Sports

It's Official: Ohio Is the East Germany of America

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Properly aged!

So, the Cincinnati Reds recently clinched their first playoff appearance since 1995. In the ensuing clubhouse celebration, which was televized, some players smoked cigars. Result?

The Reds will be investigated by the Cincinnati Heath Department for violations of the state smoking ban. […]

Five people called a statewide smoking ban complaint hotline, said Rocky Merz, health department spokesman.

Link via Halos Heaven.

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  1. People suck.

      1. Oh no, it’s a far larger number than five.

        These five are merely one tiny drop in the ocean of people who suck.

        1. Thank the hovering pasta deity that we are exempt!

  2. Five people called a statewide smoking ban complaint hotline, said Rocky Merz, health department spokesman

    Is there a joy-killing dick hotline I can call? I want to report five incidents.

    1. Is there a joy-killing dick hotline I can call?

      Yes, through pexiglass at the sate pen.

  3. I’d be angry if this wasn’t so pathetic.

    1. Where is this “Ohio”?

      1. I thought it was a fictional land Chrissie Hynde made up for “My City Was Gone.” A lot of fictional sports teams come from there, too, like the Cleveland Indians. You mean to tell me it’s real?

        1. Can’t be real. That would mean Warty was real, and as we all know, he is merely a fictional creation of our collective imagination.

          1. I. for one, don’t accept the existence of an Ohio. It’s too unbelievable to be real.

            1. Sadly, I have been there. It is all too real.

              1. Well, I can either believe you or I can believe the overwhelming lack of evidence of an Ohio.

            2. I took a shit in Ohio once.

      2. Ohio is where Sloopy lets her hair hang down, dude. She lives in a very bad part of town, and everybody tries to put her down.

        1. It’s clearly fictional. Note the similarities to Mordor and the fact that no one had ever heard of Ohio before Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings.

      3. It’s where Ben Roethlisberger came from.

        1. I’ve long been on record advocating that Findlay be cleansed with napalm.

          1. Please tell me you’re not a Browns fan.

        2. Mordor?

      4. Actually, I live there. I lived in NY – the least free state in the union – and now I live here. Apparently some of the busybody jackass scumsuckers followed me here.

  4. I say this as someone who is a non-smoker and who thinks smoking is disgusting, smelly, nauseating and an incredibly stupid habit.

    Those five people who called the state hotline should have a lit cigar shoved up their buttholes.

    Cigars don’t bother me as much – cigarette smoke just plain makes me want to puke. But if the players want to light up a cigar they should be able to. Especially in the “privacy” of the ball team’s clubhouse.

    1. “…who thinks smoking is disgusting”

      I’ve read this over and over. Having to smell someone’s fecal matter is disgusting- seeing it is even worse. Having to watch people slathering their saliva over their fingers while eating is disgusting- the noise itself make me dry-heave. Squirming maggots is disgusting. Cigarette smoke is an irritant.

      I don’t buy the idea that smoking, watching it, catching a whiff of smell, etc. causes non-smokers this type of response.

      1. But thank you for your open minded support of those who wish to smoke.

      2. That was a disgusting comment. I just reported you to the statewide mentioning-squirming-maggots complaint hotline.

        1. I also try to refrain from throwing my used maggots on the sidewalk.

      3. This. It’s like none of these people have ever gone camping. Sit by a camp fire for six hours with the smoke continually shifting in the wind. What, you’re going to tell me that the passing whiff of smoldering tobacco is “disgusting”? Please. Get some perspective.

        1. I’ve got tons of perspective.

          Whether or not you believe that non-smokers can be revulsed by smelling cigarette smoke, it is indeed the case. And I’m not a squeamish guy or anything – it’s just a simple fact that cigarette smoke gives me a headache and makes me gag.

          Smokers cannot understand this because your olfactory senses have been so dulled by smoking you physically cannot even notice it anymore. It’s no secret or surprise that smokers have a very dulled sense of smell compared to non-smokers.

          I’ve sat by plenty of camp fires, and there is a distinct difference. One, I chose to do so of my own free will. Not always the case with smokers. Often I’ll be sitting somewhere and then someone comes along and starts up smoking. So now I have get up and move. Also, camp fire smoke is qualitatively different from cigarette smoke – simply put, it doesn’t stink the same way ciggie smoke does. I like the smell of a camp fire.

          I even sometimes like the smell of a cigar. Sometimes they can smell good. But I don’t want to be surrounded by a thick cloud of cigar smoke. When I was in college I used to smoke a cigar every now and then.

          I also wonder how many smokers know how bad they smell to non-smokers. Like when a smoker gets on an elevator – it’s so easy to tell they’re a smoker, because the stench clings to their clothing. Eau de stale tobacco smoke.

