The Would-Be Housing Crisis Terrorist

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As Matt Welch noted, Mayor Michael Bloomberg suggested yesterday that the failed Times Square bomb plot was, if he "had to guess," likely "Homegrown, or maybe a mentally deranged person, or somebody with a political agenda that doesn't like the health care bill or something." Or menu labeling. Or that his bodega smokes are so expensive.

Now that a deranged Pakistani-American with a political agenda (one presumes) has been detained, CNN did some honest to goodness journalism and discovered that—wait for it—suspected bomber Faisal Shahzad is a deadbeat that failed to make payments on his mortgage. This, says the blow-dried bozo in Atlanta, likely "brought alot of pressure and alot of heartache" and could have motivated him to take his revenge on the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. Watch Mr. CNN's trenchant analysis:

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  1. I betcha some restaurant put some salt in his food, too.

    1. Did they check his sandwich for trans-fats.

      1. You go too far!

  2. This means we need to detain and waterboard every deadbeat in the country. We should start with the ones that have the most to lose, and also have the means to leave the country easily.

    Congress, right this way please…

    1. Yeah, deadbeats like rich people who dare to deprive us of the rest of their money to spend as we will. Fuckers!

    2. No, no, no… To forestall further violence, the government should pay off the loans of anyone behind on their mortgage.

      Those not behind in their payments can go fuck themselves with a leaf rake.

      1. Why “pay” for anything? Why not declare all mortgages against public policy and void them all together?

        1. Well, first off it can’t be all mortgages… that would benefit responsible people who bought a house they could afford. And second, even if we did declare them void, we’d end up giving an equivalent amount of money to the banks to keep them solvent anyway.

          Only a direct cash transfer from the responsible to the irresponsible will do the trick.

          1. I find your repeated use of the word “responsible” to be demeaning, racist, and elitist.

            1. IOW, irreponible.

      2. To forestall further violence, the government should pay off the loans of anyone behind on their mortgage.

        Do you appease a tiger by throwing steaks at him? Get the hell out of here with that weaksauce. We need to go full retard on these assbags.

        You are entitled to your own opinion, but not your own farts.

        1. You are entitled to your own opinion, but not your own farts.

          R.C.’z Law?

          1. You are entitled to your own opinion, but not your own farts.

            Check your mailbox when you get home.

            1. Threading fail. That was for sage.

            2. I love mail!

              1. Spoiler alert: I ate a dozen hardboiled eggs first.

                1. Hey, egging a mailbox is a federal crime.

                  Maybe I’ll have my neighbor get it for me.

                2. Only a dozen? I ate fifty

              2. And NutraSweet loves fail! It’s a match made in heaven. Also, he farts a lot.

      3. Ow.

  3. The creation of the Consumer Financial Protection Agency will end such acts of desperation in America. Everyone deserves a home. Everyone.

    1. And not just any old home will do. It must be home that never goes down in value.

      1. Oh, good point. Yes, it must always increase, like the deficit. In fact, the rate of increase should be pegged to the National Deficit Rate.

        1. That’s some sweet twisted logic there.

          1. That’s all that’s left to us. Regular logic was banned in a recent bill.

            1. But, they promised to put it back in with the “logic fix.”

              No doubt the GOP will be against that too.

              1. REGULAR LOGIC IS TEH RIGHT!

                HUURRRRR DURRRRR!

  4. He faced “a lot of heartache” from his house being foreclosed.

    Who would have guessed that free market libertarians were at the root of this bombing attempt?

    1. I told you the teabaggers would be responsible for this. They are violent, racist, sexist, rright wing extremists who must be locked in labor and reeducation camps and deprived of food and water until they realize the plight of the common Pakistani man.

    2. Libertarians are responsible for EVERYTHING BAD, dude. Get your facts straight.

      1. I think what you meant to say is “get your farts straight”, buddy.

      2. Dead puppies and rainy Saturdays and girls who insist on two condoms. All these things are the fault of libertarians.

        1. At least they don’t blame us for those horrid furless cats.

  5. How silly. We all know that in an economic system that produces winners and losers that the losers will just go peacefully into the night.

