Naomi Campbell: Like Naomi Klein but Dumber

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Naomi Campbell, the nasty, brutish, and dumb supermodel famous for lounging on yachts and abusing the help, is being forced to testify in the Hague trial of former Liberian dictator Charles Taylor, after having told prosecutors Oprah Winfrey that she "does not want to be involved in the case." Actress Mia Farrow and Campbell's former agent Carole White will both testify that the model gushed that after meeting Taylor at a dinner thrown by Nelson Mandela (that moral paragon, often spotted hugging dictators and inviting Charles Taylor for dinner) the Liberian strongman, according to the New York Times, gave her a handful of diamonds. This, for reasons too complicated to summarize, is considered important in establishing that Taylor was involved in financing the civil war in Sierra Leone. The Times explains:

Prosecutors see the testimony of the three women as vital, because since the start of the trial Mr. Taylor has steadfastly denied in court that he ever owned or traded in diamonds. The prosecution contends that he used them as currency to finance a rebellion in Sierra Leone in the 1990s, in which tens of thousands of people were killed, raped or mutilated. The charges against Mr. Taylor include murder, conscripting child soldiers, and terrorizing and mutilating civilians.

There is no suggestion that Campbell did anything illegal by accepting the gift from Taylor, so her initial refusal to testify is confusing. It is, though, less confusing when you realize that Campbell, author of The Swan, really loves dictators. After visiting Fidel Castro in Havana, she blubbered that he was "a source of inspiration to the world." According to Campbell, Castro and Mandela—the jailer and the jailed—"have fought with integrity to stick to their beliefs." "I'm so nervous and flustered," she tittered to a reporter, "because I can't believe that I met him." Like, OMG!

GQ magazine, not realizing that Campbell was as thick as a McDonalds milkshake, charged her with interviewing Venezuelan strongman Hugo Chavez, who she called the "rebel angel." A local Caracas newspaper described Campbell as wearing a "revolutionary and exquisite white dress from the prestigious Fendi fashion house."

NEXT: The Laptop Theater

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  1. Caption contest!

    “How do I eat this thing”?

    1. “Don’t start yet Hugo! Let me get this on tape. Your friends at NAMBLA will really enjoy another one of your infant snuff videos!”

    2. Baby: “Oh my god, what have I gotten myself into?!”

    3. “Do not worry, se?ora, he will be raised in righteousness by the State. He will never know the shame of his mother engaging in antisocial activities such as reading newspapers. Farewell.

    4. “Aw, he looks just like joe!”

    5. Naomi: What a cute wittle baybay…
      Hugo: I think it’s time to nationalize Huggies, cause this little fucker just leaked on me.

    6. “Somebody take this baby, because we’re going back to the presidential palace so I can show Naomi the presidential burrito.”

    7. ?Donde estan mis papas fritas?

    8. Blech! Needs more salt.

    9. “Is he pointing that baby at me?! DUCK AND COVER!!!!”

  2. What makes me think Moynihan would have been slagging Mandela off as a violent crazy lefty if he was blogging in the 60s and 70s in obscure libertarian zines? Mandela would have been Moynihan’s Chavez/Fidel

    1. Good bet. Also, Friedman met with Pinochet. The Dalai Lama played footsies with Mao. The motivation for all three is that you might be able to accomplish more, depending on the situation, through statesmanship or friendliness than through snubbing. It’s a similar argument to opening up trade as opposed to using sanctions.

  3. Well, Mandela was a violent crazy lefty.

    He was just opposed to such a disreputable regime that he still held the moral high ground by comparison.

    John Brown was a crazy fundie and a murdering son of a bitch. But he was still better than the slaveholders in the South, and so he became a sainted martyr despite his own considerable flaws.

    1. See Patton, George S.

      1. And Guevara, Che.

    2. More importantly, Madella, whatever he was in 1963, didn’t turn into a murdering crazy lefty when he actually had power. I really don’t see how you can dis on Mandela.

      1. It wasn’t 1963 when Mandela was supporting thuggish dictators who have imprisoned and killed untold thousands. How can anyone with a moral compass not “dis on Mandela”? He shamefully squandered any claim to basic moral decency long ago.

        1. Name one current or past head of state who did not in some way support thuggish dictators who have imprisoned and killed untold thousands.

  4. “The prosecution contends that he used them as currency to finance a rebellion in Sierra Leone in the 1990s, in which tens of thousands of people were killed, raped or mutilated.”

    I hate sentences like this. How many were killed? How many were raped? How many we mutilated?

    Might as well say that in 2009, 75,000 Americans were killed in car accidents, by handguns and lightening strikes.

    1. The answer is craploads of each.

    2. If MM were to have written The prosecution contends that he used them as currency to finance a rebellion in Sierra Leone in the 1990s, in which 3,256 people were killed, 13,466 were mutilated, and everyone was raped would it have served the purposes of his narrative? No, it would have bogged it down. It is only relevant to his point that atrocities were committed in great numbers, and not the actual numbers of people involved.