          Then there’s the lovely habit that so many smokers have of tossing their stinking, still smoldering cigarette butts out the window as they’re driving, or just leaving them in a lovely little pile on the sidewalk or wherever they happen to be.

          And then there’s the simple idea that it’s just a really dumb habit. How much does a pack of cigs cost these days? Four-five bucks? So if you smoke a pack a day, you’re paying about $1,500 a year to use a product that only has a negative impact on your health and quite likely is shortening your life? Sorry but I just don’t get it.

          Even given all of that, the state should not just render smoking illegal. I mean, I’m very glad they got rid of smoking on airlines, since you’re captive there. But if a bar or restaurant allows smoking, I am free to not patronize that establishment. And if someone wants to engage in a habit that I think is stupid or even self-destructive, well it’s their life and unless their one of my loved ones, it’s not up to me to make them stop, and it’s sure as hell not up to the government.

          Smoke away – just please blow the smoke away from me. Thanks.

          1. Unfortunately I started smoking again after going cold turkey for 7 years. I’m very much aware of how smokers (myself included) can smell.

            During my non-smoking phase I was a bartender/server- so I dealt with smoke in the face constantly. This was before smoking was banned just about everywhere proving that the universe is indeed uncaring.

          2. Barely Suppressed Rage|10.1.10 @ 1:48PM|#
            I’ve got tons of perspective.

            And thanks for sharing all 2,000 pounds of it with us, BSR, but shouldn’t you be saving it for your Manifesto?

    2. A tavern has as much right to privacy as a clubhouse. They allow guests- same as a tavern. Tavern owner doesn’t want you there- YOU ARE OUT! Go REDS! If any tavern wants to be a private club- let them! Restore sanity, get the freakin nicotine replacement nanny schoolmarm biddies out of government!

  5. Not quite as bad as the Jets, who celebrate regular season wins by drunk driving.

    1. thank god they don’t win all that often.

      1. This season is looking a bit different.

        1. they’ve been saying that about the Jets since Joe Namath was on the team

          1. Living in NY and hearing this annually from all Jets fans – I get what you’re saying. But watching their defense this year – well, they have a point this time.

            1. Living a mile away from the stadium formerly referred to as Giants Stadium i agree with your sentiment, i just doubt that the Jets will ever win anything.
              The only NY sports team less relevant than the Jets are the Islanders.

  6. I wonder if the complainants were really offended by the smoking or if they were fans of rival teams trying to troll the Reds.

    1. Baseball has concern trolls? Episiarch is right. We’re everywhere!

  7. I’m wondering about liquor law violations for all that champagne we see in locker rooms. How is it that the ball club doesn’t need a liquor license to provide all that booze?

    1. Every professional stadium has a liquor license (either for the beer in the concourses or the beer/wine/hard liquor they usually have available for the suites), so I just assume it would fall under those licenses.

      1. That and it is not for sale and is not in an area open to the public.

    2. Reds have any players under 21? As tjey are my team, you would think I would know the answer.

  8. Pussies!

    http://i.telegraph.co.uk/teleg…..86890c.jpg

  9. Ohio: the Buckeye Busybody State.

  10. I lot of people don’t know you can get cancer from second hand smoke transmitted over the airwaves or cable.

    Plus, the childenz heroes are smoking, undeniably leading to thousand of young baseball fans to start stealing cigarettes and lighting up in the boys room between classes.

    This is truly a menace that requires a massive governmental intervention.

    1. Plus, the childenz heroes are smoking

      Sheesh, it’s not like they were doing the childenz real favorite pastime: sexting each other.

  11. The informants will be rewarded with extra rations this month.

    1. The best signage I’ve seen for the smoking ban is the signs put up at the Beachland Ballroom (a little concert hall in the Collinwood area). The signs have the Big Brother eye on them, and tell people to call the anti-sex league to report smoking complaints.

  12. We were actually allowed to smoke in eastern Germany, so i don’t quite see the point of the headline. Did they arrest the smokers and beat them up, or did battle tanks patrol the streets or what?

    1. Complaining about them is like the Stasi?

      1. Complaining about them is like the Stasi?

        No, having a statewide smoking ban complaint hotline is.

        1. Hyperbole is the language of libertarianism.

          1. Hyperbole is the language of libertarianism.

            You’re so right. The Ministry of State Security for the German Democratic Republic revolutionized the use of citizen informants to keep the proletariat trembling. The state of Ohio deputizes its entire population as snitches with a hotline dedicated to ratting out their neighbors. There is no similarity whatsoever.

            1. That’s almost too stupid to respond to. Technically, East Germany happened after Hitler, or your example would be a classic Godwin. Ask anyone from the old East Germany who had a family member shot and killed at the Wall if Ohio is just like East Germany.

