Keeping Their Eye on the Ball


Go Tigers

Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm:

Whereas, an umpire's missed call resulted in Armando Galarraga being charged a hit that clearly should have been an out […]

Now, Therefore, be it Resolved that I, Jennifer M. Granholm, governor of the state of Michigan, do hereby declare Armando Galarraga to have pitched a perfect game, and I join Tigers fans all across the globe in saluting his unassailable accomplishment — the first perfect game in Tigers history.

Dingell, donuts, and dick

Rep. John Dingell (D-Dearborn):

Baseball's executives have corrected a mistake on the field in a regular season game before – the pine tar game. This is the right thing to do and if getting this resolution passed makes it easier, I'm glad to help. […]

Umpire Joyce made a colossal blunder, but if we can reverse it, he will have played a huge role in righting the wrong.

They airbrushed her hair

Sen. Debbie Stabenow (D-Mich.):

Last night's performance deserves its place in the record books. It is clear that Commissioner Selig should make an exception in this case and invoke the "best interests of the game clause" to reflect Armando Galarraga's perfect game for the Detroit Tigers.

Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox:

I'm suing Jim Joyce for the call last night.

Don't even get me STARTED about the Angels' bullpen!

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs:

I hope that baseball awards a perfect game to that pitcher. […]

We're going to work on an executive order. […]

I'm speaking with the full weight of the federal government.

Note: Cox and Gibbs were joking. We think.

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  1. Phew. Glad they got all those other problems taken care of. Particularly in Michigan, which has finally been restored to be the employment and manufacturing envy of the entire world.

  2. As a great man once repeatedly said:

    Who gives a shit?

    1. but but but, SPORTS!?!?!

      Why do you hate America(‘s pastime)?

  3. Galarraga will make more bank and be more famous for NOT having a perfect game than he ever would have been for being #21 on the list.

    Jim Joyce made him a legend.

    1. Not to mention the fact that he has handled it with more class than the set of politicians.

      1. Not to mention the fact that [Galarraga] has handled it with more class than the set of politicians…

        So did Joyce, for that matter – he manned up, admitted he screwed up big time, and apologized to Galarraga. How many politicians have done anything requiring a fraction of the integrity Joyce showed there?

        1. Zero. That was easy.

    2. Jim Joyce made him a legend.

      Exactly. Quick, name the two other pitchers who threw a perfect game this year? Name all pitchers who have thrown a perfect game in the last fifteen years?

      Most people, even baseball fans, probably wouldn’t get either question correct. Now, everytime we hear the debate about MLB implementing instant replay Gallaraga, a heretofore unspectacular pitcher, will be mentioned. When (not if) MLB implements instant replay for close calls, it will be referred to as the Gallaraga rule.

      1. name the two other pitchers who threw a perfect game this year?

        Considering there’ve been only 20 perfect games in MLB history, I find this unlikely…

        …that said, your point still stands.

        1. Two of which have happened this year.

          1. Halladay bitchesl. Can’t name the other one :/. Too bad the rest of the team continues to not score and make 2 errors every game. Yeah I’m a dissapointed Philadelphian.

            1. I thought it was Dan Haren. It turns out it was Dallas Braden. Wrong team, wrong coast. At least I got the league right.

            2. Ubaldo Jiminez of the Rockies I think. Or was it Braden of the A’s? One of those two.

              1. Yeah, Jiminez was just a no-hitter. Braden was the perfect game.

                1. “Just” a no-hitter is a hilarious sentence, even if he did walk 6 (I think).

                  1. A “perfect” game (no hits, no walks, no errors) is a much bigger deal than a no-hitter.

                    Although in my opinion, a PERFECT game has never been accomplished, and probably never will. A truly perfect game would require only 27 pitches to complete.

      2. Halladay and that guy whose grandma told ARod to stick it.

        I dont follow the junior circuit so Im counting the latter as a correct answer.

        1. hold on…Dallas something…argh, he was right about the walking across the mound thing too.

          Nope, cant come up with name of obscure ALer. Which would be the same for Galarraga if it wasnt for Joyce.

          1. Braden was an NLer last year, I believe. I think he was with the Phillies, no?


              Nope. Entire career with Oakland.

              1. Wow, that link didnt work, trying again.

                1. Failing again, attempt 3:


        2. I dont follow the junior circuit so Im counting the latter as a correct answer.

          It’s not real baseball.

      3. When (not if) MLB implements instant replay for close calls, it will be referred to as the Gallaraga rule.

        It’s more likely to be known as the Jim Joyce Rule. For some reason the bad guy in the situation that leads to the rule being implemented gets it named after him. The opposite of the way we name diseases, I guess.