  5. I guess you can say Naomi Campbell has a blind bald spot for dictators.

    Thank you, I’ll be here all night.

    1. New spam filter? Let’s try that again:
      http://www.guardian.co.uk/life…..extensions

    2. Its called mange. Diesel fuel will cure it.

      1. So will gasoline and a match, at least in this case.

  6. Total waste of alt-text opportunity.

  7. Supermodels are stupid? Following Kate Moss, I’d never have guessed.

    1. Say what you want, but 15 years ago, she had the sweetest breasts on earth.

    2. Some are, some aren’t. Daniela Pestova (possibly NSFW, although it was an SI cover) speaks five languages. Your average moron can’t do that.

      1. Neither can your average genius.

  8. “not realizing that Campbell was as thick as a McDonalds milkshake”

    Not to mention having worse taste.

    1. And being the skankiest super model in history. I have never gotten why anyone ever found her physically attractive. And of course if her character had looks, it would be the elephant man.

      1. She’s the Barack Obama of super models.

      2. She’s got a great shape.

  9. “Fuck you, Naomi. The kid doesn’t look a thing like me.”

  10. Naomi Campbell: like Naomi Klein, butt uglier.

  11. There is no suggestion that Campbell did anything illegal by accepting the gift from Taylor, so her initial refusal to testify is confusing.

    Confusing? Maybe she is just a stand-up girl. She was dumb, to shoot off her mouth to her whiny bleeding heart lefty friends. It would be ungrateful of her to testify against the guy who gave her a fistful of “blood diamonds”.

  12. My prayer is that Campbell ends up living under the sort of regime she cheers on.

    And then take Tony, Dan and Chad with her.

  13. Nelson Mandela (that moral paragon, often spotted hugging dictators and inviting Charles Taylor for dinner)

    You mean the commie bomber that killed women an children?

    1. Yes, I killed women an children.

      I’ve killed pretty much anything that walked or crawled, and I’m here to kill you mr simple.

  14. former Liberian dictator Charles Taylor

    For some reason I read this as “Libertarian dictator”.

    1. I have the same sort of problem when librarians are mentioned here.

  15. not realizing that Campbell was as thick as a McDonalds milkshake

    Which is somehow rather appropriate. We all know if she hadn’t won the lottery of birth and ended up with her physical traits her career would have consisted of asking if you’d like that in a combo meal and struggling to make change.

    1. Or asking if you’d like to do her for a combo meal.

    2. Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

      ::What? None of you people have teenagers?::

  16. So, I was pondering dropping some acid to see if this could get any more surreal.

  17. Naomi Campbell is so cool. I bet she would look hot in my Che shirt. (wink, wink)

  18. Wow, I thought I was retarded.

    She must be the one who started the heinous lady’s Castro military hat

  19. Thank you for pointing out Mandela’s bullshit. I get so fucking tired of people bowing and scraping to him. The moral capital he built up was spent years ago.

    1. But he turned South Africa into the free, prosperous, and safe country that it is today.

  20. “Naomi Campbell: Like Naomi Klein but Dumber”

    I love this headline. I’m stealing it for my own purposes.

  21. I like the expression ‘fistfull of diamonds’. It’s like Taylor would just walk around with pockets full of blood diamonds, using them to tip waiters and bimbos.

  22. I always refer to Negra Modelo as the Naomi Campbell beer.

    1. keep ’em comin’!

  23. I was not impressed with her before this, and now I know that she’s utterly despicable.

    -jcr

  24. Jefe, let me lick the cheese off your taco.

    1. me too!

  25. Mandela is not flawless, so what? Every great man has his weak points, although, I’m not sure it’s so terrible to welcome other heads of state to your dinner table. Perhaps, as someone says above that’s about statesmanship. And as mentioned, Friedman was willing to meet with anyone of any political stripe.
    Mandela brought in a new government that by welcoming past members of the old apartheid regime in, rejected the racism of the past by basically saying, “it’s over”; that’s an incredible moral achievement, considering all the years the blacks were just stomped on by the old regime. If someone other than Mandela had been in charge, there could have been a blood bath of millions of people down there. So, hate on Che, Castro, Chavez, sure. But Mandela? That entails a huge loss of perspective.

  26. Does an occassional altercation with the help on yachts and a naive fascination with leftist dictators make a person nasty and brutish? Seems a little over the top and vitriolic to me.

    1. you clearly are not familiar with Naomi Campbell’s serious, serial abuse of her “help” over the years.

  27. This is a Test

  28. This is a Test ?

  29. How come that a supermodel involved in this kind of issue…?

  30. I always refer to Negra Modelo as the Naomi Campbell beer.

  31. If you want knowledge,you must toil for it.

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