Sports

Gushy Sportswriter Nonsense About "the First Fan"

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Nice form

Bill Plaschke, the Thomas L. Friedman of sports columnists (minus Friedman's ability to sell books), uncorks a piece today that, while not the worst sports column ever written, certainly belongs in any reasonable Top 10. Plaschke, a penis-eater, makes with a straight face the argument that, "The First Fan, with his support of the White Sox and Bulls, shares our passion for sports, unlike any president before him and in ways that only true sports nuts will understand." Get ready to gag yourself with a Dodger Dog:

For an American president, there is nothing of greater importance than reaching the American people. And there's no better way of doing that than authentically sharing our passion for sports. Unlike any president before him, in ways that only true sports nuts will understand, Obama does that.

Not a real fan, but he'll knock you on your ass

The First Fan is really a fan. He's about more than an occasional first pitch or White House champion photo op. He's about a wrinkled hometown baseball cap and weathered hometown loyalties and picking winners and spouting off at the heart.

He throws out the first pitch at a Washington Nationals game and, even though he's wearing a Nationals jacket, at the last moment he pulls on a cap from the Chicago White Sox.

Real fans, even those of the Nationals and Chicago Cubs, have to respect that.

W-w-w-w-w-w-wh-wh-wha-wha-what-what-WHAT???? The president may be a damned good basketball player, and possibly the most fit cigarette smoker we've had in the White House, but when it comes to baseball he throws like a pre-Title IX girl and can't name a single favorite player off his allegedly favorite team:

His predecessor, much as I might dislike him, ACTUALLY OWNED A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM. He was a goddamned cheerleader. And could throw a strike in the clutch:

Yeah, that happened

George H.W. Bush, Forbes recently reported, was "the most sporting man to ever inhabit the Oval Office," with an active participation in "football, baseball, soccer, wrestling, tennis, squash, golf, fishing, hunting, jogging, horseshoes, boating and skydiving." Ronald Reagan in college was "a member of the football and track teams, the basketball cheerleading squad, [and] captain of the swimming team," then went on to become a sports broadcaster and star of a Grover Cleveland Alexander biopic. Gerald Ford "starred on 2 straight national [football] champions at Michigan," and Richard Nixon was such a football fanatic (it being one of three sports he played in college), that he famously (if apocryphally) sent play calls to Redskins coach George Allen and allowed himself to be interviewed by his sworn enemy Hunter S. Thompson on grounds that they only talk about their shared love of the pigskin.

But wait! Plaschke's column gets worse, in both the selection of and content provided by his one material witness, the insufferable Doris Kearns Goodwin:

Wait, he was handsome?

Even though that first pitch was high and wobbly, it was like his other sports moments, all fastball. […]

"We have had other presidents active in sports, but Obama seems to be a real fan who is not afraid to let his emotions as a fan come out," said presidential historian and sports nut Doris Kearns Goodwin. "Other presidents were always worried about making another team mad, they were always like, 'I'm for everybody,' but not Obama. He speaks a like true fan, and I think true fans really appreciate it."

Doris Kearns Goodwin

This is all-screwball. Not only was Obama's White Sox-speak the single least convincing politician fan-rap since Hillary Clinton became a New Yorker, Nixon (for one) wasn't "for everybody," he was CALLING REDSKINS PLAYS.

Believe me, as a genetically and environmentally coded baseball fan, I would love nothing more than to see the intersection of politics and baseball be bulldozed and covered permanently with nothing but flowers. But if you're gonna put the president on the sports page, at least get some intern to consult the Wikipedia.

Link via beloved reader and certified sports fanatic Steve Smith, who defends Obama's White Sox answer here.

UPDATE: Shame on me for neglecting to link to Tim Cavanaugh's January 2009 meditation on "Barack Obama's place in presidential sports history."

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  1. Thirty seconds ago, I had no idea who Bill Plaschke was; now, I want to go to his house and throw a big flaming bag of dynamite at him.

    Good grief. (And I didn’t even read the whole post.)

