When You Can Run over a Pyongyang Traffic Girl With a Classic Havana Antique Car, the Workers Have Won

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Umbrella stand sold separately.

In the capital of North Korea life is beautiful. The girls are beautiful. Even the traffic cops are beautiful.

But Ms. Ro Yong Mi, who enjoys being a girl in the People's Security Bureau's Traffic Control Corps, has too much Juche to hog all the credit. In a testimonial, Ro reminds the outside world that its amply documented fetish for the traffic ladies of Pyongyang can't be sated by nature alone.

Maintaining the corps of "queens of the road" or "beauties of Pyongyang"  requires cosmetic attention from the state, an intervention by Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il, and the most successful equipment redesign by a head of state since Bill Clinton told the owner of a Jersey City Hooters that he liked shorts cut up the side a little more.

Ro's telling of the story is undated—no doubt due to the spontaneity of the writing:

We can hardly expect a beautiful flower without the sun that gives warm light and heat. Likewise, the beautiful and attractive appearance of us girl traffic controllers is not a natural endowment.

We are ordinary, plain-looking girls like others, but the State pays a special concern to us in recognition of our service at crossings throughout the year. Padded clothes we have on are also associated with a gripping story.

On a winter day more than ten years ago, Kim Jong Il saw a traffic controller on duty wearing a skirt in cold weather. He was so worried about us that he told officials concerned to supply all the girl traffic controllers with cotton-padded trousers. Taking the trouble to examine the designs of our uniform, he recommended the one with high boots, saying that the trousers should be tighter to go well with boots and the cap should have a peak to keep off snow and rain.

That is why we were provided with the stylish padded uniforms. Later, we received raincoats, boots, sunglasses, gloves and shoes of the best quality as well. We are continuously supplied with even luxury cosmetics to prevent chaps on our faces. Under such scrupulous care we are spending worthwhile days of duty service without the slightest inconvenience in our work.

Fall in love…

Courtesy of Roger Ebert, whose eye for booty see through all walls of oppression.

NEXT: Heyyyyy! Think the Time Is Right for a Palace Revolution

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  1. North Korea is slowly turning into an exhibit at Disney World.

    1. I’ve know/n many people who work / worked at Disney. I’ve also listened to many interviews of North Korean refugees. I don’t think you can compare the two. There’s a lot more food at Disney World than in North Korea.

      OTOH, this is much more impressive than the Main Street parade. If they could only do it without the starvation and repression, that’d be great.

      1. The Greens should LOVE the NK “video screen”. As should the neo-Keynsians. Lots of homegrown labour, which could be paid for by the government, no evil coal being burned, and you don’t have to feed ’em much.

        What’s not to like?

    2. Nobody asked if we would rather live in North Korea or Gaza. Sigh.

  2. She had me at “cotton padding.”

    1. If Il Jong REALLY cared, he’d have ordered wool lined pants. Everyone knows “cotton kills”…

  3. I read Barbara Demick’s Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea this past week. Great book, very sad. You can say a people deserve the government they have, but no one deserves North Korea’s government. While Demick doesn’t stress the point, without spontaneously developing markets a whole lot more people would have starved in the 90s famine than did.

    1. They have recently cracked down on the markets that sprang out of this. The markets, which at first only traded food, soon traded other goods as well.

      They tried to use top-down pressure to force those trading non-agricultural goods out, then they hit of the won re-valuation to destroy the savings the traders had accumulated.

    2. Read Under the Loving Care of the Fatherly Leader.

      http://www.amazon.com/Under-Lo…..amp;sr=8-1

      It is a couple of years old now. But it is a great account of the Kims and what life is actually like there. Just horrible.

    3. I find it truly dubious that their Dear Leader was struck with sympathy for the well being of the darling little member of the Traffic Corps.

      I submit that there was an increase in traffic accidents from the tiny gals exposed legs.