              1. Baby steps, CT, baby steps. We’ll get there, just give us time.

                1. “Like a giant octopus, the Stasi’s tentacles probed every aspect of life. Full-time officers were posted to all major industrial plants. Without exception, one tenant in every apartment building was designated as a watchdog reporting to an area representative of the Volkspolizei (Vopo), the People’s Police. In turn, the police officer was the Stasi’s man. If a relative or friend came to stay overnight, it was reported. Schools, universities, and hospitals were infiltrated from top to bottom. Doctors, lawyers, journalists, writers, actors, and sports figures were co-opted by Stasi officers, as were waiters and hotel personnel. Tapping about 100,000 telephone lines in West Germany and West Berlin around the clock was the job of 2,000 officers.”*

                  Just like Ohio!

                  *http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/k/koehler-stasi.html

                2. It took time to free the slaves and it will take time to round them again.

              2. Ask anyone from the old East Germany who had a family member shot and killed at the Wall if Ohio is just like East Germany.

                No one said that Ohio was just like East Germany, only that Ohio is the East Germany of the United States. But you are so right, what better way could there be to make your point about libertarian hyperbole than to completely misapply Godwin?

                1. swillfredo pareto|10.1.10 @ 12:17PM|#
                  “The state of Ohio deputizes its entire population as snitches”

                  “Like a giant octopus, the Stasi’s tentacles probed every aspect of life. Full-time officers were posted to all major industrial plants. Without exception, one tenant in every apartment building was designated as a watchdog reporting to an area representative of the Volkspolizei (Vopo), the People’s Police. In turn, the police officer was the Stasi’s man. If a relative or friend came to stay overnight, it was reported. Schools, universities, and hospitals were infiltrated from top to bottom. Doctors, lawyers, journalists, writers, actors, and sports figures were co-opted by Stasi officers, as were waiters and hotel personnel. Tapping about 100,000 telephone lines in West Germany and West Berlin around the clock was the job of 2,000 officers. Absolutely nothing was sacred to the secret police. Tiny holes were bored in apartment and hotel room walls through which Stasi agents filmed their “suspects” with special video cameras. Even bathrooms were penetrated by the communist voyeurs. Like the Nazi Gestapo, the Stasi was the sinister side of deutsche Gr?ndlichkeit (German thoroughness).”*

                  Just like Ohio!

                  *http://www.nytimes.com/books/99/04/25/reviews/990425.25coopert.html

    2. Re: Waaahsabi,

      The headline would not have the same impact as saying “It’s Official: Ohio Is The America Of America.”

      Which is what should be. Welcome to the U.S.S.A.

      1. Thanks, YMMD! 😀

      2. Oh, that. Bouquets and other fine things.

    3. So Ohio is less free in some ways that East Germany? Good to know.

    4. So Ohio is less free in some ways than East Germany? Good to know.

      1. Really good to know.

        1. And really stupid both times.

    5. With apologies to Tocqueville, “What sort of despotism do democracies have to fear?”
      With apologies to Mel Brooks: “Gentlemen, we have our phoney-baloney jobs to protect here” (Gov. Wm. D. Lepetomain)

    6. It’s the ratting out your fellow citizens thing.

  13. THIS is the direct result of liberal thinking. Period.

    And it’s only going to get worse.

    1. It makes me wonder how much money is pissed away on this “hotline” if a few calls got an immediate response from the people in the health dept. Even money says the program costs upwards of a million bucks and generates a dozen calls or so a day. If Team Red has any sense, they will look into this and hold it up as an example of wasted taxpayer money. Not only will they make a good point, they will ingratiate themselves with quite a few people who vote only for candidates that support their favorite ballclub or team. (And believe me, this happens more often then one would think–especially in the Buckeye State.)

      O-H…

      1. Either I’ve read this before somewhere, or I just had a MASSIVE case of deja-vu.

  14. Assholes like that are much worse for my health than smokers.

  15. State law requires a health inspector to go out within 30 days to see if anyone is smoking.

    WTF? The inspector shows up at the clubhouse two weeks later. “Nope, no one is smoking.”

    1. That can’t be a waste of money. It just can’t.

  16. And they call me Smokin’ Joe

  17. The Reds will be investigated by the Cincinnati Heath Department for violations of the state smoking ban.

    It’s a good thing they were not caught drowning kittens or something . . . Sheesh.

    1. Hell, they could have been fake cigars, just like they use on Mad Men. Any laws in Ohio that prohibit the indoor combustion of herbs?