    1. Thirty seconds ago, I knew all too well who Bill Plaschke was. (There’s a reason I don’t turn on ESPN at 5:00.) But I was happy that I could at least escape him when reading Hit & Run. I miss 30 seconds ago.

      Linking to Bill Plaschke is just as bad as being Bill Plaschke. Shame on you Matt Welch!

    2. Everything you need to know about Bill Plaschke can be found at this link.

      1. To Bill Brasky!

  2. Yeah, yeah, Obama may not be the POTUS man of sport, but he sure can play the hammer and sickle.

    1. Say it. I dare ya.

      1. That was anemic.

      2. Naughty boy, but you know that.

        BTW, I must compliment you on your consistency. Your take on the everybody draw Muhammad day is consistent with your overall position on such things. I agree with much of what you posted.

        1. Last post was for Tulpa.

          1. Speaking of consistency, I answered your question on the last vaccine thread Libertymike.

            1. Thank you. I just read it. Yes, you are correct, I do have a certain hostility for allopathic medicine, but not for you.

  3. Doris Kearns Goodwin — that old fraud? It looks like all the bogus historians are coming out of the woodwork again — first Bellisles, and now Goodwin. When does Ward Churchill arrive?

    1. What’s the scoop on Goodwin? I’d like a good reason not to read her Lincoln book.

      1. From her wikipedia entry

        In 2002, The Weekly Standard demonstrated that Doris Kearns Goodwin’s book, The Fitzgeralds and the Kennedys, used without attribution numerous phrases and sentences from three other books: Time to Remember, by Rose Kennedy; The Lost Prince, by Hank Searl; and Kathleen Kennedy: Her Life and Times, by Lynne McTaggart.[14]

        McTaggart weighed in, “If somebody takes a third of somebody’s book, which is what happened to me, they are lifting out the heart and guts of somebody else’s individual expression.”[15] Goodwin admitted that she had previously reached a large “private settlement” with McTaggart over the issue. She wrote in Time:

        Fourteen years ago, not long after the publication of my book The Fitzgeralds and the Kennedys, I received a communication from author Lynne McTaggart pointing out that material from her book on Kathleen Kennedy had not been properly attributed. I realized that she was right. Though my footnotes repeatedly cited Ms. McTaggart’s work, I failed to provide quotation marks for phrases that I had taken verbatim, having assumed that these phrases, drawn from my notes, were my words, not hers. I made the corrections she requested, and the matter was completely laid to rest?until last week, when the Weekly Standard published an article reviving the issue. The larger question for those of us who write history is to understand how citation mistakes can happen.[16]

        The Los Angeles Times also reported that there were many passages in Goodwin’s book on the Roosevelts (No Ordinary Time) that were apparently lifted directly from Joseph Lash’s Eleanor and Franklin, Hugh Gregory Gallagher’s FDR’s Splendid Deception, and other books.[17][18] The allegations of plagiarism have damaged her reputation,[19] causing her to recall the book and to take leave of various positions.[20]

        Many in the academic, literary, and entertainment communities have continued to support her and her assertion of innocence.[21][22] The extensive use of research assistants has been identified as a possible source of this uncredited use of other writers’ work.[citation needed] Her biography of Abraham Lincoln, Team Of Rivals, has been free from accusation.

        1. Her biography of Abraham Lincoln, Team Of Rivals, has been free from accusation.

          Thanks. I’ll assume it’s just as bad as the others and give it a pass.

        2. “Many in the academic, literary, and entertainment communities have continued to support her and her assertion of innocence.”

          Hmmmm, you don’t suppose that continued support among literary (!!) and entertainment types has anything to do with her views? I’m sure they’d offer the same continued support to a historian who wrote, say, a book critical of the New Deal, for example, and was found to have plagiarized. Right?

          Sad that the literary community, of all people, would continue to support a plagiarizer. I bet those of that community that are professors have failed students for far less than DKG was caught doing. I mean come on, plagiarizing is the cardinal sin among writers.

          I suppose it’s not unexpected though. One thing that we see demonstrated day after day on this website, in all its ugly detail, is the utter lack of any principle by what seems to me to be most people in general, when it comes to their political views. It’s all about my team, us vs. them, and no principle is too sacred that it can’t be subverted and twisted in service to benefiting our side or hurting their side.