      Either that or he was swimming in Hennesey and was jealous of the proles taking a gander at said gams, hence the changed uniforms.

      1. Does N Korea have enough cars to have traffic accidents?

  4. That traffic girl made Roger’s jaw hit the floor.

    1. you sick puppy.

    2. Yes. YES.

      1. “Yes. YES”. Sally, is that you?
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…..re=related

    3. Subtle, yet sick and offensive. Well played. (No really, please stop.)

    4. Pure, concentrated, undiluted, unadulterated, thoroughly tasteless (no pun intended) win.

    5. Over 9000 internets to you.

  5. saying that the trousers should be tighter to go well with boots

    Uh-huh. To go with the boots.

  6. amply documented fetish

    Oh shit. My visual kink is tiny uniformed traffic signaling babes with no cars around. Must. Not. Click. I’ll tear my 38th parallel off.

  7. Remember RCD it is “associated with a gripping story”

    I’m on pins and needles.

  8. “Bill Clinton told the owner of a Jersey City Hooters that he liked shorts cut up the side a little more”. That’s got to be made-up.
    Bill Clinton would never say or do anything inappropriate with a young girl.

    1. Only if the girl had access to the White House and Hillary was out of town.

      1. I see you are still here to play. I am ‘fighting’ with someone else.

  9. “Fall in love…”?

    If this is a 4chan /s/ reference…”fall in love you lose”….I will be very happy.

    Timothy, I salute you!

    Also: I am now living (SOUTH!) Korea. Those NK’s scare the fuck out of me. That tunneling asshole…

    1. I’ve said this before, any NK invasion would stop as soon as the soldiers got an eye / nose / mouthful of the food available in South Korea.

      1. Dude. The food is so fucking hit-or-miss. Sometimes I’m dining on the finest ambrosia, suitable for Zeus (when he’s not fucking a bird/goat/whatever). Other times it’s literally like eating spicy dirt.

        The horror that are the Kimchee Shits are otherwordly. My deuces I drop these days are a goddamn Mortal Kombat Fatality.

        1. You’re viewing this with the mindset of the well-fed. Try eating only 20 ounces of corn a day, every day, for three months, then think about that spicy dirt.

        2. Kimchee shits are magical. The whole colon evacuates effortlessly in about 3 seconds.

        3. It was good to grow up in the 90s, wasn’t it.

      2. Yep. They would destroy Soul and kill a bunch of people. And then their army would cross the border and see the first Korean convenience store that contains more food than any individual soldier has seen in their entire lifetime and the whole army would disintegrate into looting and break like a wave on a set of rocks.

  10. What must it be like to have a worldview so warped that you attribute every single good thing that happens to you to government intervention? Let’s ask Tony or MNG, if they’re around.

    1. It makes a lot more sense that someone from a place like North Korea would think this. After all, the government controls every aspect of their lives. I think i’ve mentioned how some refugees have wanted to go back because they couldn’t handle making the constant decisions that living in a free society entails.

      As for the twatburgers who live in the US and think this, well fuck them. And fuck the press for constantly repeating the myth that politicans “create jobs”.

      1. Who knows what she thinks. If she hadn’t said exactly what she did, she would have gone from traffic babe to inmate #55679 in a gulag somewhere. I don’t even want to contemplate the kind of moral pressure someone in that society is under.

        1. There was a travelogue I saw where some German tourist was giving one of the tour guides grief about some of the things she was saying.

          I wanted to reach through the computer and punch and choke the asshole. How can you not know what could potentially happen. That the reaction to the guide’s speech is totally out of her control doesn’t matter.

          How could you be so cavalier with someone else’s life? It might be hard to choke down the lies they’re spitting at you, but you weigh that against what they could potentially do to the real human in front of you, and you suck it up, knowing that reality has already been the arbiter of whose political system is right or wrong.