    3. It’s telling that all the people writing articles about this mess are contacting Milt Pappas for his opinion. Pappas, of course, threw a no-hitter for the Cubs in 1971 that was actually a perfect game until Bruce Froemming called a borderline 3-2 pitch a ball with 2 outs in the 9th, sending Pappas into a fit of rage on the mound.

      Note that they didn’t call Mark Buehrle or Tom Browning or any of the other perfect game throwers of recent years; they sought out the guy who famously didn’t get one.

      1. Tom Browning’s counts as recent? Damn, that makes me feel less old.

      2. Fuck Milt Pappas. He was a very good pitcher, but he’s a total cunt. The 3-2 pitch was a ball and he wanted a gift because he was close. Milt should be treated the same way Steve Smith treats hikers.

  4. Why do these collossal colostomy bags all feel the need to even comment on this event, let alone try to actually do something about it?

    Ye gods.

    1. They’re for the little people…you know, the ones making a million bucks for pitching once a week.

  5. I would like to grudge fuck Granholm as hard as she has fucked the people of Michigan.

    1. Outstanding comment.

      1. I do believe a little blood flowed to my penis on that one.

      2. Granholm? I thought that blond was a still from some experimental Annie Lennox video.

        1. Lady GranGa.

        2. No, that’s Sophia Lamb.

    2. Sorry, Ms Granholm is booked solid. We do have another female governor available as a substitute.

      1. My eyes! My eyes!

  6. Excellent.

  7. And could Granhom have a more vacant look in her eyes if she tried? The woman is a golden retriever.

    1. She looks like a mannequin that someone beat with a chain in that pic.

      1. The line from Uncle Buck re: the principal permeates my thoughts. “Moley Russell’s wart”, indeed!

  8. Great alt texts on the pics, Matt. No offense to Bailey, but you could show him a thing or two.

    1. Perhaps a business seminar hosted by Warty and me.

      1. Bailey needs more profanity. Perhaps I could arrange a consultation?

        1. The surgical implantation of on obscenity gland, perhaps?

          1. I think that should be covered under universal health care.

  9. Baseball is not a perfect game, foosball however, is.

    1. Did you see the foosball trickshots at ESPN yet?

  10. Has Queeg weighed in, yet? I’m on tenterhooks.

  11. Stabenow sings “Driver 8” like she means it.

    1. Her version crushes theirs like a grape!

  12. Have not cared for MLB in a very long time. Having said this, having politicians focusing on this 1) may well promote the general welfare in some small measure and 2) distracts them from picking my pocket and restricting my freedom which is apparently what they do with the rest of their time.

    1. When it comes to sticking their nose into pointless shit and screwing over the rest of us, politicians are the ultimate multi-taskers.

  13. Every player in the fiasco acted like a perfect gentleman in the aftermath of a human error.

    That politicians feel the need to opine on trivial crap like this says a lot about the priorities of the electorate.

    1. Isn’t it nuts? I can’t believe all of the politicians jumping into this. Even if it were egregious in some sense (the ump did it on purpose), it’s not the government’s fucking business.

      It’s sad for the kid, but I actually am impressed with the way everyone has behaved. The ump’s got a future in politics now himself.

      I don’t think editing a game is appropriate, as there is more than one play in a game. And what about games that have been lost because of mistakes? No, have replays or don’t have them.

      1. The league stepped in and edited the “Pine Tar Game” where George Brett’s home run was nullified by the umps after they discovered pine tar on his bat further down the barrel than the rules allowed.

        This of course set a terrible precedent, which Selig was wise not to follow.

        1. The immortal Billy Martin was the manager who protested Brett’s bat and had a rulebook to back it up.

          I’ve always had a soft spot for that drunken asshole. He was a great manager to hire if your team really sucked. When they became contenders, it was time to fire his ass,

          1. Martin didn’t mince words about the league’s reversal of Brett being called out:

            “It seems to me the official rule book should be called the funny pages. It obviously doesn’t mean anything. The rule book is only good for you when you go deer hunting and run out of toilet paper.”

            Sounds like an appropriate line about the SCOTUS attitude toward the Constitution these days.

          2. My father still holds a grudge against the Twins for firing Martin. And he isn’t the only one who thinks the Twins dumped him for the wrong reasons.

          3. My father still holds a grudge against the Twins for firing Martin. And he isn’t the only one who thinks the Twins dumped him for the wrong reasons.

  14. Not entirely sure Cox is joking… after all, he is running for governor (and, currently, polling is showing him losing badly in the Republican primary)…

  15. Oh wow, now there is a goofy looking lady! LOL


  16. So now my state’s politician’s are trying to steal baseball’s legitimacy? That seems like a good idea.

    1. They’re way too late for that.

  17. I see no reason that pols commenting on sports should get any more attention than the guys down at Joe’s Bar & Grill.