          1. It’s all about my team, us vs. them, and no principle is too sacred that it can’t be subverted and twisted in service to benefiting our side or hurting their side

            That’s exactly right, dude; that’s TEAM RED TEAM BLUE in one sentence.

          2. Sad that the literary community, of all people, would continue to support a plagiarizer.

            I’m sure Vice President Biden supports her too.

        3. The best was when both This Week and Meet the Press had her on during the 2008 primary campaign discussing Obama getting caught lifting lines from a Deval Patrick speech, of course with no mention made that she was a chronic plagiarist herself. Predictably, she said it was no big deal since Patrick and Obama are friends.

        4. The extensive use of research assistants has been identified as a possible source of this uncredited use of other writers’ work.

          WTF? I guess BP is innocent of any blame for the oil disaster in the Gulf since they were using third party employees to maintain the oil rig.

        5. Wasn’t it Twain that said, of some other hack’s work, that is was good and original, but unfortunately what was good wasn’t original and what was original wasn’t good.

          1. As far as I can tell, Mark Twain said every funny quote that appeared in the 1800s (and a few other centuries). Considering that Abraham Lincoln said every profound and serious quote during the same time span, you have to wonder what everyone else was doing. Were they communicating via moans and grunts?

            1. A lot of those quotes were Twain, which is why a bunch of other ones get falsely attributed to him. Same thing happened with Voltaire.

              Lincoln stole some good stuff from the Greeks (like Pericles’ funeral oration), which is not a bad idea.

              1. He stole a few other things, as well…but that’s another story.

                1. So I shot him!

                2. Yes, many Southerners were pissed about Lincoln stealing what had been their property before the war.

        6. sic semper tyrannis

        7. sic semper tyrannis

          1. sic semper tyrannosaurus

  4. George H.W. Bush, Forbes recently reported, was “the most sporting man to ever inhabit the Oval Office”

    Balderdash!

    1. Bully for you, old boy, bully!

    2. You said it, old boy. Unless he swam daily across the Potomac, naked, I still hold that title.

      1. Penis eater!

  5. Jesus, is there nothing that can’t be poured into the Empty Vessel?

    If I’m ever president, you can be damned sure I’m getting the pitch over the plate.

    1. Leftist hero-worship of Obama is even creepier and more demented than something like Chris Crocker’s defense of Britney Spears. Well done, TEAM BLUE morons; you’re continuing to create new lows in your fellation of a guy who is fucking you over even as you worship at his altar.

      It’s actually quite amusing, except that he’s fucking us all.

      1. This reminds me of the old saying, “If she/he doesn’t meet your standards, lower them.”

      2. Somebody defended Britney Spears?

      3. Somebody defended Britney Spears?

        (By the way, the first time I tried that comment, it got caught in the spam trap. No, I have no idea why.)

    2. It’s getting to the point that it’d embarrass Kim Jong Il, FFS.

  6. Is that Plaske’s picture in Wiki next to the definition of “teabagger?”

  7. “A small Syrian-backed terrorist group in Gaza said its activists blew up a donkey cart laden with explosives close to the border with Israel on Tuesday, killing the animal but causing no human casualties,” the Jerusalem Post reports.

    http://www.jpost.com/MiddleEast/Article.aspx?id=176452

    Wow, they literally blew up their own ass!

  8. STEVE SMITH LOVE OUTDOOR SPORTS! HIKING, LIVING IN CAVE, PICKUP BASEBALL GAME WITH HIKER SKULL, AND RAPE!

    1. This Steve Smith who defends B.O.’s favorite player debacle is a jackass who needs be taught a lesson from STEVE SMITH (have his ass jacked perhaps?)

      1. That was STEVE SMITH who defended Obama…

    2. Seriously, how do you defend Obama’s answer…delusional.

      1. Easy. Obama was asked to name his favorite White Sox player when he was growing up. But Obama wasn’t a Sox fan as a child. Obama couldn’t just name any decent Sox player in the last twenty years when he supposedly became a fan.

