The Greatest Candidate in America?


Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC) offers up a perfectly plausible conspiracy theory: Democratic Senate candidate Alvin Greene, who won Tuesday's primary in South Carolina, is a Republican plant. Now look, it sounds far-fetched, but Greene, who is unemployed, held no campaign events, and has no website, dropped $10,400 on his filing fee and then, in the words of Newsweek, simply "disappeared." He recently resurfaced, having taken 59 percent of the vote in the primary and is raring to take on Senator Jim DeMint. Well, maybe "raring" is the wrong adjective (see video below).

Perhaps there is no "tea party conspiracy," as Clyburn suggested on a post-election conference call. Perhaps Greene was just lucky. But we can all agree that the man is almost certainly out of his mind. So why give succor to the conspiracy theorists? Just watch this train wreck interview, then you'll understand:

Update: Two more disastrous interviews. One with Shep Smith, the other on YouTube with an unknown interlocutor, in which Green mumbles about the unification of Korea and hangs up when asked about filing FEC disclosures.

NEXT: California Court of Appeals Voids A Very Stupid Law

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  1. I smell James O’Keefe.

    1. Smells like teen O’Keefe.

    2. I smell a rat. Ron Paul and his son Rand are clealry communist plants charged with discrediting the conservative right. But you would now that, wouldn’t you, Moynihan? You work for the same commie bosses. Will the dumb fucks who buy this shit and send you donations ever catch on?

      1. Wow! I think you’re on to something. It never occurred to me that all this libertarian bullshit was actually a cover to some leftwing agenda, but it makes sense. What could benefit the liberal left more than the suggestion that a principled right-wing position would abolish civil rights? Jesus, Comdrade Gillespie’s leather jacket suddenly makes sense. We’re talking fucking KGB!

        1. Good Morning, Max!

        2. I read Marusia’s post as parody.

  2. The primary opponent for Jim DeMint was definitely a former Democratic activist who voted for Obama two years ago.

    Of course, any concerns about her being a plant were obviated because DeMint easily won. Why didn’t the Democrats’ real candidate win their primary?

    1. That’s my question. The guy didn’t campaign and had a well-known opponent who did. An anti-career-politician vote?

      1. Let’s hope so and let’s hope for much more of the same.

        1. A “real” anti-establishment politician vote from the SC primary is that Bob Inglis (R-SC) only got ~25% in his primary and now goes to a runoff. The anger was focused on his pro-TARP votes.

    2. Because he was white and the Dems reasoned that a black man would have a better shot at beating DeMint.

      Identity politics just fucked itself in the ass.

  3. He sounds smarter than most representatives . . . which is frightening.

      1. I remember when Hong Kong that happened to Hong Kong, those poor people.

        1. I remember when Hong Kong that happened to Hong Kong, those poor people.

          Preview then submit.

          1. Real women never preview, only submit.

            Now where’s that old goat of mine? (whistles) Helen! Come here!

          2. It was such a shame they tried to blame that on Godzilla.

    1. And that’s the thing that gets me, how some politicians can get that “stupid” label attached to them. I’m not sayin’ I’d want a Bush or a Palin on my “In the know” team, but I’ve seen CSpan. Every time I see one of these congressman open their mouths, I know I’m about to hear the dumbest thing I heard all day. Seems like the politicians that get the stupid label aren’t any dumber then the rest of them.

  4. Can’t WTFV…summary, anyone?

    1. I only watched about 2min, dude seems really out of his element. Lots of mumbling, and incoherence…I hope he wins.

      The interviewer is trying to get him to admit he’s not a real candidate, badgering him with questions.

      1. “Not a real candidate.” What does that even mean? If he wins, he’s going to be a real Congressman. After we’ve elected a total neophyte for the White House, I don’t think the media needs to be casting aspersions about experience. Besides, a trained monkey could function in the House.

        1. Maybe I made the wrong choice of words.

          It seemed as if the interviewer was trying to get a gotcha moment, and seemed to be implying that Greene isn’t sincere in his wish to be a representative.

          1. No, no, I understood your point. It was the interviewer’s mentality I was assaulting.

            Tell you what, it would be mighty tempting to run a campaign based on a sneering contempt for Congress. And to continue to behave that way once in office.

            1. I checked out Al’s website, seems standard lefty fare. Though he does have a link to critical resistance, a group that is for the abolition of all prisons…the first step toward that goal being decrim of consensual crimes.

              So fuck it, I’d vote for Al.

        2. rac…

          Oh, you know the drill by now

        3. Besides, a trained monkey could function in the House.

          Wow just WOW. Racist!

