Family Issues

Remember All Those Jokes About Gay Marriage Leading to Gay Divorce? Well, That's Not Gonna Happen in Texas

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After the joy of a wedding and the adoption of a baby came arguments that couldn't be resolved, leading Angelique Naylor to file for divorce. That left her fighting both the woman she married in Massachusetts and the state of Texas, which says a union granted in a state where same-sex marriage is legal can't be dissolved with a divorce in a state where it's not.

A judge in Austin granted the divorce, but Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott is appealing the decision. He also is appealing a divorce granted to a gay couple in Dallas, saying protecting the "traditional definition of marriage" means doing the same for divorce.

A state appeals court is scheduled to hear arguments in the Dallas case on Wednesday.

More here.

Curiously, as of 2004, Texas had a significantly higher divorce rate than Massachusetts.

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  1. Texas had a significantly higher divorce rate than Massachusetts.

    Remember the B side? “All my asses live in Massa(chusetts)”

    1. There more willing to put up with assholes in Massachusetts, I guess.

      1. They’re called “Massholes”.

        1. Epi, are you aware that I killed you? ;^)

          1. That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die.

            1. ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

            2. For some reason the spam filter thinks that: “ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” is spam.

              1. Worst spam filter ever. I had to redo a fairly long post the other day, and all I changed from the first attempt was to put a hyphen in one word.

                1. I hate the spam filter.

                  I friggin’ despise the nested, threaded, convoluted comments.

            3. Remember the other day when I Rx Diazepam and MSO4 IV stat? You threw oxy in the mix. MSO4 is morphine sulfate.

              Yesterday I posted a joke “proof” that you since died from the overdose, and since ghosts do not exist, your subsequent posts were frauds.

              I got a couple of horrified responses. Humor is SO subjective. LOL

              1. I saw that. I appreciated it. I just didn’t have time to post a response.

                Also, I can do a shitload of opiates. I spent one day in the hospital maxing out my morphine drip (the day before they were going to take it away) which they had set at a moderately high level, and man, after about 6 hours of doing that, I was so fucking high I though I was melting into the bed. Even Airwolf reruns seemed great at that point.

                1. Same here.

                  You will appreciate this story.

                  I was in hospital with a handful of fractured ribs one time, one of which was threatening to deflate a lung.

                  Dr. wanted me “kept quiet”, so they were bombing my ass with 75mg of Demerol IV every 3 hours. My tolerance is so high that I was wide awake the whole time, but was firmly in (so to speak) the grasp of Morpheus.

                  I was watching the tube, and an old I Love Lucy rerun was on. The nurse came in and talked to me, and when I looked back at the tube, the 2nd quarter of a basketball game was on.

                  I had hallucinated the entire Lucy episode from some deep recess in my memory banks.

                  1. Maybe Weird Al’s “Ricky” video was on. Ever think of that?

                2. Airwolf is always great.

                  1. The kid in me would like to believe that, but…no. Same for A-Team, Knight Rider, Dukes of Hazard, etc. Really, only Magnum holds up.

                  2. Until they had those two nobodies replace Hawk and Dominic.

                3. In the Hit & Run TV series (HBO), the part of Episiarch will be played by Hugh Laurie.

                  1. I have become very annoyed with the retarded, sophomoric treatment of pain management, drugs, and addiction on House, and the most recent one (directed by Laurie), was terrible.

                    Never, ever, ever let actors direct. Just don’t do it. As Hitchcock said: actors should be treated like cattle.

                    1. Are you suggesting that the quality of TV shows goes into the toilet when the STAR directs???

                    2. Wow, first (correctly) praising Magnum, next exposing the abomination that is the actor/director. Still, I think Hugh could play you pretty well. He’s got other relevant points besides his character’s impossible tolerance for drugs.

