Paris Hilton vs. The Drug War: Let's Call it a Draw


Paris Hilton isn't exactly a paragon of civic virtue, but it's nevertheless encouraging to note her semi-victory over the Nevada criminal justice system's notoriously tough stance towards drugs. When she was arrested on August 28th after less than a gram of coke spilled out of her purse, legal experts predicted that her wild past would land her in jail:

Lisa Bloom told "Early Show on Saturday Morning" co-anchor Chris Wragge she thinks Hilton is "probably" staring at more jail time if she's convicted. "In Nevada," Bloom explained, "the sentence for a conviction of a Schedule 2 narcotic, which is what cocaine is, is probation-to-four years if it's a relatively small amount. If it's a larger amount, four grams or more, it could be up to 20 years in state prison. Assuming it's a small amount, I don't think she would get probation this time. … She has a prior conviction in California. We remember the reckless endangerment charge. And she violated her probation twice in California. So, if she's convicted, I expect her to do some time on this."

" … Nevada is a very tough law and order state, notwithstanding Las Vegas' reputation. Judges are very tough there on drug crimes," Bloom added.

After pleading guilty to two misdemeanors, the heiress will get a year of probation and 200 hours of community service. But it's an empty victory for Hilton and indeed for society at large: it turns out that even celebrities can have their lives seriously interrupted over the possession of about $50 worth of drugs. And in 2009, 11% of male inmates and 22% of female inmates in Nevada's state penal system were there for non-violent drug crimes, accounting for about 1400 prisoners.

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  1. I want to know who you buy your coke from Armin. I thought a gram was $80. I guess they did say it was less than a gram though.

    1. How about this: Armin hooks you up with his dealer, and in exchange you teach him how to use alt-text. Deal?

      1. This is Armin’s coke, Armin’s liquor, and Armin’s copy of Swank!

        Can I see your copy of Swank, Armin?

  2. 200 hours of community service

    Hmmm . . . . I’m wondering just what she is qualified to do to service the community.

    1. I saw her do chores when she lived with that family in Arkansas.

      1. I also saw an episode where she gave the mother a gift and for some reason it cost more than she was supposed to spend. When someone suggest that she ask for it back, she was strongly opposed to doing that saying that is something one just doesn’t do. I found that endearing.

    2. There are poor people out there who need Hep C, you heartless bastard.

      1. Ah, but we get to revel in the joys of the state’s mononpoly on the administration of justice. Just think, if the state did not have such a monopoly, celebrities might get away with poseessing evil narcotics.

      2. Just because you already have it is no reason to be so cavalier about it, jerk.

    3. She’s pretty good with a dong.

    4. “200 hours of community service

      Hmmm . . . . I’m wondering just what she is qualified to do to service the community.”

      Have you not seen the video? She’s been “servicing” various members of the male community for 200 hours a week for as long as I can remember.

      Passing out condoms to advocate safe sex counts in some places as community service. On the other hand, passing them out just so the guys about to do a train on you don’t get the cocktail of disease you have in your bloodstream may not pass muster. The Nevada Dept of Corrections must answer that one.

      1. You might want to recheck your math on how many hours are in a week.

        1. If she’s being triple-penetrated, I’m counting that as triple-time. Therefore, if she averages 12 hours of “service” a day, but performs said “service” on 4 guys at a time, that counts as 48 hours of daily service in my book. That’s also how many of these hollywood-types get to count PSA’s as more community service than the actual hours they put in.

          I needed to be more specific, especially when it comes to triple-time for triple-pen, or quadruple-time (also called Union holiday pay) for DVDA.

  3. They’re endangering The Children!

  4. Part of me hopes that Paris and Ms. Lohan start examining the criminal injustice system and consider what happens to people that can’t afford top notch attorneys. Think of the advantages if we can get a bevy of libertine hollywood starlets to shift toward libertarian ideals! We’d be like the Chanel purse of political ideologies!

    1. Better chance of that happening with LiLo. She keeps this up and she’ll find out first-hand what poor people get treated like in the justice system.