    Nor any reason that the former should be more entitled to make the rules of a sport than the latter.

    1. dhex’s sports bar political metaphor just got taken to a more literal level.

  18. Michigan has no one to blame but themselves for their state’s condition.

    They keep reelecting these idiots to represent them.

    1. Michigan didn’t elect Gibbs.

  19. I think Selig’s refusal to change the call is an attempt to increase the pressure on the ump union to accept wider use of instant replay.

    And for the people who piss and moan about instant replay slowing down the game — it won’t slow down the game nearly as much as pointless arguments with umpires. If I were commissioner, there would be instant replay on everything, and K-zone would call balls and strikes which would be announced by the plate umpire.

    And if a manager or coach from the fielding team came onto the field to argue with an umpire, the next batter would automatically walk; if a manager or coach from the hitting team attempted to argue, the next batter would be immediately called out.

    You cut off a finger, we cut off a leg. That’s the Tulpa way.

    1. Having an IR ump instead of relying on the home plate ump is the way to go. He watches the replay immediately and can signal down if a call was blown. Its not like football where you have to carefully watch 16 things to figure out the call. Home run/not home run. Fair/foul. Safe/out. Theses are pretty clear cut on replay.

      1. The main problem with replays in baseball is that the play may continue after the call. Runners are moving and defenders are moving.

        The correct play for the fielders to make may change depending on the number of outs. If a runner is called out at first for the third out, the remaining runners stop and go to their dugout. If the replay rules the runner safe, what do you do about the other runners who may have scored or advanced another base on the play instead of going off the field? It would be impractical to reset the game at that point.

        In football, on the other hand, each play is blown dead and then they look at the replay. Whether the ref’s call is upheld or overturned doesn’t affect the subsequent action.

        Do we write a rule that only allows replays for the final out of a perfect game or no hitter?

        I actually thought that Selig would reverse the call. In the Brett “pine tar incident”, the league reversed the umpires call, a call which was correct and in line with the rules.

        All that being said, the last thing we need is politicians fucking up the game.

    2. Slow down the game!?!?! This is baseball, how could you possibly tell?

      1. Baseball doesn’t move too slow, everything else moves too fast.

  20. Even if it were egregious in some sense (the ump did it on purpose), it’s not the government’s fucking business.

    Conspiracy Theory: Pitcher has big bonus clause written into his contract. Team owner, wishing to avoid big payout, offers a substantially smaller, but still effective, sum to ump to “make sure” the perfect game doesn’t happen. Base hit.

    1. I’m in. This incident has been far too wholesome and friendly for my tastes.

    2. He would have to have done this during the game, since nobody knew until the game which umpire was going to be at first. I suspect that would have been noticed.

      1. Orders were relayed to his implant via the Black Helicopter.

        1. It’s easy if the whole umpire union is on the take.

  21. Oh noes! I found a falsehood on Wikipedia!

    Every modern-era MLB team, including all the expansion teams, has suffered at least one no-hitter pitched against them. The team that avoided being no-hit for the longest period of time was the New York Yankees, from September 20, 1958 to June 11, 2003, a span of almost 45 years. The longest current streak belongs to the Chicago Cubs, at 44-plus years, who were last victims of a no-hitter at the hand of Sandy Koufax’s perfect game on September 9, 1965.

    The Cubs streak surpassed the Yankees’ on June 1. The Cubs are unfortunately good at going for decades without something happening.

    1. The Rays don’t have one in their favor yet, which is mildly surprising given the (current) quality of the pitching staff. They’ve given up two perfect games since becoming a decent team, though. Go figure.

  22. I think it’s funny how they say “he pitched a perfect game”. Like the other 8 guys on the field had nothing to do with it. Sure if he had 27 strikeouts then that would be pitching a perfect game. Galarraga only had 6 strikeouts I think. It should be “the Tigers played a perfect game”. That said I think they should reverse the call because it’s a perfect game and because it’s blatantly a blown call.

    1. Right, because the pitcher has nothing to do with whether the batter hits a weak grounder to second, or a scorching line drive into the gap in right that an outfielder has to dive for.

      Lots of great pitchers have not been strikeout pitchers, but they pitch in a way that hitters tend to hit easy ground balls (and these pitchers always know where their defense is positioned and try to locate their pitches where the batter is likely to hit the ball right at a fielder). Greg Maddux, of course, is the archetype of such pitching.

      It’s waaay more efficient than trying to strike everyone out, since it always takes at least 3 pitches to get a strikeout, but only 1 is necessary to get a groundout.

      1. Right, because the pitcher has nothing to do with whether the batter hits a weak grounder to second, or a scorching line drive into the gap in right that an outfielder has to dive for.

        Paging Voros McCracken. Paging Voros McCracken.