                    3. Uh, no, he’s not remotely good-looking enough.

                    4. Ohh crap. If there is a H&R TV show then I am yeoman Johnson…first landing party? I’ll pass, thanks.

                      Maybe you’re the plucky comic relief

                    5. We’ve established this before: I’m the looks, NutraSweet is the brains, Naga is the wildcard, Warty is the muscle, and Dagny’s the useless chick.

                  2. I’m thinking Walton Goggins as SugarFree. Who would play Warty?

                    1. J.T. Walsh as Warty? Note that it’s appropriate that he’s dead.

                      You want Shane for NutraSweet? Well, I guess since he does have a thing for young black girls…

                    2. Unfortunately for you, then, Nick has made me the casting director.

                      Before you start talking about rights, you probably failed to read the terms and conditions of this blog when they were posted, particularly the parts about you waiving any copyrights, right of publicity, or right to your precious bodily fluids.

                      Oh, and Warty has already been cast. It’s Tracey Walter, folks.

                    3. Poor Warty. I think he’d prefer my choice.

                      And sorry, ProL, but it’s in my contract that only I play myself.

                    4. I had envisioned Mickey Rourke as me, and Chris Tucker as Epi. “Look at me! I’m all sassy and stuff!”

                    5. I’m thinking DJ Qualls for Naga, and ProL’s guest appearance would be played by Corky from Life Goes On (Chris Burke).

                    6. You poor, naive fool. You don’t have to agree to anything to be owned by Reason. Merely using this site means that you’ve agreed to any number of draconian, one-sided clauses. Wait until their new line of Episiarch drinks come out!

                    7. Nope, wrong again. I’m going to be played by the Shat. I lied and told him I was a Jewish Canadian.

                    8. I am never wrong, ProL, and I say that you will be played by Max Wright, the dad from ALF.

                      Just be thankful I didn’t decree that you should be played by Bob Uecker in full Mr. Belvedere character.

                    9. I can have you cast down from the Laurie heights, you know. I also could influence the selection of director. You really don’t want to mess with me right now.

                    10. You’re not listening to me: my contract specifies that only I play me. This supersedes all the sketchy terms you’ve tried to apply to me. And what you didn’t know was that I attached a rider specifying that Warty has to be played by Leighton Meester.

                    11. Your delusions are striking in their manic intensity.

                      Fine. The series will be directed by Michael Bay, who will appear in cameos in the role of Episiarch. Satisfied?

                    12. He asked for it. Several times.

                    13. By the way, I have this vague memory of Peter Cook being Mr. Belvedere in the beginning.

    2. “Asshole from El Paso” by Kinky Friedman and The Texas Jewboys is a much better song.

  2. It’s so much more important to oppose health care reform right now. Why do Republicans continue to shoot themselves in the foot?

    1. zoltan: Uh, they lost that one already.

      1. Greg Abbott is one of the many state attorneys suing the federal government right now.

    2. Why do Republicans continue to shoot themselves in the foot?

      It keeps trying to move them into the 21st century…

  3. Move over state-subsidized stem-cell research, I’m the NUMBER 2 libercosmotarian issue now

  4. Curiously, as of 2004, Texas had a significantly higher divorce rate than Massachusetts.

    Come on, it’s not curious or interesting at all when you only look at the divorce rate per 1000 residents. Texas also has a higher marriage rate. Divorce rates here.

    The linked article relied on the CDC data, which also has to take things at face value and thus note that Nevada has a marriage rate over 4 times any other state except for Hawaii, which it only doubles.

    That provides a clue to a problem with the statistics– it measures where people get married and where they get divorced. But not everyone stays in the same location. In particular, some states are notoriously more attractive to singles and harder for married couples looking to raise a family. Families will move out and then get divorced elsewhere.

    You know what state has the lowest divorce rate? That paragon of stable family units, the District of Columbia. Presumably the about.com person didn’t want to boast about DC, so they went with the second lowest marriage and divorce rate state.

    1. Or maybe they know DC isn’t a state.

  5. There are a lot more religious nuts in Massachusetts.

    1. Don’t confuse quality with quantity. Mass. just has a longer and varied history of nuts. Like that pesky witch outbreak they had to deal with.