          1. even I thought that was racist!

        4. “Besides, a trained monkey could function in the House.”


          1. My simian minion, Mr. Bippy-ChimpyPants, resents that slur.

            1. Now I didn’t say a trained monkey couldn’t function in the House.

              To be honest, I think that statement was more offensive to monkeys than to Congress.

      2. That makes me think of Brando’s Kurtz, which reminds me of this. It seems more apropos now than it did then.

      3. Maybe he’ll “disappear” again after winning the election. Never to be the deciding vote on a stupid bill, never to ask asinine questions in a subcommittee, never to regulate things he knows nothing about…

        That would actually be a pretty awesome campaign promise for a libertarian candidate: Elect me and I promise I will never show up.

    2. It’s your basic basball player interview.

      1. Basball? Is that like baseball but with largemouth bass?

        1. Basball? Sorry, I meant blernsball.

          Completely OT, but way cool.

          1. There’s also blas?ball.

            1. What about bassball?

              1. Am I in some sort of nested loop?

                1. Yes, Pro’L Dib. You are. Since I am your friend, at considerable risk to myself, I must tell you that your life as you know it has been an episode of “The Twilight Zone.” You have been doomed to rerun for eternity in syndication hell. With no options or residuals.

                  1. I hold out hope for a spin off. Or even a reboot.

                    1. Beisbol been berry, berry good to me.

          2. That is pretty good. I especially like Fry-clops.

      2. I was thinking more like basketball. Think Shaq.

    3. Can’t WTFV…summary, anyone?

      Make friends with your network admin.

    4. He’s fucking awesome. I boldly predict that clips of him will be on all the late-night shows.

  5. His name was Al Greene, of course people voted for him.

    1. We could always ask him to sing “Let’s Stay Together” as a test.

  6. Maybe the Democrat machine got the name on the “extra special ballots” wrong. You know those dead people are so forgetful.

  7. And I thought successful Republican fringe candidates were wierd…

  8. WTF? People get on the ballot and don’t run a campaign all of the time. Is it any surprise that one occasionally gets votes?

    What’s interesting is the candidate that lost the GOP primary (referencing John’s article above). I suppose she could’ve been some sort of plant, given her history, but, if her story of switching parties due to disenchantment is true, that could be yet another sign of the apocalypse for the Democrats.

  9. How the hell does this happen? Nice poker face though.

  10. The butterfly ballot strikes again!!!

  11. Seems to me that the LP could learn something here.

    1. Namely, run all of your candidates under the name Al Greene.

  12. “I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.”

  13. So, what options do the Dems have for getting him off the ballot? Any? If he just sits tight, are the Dems stuck with him?

    1. I don’t think they can get him off the ballot for the general. He won their primary.

      1. Alvin Greene is the Democratic party.

    2. You naive fellow, election laws don’t apply to Democrats! If the situation gmight give an “unfair advantage” to a Republican, friendly courts will “fix” things.

      1. I’ll be down if Mr. Greene gets his victory stripped from him.

        This guy is literally the perfect politician. He appears to have little drive and little in the way of a coherent ideology. Does he look like someone who will go out of his way to meddle with the affairs of individuals? He seems like someone who’d be content rolling out of bed around noon, sipping coffee slowly, and making his way to congress to catch the last hour of the workday.

        1. Now we only need a couple hundred more like him.

          1. I hear there are lots of unemployed people these days. Surely we can find some good candidates.

  14. “””But we can all agree that the man is almost certainly out of his mind””‘

    Crazy people deserve representation too

    1. No medication without representation?

  15. Dey tole me it was for American Idol!

  16. I don’t understand what the big deal is. The guy seems legit, although a bit unusual. Honorable discharge from the Army, probably knows a bunch of people in his districts, lots of time on his hands, and it is South Carolina, so why is this so weird?

    Oh, the Felony Charge, riigght.

    Yeah, that’s a bit weird.

    South Carolina’s surprise Democratic nominee to challenge U.S. Sen. Jim DeMint is facing a pending felony charge.

    Court records show 32-year-old Alvin Greene was arrested in November and charged with showing obscene Internet photos to a University of South Carolina student. The felony charge carries up to five years in prison. ?

    Records indicate Greene showed photos to a woman and talked about going to her room at a university dorm.

    1. Records indicate Greene showed photos to a woman and talked serenaded about going to her room at a university dorm.

      I smell a fake, the real Al Greene woulda had them panties droppin.

    2. Actually, with the “rash” of sexual misconduct stories endemic to our congresscritters, this guy seems perfectly qualified. He should “fit right in!”

