I Want to Live in Willie Nelson's America[*]


Parade magazine, the throwaway Sunday supplement that more than pays for its role in environmental degradation simply by recycling cartoons whose gags were first written in the 1850s, had a nice profile of Reason Hero of Freedom and convicted tax rebel Willie Nelson and his annual, epic 4th of July picnic bash:

"I started it in 1973 to bring together different kinds of people, and that's still what we do," Willie says. It's gotten bigger over the years, attracting rock bands, folk singers, rappers, and country stars who perform before as many as 20,000 music lovers of all ages, beliefs, and races. The event, just like the man himself, is a uniquely, magnificently American phenomenon. "It's people drinking beer, smoking pot, and finding out that they have things in common and don't really hate each other," Willie says. "Music gives people a chance to enjoy something together."…

"Rednecks, hippies, misfits—we're all the same. Gay or straight? So what? It doesn't matter to me. We have to be concerned about other people, regardless."

My only reservations about Willie's America? Can we just kill not only farm subsidies but Farm Aid too? And the 9/11 Truther shit needs to go too. You're The Redheaded Stranger, for god's sake, not the Redheaded Fucktard (though that sounds like an awesome album).

Whole story.

In 2005, Jesse Walker explained how the hippie and the cowboy can be friends.

NEXT: Here's an Idea for Fixing State Budgets! Give Them Free Money!

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  1. You know what I hate most about Parade? The paper it’s printed on. I’d rather scrape my own fingernails across a blackboard than touch it. It gives me the willies. And now, the Willie. But I’m still not touching it. The end.

  2. Parade magazine, the throwaway Sunday supplement

    No fair, Nick. You can’t use their actual slogan – make up your own.

    1. “The Sunday Supplement That Even Birds Won’t Shit On”

    2. “Celebrity birthdays and other worthless ‘news'”

    3. Should it be titled “PARADE of Horribles”?

    4. “The only fish-wrapper guranteed to make your fish smell worse.”

  3. “My only reservations about Willie’s America? Can we just kill not only farm subsidies but Farm Aid too? And the 9/11 Truther shit needs to go too. You’re The Redheaded Stranger, for god’s sake, not the Redheaded Fucktard (though that sounds like an awesome album).”

    I don’t see any difference between calling someone a libertard and a “fucktard.” Both attack the person without dealing with the issue. I am not a truther but have more respect for them than I do for your silly name-calling. Shame on you. show some substance!

    1. …says the Truther concern troll.

      1. I’m not actually trolling. But thanks for elevating the conversation by calling more names.

    2. Oh, and to the response that truthers are retards (idiots, morons, liars) and deserve to be called names and not responded to seriously. Wrong!

      I’m a Jew, but don’t believe in ridiculing or jailing holocaust deniers. They should be responded to substantively and respectfully. Failing to do so results in ever more people joining their side. At least they have an argument. The other side just calls names.

      1. They have conjecture and assertions. Those things can (and very much do, in this case) exist without arguments to support them.

        1. “They have conjecture and assertions.”

          And you have? Names?

          I disagree with them. You, I scorn.

          1. I’ve spent a hell of a lot of time dealing with Truthers using all manner of more civilized tactics. They all fail because Truthers are impenetrable to understanding the concept of “unfalsifiability”.

            At some point, everyone breaks and would prefer those they argue with die by fire ant swarm.

            1. Great. Call them wrong. Call them close-minded. But fucktards? The one response I expect from a man who knows he is correct and is unafraid of his opponent. The second reeks of insecurity. (Just talking as someone who doesn’t have a horse in this particular race.)

              1. I (speaking for myself) have called them wrong and close-minded, repeatedly. Now, I tend not to engage them at all as it is completely fruitless.

                The one who called them fucktards is the author of the post. Now, I happen to sympathize with the author’s view, but that’s neither here nor there.

      2. Who exactly is calling for them to be jailed around here? They are still retards, idiots, morons and liars and don’t deserve an ounce of respect or any kind of substantive response.

        1. I was referring to holocaust deniers who are jailed in Europe.

          “They don’t deserve an ounce of respect or any kind of substantive response.”

          Comments like this turned me to libertarianism, because, it seemed libertarians responded rationally without the usual nonsensical emotional invective.

      3. Jesus Christ. A Jew defending Nazi apologists? Buck the stereotypes and show some fucking backbone.

        1. Sadly, one of my young cousins (also Jewish) who lives in Germany is sympathetic to the anti-foreigner/denier cause. I can understand why, I think. He has grown up hearing a one-sided (but valid story). Advocating or reading the works of the other side get you jailed. Who wouldn’t wonder what is being covered up.

        2. Prepare for SOCKPUPPET ATTACK!

      4. And another thing: why are American Jews so fucking afraid of guns? Israeli Jews are better-armed than Texans, but the Jews here don’t seem realize that they should be the biggest gun nuts around. EVERYONE HATES YOU; GET A GUN.

        1. Are you unfamiliar with JFPO?

        2. Are you unfamiliar with JFPO?

          Stupid spam filter won’t let me properly embed the link, so here:

          1. Of course I’m aware of JFPO. Most Jews I’ve met shit themselves at the notion of touching a gun, though. I suppose it’s probably just a side effect of being in TEAM BLUE.

            1. *Picture of Adoph Hitler giving the Nazi salute*
              Caption: “All in favor of gun control, raise your right hand!”
              JPFO originally designed that shirt – LUV IT!!

            2. The book They Knew They Were Right touches on this — second generation Jews who reject their parents’ traditionalism and embraced Trotskyism.