    Now, the rich guy who doesn’t want to pay taxes and flies his airplane into government buildings, he had a legit beef.

    1. We all know than in an economic system that produces winners in which winners produce…

      FTFY.

      1. Oh, I forgot that the rich guys do it all by themselves.

        1. Well, really rich people have valets/maids who assist with the disrobing, the mounting, and the clean up.

          1. I hereby designate PL’s crude humor:

            THREADWINNER.

            1. Hey, Dan went there first.

              1. High quality from Pro Lib.

      2. Zero-sum game huh? Tired.

    2. losers will just go peacefully into the night.

      Well? What are you waiting for?

      1. ZING! That wuz a wicked burn.

        1. That burn was too good. Hell, I think JW caused Dan T. to rapidly combust.

    3. Well, yeah.

      Considering the fact that the “beef” people defaulting on their mortgage have is “Someone gave us hundreds of thousands of dollars, and we kept it and gave them nothing back! The system SCREWED us!”

      1. Why is it that so few people see this equation? It is painfully obvious – so much so that it is like nails on a chalkboard when a “journalist” is repeating the mantra of the poor homeowner who got taken advantage of. Yet nobody outside of our quirky band seems to recognize that fact.

    4. Good thing communism didn’t produce any “losers”. Too bad you don’t join them.

    5. Why have a system of winners and losers when we could ALL be losers??!!

  6. Well, if I am going to blow up Times Square, I am sure I will conscientiously make all my mortgage payments in the months leading up to planting the bomb.

  7. I thought I was the only one tempted, after getting that overdue credit card bill, to rig an SUV with explosives and park it on a busy street.

    1. You just made my list.

      1. Lighten up, Francis.

  8. “alot”… twice? With no ‘(sic)’?

    1. That’s right. It should’ve read “slut” not “alot.”

  9. Oh, Wall Street greed, is there any evil you won’t spawn?

  10. They only hate us because we foreclose on their houses.

    1. OK, that one was amusing.

  11. Well, if I am going to blow up Times Square, I am sure I will conscientiously make all my mortgage payments in the months leading up to planting the bomb.

    Timothy McVeigh also trafficked in the white-supremacist rhetoric of cause and effect.

    1. Nice. You just Reno’d the thread.

      1. Remo’d the thread? The humble cent sign has mastered the inner secrets of The House of Sinanju?

        1. The Destroyer!

          1. I have the first 50 novels.

            1. Really? I am envious. I’ve read the first one, but my library lacks the next few. I suppose I could go on an Amazon rampage to acquire the rest.

              That, or you could scan your books and send the copies to me.

              1. Yeah, that would only take forever.

                But you can get them supercheap, usually for the cost of shipping. The two guys who created the series only wrote the first 50 (or so, information is unreliable.) Like The Executioner, quality dropped off sharply after they turned it over to hacks.

                I collected mine as a kid, Evansville had a really good used bookstore for that and science fiction. And they were a comic book store and video rental place. I tried to live there, as one might imagine.

                1. I checked eBay, the only lot of books for sale right now only has three pre-50 books.

                  1. Khaaaan!

                2. NutraSweet is an Eville boy? Interesting. Holy shit—are you talking about the Book Broker? I live like a mile from there. Well. I did.

                  1. Yes! The Book Broker. Although I’m from Henderson. But I worked in Evansville for a few years and dated a girl from Newburgh for a while.

        2. “You move like pregnant yak.”

          1. For the record, I like the movie, too. Joel Grey did the best wise, insulting Asian ever by a non-Asian.

            The wisest, insulting Asian character of all time, of course, was David Lo Pan.

            1. You sexist pig! It’s typical you would overlook Kate Mulgrew’s breakout role.

              1. Note her lack of smoky voice in that film.

                You left out Wilford.