        1. Hard to believe you could live in Chicago and not know one or two players.

          1. Frank Thomas is the name I would’ve given. For some reason he’s the only White Sox player I can think of.

            1. He’s the one I would’ve tossed out, too. Or maybe Carleton Fisk.

            2. AJ Pierzynski. I still miss him in MN. Sure Mauer is better, but he doesn’t have the chip on his shoulder AJ has.

              AJ was like a pro wrestling villain. He was always getting under the skin of the other team.

            3. This was dissected on the original obama favorite player thread by some other commentators. But I mean, Robin Ventura, Dan Pasqua, Joey Cora, Ron Karkovice…

              Ron Kittle had his prominent years on the White Sox, correct?

              Oh yeah, Ozzie Guillen would have been a great answer.

              At the very least, Obama should have been prepped for questions like this.

          2. “Arnold ‘Chick’ Gandil. Hands down. “

    3. Link via beloved reader and certified sports fanatic Steve Smith

      Wait, does this mean the post is raping me as I read it?

      1. Are some Christmas Critters coming into your room right now?

  9. Who gives a flying fuck about any of this shit? Fuck, Welch, you’re supposed to be a jounalist, albeit a right-wing hack. Write a defense of BP or something. Jesus Christ!

    1. Are you hungry little fella?

    2. I disagree with the photo’s “Nice form”. I’d give the shadow unicorn a D and the Nixon a B-.

    3. Maxipad ol’ boy, obviously your liberal brothers-in-arms due. It’s their “reporting”.

    4. Max disapproves.

  10. Beloved reader Steve Smith? That really makes me wonder about the Reason’s staff sexual predilections. NTTAWWT

    1. I think it’s more self preservation than sexual preference. Think Mohammed-drawing brouhaha, except with rape instead of bombs.

      1. I love the Steve Smith shout-out. Give Steve credit, he was the inspiration for one of the greatest Hit & Run memes of all time.

        1. Speaking of which, how/when/why the hell did that one start?

          1. Well, I’ll begin by giving most of the credit to SugarFree and Warty, with an assist to someone I’ve never heard of before or since named Bellicose Bradenberg. Toward the end of this thread is a sort of history.

            1. In this thread Steve first raised the ire of some of the regulars, although he hadn’t been anoited with yeti status yet.

              I believe this maybe the first official sighting of Steve the Sasquatch.

  11. I would love to interview one of these writers: “What do you think is Obama’s single greatest quality, or is it simply too presumptuous to single out only one aspect of Obama the man?”

  12. i dont know who is the bigger shithead, plascke or that steve smith guy…

  13. The president may be a damned good basketball player,

    Even in that clip, you can see that he isn’t. He doesn’t casually dribble like a good player. He picks up too much, and he gets slappy when he doesn’t. Guys who’ve spent time moving with a ball don’t do that. Watch the other guy.

    Did Obama force himself to be left-handed when he naturally isn’t? That might explain it (and his “good form” that’s kind of backwards).

    Anyway, in school, he was bench filler on a team of prep-school Hawaiians. Barry, please.

    1. Good points. He doesn’t look athletic at all. He looks like Steve Urkel. The media is taking lessons from the North Korean media. We might as well start calling him dear leader.

      1. Obama isn’t fit to fasten Urkel’s suspenders.

        1. Anybody remember when Urkel slam-dunked with a jetpack?
          That blew my fucking mind.

    2. Cut the poor guy some slack; he is half white after all.

      1. Boom!

        1. +10

    3. He gets no arm extension on his jump shot. He’s not a very tall guy (by basketball standards). He must have gotten his shot blocked a lot before he was POTUS.

      1. He must have gotten his shot blocked a lot before he was POTUS.

        …and after…

    4. There are no “Hawaiians” at Punahou. It’s an elite prep school – the other kids were white, Chinese or Japanese. I don’t know about other sports – but they had a very good soccer program in the 1980s, I had a college buddy who went to Punahou and was recruited to play Division I soccer.