      (yeah yeah, bad puns, I know)

      1. What’s up Groov, it has been awhile since we palavered.

        1. Indeed! Just charting at the moment. I’m really going to like this surgicenter gig.

          1. Privately owned?

            Meaning, is it an outpatient, retail medicine type of place?

            1. Shit…wrong button,

              Meant to type this as well:

              If that gig doesn’t work out there is a giant boat full of robber barons that will certainly need medical personnel.

              Cardiologists need not apply, though. It is common knowledge that libertarians have no heart.

            2. Yes and yes. If you are referring to The Reason Love Boat cruise, with my luck I’d get keelhauled in the poopdeck by STEVE SMITH. I’ll pass.

              In my experience, cardiologists are generally the most ill-tempered, stressed out, and fouled mouthed and generally all around unpleasant to deal with. Big bucks though for the successful ones.

              1. Well, good for you though, inre; the new gig.

                Before certain legislation was passed, I thought that surgicenters and consumer driven healthcare were the wave of the future.

                Places with nurse practitioners and physician’s assistants taking the bulk of the work, doctors for specialty care and surgery.

                I guess that dream is dead…long live the great big hospital and its bloated bureaucracy

                I didn’t mean the Reason Love Boat Cruise?, I was referring to the floating city that is currently featured on H&R.

                1. I thought that surgicenters and consumer driven healthcare were the wave of the future.

                  They are. Medical tourism is booming in other countries.

                  Places with nurse practitioners and physician’s assistants taking the bulk of the work

                  I’m not hostile to this idea, provided they are practicing within scope. However, I predict lots of fuck ups to fix caused by pseudo-docs. Personally, I would prefer pharmacists to have some prescriptive authority instead.

                  1. Of course doc-lites(I think pseudo doc is kinda harsh) should have some limitations and should defer to real docs for a lot of things, but I would be totally comfortable going to a physician’s assistant for the flu or a sprained ankle. Also, I have thought the same thing regarding pharmacists.

                    You work in an ER, imagine how much easier(and cheaper) everything could be if you only had to treat true emergencies, while all the colds and heat rashes went to wal-mart for appointment free treatment.

                    Off off topic, I am watching Stossel right now, and a commercial came on for Judge Napolitano’s new show…to be aired on fox business sat @10p.

                    The judge has now been freed from the internet, watch out statists he’s coming!

                    1. Doc-Lite. Nice one Cap.

                    2. Just trying to be diplomatic, it’s in my nature.

                    3. In my experience “pseudo-doc” fits in quite a few cases. In a hospital now everybody wears a white coat. Though most of the mid-level providers I’ve worked with understand their own limitations, it’s far from unusual to deal with ones that don’t. I’ve seen patients that had poor outcomes because the PA that was managing them didn’t recognize how severe the illness was until it was far advanced.

                      In an ER usually the minor things are routed by the triage staff to a fast track area where they are indeed seen by physician’s assistants or nurse practitioners. It’s really pretty difficult to send someone packing off to a walk-in clinic at Wal-mart. It’s easier just to see them.

    3. “showing obscene Internet photos to a University of South Carolina student.”

      and talked about going to her room at a university dorm.”

      I like the way he rolls.

    4. 5 years for showing somebody some dirty pictures? That sounds a bit stiff.

      1. That’s what SHE said!

      2. Seems like quite a blackballing for such an act. Let’s just hope the jury’s hung.

  17. It’s a FELONY in South Carolina to show obscene photos to another (presumably) adult? So if someone accidentally clicks onto the L Word, the network could be charged under this same law?

    South Carolina is fucked.

    1. Stupid Blue laws.

    2. It’s cool, the law is only enforced when it’s someone they don’t like or who threatens their job.

      Nothing to see here…

  18. Wait. A guy named “Greene” beat a guy named “Rawl?”

    Al Green kills. “You’ll Never Find Another Love Like Mine” is a fat lady karaoke song.

    Mystery solved.

    1. Hey, I like Lou Rawls.

      1. John Rawls, moron.

        1. Bill Rawls?

          “You, McNulty, are a gaping asshole. We both know this.

        2. Did he cover Lou Rawls’ “You’ll Never Find Another Love Like Mine?”

  19. Al Greene does TO have a website:

    Some pretty nutty platforms there, like a unified Korea and supporting the Charleston Five.

    1. Issues:
      # Unemployment – getting South Carolina back to work
      # Lower gas prices for working people
      # Foreign policy – A united, democratic Korea
      # Justice system – There are too many prisons and not enough schools

      This doesn’t sound so bad.