          1. No kidding. I watched a documentary on cable about this group of people that went to North Korea and did some medical work for two weeks. They smuggled in a couple of cameras and secretly filmed the whole thing. It was fascinating. But I couldn’t help thinking about what must have happened to their guides. No way did someone not pay dearly for missing the camera.

            1. Yeah, that was the National Geographic / Lisa Ling doc. Very interesting. I did wonder if someone got it for letting the cameras through.

            2. The thing about that one was, the officals knew there were going to be cameras, documenting the medical procedures (eye operations, IIRC), so if someone got it, it was probably a higher level functionary.

        2. What should be funny is really quite tragic.

    2. Massive Stockholm Syndrome.

    3. Let’s ask Tony or MNG, if they’re around.

      OH SNAP!!! Total zinger right there.

  11. Man, that is like NK porn. Don’t they kill people for possessing pornographic material up there? With that kind of distraction, I’m thinking that either the NK drivers are blind or eunuchs and that there must be a shitload of accidents.

    1. The chances of more than one car at a North Korean intersection at the same time are pretty low.

  12. It’s comforting that even in a real-life dystopian hellhole, at least a bunch of dudes can find ladies hot. Or it’s really tedious. One or the other.

  13. What the **** is she directing anyway? There’s like one bus in the picture. What a stupid and useless cultural quirk, to have hot (we’ll give them that)chicks standing on the corner uselessly motioning to non-existent traffic day in, day out. Hmmm, wait a second. I hear a stimulus!

  14. Have you ever actually seen an NK girls legs? That’s why KJI went for the pants, you have to cover those things up…no offense

  15. NorK girl traffic cops – cute in a creepy sort of way.

    Census 2010 popup ad with korean text served with this aricle – priceless.

  16. The most ridiculous part of this whole thing is that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS “TRAFFIC” IN NORTH KOREA.

    Look at the videos of the city. You will see maybe three or four cars for every several square miles. And there are NO GAS STATIONS ANYWHERE. BECAUSE NO ONE BESIDES MILITARY AND HIGHER UP LEADERS HAS A CAR.

    1. Trucks and buses.

  17. does Traffic Girl direct you to Lobster Girl?

  18. Welch is already covering the public sector union problem, Tim. Don’t infringe on his gimmick.

  19. I’m assuming the video was filmed at the peak of afternoon rush hour. Also, what’s with the three or four Mercedes seemingly circling the block?

    1. Additionally it seems there has been a slight spike recently in the amount of woefully scarce video footage of the DPRK. I’m chalking this up as a positive development.

  20. that’s gotta be the busiest intersection in all of the DPRK

  21. Which is worst, North Korea or Christian heaven?

  22. its a pretty easy job considering there are no cars or drivers (or even bicycles for that matter) on North Korean roads.

  23. I’d’ve probably run somebody over or at least had a wreck trying to follow Officer Johnson’s signals. Symphony, yeah.

  24. I love those traffic girls…

    Anyhoo, in all seriousness, however, what do you bet if North Korea ever gets anything resembling “liberation” and the traffic girls go away, some dimwit will lament the passing of “old North Korea”? Methinks Sean Penn will weigh in.

  25. Can you imagine a changing of the traffic girl routine like that played out in New York City.

    HONK, HONK!
    Screeeeech!
    WHUMP!
    “Stuid bitch! Get outta the fuckin’ street!”

    1. Traffic girl: [slamming hands down on hood] I’m walkin’ here! I’m walkin’ here!

  26. The story isn’t undated, it is Juche 99 – January 2010.
    Also the Trafficgirl talks of the umbrella platforms, which were introduced last summer.

    http://www.pyongyangtrafficgirls.com

    1. They even provide heat in the winter as well as cool in the harsh summer!

  27. But but but…in North Korea people have ACCESS TO DREAMS!

  28. Nice job ladies, but not much auto traffic in Communist North Korea, I see mostly Mercedes pass by – guess we know who owns the cars?

    1. For some reason Mercedes is the only brand of car I’ve seen in pictures of North Korea.

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