  14. Next up from Aviator Quarterly: Why Barack Obama is the greatest combat pilot to ever call 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue home.

    1. +1 and apt!

      Ford was good enough to have been a pro if he cared to go that path!

    2. And then after that Military History; Why Barrack Obama is the most accomplished military mind ever to occupy the Whitehouse.

      1. We’re getting there:
        http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…..36881.html

      2. “How Obama defeated the Confederacy, the Axis, invented the polio vaccine, and was the first man in space”

        I’m trying to be funny, but the impulse behind such reporting is no laughing matter.

  15. I hope Plaschke has a good dry cleaner. He’s going to need one, to get all the spunk off his blue dress.

    What am I saying? You know he swallowed every drop.

    1. BULLSHIT! All his semen are belong to me!

      1. Tee-hee!! Should I tell her?

  16. Also, Matt you forgot Eisenhower who was an excellent football player for West Point.

    The whole thing shows how desperate and pathetic liberals are. They can never admit that any political figure might be better at something than their heroes. I mean seriously, how pathetic do you have to be to be bothered by the fact that George W. Bush is a better athlete than Obama? How pathetic do you have to be to care?

    1. I think this article just showed us how pathetic, John. And it ain’t pretty.

      1. Seriously, what is it in human nature that makes so many of us ignore reality in their unthinking adoration? I don’t even get how this started in Obama’s case, but it’s a larger problem than him.

    2. I feel sorry for comedy writers. These folks are beyond satire.

    3. Except W wasn’t an athlete, John. He was a cheerleader. A cheerleader. Let that sink in. Even at all male 1960s Yale being a cheerleader was a little “off”. And GHW Bush has always been ashamed of his son for that fact.

      You are correct though that liberals are dumb to make an issue out of Obama’s supposed athletic prowess, or obvious lack thereof.

  17. Sorry, you didn’t fool me. This is not Plashke’s writing – too many multi-sentence paragraphs.

      1. I thought Zell was eliminating paragraphs to save newsprint.

  18. Considering the quality of his Constitutional scholarship, maybe the Oval Office seatwarmer should stick to baseball.

    1. What are you talking about? Even a lowly sports-writing hack like me knows he’s the greatest constitutional scholar to ever inhabit the White House. He knows more about the constitution than any president ever has.

      1. It’s not like a president wrote the thing, after all.

  19. If he dares pretend to be a Blackhawks fan I am going to have a stroke.

    1. Heh, you know it’s coming. I just hope he’s asked to name his favorite Blackhawks player ever… that ought to be amusing.

    2. Get your affairs in order then, they’re in the SC Finals.

  20. Matt, please do us a favor and send this to Ken Burns before he makes another lame “film” with Goodwin footage for the umpteenth time.

  21. Yikes, apparently America’s National Pastime is fellating Obama. I guess you’re nobody in journalism unless you have Obama’s ballprints on your chin.

  22. yes STEVE SMITH all true sox fans are unable to name a player and think they play at COMINSKEY.

    1. It’s funny…apparently it’s been U.S. Cellular Field for 7 years, but I had no idea until I rode past it on a Greyhound.

      1. They blew up Comiskey and replaced it with a mall.

        1. Heh. That must be a badass mall.

          1. Well, instead of a fountain in the middle, they have a baseball diamond.

        2. You mean the park, or Charles Comiskey himself?

  23. Matt Welch, Voros McCracken, and I are among the rare overlap between Reason and Baseball Think Factory. And I can’t wait to see what BBTF makes of this.

    1. Oh, there are more….

      1. I keep waiting for Nieporent or Szymborski to show up around here…

        1. Apparently Tango (or was it mgl?) is a big libertoid. Which probably explains a lot.

        2. And thanks for the link!

          1. Don’t thank me too soon — you might end up stabbed in the neck for my troubles. Those Primates can be a surly bunch.

            1. Christ, I didn’t remember having so many enemies there! (I mean, besides Danny.) Though in fairness my political stuff rarely gets linked there, and when it does it’s usually steroids-related.

              1. Yeah…just think about it: if more Primates knew Voros was a libertarian I’m betting that DIPS would have been soundly rejected by the community.