                1. You wanker. Wilford’s breakout role was The Thing. You’re not fooling anyone throwing the old man out there to try to distract us from your glaring omission.

                  1. I guess it’s just time to say I didn’t find Kate as critical to the film as Fred and Joel.

                    1. I should have known you were a kateist.

                    2. Yeah. I don’t even care for Star Trek: Voyager!

            2. You might want to see The Hatchet Man sometime; the main character is a member of a Tong clan played by… Edward G. Robinson. And he’s married to equally white-bread Loretta Young.

              Perhaps more interesting is Dragon Seed, a 1944 movie about how the Japanese are oppressing the Chinese. Leading the village uprising against the Japanese is… Katharine Hepburn! Her father is played by Walter Huston, and she’s got a cousin and his wife played by Henry Travers (Clarence the angel from It’s a Wonderful Life) and Agnes Moorehead. Yes, they had good intentions, but….

    2. Cause and effect is a white racist construct? Who knew?

      1. Cause and effect re: human behavior with no volition or realistic choice involved on the part of the “victim”-turned-perp is the sort of ideology demagogues traffic in, if I’m recalling correctly.

        1. Free will as myth is an essential belief for technocrats, because it justifies their intrusive and paternalistic measures.

  12. Jerry Seinfeld is very bad man. Very bad!

  13. “I think it’s time for us to look at whether we want to amend that law to apply it to American citizens who choose to become affiliated with foreign terrorist organizations, whether they should not also be deprived automatically of their citizenship, and therefore be deprived of rights that come with that citizenship when they are apprehended and charged with a terrorist act.”

  14. Maybe he was just one of these people who really, rabidly hates “Forrest Gump”

    I, for one, find the Bubba Gump brand kind of baffling. Who wants their restaurant name to have tragic overtones? It’s like opening a chain of “Old Yeller” pet shops, or marketing the “Joad Family” pickup truck.

    1. Seriously, if one franchise deserves to be bombed, it’s Bubba Gump (or, ideally, you have a Bubba Gump, a Planet Hollywood and a Rain Forest Cafe all in a row and you bomb the whole damn block). Here in Chicago there’s a Bubba Gump on Navy Pier and the thought of a tourist coming to Chicago only to eat at Bubba Gump makes me sad–as does the thought of tourists eating deep dish from Uno.

      1. Rain Forest Cafe

        I’ve had to eat in one of those fucking things twice because of my relatives and in-laws. If the eco-retard theme wasn’t bad enough, the food was really, really shitty. Like sub-Applebee’s shitty.

        1. Heh. I can recall almost getting into a tussle with the missus over going to one of those. I steadfastly refused.

          It’s like a theme park for people with bad head injuries.

        2. I had to walk past a Rainforest Cafe in the mall recently. Sweet fancy Moses, that place emanates pure nausea. Doesn’t not having kids exempt one from that kind of torture?

          1. The second time we went, my wife played sick and just ordered a Diet Coke. she leaned over later and asked “How hard do you have to work to fuck up a Diet Coke?”

            Opry Mills outside of Nashville has a number of horrifying restaurants, including a NASCAR Cafe.

            1. Well Opry Mills is under about 10 feet of water now so there won’t be any food serving (bad or otherwise) going on there for a good while.

        3. A-men brother! I have small kids, so we end up at Rainforest from time to time. What crappy food they have. The decor isn’t even all that well done when seen up close. Their sister restaurant with a dinosaur theme is much more advanced. But the food still sucks massively. How hard is it to make decent food?

          And how dumb am I? I keep forgetting that their cajun jambalaya thing isn’t cajun or jambalaya and I’ve gotten food poisoning off of it twice. At least I learned not to order it after the second time. I gave up on my “we’re never going back to that dump” edict pretty quickly – sometimes you gotta take one for the team.

        4. “Like sub-Applebee’s shitty.”

          So Chili’s shitty then?