      1. Update: We spoke to Mr. Alvin Greene earlier today (June 10th, 2010) about this web site. Mr. Greene said he would not want this to be considered the authoritative campaign site. He reiterated this on the Keith Olbermann show this evening. This is an unofficial, grassroots support site.

        Oh this is not his website.

        1. Did you go to the first site under point number 4?

          They want to abolish all prisons, their site is really lefty, but an interesting read nonetheless. I put a hyperlink above if you are interested.

  20. Everyone is overlooking the actual story here:

    Every word Clyburn says exposes the fact that the real target of the election laws is anyone who might dare to take part in an election without being “serious” enough in the eyes of the party establishments.

    That motherfucker wants an “investigation” because a citizen won an election?

    And what’s this “FEC filing” bullshit? I thought all that FEC stuff was to prevent corruption. So here we have a guy who SPENT NO MONEY, and this Clyburn cunt still wants to sic the FEC on him?

    1. I much prefer the British system. Anyone can stand, the deposit required is reasonable but not onerous (?500), and you get the deposit back if you score at least 5%.

      1. I agree. Why should it cost $10,000 just to run for office? WTF is that money used for?

        1. Hookers and blow for the FEC staffers.

        2. It’s a way of keeping out the riffraff.

  21. @MrWipple

    Well, he didn’t yesterday. If you look it up with WHOIS at Network Solutions, you’ll see the domain name was purchased today (6/10/2010) at 7AM.…

    1. Well, he’s smarter than Barack Obama, more eloquent than Joe Biden, and smells nicer than Hillary Clinton.

      On foreign policy, he’s linking to a North Korean propaganda site.

  22. Considering the Bush Years and the former republican controlled congress I think based on the video above I would vote for this guy over the Republican.

    I think this guy may very well be the random guy picked out of the phone book who would govern better then the poeple we have now.

    The fact is nearly everyone who is not practiced will mumble when in front of a camera.

    Just saying.

    1. Jim DeMint is the most “libertarian” sitting Senator. He is running a nationwide campaign against the GOP establishment (largely in GOP primaries.)

    2. I think this guy may very well be the random guy picked out of the phone book who would govern better then the people we have now.

      It sounds crazy…but once you get over that, it starts sounding better and better.

      The fact is nearly everyone who is not practiced will mumble when in front of a camera.

      I’d say “Ummmmm” way too much.

  23. But we can all agree that the man is almost certainly out of his mind.

    Sounds just like your average congresscritter to me.

  24. But we can all agree that the man is almost certainly out of his mind.

    Serious question: If he gets elected, how will we tell the difference between him and this man?

    1. Lack of bitch tits?

      1. Racist! (oh wait, i was the one who was going to say ‘they’re different colors’, never mind.)

  25. I just watched the first interview. I actually kind of like him. I mean, let me rephrase, he can’t possibly be any worse than the dull farm tools we have now. How is this guy going to make the Senate worse?

    1. His incompetence will derail all the Great And Mighty Work that the Real Congresscritters are trying to do.

      Oh, wait, you said worse? Ummmm, once again, never mind.

  26. In all seriousness, I’d vote for him.

    1. You have to vote for him. I mean entertainment value alone. We might as well get some enjoyment out of these nimrods.

      1. I am a mighty hunter before the Lord, the Lich King of Ninevah! Why would you use my name as a term of abuse?

  27. I agree with the comments above that the “investigation” into who put him up to it or where he got the money or whatever is BS.

    But I am genuinely curious as to HOW HE WON. He says he drove all over the state meeting people, but didn’t name a single city or person he talked to. And let’s face it, his personality doesn’t seem likely to make him memorable to whatever strangers he may have introduced himself to.

    Totally, wonderfully mystifying.

    1. The likely answer is that he was the only recognizably black candidate in the race. The majority of democratic base is South Carolina is black and they *speculation* just voted for the blackest sounding name. I’m trying not to be judgmental since I’ve never been a minority voter, but I’ll just say I’ve seen similar stuff happen in the majority black areas of the south.

    2. I don’t find it mystifying at all. I go to the polls to vote against someone. There’s no one good to vote for. I’m guessing that’s what happened here.

      1. I go to the polls to vote against someone.

        Sweet, sweet, Democracy.

  28. That dude is great. I’m gonna send him a benjamin. He wouldn’t come close to being the craziest, biggest dumb ass on Capitol Hill. Do I need to repost “Go Gator?”

  29. I feel sorry for this dude. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I do. What the hell were the SC Democrats doing though to let this get this far? I mean bejesus.