      2. Pitchers have some control on balls in play, but not much. There is some variation, depending on the pitcher and the hitters he’s facing, but basically 30% of all balls in play will fall in for hits and 10% of all fly balls will leave the park as homers. For the most part, the pitcher only has control over strikeouts, walks allowed and homers given up (ground ball to fly ball ratio). There are some nifty new stats like FIP that more accurately account for the runs the pitcher gives up, wheras ERA doesn’t take into account the quality of the defense behind him or dumb luck. As for Maddux, although he wasn’t from the same mold as Nolan Ryan or Randy Johnson, he was definitely a big strikeout pitcher, with 3371 for his career, good for 10th all time.

      3. A perfect game also includes no errors. So for 3/4ths of the outs in the Tigers game it was up to the fielders not to make any mistakes. Plus did you see that insane over the shoulder catch the outfielder made for the second out?

    2. Best comment I heard on this was to the effect that “this wasn’t a perfect game. A perfect game has perfect pitching, perfect catching, perfect fielding… and perfect umping.”

  23. Although Dingell is loathsome, he does make a good point regarding the July 24, 1983 pine tar game.

    In 1972, if my memory serves me right, Pete Rozelle, after the last game of the regular season, gave Miami Dolphins running back Eugene “Mercury” Morris 9 rushing yards thereby increasing his season total from 991 yards to an even 1,000. The Dolphins thus became the first team to feature 2 1,000 yard rushers in the same season.

    Take note that Rozelle ruled that a 9 yard rushing loss was not a rushing loss from a game earlier in the season.

    Thus, there is NFL precedent upon which Bud can hang his hat.

  24. For the record, nobody on base isn’t my idea of a perfect game. It’s better than a mere no-hitter, of course, since there were no base runners, but a perfect game for a pitcher is 81 consecutive strikes.

    1. Koufax came the closest with 14 Ks in a perfect game. A semi-perfect game would be 27 Ks, but there are still imperfect balls being thrown in that case.

      1. Do swings and misses, or foul balls with less than two strikes, at pitches outside the zone count as strikes in your scenario? Because those are only strikes because of the batter’s decision to swing, not the sheer talent of the pitcher.

        1. Strikes and called strikes. There are degrees to these things, of course. I’d be insanely impressed with 27 Ks, let alone all strikes and fouls.

      2. ooo, ooo! or what about 27 line drives hit directly to the pitcher? isn’t that MORE perfecter?!?

        1. No. A pitcher who can get the ball over the plate without the batter contacting it is demonstrating the purest domination possible at that position.

          Tell you what, when some reliever comes in and sits down a batter 1-2-3, it’s like watching a well-executed veronica. In other words, it’s almost artistic.

    2. Funny you should say that, because my idea of a perfect game is 27 pitches, each of which is hit into play for an out.

      I’m more a fan of Greg Maddux’s great pitching than Nolan Ryan’s.

      1. Agreed. After all, isn’t it more efficient?

      2. I hear you. But I still think that the 81-strike scenario is the perfect game from a pitcher’s perspective. Nothing could be more dominating. And, of course, it’ll never happen so long as unmodified humans are playing the game.

        Maddux is one of the best ever. Watching him seek out the edges of the strike zone and exploit it was awesome. As a Braves fan, let me again thank Chicago for another brilliant move.

        1. The Cubs offered him more money than the Braves did in the ’92-’93 offseason. He chose the Braves because he thought they had a better shot at winning a World Series.

          1. Oh, I remember that moment. I was flat-out stunned that the Braves got him from the Cubs. Ah, Ted, was there nothing you could not do?

    3. When it comes to baseball, my idea of a ‘perfect game’ is one that is called on account of rain.

  25. Jesus Fucking CHRIST – Michigan sucks. Thanks for reminding me. Again.

    And thanks for the picture of Granholm, whose image is only second to The One’s for inducing the shakes and dry heaves. Other than the Pres hisself, you’ll not find a more clueless hack. OK, maybe Stabenow. Well, we have Levin, too…both of them. And that douchbag who wants to register journalists….

    **wilts with the loss of all hope upon considering the elected fucktards from MI**

    Did I mention Michigan sucks?

    1. Couldn’t agree more. I’ll be moving out of the merry old city of Detroit next week…of course I’ll be headed to Ohio, which isn’t exactly a huge step up. Michigan has some really lovely areas and some great things going for it. It’s a pity, then, that its tax structure, economy, and politicians are so screwed up.

  26. PS “Dingell, donuts and dick” LOL!

  27. I just want to know why at the end of Varsity Blues Moxon said he never played football again. My god, West Canaan had just made State! Did 5′ 4″ Tweeder take over at QB in the playoffs?

  28. For.

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