      2. Eating deep dish just makes you stupid, dude. No matter where it’s from. Look how stupid ProL is.

        1. WTF? Chicago deep dish is great. I don’t care if you’re Italian, you can’t tell us what kinds of pizzas are acceptable!

          1. I can…and will.

            1. Just like some people can. . .and will watch Michael Bay movies.

            2. As a former Chicagoan in my youth, I must tell you to die for you blasphemy.

              1. “And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.”

          2. While I will defend both deep dish (Connie’s is the best with Geno’s East a close #2) and stuffed (Giordano’s), I always feel the need to point out that deep dish is not “every week” pizza for the typical Chicagoan. To me, the true Chicago-style pizza is thin crust. I never realized it’s different than thin crust pizza elsewhere until I moved to Colorado. It’s hard to objectively explain the difference (other than the fact that it’s cut into squares) but it really is unique. Some of the better chains are Home Run Inn and Rosati’s, but for my money the best thin crust in the city is Phil’s on 35th just west of Morgan (near U.S. Cellular Field).

          3. Even being from Chicago…

            Deep dish pizza sucks. Stop being a whore of your geographical location’s customs.

          4. If you are ever in this neck of the woods (Greensboro) Art, look up a franchise called Bill’s Pizza Pub, however, it is best not to have any expectations when you do so. Don’t expect anything yours or Epi would define as pizza. Just order the product, and keep in mind the words used are more like homonyms 😉 of the ones you are used to (‘pizza’,’cheese’,’crust’).

            A description: The cheese is like some gelatinous mass, that will remind you of an illustration from the original AD&D Monster Manual. The Italian Sausage looks like rat turds. The crust is more like a cracker stretched out in the x and y Cartesian coordinated but not in the z.

            The taste, well, it is a truism that ALL men love this place, and ALL women hate it, because the this ‘pizza’ taste like beer with a shocking after taste of black pepper.

            However, if you want real Italian pizza, a franchise called Elizabeth’s is good enough. A chain created by a Sicilian who just passed away a week ago.

            I’m sure it would meet with even Epi’s approval as one of the amenities of the restaurant is the sound of the Italian language being shouted back and forth in the kitchen.

            Don’t get the calamari though. I make better calamari. I make better pizza, too, but that is another story.

            1. blasted! I hit submit when I meant to hit preview. Pardonne the errors.

      3. Add a Hard Rock Cafe to that restaurant row, please. Who eats at these kinds of places?

        1. At least Hard Rock Cafe generally has good burgers and plays good music. That being said, I’m still not sure why I would ever choose to go to one.

    2. Until today, I had no idea that there was actually a restaurant chain named “Bubba Gump.”

      I think I’m with the terrorists on this one.

      1. I first saw one at the Navy Pier, like ClubMedSux mentioned. Being severely allergic to shrimp, I walked around it warily, like I would a lake of boiling acid.

        I must remember to beat my sister-in-law for making us go to the Navy Pier.

      2. SECURITY!!

  15. the blow-dried bozo in Atlanta

    I thought for sure it was going to be Rick Sanchez.

  16. “Now that a deranged Pakistani-American with a political agenda (one presumes) has been detained, CNN did some honest to goodness journalism and discovered that?wait for it?suspected bomber Faisal Shahzad is a deadbeat that failed to make payments on his mortgage. This, says the blow-dried bozo in Atlanta, likely “brought alot of pressure and alot of heartache” and could have motivated him to take his revenge on the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company”

    Hmmmm.

    This sounds like a variation of the creaky old theory of “poverty is the root cause of crime” that liberals have been peddling for about half a century or so.

    And without a shred of proof to back any of it up, of course.

  17. girls who insist on two condoms.

    What the…?

    Is this what constitutes a double-bagger in the twenty-first century?

  18. Well, Ignore The trolls Tuesday can’t be called a complete success because many peeps decided to play ball with the most ignorant Dan T.

    How ’bout tomorrow we make it Share a Recipe With a Troll Wednesday where we give out our favorite recipes to the trolls instead letting them bait us?

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