      1. And Scott Brown.
        That sexy, sexy nut.

        1. ^

  6. Dear Lord,

    Greg Abbott is my favorite attorney general…

  7. I think the legal point buried under all the politickin’ is that, in order to dissolve a marriage, you first have to recognize it.

    If you recognize a marriage for one purpose, do you not then have to recognize it for all purposes?

    Like it or not, I think the AG has a good (legal) point here.

    1. As long as the qualifier “legal” is in there, OK.

      1. Which is a qualifier that might be expected to get a lot of focus from a State AG, no?

        1. Way to fuck up a perfectly good joke. You just won my title from me.

    2. I agree.

    3. The question is then is Texas recognizing the contract of another state or not? If they aren’t, then could someone flee a gay divorce child support requirement by moving to Texas? Is Greg Abbott FOR deadbeat “dads”?

      1. LOL, the tone in this is pure MSNBC concern.

  8. What’s Greg Abbott’s position on Texans divorcing their sheep? It must have come up by now.

    1. The Aggies have been practicing animal husbandry for about 150 years. However, A&M is pretty conservative, so divorce is only for cause.

    2. That was the first thing to come to mind when I saw this post. “If we allow gays to divorce, next thing you know people will want to divorce their dogs and their sisters.”

  9. Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott […] say[s] protecting the “traditional definition of marriage” means doing the same for divorce.

    Trying to wrap my weak little brain around this “logic”…

    …and failing.

    ::reads RC’s lawyerly and lucid explanation::

    OK. I can see that part.

    So, Texas would be perfectly happy if the [not-quite-a-]couple simply came to a contractual agreement to split up their common property and went their own ways.

    But what of the kid?

    *And* what happens if, having taken this route, either party moves to some third state that recognizes gay marriage and tries to marry another person (of any gender)?

    These kinds of dumbass situations are a direct result of pretending that the full faith and credence clause shouldn’t apply. Avoiding them was the whole point of that clause.

    1. You’ve accidentally stumbled on why no one should ever get married. Ever.

      1. Where were you 33 years ago?

        1. Probably playing on the swings.

    2. I’ve got a solution.

      You might not like it.

      1. Yeah…but you say that at every custody hearing.

        It was wise the first time, man, but enough already!

  10. Well, they wanted the government involved in their relationships. Now they’ve got it! And how much fun it is!

    1. Actually, Texas is trying to stay out of it.

      1. Does not recognizing the divorce really constitute “staying out of it”? I’m not a lawyer so I don’t know, but it seems to me that there are legal ramifications to that; it creates a complication difficult to work around.

        Besides, having one state government in one’s affairs is usually plenty to fuck them up. Better to stay clear entirely.

        1. I was being facitious.

          1. I mean “facecious”

            I will use the preview button.
            I will use the preview button.
            I will use the preview button.

            1. They also have this neat thing called “spell-check” nowadays.

              1. You’re confused between typo and spelling error. I don’t use a browser (like chrome) which spellchecks your comment boxes automatically.

                Unfortunately I typo’d it twice. So, the laugh is still on me.

                Facetious.
                Facetious.
                Facetious.

            2. Facetious. F-A-C-E-T-I-O-U-S. Facetious.

              1. You make your living with words. One would expect you to have a natural aptitude for language 😉

  11. No doubt, this is a mess.

    Of course, the entire mess is easily resolved by either party establishing residency in a state that does recognize gay marriage. Kinda like when people used to go to Nevada to get their quickie divorces, so its not like there isn’t (heterosexual) precedent.

    1. No doubt that’s the solution for these couples. Nevertheless, I dream of a day when either Greg Abbott has no say in the matter or at the very least he’s been overruled by the population at large.

      1. Government out of marriage!

    2. Iowa welcomes them with open arms.

      We have already started to market gay-marriage packages for out-of-staters. I guess it’s time to start laying the ground work for quickie-gay-divorce.