            3. Oh, just admit it Warty – you just want a Galil and a Jewish princess.

              1. I do want a Galil, and I’m dating a Jewish girl. So…yeah. I’ve brainwashed her into loving guns, though.

                1. Does she help you shave those hard to reach places, Warty? And by that I mean the back of your head.

                  1. The head of my back is a fuckin’ bitch to reach.

                    1. The head of my back is a fuckin’ bitch to reach.

                      It’s beautiful, a like a Zen koan.

                2. I’ve brainwashed her into loving guns, though.

                  I’ve been able to convince most women I’ve dated to shoot, if they didn’t already. They almost always wind up better shots than me.

                  1. It’s astounding that some people need to convinced that guns are awesome, isn’t it? It should be innate in us.

        3. I’m a Texan and a Jew, so don’t fuck with me or I’ll redo your circumcision with hot lead. And since my hands are a bit shaky, it might take off a bit more than you’d care to think about.

      5. Ad Hominem is all they have JJ. We know it, you know it.

  4. The preferred term is Ginger Fucktard.

  5. I am not a 9/11 Truther but the more I learn about the truth behind Pearl Harbor the more I understand why so many people are.…..10391.aspx

    1. Davy Crocket totally knew about Santa Ana’s attack on the Alamo in advance as well.

      Davy Lied! 200 or so Died!

  6. If you’re not a truther you’re a liar.

    1. So I’m a liar. And you’re an asshole. Now we’ve called each other names.

  7. In 2005, Jesse Walker explained how the hippie and the cowboy can be friends.

    I’m glad Graham Parsons didn’t wait until 2005 for Jesse’s explanation…

    1. Sorry, Gram Parsons. I didn’t think that looked right.

  8. Those that seek the truth about 9/11 are just asking questions. Why are you so threatened by questions? Are you so blinded by your acceptance of the official version you can’t even allow questions to be asked?

    1. Yes, if libertarians have one flaw, it’s our blind acceptance of the government’s official version of historical events. Way to close the case, Marlowe.

      1. That was a wicked burn.


      2. Oh, I see: conspiracies that have been validated as historic can be believed without being called a “nut.” But current aspersions and conjecture is laughed at. Very open-minded ClubMed.

        1. I’m not sure if that’s poor reading comprehension, poor sarcasm comprehension, or a little of both, but either way you’ve got me thoroughly confused.

          1. Dan T is all for asking questions about 9/11, less so for asking them about Obama’s birth certificate or former associations or college transcript, etc, etc…

    2. Even so, Hanngush might be onto something with his idea to use the Nonix’s cargo as a bribe, Smith thought. The ship was carrying a pretty nice collection of Hweenblurters and several tanks full of liquid nooxofil, a chemical abundant in the inner regions but difficult to come by in this part of the galaxy. It was probably worth a try, he decided.

      1. I’m flattered you like my writing so much. I guess that’s why I keep coming back here… I wouldn’t want to disappoint my biggest fan.

        1. Whatever you need to tell yourself, shithead. Hurry up and write me some more.

      2. Hweenblurters: galactic vuvuzelas

      3. It’s so delicious.

    3. 0100000101110000011001010111001100

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        1. 0101100101101111011101010010000001

          1. 0100011101100101011101000010000001100001001000000111001001101111011011110110110100101100001000000111100101101111011101010010000001110100011101110110111100100001

            1. 0101100101101111011101010111001000

              1. 0100100001111001011100000110

                1. 0101010001101000011001010010000001

          2. Some people have too much time on their hands…

    4. Thosee that seek the truth about 9/11 are just asking questions.

      Bullshit they are. I watched their movie, in which they did way more than “just ask questions.” They make totally unfounded allegations based on nothing more than pure conjecture and speculation. And their offered explanation for what “really” happened is so ridiculously implausible, it’s beyond laughable.

    5. As long as we’re just asking questions, do Truther’s heads rattle when they walk around?

      1. One of my best friends is a truther. I’ve been able to sway the rest of his politics to libertarianish, but I can’t make any headway on the truther crap, so it something we don’t really talk about.

    6. Dan T., when did you stop beating your wife?

      I’m only asking questions and seeking truth.

  9. Parade magazine is actually still around? Wow.

  10. Tax rebel?

    Is Madoff an investment revolutionary?

    lol – don’t get me wrong here, I’m against taxes as much as the next guy, but I don’t think he was trying to make a point – he just wanted to keep his money….

    While simultaneously pushing congress to spend more of yours on farms.

    Not sure this is rebellion so much as it is the standard – he’s good at spending other people’s money on things he thinks we should think are important.

  11. Hweenblurters must be galactic vuvuzelas.

    1. He and his friends know the laws regarding pot, too. He got busted in 2006, with a pound and a half of pot. But he and three people on tour with him each claimed it was theirs. The result was they could all only be charged with misdemeanor possession instead of a felony charge.

      1. You’re missing the point here, BP. The important things is not Willie, Weed, or Whatever. The important thing here, is Clutch.

  12. It’ll take a many, many, many (but not too many) megapixel Lobster Girl pic to make up for this truther summoning.

  13. The Hordes have not descended to the degree I thought quite yet.

    Seems to be one guy and his 3 or 4 socks. No sign of Dave, AFAICT.

    1. Nick must be bored today to go picking fights with Truthers.

  14. Wasn’t old Willie a big supporter of ethanol mandates and subsidies?

  15. Willie wants to save the FamblyFarm(tm), and he’ll spend your last dollar to do it.

  16. Oh yeah, Willie the “I hate government, but I love their farm subsidies and handouts” guy.

  17. Wow. Just … wow.

  18. Parade magazine, the throwaway Sunday supplement that more than pays for its role in environmental degradation simply by recycling cartoons whose gags were first written in the 1850s

    You should be nominated for a Pulitzer for writing that sentence.

  19. I’m awaiting the day Gillespie goes into full gonzo mode, but he never seems to get that angry.

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