      1. Lindsay really needs to say something like “It’s my money, my body, and my life. What I do with it is none of your damn business.” And then follow that up with a fat donation to as many civil liberties groups as she can and/or set up a legal defense fund for drug offenders.

        In reality she’ll probably say she was a victim of peer pressure, convert to some wacky new-age crystal-wearing Buddhist sect, and praise the legal system for saving her from herself.

        1. Yeah — what’s wrong with an actress saying “I like drugs and I’m an actress so what’s your fuckin’ problem?”

    2. Nah more like one those little dog accessories they carry around in a handbag…

  5. I’ve never understood the attraction or hype around Paris Hilton. She’s not particularly hot; she’s apparently a complete and total air head; she seems pretty much to be a rather average, if fabulously wealthy, skank ho.

    I can see hotter women than her doing more outrageous porn anywhere on the interweb.

    What I want to know is what did mommy and daddy Hilton do to make her turn out that way, so I can the exact opposite for my daughters.

    1. I dunno. I thought she was pretty hot … until she opened her mouth – to speak that is, what one might call thoughts.

      That’s starting to become a problem as I get older. One that is usually remedied pretty easily with alcohol. It’s a shame.

    2. I think she’s plenty hot, and stupid like a fox.

      Wait, that didn’t come out right.

      I think her airhead routine is mostly an act. It certainly pays better than my smartest-guy-in-the-room routine, at any rate.

    3. “apparently a complete and total air head”

      Have you ever figured out a way to get paid $150,000 to show up at a club for an hour? Who’s stupid now?

      1. It doesn’t take brains to be a media whore.

    4. Well said. I don’t see how so many think she’s attractive or remotely worthwhile.

  6. If Paris Hilton were a 25 year old black male with $10K in the bank, she would have doine at least a year.

    But the War on Drugs Minorities is not racist, it only looks that way.

  7. Would it count as part of her community service if Hilton filmed a “This is your brain on drugs” PSA just behaving normally?

  8. How can Armin call it a draw? So long as the government carries on the madness called the War on Drugs, there are no draws. We all lose big time. Even Paris Hilton.

  9. Paris Hilton and everyone else should be free to smoke, swallow
    or snort any substance they want
    as long as they are personally
    responsible for the consequences.

  10. I hate the part about how any “arrest” is a violation of her probation. Evidently no requirement that the arrest be a lawful one. It stinks of the police/prosecutor mindset that every arrested person is guilty — that stomping on the corpse of the presumption of innocence. So any cop, anywhere, who has a hard-on for Paris can send her to jail without any process? A paparrazzo making a citizen’s arrest?

  11. I bet she has good weed.

  12. I think she should be punished. August 28th is my birthday, she had coke, I receive no phone call. That’s total crap. I volunteer to administer the “punishment” myself.

  13. ” … Nevada is a very tough law and order state, notwithstanding Las Vegas’ reputation. Judges are very tough there on drug crimes,” Bloom added.

    And a lot of good it has done in bringing down drug use rates amon…

    Oh wait; nevermind.

  14. “let’s call it a draw”.

    why not. it worked for the Black Knight and King Arthur…

  15. Meanwhile, CNN runs hour after hour of “why isn’t she going to jail?!?” drug war propaganda. From last night’s Nancy Grace:

    DR. ERIC BRAVERMAN, PATH MEDICAL CENTER: Well, you know, so many manipulative drama queens later become manic-depressive drug addicts, and then, unfortunately, even schizophrenics, that we see this all the time. I`ve been in neurology and psychiatry for 35 years. The tragedy is not just that she didn`t pay in terms of prison time or other suffering, the tragedy is, What are we telling young women in America, that if you use cocaine, you`re just going to get off, when you end up with such a tremendous amount of suicide, depression, manic-depression, psychiatric disturbance, inability to work, inability to mother. These are the individuals later that, unfortunately, terrible things happen, you know, where we read about women who drive their cars, you know, into the river. Their (ph) cocaine and drugs are the gateway to psychiatric disturbance, bad mothering, bad parenting, bad examples and mental illness for a lifetime. And…

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