    2. I’m here too, although I rarely post at either site. They are both on my daily list of check-in sites.

  24. I am a White Sox fan and I can probably name most of the players on the Oakland A’s of the 1970’s; heck, I can remember the ex-CUBS on those A’s teams? Who could forget names like Vida Blue and Catfish Hunter anyway? Wonder if Barry O can name 2 others?

    Hell, I’ll remember Bill Melton forever just because he nailed Barbara Eden.

    1. Dodgers fan here – same age as Obama. Off the top of my head:
      Fosse, Tenace, Epstein, Green, Andrews, Campy, Bando, Reggie, Rudi, North,
      Blue Moon, Holtzman, Lindblad, Rollie.

      NONE of these guys came to mind?

      1. Those are early-70’s Oakland A’s, not White Sox; it’s the difference between knowing the players on the best team in baseball and those on a perennial second-division team from the same era. And the question the Prez was asked was to name his favorite player from on the Sox from that period, not just “name a player.”

        FWIW, Nixon supposedly called plays for whichever team was hot at the time. He also picked a play that Don Shula supposedly ran in Super Bowl VI.

        1. DADDY!!!!!JR. WANT DADDY TO TAKE JR. TO BASEBALL PARK!!!!!JR. WANT DADDY TO HIT GRAND SLAM OF RAPE! TEACH JR. HOW TO MAKE HOT DOG OUT OF HIKER!

        2. Top o’ my head ’70s Chisox include: Dick Allen, Bill Melton, Wilbur Wood, Brian Downing, Goose Gossage … more importantly, the correct answer to the question is something like “I was actually an X fan growing up, and my favorite players were Huey, Dewey, and Loiue. Once I became a Sox fan, it was all about the Bull, Lamar Hoyt, and Harold Baines. That, and the shorts.” Not so hard.

          1. Bill Melton was a pretty good third baseman and hit 33 dingers in 1971.

            What about Chet Lemon? Francisco Barios? I once saw Chet take an extra base hit from Jim Rice at Fenway. I loved Chet’s game.

            1. I was trying to think of the guys in pink pinstripes. Jay Johnstone, Ken Berry, Stan Bahnsen…. Wasn’t Jorge Orta over there, too?

              1. Remember, he wasn’t asked to name a player, any player. He was asked to say who is favorite player on the Sox was when he was a kid. Like most non-Chisox fans of the 70’s, he didn’t have one, and admitting he didn’t is the only answer a true baseball fan could give.

        3. Those are players from his favorite team when he was 12, 13 and 14. The last team to win 3 consecutive world championships. The “south side kid” could have said, well I was an A’s fan growing up and I rooted for Reggie and Catfish and Bando. The “south side kid” could have said, I didn’t start rooting for the Sox until the nineties, but I liked Big Frank or Ozzie or Ventura or Black Jack. Instead, the only baseball name he dropped was Reinsdorf. In all the occasions he visited “Cominsky” park, I doubt he spent more than 10 minutes observing baseball for all the time he spent gladhanding in the owner’s box.

        4. I am a lifetime Yankee fan and I can name lots of Yankees from the middling 1980s teams. Mattingly, Guidry, Randolph, Ed Whitson, Dave Rigetti, Dave Winfield, Rickey Henderson.

          Hell I can name Nebraska football players going back to the 70s. If you are a real fan, rather than a geek from Hawaii pretending to be one.

          1. Do you remember what Winfield hit in the 1981 world series? He was 1 for 22.

            How about Steve Sax? Rick Cerone? Roberto Kelly? Not to mention Billy Martin and Art Fowler. If memory serves me right, didn’t Murcer play into the early 1980s? Roy White?

            1. I’ll never forget Righetti’s July 4th no-hitter. Messrs. Boggs, Rice and Evans were overmatched that day.

            2. Yeah. Murcer played into the very early 90s. I remember him going like 4 for five the Monday after going to Thurman Munson’s funeral in 1979.

