homosexists, Hispanics, American tribalists — all who are racing for the spoils of income taxation and redistribution to themselves.

    None of these flunkies offer anything that anyone wants in free markets and even if they did, they would be put to work only after the super productive have created things in such high demand, that profits would pay to employ such marginal people, inferiorly productive people at the margins.

    The defenders of government flunkies — NAACP, Act Up!, La Raza, NOW, United Native Americans — have agitated for decades.

    Like Ahab, they continue to spin their tales about their Moby Dick, their great while whale — the disorganized American “white” male.

    And like Ahab, they shall not stop until they hunt down their Moby Dick, not caring who dies along the way, even themselves.

  41. The system breads incompetence

    Does it then deep-fry the incompetence? Or just leave it dripping batter all over the floor? 😉

    1. Dude, keep your dripping batter to yourself.

  42. The system breads incompetence

    Shorter: joez law strikes again.

  43. So, let me make sure I have this right. A city, created from scratch by and for the federal government, believes that government is a Good Thing. Is that right?

  44. The rally answers the wrong question. It doesn’t matter if federal employees suck or not; the problem is that the institution they serve sucks. It doesn’t matter who works there or how wonderful they may be. The institution serves only itself and until it is removed nothing important will change.

  45. Marching to a rally sponsored by a COMEDIAN!!!, who hasn’t fully disclosed the plan for the day. Brilliant! This just confirms the overall intelligence level of our betters.

  46. My sign:

    Big government only sucks when Bush is the decider!

  47. Will this rally successfuly prove the negative?

  48. The organizers have this wrong. This is how it’s supposed to happen:

    1) They call it the “Feel Good About Government” or “Government at Your Service” rally.

    2) The pundits, including the inestimable Jim Treacher, latch on to the title and in a fit of snark, say something like, “they might as well have called it the ‘Government Doesn’t Suck’ rally.”

    Instead, they skipped Step One and went directly to Step Two in a fit of self-parody. The lefties really are on the ropes and not even thinking clearly any more. It’s almost not fun to abuse them anymore. ALMOST.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.