  18. The Reds have bigger issues than this cigar-smoking incident. Their pitching staff doesn’t come anywhere close to matching Philly’s

    As things stand, the Reds need to win out and need the Giants (or G-fags if you live in SoCal) to lose two of three to the Padres and the Braves to get the Wild Card. That would ensure a first-round matchup with Atlanta instead of the Phillies. If they get through the NLDS with the Braves, the pitching matchups are out of managerial control for the most part, and hot bats can carry a team to the World Series.

    Oh, and those five callers to the hotline should have their names published in the Cincinnati Enquirer.

    1. They need Kenny f-ing Powers! That’s what they need.

      1. Half of their fans look like Kenny Powers impersonators.

    2. I’m a Red Sox fan, but too much of a baseball geek to go into hiding when they crap out. I decided I’m rooting for the Reds this year, only because Colin Cowherd has made it his mission to shit all over them and call them frauds.

      But I have a hard time seeing the Phillies doing anything besides mowing down the rest of those teams. Too much pitching.

  19. Oh, Welch, this is such an easy target. Why don’t you take up mandatory seatbelts? How about the rediculous law requirung drivers to pass tests to get a driver’s licence? Why the fuck should the state require anybody to have a licence for anything? What about those lines painted on the highway that we’re supposed to saty in? Who the fuck is some government department to tell me when to pass? You are such a cowardly little libertarian. Hardly anybody smokes anymore, but everybody fucking drives.

    1. I keep rereading the article and cannot find any reference to roads or driving. Nice try though.

    2. *ridiculous
      *seat belts
      *license
      *stay

      Seriously, any modern web browser has a spell checker built right in.

      1. You missed “requirung.” Wow.

    3. Max, you’ve done a highly commendable job of fitting a remarkably large amount of stupid into a relatively short post.

      Heckuva job!

    4. “Hardly anybody smokes anymore, but everybody fucking drives.”

      Wrong on both counts. Both are matters of choice, believe it or not.

  20. Haw about spelling rules?

    1. How about that?!

      1. +1

  21. Max! A-ah!

    1. He’ll bore everyone of us!

      1. King of the abominable!

        1. Dispatch War Rocket Ajax to bring back his mother’s body.

    2. I see my quotes are still up on your despicable little websight. I`m talking with Blogger right now. Enjoy what little time you have left, Urkobolds.

      1. “websight”?

        You can’t be real; you just can’t. I’ve had smarter bowel movements.

  22. I would like to denounce the Reds for the crime of formalism.

    Whom do I call?

  23. Serve’s ’em right…They are a bunch of Reds afterall.

    1. YEAH!!!

  24. Five people called a statewide smoking ban complaint hotline, said Rocky Merz, health department spokesman.

    The question that never gets answered, let alone explored.

    When Reason does a story about say, five guys playing poker at the kitchen table, and they get raided by the SWAT team, what I want to know is, who turned ’em in?

    It’s not government officials circling in black helicopters catching us in these acts, it’s your neighbor that’s turning you in.

    Think really bad shit can’t happen here? Given the opportunity, a huge number of citizens in this country would be spies for the police and informers for the government…

    1. You wouldn’t happen to have a dog, would you?

    2. It doesn’t help that we’re a country of narcissistic, spoiled brats who can’t tolerate the slightest annoyance or deviation from expected behavior. And our leaders are all too happy to take advantage of it.

  25. let’s explode their heads

  26. What, is Ohio suddenly full of testosterone-laden female athletes?

  27. I totally would have called this in. The more high-profile demonstrations of the idiocy and intrusiveness of anti-smoking laws, the better. If there’s a law, then by god, everybody who breaks it should feel the worst consequences of it. How will people recognize the foolishness of excessive regulation otherwise?

  28. ARFARFARFARFARFARFARFARFARFARFARF!!!!!!!!!!

  29. It isn’t just in Ohio. The Twins ran a sting operation and busted beer vendors at the new stadium for selling to underage minors.

    The miscreants are now going to be suspended for the playoffs. Seems fishy to me. Like the Twins are going to get rid of the regular beer vendors and maybe bring in some guys who will kick back more?

    1. As with every moral crusade (drugs, tobacco), we Americans play along with our alcohol policy as if it makes any sense. I got trapped in one of these “stings” when I was working one of those shit cashier jobs in college. That’s why big chains will card you if you’re like 50. Don’t flatter yourself or act all shocked – they’re just covering their ass.

  30. So the Cinncinatti Inquisition begins.The gang of 5 accused of witchcraft will be challenged by health fanatics to see if 30 minutes of mystical smoke killed any innocent by-standers! The council of health has called in its lead inquisitor,none other than Stanton Glantz,the inventor of the 30 minute murder by tobacco smoke fact finder.

  31. On the serious side,these nazi’s may have just made the mistake of the century for their cause! A law that just became the laughing stock of the world! the smoking ban

  32. haha IF Ohio belongs to German, I wonder what would all the German people think.

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