              Cerone was the replacement for Munson. Then there was Roy Smalley. The Yankees gave up a young Greg Gagne and Ron Davis for him. Kelly came along later. He came up in the late 1980s and was later traded to Cincinatti in the Paul O’Neil deal in 1993. The difference between the 80s Yankees and 90s Yankees right there in two trades. In the 80s they traded for the likes of Roy Smalley and gave up players like Jay Buhner and Greg Gagne. In the 90s they gave up players like Kelly and got players like O’Neil.

              1. I mean early 80s. Murcer played into the early 80s

      2. Wilbur Wood once pitched both games of a double header. You think something like that would stick in your memory.

        1. He started in both games of a doubleheader? That’s stunning. I thought that kind of stuff ended well before his time.

          1. I think it was in 1973. That was a very good year for ole Wilbur.

          2. He was a knuckleballer. When you’re throwing at 60 mph, you can bust the pitch count a little.

  25. And now he’s pushing LeBron James to Chicago just like most of the rest of us.

    In other words, Cleveland, fuck you.

    1. Fuck you, America: Cleveland says.

  26. The previous two presidents both used to play rugby: Clinton played as a lock when he was at Oxford, and George W. played fullback for Yale.

  27. I’m pretty sure that 43 played soccer, too, like his daddy.

  28. GWB played college rugby.

    Albert with the save.

    You have to give the press a break. It’s been a while since they had a knob to slobber on. They have a lot of pent up lovin’ to dispose of.

  29. Shame on Matt Welch. The comment about him being a “penis eater” is inappropriate. It just perpetuates the stereotype that gay men don’t enjoy sports. I expect better than ad hominem attacks from Reason writers.

    1. No, he’s actually eaten penis before.

      I’m offended by your suggestion that gay men consume penises, and I’m not even gay!

    2. Yeah, follow the link, which will take you to a Bill Plaschke video in which he gleefully describes eating penis in China.

      1. I thought you were talking about Thomas Friedman until I read that a second time.

      2. i did follow the link when I first read the post and did see that he did, in fact, eat penis. but i thought then (and still think) that the homo-erotic link between sucking c**k and being gay and sports is inappropriate in an intelligent publication.

    3. If you’re really looking for something to be offended about (and it’s clear that you are) I would be more concerned about any association between gays and Plaschke.

      1. Hugh Akston for the win.

  30. “Obama seems to be a real fan who is not afraid to let his emotions as a fan come out,” said presidential historian and sports nut Doris Kearns Goodwin. “Other presidents were always worried about making another team mad, they were always like, ‘I’m for everybody,’ but not Obama. He speaks a like true fan, and I think true fans really appreciate it.”

    The 2001 superbowl was NY v. Baltimore. During the pregame, sitting prez. GWB was interviewed. When asked which team he supported, he replied, “Neither. I’m a Cowboys fan.”

  31. The comment about him being a “penis eater” is inappropriate. It just perpetuates the stereotype that gay men don’t enjoy sports. I expect better than ad hominem attacks from Reason writers.

    Penis Eater means gay?

    I thought it meant he killed his enemies and ate their penises to capture their power.

    1. That’s the snuff version of Highlander. When they say “There can be only one,” they weren’t kidding!

  32. One more reason to be glad that Stephen Ambrose is dead.

    At least we’ve never had to hear that blowhard tell us about BHO’s greatness.

    1. Blowhard and plagiarist . . .

  33. http://www.hoopfeed.com/conten…..211994.jpg

    and gerald ford was an all-american lineman who was offered a contract by the green bay packers

    1. Yes – best Presidential athlete ever, and probably most decent human being to hold the office since Eisenhower. Slandered in the public memory by Chevy Chase.

  34. Lesson learned: never let cheerleaders become president.

    1. I glad you didn’t exclude basketball players too.

      1. nothing but net!

  35. Other presidents were always worried about making another team mad, they were always like, ‘I’m for everybody,’ but not Obama

    Let me explain an unwritten rule for politicians in Chicago. You must be a fan of either the Cubs or the Sox. You can’t say you like them both. Any politician who says he is for both would be immediately branded as a phony and a panderer.