      Got to diversify the economy and rely less on corn subsidies.

      1. Why diversify? Not like the subsidies will end anytime soon.

  12. The question is then is Texas recognizing the contract of another state or not?

    States aren’t required to enforce contracts that are illegal under state law. In fact, the states have gone to agonizing lengths to regularize their commercial codes to minimize this problem.

    If they aren’t, then could someone flee a gay divorce child support requirement by moving to Texas?

    Nope. At that point, you would have a court order that Texas could recognize and enforce without also recognizing the validity of a gay marriage.

    1. Ah, so a court order from another state cleans up the inconsistancies between state statutes without having to address them directly. Too bad, I’d love to see the legal mud fly on these cases.

    2. This is a serious question that I want to know the answer to. Would it be OK legally/constitutionally for Texas to refuse to acknowledge any marriage performed in a particular state?
      It seems to me that a marriage in MA is a marriage in MA. Regardless of the sex of the parties to the marriage it is the same legal entity.

      1. See Federal DOMA.

      2. The federal Defense of Marriage Act purports to overrule the constitution on this matter.

      3. Would it be OK legally/constitutionally for Texas to refuse to acknowledge any marriage performed in a particular state?

        “Full Faith and Credit” is a tricky, slippery bastard. You don’t want the legislature in one state essentially making laws for another state, but you don’t want the union to balkanize into mutually exclusive legal enclaves, either. Its a balancing act.

        Vastly simplified, the traditional FF&C analysis essentially deems State A’s laws to be recognized in State B, so long as they do not conflict with laws of State B.

        You can imagine the fun we lawyers have with that.

  13. After the joy of a wedding and the adoption of a baby came arguments that couldn’t be resolved, leading Angelique Naylor to file for divorce.

    Yeah, it’s called “marriage” and a few of us heterosexual folks were wondering why you’d ever want to get in one.

    But seriously…I was talking to a (lesbian) friend of mine and we were discussing the potential divorce rates of gay couples- broken down by men or women.

    I thought gay men would have the higher divorce rate, and she disagreed and said women. When I asked her why, she responded “Because women are more apt to dive into major commitments much faster than men– lot of potential for regret after the shower curtain is hung and the U-Haul has been turned in.”

    1. For most lesbians, those activities occur directly after the third date…

      1. For most lesbians, those activities occur directly after the third date…

        The old joke — as told to me by my lesbian sister is:

        What does a lesbian bring on a second date?

        A U-Haul.

        1. I thought they turned it back in to the rental center on the second date.

          I’m here all week.

  14. I would say the ultimate tragedy here is that AG Abbott has to use his taxpayer funded time fightin’ for tradition when he could be wasting more taxpayer funded time and resources prosecuting drug dealers. So much tax revenue and so few worthwhile fights for which to keep fightin’. Dumbass.

    1. You see, your problem is that you misunderstand the job of the Attorney General.

      The AG’s supposed to spend his time running for the next public office he wants to hold.

      I know, ’cause whenever they come on TV, that’s what they’re doing.

  15. The white devils that want to gay-marry are trying to steal the wealth of poor brown gays. The government should continue to prevent this injustice.

    1. STFU, Shit Facktory.

      1. Dan’s making less sense than usual here.

  16. OK guys, I have to come clean. I am the real Dan T. He was always my sick little retard troll. Some other people have been copy-catting him recently, but I am the original Dan T.

    1. I also made Scotch Hamilton in order to throw people who suspected Dan T. was a troll off the track.

      1. I’m Spartacus!

      2. Wow. You’re good.

    2. I am the real Dan T.

      1. I am Dan T.

        1. I am Spartacus

            1. I’m Brian! And my wife’s Brian too!

      2. I am Dan T.

      3. I am Keyser S?ze.

    3. I am not Dan T.

    4. Oh no, hellerj, you misunderstand. You are not the real Dan T. I am. You created me, but I have since taken on a life of my own. I exist independently now. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

      ha. ha. ha. ha. ha.