  30. Sounds pretty reasonable to me dude.


    1. Can we get Skynet some voting privileges?

  31. Well, maybe “raring” is the wrong adjective

    Adjectiving weirds language.

  32. So, what options do the Dems have for getting him off the ballot? Any?

    Funny you should ask …

  33. LOL, this is ponderous.

  34. OK, say he was a plant. So? Like a Democrat is going to win this year in SC anyway, short of DeMint getting linked with the now-proverbial dead girl or live boy.

    Hell, maybe Greene actually has a chance. Call it the “Jesse Ventura” vote; the disaffected all rally for the lunatic in order to stick a finger in the eye of the establishment. You need a gonzo candidate to have a chance of pulling that off.

    1. But I don’t see how this guy’s a lunatic, unless there’s something in the update links. He seems like an average Joe who happens to be civic minded and ambitious. What is it now, anybody uppity is a lunatic?

  35. the disaffected all rally for the lunatic in order to stick a finger in the eye of the establishment.

    Senator Jim DeMint is by no means the “establishment”, quite the contrary actually. Reason ought to do a profile on him sometime.

  36. After watching the other 2 videos I think interviewers are asking the wrong questions from the wrong guy.

    My guess is that Democrats in that district were really pissed at James Clyburn and simply voted for the other guy on the ballot.

    1. nevermind. This explains it:

      It’s also worth noting that Greene’s opponent in South Carolina, a judge and former state legislator named Vic Rawl, polled poorly among South Carolina Democrats last month: only 4 percent had a favorable opinion of him, while 82 percent were unsure, according to a May survey by Public Policy Polling. That’s a strong indication that many S.C. Democrats simply didn’t know who Rawl was either.

      1. Vic Rawl? I don’t like that name. “Vic?” Bet he’s mafia or something. Now Alvin Greene, that’s a much better name. I’ll vote for him.

  37. Just sent him $50 – hell yeah. I was actually tempted to send cash but I figured I better not.

    1. PS – what the hell, Paul/Greene 2012! I don’t even care which Paul. Or which Al Greene for that matter.

  38. I don’t know why the Dems are asking where he got the money.

    Obama spent $2 billion on the 2008 Presidential election. It certainly wasn’t his money he spent.

    1. Obama had security (AVS) turned off for credit card donations on his website. You could use any fake name & address, foreign cards, stolen credit card numbers, and prepaid credit cards that can’t be tracked. This would normally be on by default and was almost certainly deliberately turned off, which is borne out by their refusal to fix it when the issue came to light before the election.

    2. The money issue is silly. The man was stationed in Korea for years and years, getting a regular salary. Anyone who has a friend deployed in the armed forces knows that there’s barely anything to spend money on when stationed. He probably had more than the 10,000 necessary, even after being jobless for 9 months.

  39. Alvin Greene, meet Kesha Rogers.

    “”The world is blowing out now; and we the people must force the matter of national sovereignty and bankruptcy reorganization into the discussion now, or there won’t be much of anything left to reorganize,” reads a handout from Rogers’ campaign. “That’s why I am running for Congress, and why I endorse LaRouche’s call to save the world with a global ‘Glass-Steagall.’ Nations must tell the bankers of the world, ‘You must take your losses, we are investing in productive jobs for our people again.'”

    She also calls Obama a fascist, which is awesome.

    1. FYI – She won the nomination, and has a nice website. She probably interviews well. Appears to be reasonably articulate. None of this, of course, mitigates the fact that she is a complete loon.

      “As economist Lyndon LaRouche stated today, “The President is a traitor and a British agent.”

      Ladies and Gentleman, your Democratic party!

  40. This is freakin’ awesome!

  41. Bwuhaha, this is the great system to which we should entrust our property and our lives? Really?

  42. I’m thinking about volunteering for his campaign.

  43. Do they use electronic voting machines without a paper tabulation in SC?

  44. So far I’ve looked only at the etv video, so I’m wondering how Mr. Moynihan thinks “we can all agree that the man is almost certainly out of his mind”. He’s not as outgoing as most candidates would be, but does that make him crazy? Maybe he’s just a guy who was civic minded enough to come up with the hefty filing fee and to use his limited resources to win the goddamn Democratic nomination for US senator! If he’s crazy, are the people who voted for him nuts too? Even in sports, people know that an upset doesn’t necessarily mean the contest was rigged.

  45. If I heard the YouTube interview correctly, Greene is for “keeping South Carolina union-free”. He also said he supports the Second Amendment and thinks our prison system is a joke.

    I like this guy.

  46. 3 words: Harry S Truman.

  47. For some reason this reminds me of the movie, “Being There”.

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