    So it really isn’t remarkable that BHO claims loyalty to only one team.

    1. Wouldn’t a true Chisox fan brand as phony any politician who, notwithstanding the fact that he claims to be part of Chisox nation, can not name even one player for the southsiders?

      1. Wait a second–ChiSox. . .ChiCom? Oh, dear Lord.

        Thus are conspiracy theories born. Follow the baseball.

      2. You are correct, Liberty Mike, BHO was labeled a phony for his inability to name even 1 sox player.

        I was merely pointing out that all Chicago politicians know that they must swear allegiance to only 1 team.

  36. Wait? Now cheerleaders are sports fans? I thought they just blew athletes and didn’t care about the game on the field.

    1. That is the dance team. Cheerleaders are more gymnists. Ever seen the guns on the male cheerleaders?

      1. Doesn’t mean they’re sports fans. The vast majority of cheerleaders I knew were there for status / the outfits / access to athletes. The sports fans played actual sports. Also, if I’m looking at cheerleaders, it’s not the dudes I’m checking out.

        1. I knew several female cheerleaders in college. They were former gymnists and very serious athletes and sports fans. I wouldn’t call cheerleading a sport. But the people who do it, at least at teh college level are serious athletes and take it very seriously. They get scholarships to do it.

          1. They also suffer some pretty serious injuries – I think on a par with football itself.

            1. Cheerleading has a worse injury rate than football.

              1. Yale cheerleading in the 1960s was hardly athletic. Basically you ran around with a megaphone trying to get the fans to sing fight songs. Boola boola.

    2. I’m gumma fuck all uh ya!

  37. you are f&%king kidding me. Evaluating President based on ability to throw ceremonial first pitch in meaningless baseball game. WTF are you “libertarians” on about?

    1. No, we evaluate him on favoring the increased govt-control solution to every problem (including some problems that are not problems) and his perfect record of breaking the few campaign promises we found appealing.

      And then we make fun of his inability to throw a baseball 54 feet to within 10 feet of home plate.

      1. You ain’t no American man if you can’t throw a fucking strike in your 40s.

      2. At least he had the sense to not toss it underhanded.

    2. If you think it’s tedious when people go on and on about Presidents and their pitches, just wait until a woman gets elected President. Gawwwd, the blathering about whether she MUST throw out the first pitch and the quality and form if she does so and the double standard if she doesn’t … I think I want an amendment preventing women from being POTUS.

      1. When my daughter is president in 2035, she’ll throw underhand from 43′ (58mph riseball). In the booth she’ll take about 3 nanoseconds to name-check Jamee Jaurez and Sam Marder.

        1. Damn – Juarez

    3. You have to be kidding me. You didn’t read the fucking column where some dipshit TEAM BLUE columnist fellated the “first fan” and started all this? Fuck you, jon. RTFA or STFU, you cuntsore sack of puss.

      1. Damn threaded comments, that was a reply to jonc, not Sarah.

        1. Calling a woman a cuntsore is usually deprecated by Miss Manners. See, it’s right here, on page 71.

  38. This Obama is an ubersportsman stuff is like all the stuff I’ve seen about foodies saying oh, cool, he’s so foodie, our first foodie president, Rick Bayless in the White House, yada yada. Well, I happen to know a fair amount about how they eat. SHE’s a foodie, he gets dragged along and orders broiled fish and steamed vegetables. (That’s how you stay rail thin in your late 40s.) He could care less about food, won’t touch junk food, any photo op at Ben’s Chili Bowl or whatever, is just that. But people have this need to believe he understands their love for this and that and would be just like them, would like what they like.

    1. One of the rules of marriage: when the wife is on a diet, everyone is on a diet.

      1. Corollary: Husband cheats on diet when wife isn’t looking.

  39. I can’t stop staring at that animated committee-designed crocodile.

  40. Why make such a fuss on who can throw better? Will the economy get better if the other threw it perfectly? Sheesh.

    Dee – Woodworking Plans

  41. Why make such a fuss on who can throw better? Will the economy get better if the other threw it perfectly? Sheesh.

    Dee – Woodworking Plans

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