Denial of the Day

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The British Royal Navy "does not maintain any form of central repository of information purely devoted to sea monsters."

NEXT: Because the Key to Wireless Competition is More Bureaucracy

Books Editor Jesse Walker is the author of Rebels on the Air and The United States of Paranoia.

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  1. Steve

    Thank You for posting this! I really like your blog – keep up the great work!!

    Common Cents
    http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com

  2. Steve

    Thank You for posting this! I really like your blog – keep up the great work!!

    Common Cents
    http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com

  3. Death Panelist

    Glitch in the matrix.

  4. J sub D

    It’s a subset of the space alien data repository.

    1. Marc

      Rats, I was about to say something functionally equivalent.

  5. Admiral Akbar

    It’s a trap!!!

    1. Mon Mothma

      Did you convert to Islam, Admiral?

      1. Admiral Akbar

        Muhhammed is my prophet, PBUH!

        *I may have also forgotten to look up the spelling, but now I have a handle, so…

        1. heller

          It’s a trap!

          Seriously it is a trap; they’ll probably close this thread since Mohammed was mentioned.

  6. Lost_In_Translation

    Of course they don’t. That’s Captain Nemo’s job.

  7. The Other Kevin

    In the US, however, DHS does have a central Sea Monster Repository that was created under the Patriot Act. None of our liberal friends seem to have any problem with THAT, either.

    1. John

      It is a part of the US IDENT system. By 2015, congress requires all sea monsters to have biometric identification cards before entering US waters.

      1. J sub D

        You don’t want Mexican sea monsters coming here and taking jobs away from American sea monsters, do you?

        Illegal sea monsters will work on a Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea set for longer hours and at half the pay of a patriotic taxpaying native born sea monster. Plus they send their sea spawn to public aquariums to get educated at taxpayer expense.

        1. MNG

          well done J sub, lol

        2. Brett L

          It all started with the Chupacabras.

  8. The Prophet Mohammed

    Many of the fuqaha speak of mermaids, and all dead creatures from the sea are halaal. Do I have to spell it out?

    FA’AP

    1. heller

      FAP?

  9. fresno dan

    Deconstruction:
    The British Royal Navy
    There is no British Royal Navy – its her majesty’s Roay Navy

    “does not maintain”
    No, rather they receive reports, copy, collate, analyse, etcetera, but do not “maintain”

    “any form”
    They only have 3 forms

    “of central repository”
    It is a dispersed repository lest valuable Cracken eggs be destroyed

    “of information purely devoted”
    It is not pure, as it contains a collection of dirty limmericks

    “to sea monsters.”
    It is not “sea monsters” but differentially anabolized ocean dwelling creatures that can crush London in one toe print.

    Honestly, if you guys don’t apply some critial thinking you will never get to the truth.

    1. Angry Bear

      Somebody remembered to pack his secret decoder ring.

      1. MI5

        He won’t need it for long…

      2. mr simple

        It didn’t help him translate Kraken correctly.

    2. db

      “does not maintain any form of central repository of information purely devoted to sea monsters.”

      Just like the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania does not “maintain” a registry of firearms purchased in the state. It simply adds new records to the registry that was established prior to the law that made it illegal for the Commonwealth to “maintain” such a registry.

  10. Angry Bear

    YOU LIE!

  11. Clegg is honouring Godzilla’s right to privacy.

  12. P Brooks

    They wouldn’t bother to deny it if it wasn’t true!!

  13. Nick Donaldson

    Why not? What are they trying to hide, hm?

  14. EJM

    The British Royal Navy “does not maintain any form of central repository of information purely devoted to sea monsters.”

    “However, as far as Sea Devils are concerned–well, that’s a different story.”

  15. and may I take this opportunity of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy. Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than we are prepared to admit, but all new ratings are warned that if they wake up in the morning and find any toothmarks at all anywhere on their bodies, they’re to tell me immediately so that I can immediately take every measure to hush the whole thing up. And, finally, necrophilia is right out. (the interviewer keeps nodding but looks embarrassed) Now, this expedition is primarily to investigate reports of cannibalism and necrophilia in… this expedition is primarily to investigate reports of unusual marine life in the as yet uncharted Lake Pahoe.

    1. I believe the RAF now suffers the most casualties in this area. 🙂

  16. Didn’t Brody’s Law require all convicted sea monsters to register their address with local law enforcement, who would post that so that citizens could be aware that they have a potential aquatic predator living in their neighborhoods?

    Some states even require all predators to live more than 1000 feet from places where children may congregate, such as public beaches, public pools, and Weeki Wachee.

  17. Somali Pirate

    Whew! One less thing to worry about.

  18. Todd Fletcher

    There is also absolutely no cannibalism or necrophilia in the new British Navy.

    1. It is well known that we now have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the RAF who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden. Arabs?

  19. Max

    Here’s another denial:

    Jesse walker denies that he’s running out of ideas for posts.

    1. heller

      Here’s another denial:

      Max denies that absolutely no one gives a flying fuck about what he has to say.

      1. wylie

        Because the post certainly couldn’t be appropriate today, to bring a lil levity to what is otherwise shaping up as a religious war.

  20. Ron L

    “And you can’t disprove it!”
    Keith what’s-his-name

  21. JIm Dean

    Wow, I would have to agree. SOme serious denial indeed. Wow.

    Lou
    http://www.web-anonymity.cz.tc

  22. Tim

    Obama’s refusal to produce his birth certificate ties right into this, I think.

    1. AlmightyJB

      I really don’t know why I’m responding to this but Obama did produce his Birth Certificate. A copy of it was available for all to see on newssites. For those that say that a “Certification of Live Birth” is not the same as an “official” birth certificate but something else, it is identical my wife’s Birth Certificate who was also born in Hawaii.

      http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2008/born_in_the_usa.html

      http://latimesblogs.latimes.co…..birth.html

  23. The reason magazine staff “does not maintain any form of policy purely devoted to deleting comments that might offend Muslims.”

  24. Kraken

    You’ll never get me Bitches!

  25. Douglas Fletcher

    The only sea monster I encountered when sailing for God & Country was known as “Captain.” Major asshole.

  26. We are hiding nothing, comrades! *chortle*

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