      1. OH RLY?

        WHAT IF I SLIT MY WRISTS? YOU’D LIKE THAT WOULDN’T YOU, YOU SICK TWISTED FUCK! OH FUCK YEAH!

        1. Mr. T is the REAL Dan T, mothafuckas!

    5. Will the real Dan T. please stand up?

  17. The problem was created when they asked permission to exercise their rights in the first place. If you’re a person who needs permission to marry, you certainly require permission to divorce.

    1. Gays should focus on domestic-partnership changes, and skip the marriage license/permission slip part.

  18. Your show sucks.

  19. If a married couple from Michigan moves to Texas for better job prospects, and then gets divorced six months after the move, it counts in the Michigan marriage rate but the Texas divorce rate. But what does it actually say about Texas?

    Positive net migration of already-married couples will raise any state’s per-inhabitants divorce rate above the native rate, while negative net migration of already-married couples will lower it.

  20. So just to be clear: Gay marriage is an evil family-destroying scourge or something, but if some gays are already married then they must be forced to stay that way because of “traditional divorce”?

    Makes perfect sense.

    1. So just to be clear: Gay marriage is an evil family-destroying scourge or something, but if some gays are already married then they must be forced to stay that way because of “traditional divorce”?

      They should just go to Boston or maybe Montpelier if they do not like the big city.

    2. No, they just never were married in the first place. Kind of like if they’d legalized marrying your goat in that benighted state of Massholechewsets and Texas wouldn’t allow you to get a divorce from your goat because it’s patently absurd for anyone to believe you were married to it in the first place.

      Damn, you buttfuckers and carpet munchers are stupid! You’re always acting as if everyone agrees with your horseshit about how dressing up your buggery as a “marriage” makes it a marriage. Frosting your dog shit doesn’t make it a wedding cake, just a frosted piece of dog shit. Likewise, your “marriages” are just frosted buggery shit, and therefore not recognized in more sane and rational states such as Texas.

  21. About the “curious” fact that divorce rates are higher in Texas than in Massachusetts: I remember from my Sociology classes that in general, the Southern states (including Texas for this purpose) have historically higher rates of violent crime, divorce, etc, and actually lower rates of church attendance, etc, all rhetoric about “family values” notwithstanding. Meanwhile, the Northeastern states have some of the best statistics in these areas. A possible implication is that people in the states that typically get worked up about “family values” or “morality” issues–Texas, Alabama, Tennessee, etc–do so BECAUSE they are collectively close to the edge of familial and social breakdown. An interesting hypothesis…

    1. Racist!

    2. Not saying you’re right or you’re wrong, but just pointing out that anything you learn in a sociology class should be independently verified by more reliable sources.

      1. True dat, Slutster. But, IF it’d be independently verified, certainly an interesting dynamic…

        And nah, Pro Libertate, I don’t have that much against Southerners, personally. Heck, I’ve liked visiting the South, ‘specially North Carolina and Tennessee. But, they do have some definite social and political quirks…

  22. Everyone is overanalyzing the Texas-Massachusetts divorce-rate comparison. The Northeastern states are immensely more Catholic (Massachusetts is 47 percent Catholic), a Christian sect which has long frowned upon divorce. Not to say it doesn’t happen, but Protestant and non-denominational Christians are generally far more tolerant of divorce and second marriages.

    If you wish to prove this thesis wrong, please show proof the majority of Texans believe divorce to be an abomination and a sin against God.

  23. You know, if there were a war between Massachusetts and Texas, I’d root for Texas.

    1. Of course, Massachusetts is where they made laws about a certain legal arrangement where a man is only allowed to dump his tea into one other man’s harbor, if you know what I mean.

  24. Larry King is getting his 8th divorce, and Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time. Jesse James and Tiger Woods are, well…you know…Even Newt Gingrich is on his 3rd marriage. Yet the idea of same-sex marriage is what is going to destroy the institution of marriage? REALLY?!?

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