Politics

You Can Hang Out With All the Boys

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They want you, they want you, they want you as a new recruit

The right may be backing off its brief romance with Eric Massa, but I've decided I like the man. Partly because he's offering just the right combination of conspiracy theories, gay sex, and left/right convergence to make the world feel like a Gore Vidal novel. And partly because he's inspiring reporters to produce stories like this one:

It's no secret that members of Congress broker deals on the treadmill or in the weight room of the House and Senate gyms. But former congressman Eric Massa's accusation that White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel once berated him in the gym's shower over his vote against President Obama's budget left Washington watchers wondering how much business politicians conduct while naked….

"This morning I talked with Lamar Alexander about a hold" on a nomination during his daily workout, Sen. Jon Tester (D-Mont.) said. But Tester said, "I don't go in the shower. I don't accost people."

Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-Ga.) said he often goes to the Senate gym to do a rubber-band exercise for his arms—the 66-year-old said he has bad rotator cuffs—but that he most loves sitting in the sauna with his colleagues.

"It's always fun," he said.

Asked whether he has had shower encounters like the one Massa alleged, Sen. John Thune (R-S.D.) was interrupted by an aide—"Senator, we definitely have a speaking engagement"—and whisked away before he could respond.

Whole thing here. Massa speaks some salty sci-fi talk here. Massa segues from "Y.M.C.A." to "In the Navy" here.

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  1. Messa is now saying that the “tickling games” were the result of him not adjusting to being away from the Navy. I guess he was really affected by that whole “its not gay if its away” thing.

  2. Conservative hypocrisy was on fine display with this episode – in the same breath that pillars of the Right were denouncing Massa as a totally lying crapweasel, they were more than willing to accept, uncritically, the whole irate naked guy shower poking anecdote, because, well, it IS Rahm Emmanuel.

    With several of their minions becoming quite indignant when this was pointed out to them.

    Cognitive dissonance – it ain’t only for the Left side of the aisle, baby!

    1. Even liars tell the truth sometimes. Further, Emmanuel is known for fairly bizarre behavior around his enemies. He once stood up at a dinner party and stabbed a steak with a knife yelling “dead” after the names of each of his enemies before each thrust. The five foot tall ballerina apparently has a bit of a temper.

    2. And most of the dirt on Rahm is being leaked by fellow Democrats who hate him.

    3. Are you honestly that surprised Wind?

  3. The set up for that encounter reads like a letter to Penthouse.

    1. Tim, you read Penthouse? I thought you only looked at the pictures.

  4. This is the best news story of the year. “I’m not gay, it was just tickling!”

    1. I was once in the same room as Emmanuel. He isn’t much above five feet tall and can’t weigh more than 130 lbs. The idea of him trying to physically intimidate someone while naked in the shower is comical.

      1. Maybe he’s packing.

      2. Attributed to Ava Gardner of Frank Sinatra:

        “”There’s only ten pounds of Frank, but there’s 110 pounds of cock,” Ava Gardner once told a British diplomat at a social function.”

        http://entertainment.timesonli…..520603.ece

        Now That could be intimidating

        1. Maybe, but the boy got nothin’ on Porfirio Rubirosa.

      3. In fairness to Emmanuel, he wasn’t naked.

        1. Massa said Emmanuel was naked “without even a towel to cover his tush,” or some similar words.

          1. It takes balls to come upon someone naked in the shower.

            1. Hazel, It takes balls to cum on someone naked in the shower FIFY

              1. Equally if not more true

          2. WTF, this was a reply to John’s comment on meeting Emmanuel when he was clothed. At least, that ‘s what John is trying to sell us.

            1. I never met him. I just stood next to him and was in the same room with him once.

              1. John, don’t protest too much!

  5. “Broker deals”? Is that what they’re calling it these days?

    Tickle fights?

    Boys will be boys cross dressing navy traditions?

    Mussing each others’ hair with sexual banter?

    Texting each other sexual innuendo?

    Bachelor pad living?

    Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but this is so obviously a blundering attempt to stay in the closet it *almost* isn’t funny.

  6. True Story: I’ve seen Rahm Emmanuel naked.

    He regularly swims at the same YMCA that I use. There are two types of guys in any gym. Guys who are humble about their physiques, and guys who aren’t. Rahm’s in the latter category.

    1. Reasons why I avoid showering at public gyms; guys who like to prance around naked.

      1. I want to be fair to Rahm because, even though I disagree with his politics, he’s been nice to everyone at the why. Unlike certain congressmen I could name, he never started a tickle fight or gestured under the toilet stall.

        He doesn’t prance, he’s simply confident. Cocksure, you might say.

        1. Fair enough. Honestly, I never met him but I stood in the same room with him for like 20 minutes once and he seemed to be very pleasant to those around him.

        2. Guys who are humble about their physiques, and guys who aren’t. Rahm’s in the latter category.

          Cocksure, you might say.

          Now, that might be intimidating.

          1. I’d like to be ‘intimidated’.

      2. High school flashback syndrome?

  7. I saw the Beck interview yesterday and it was like watching an unfunny comedian go down in flames, the unfunny one being Beck. He tried everything, and nothing worked. After 10 minutes he knew his goose was cooked, as Massa juggled the personalities of liar, imbecile, snake oil hawker, fetishist, family guy and buggerer. It was bizarre and it was real.

    1. It was bizarre, uncomfortable to watch, creepy, unfunny-yet-hilarious. It was awesome.

      1. It was reality’s bad habit of wreaking justice.

  8. Between this story and the senator with the wide stance in the bathroom, I think most Americans now know that everyone in Washington is gay.

  9. I don’t care for Massa and obviously he’s a few torpedoes short, but I’m suspicious of how quick Hoyer seemed to have jumped on the sexual harassment allegations. Rangel’s bullshit has been out there for all to see for years and it was ignored, yet Hoyer jumps on Massa’s bullshit with gusto.

    1. And Rangles is a lot worse.

  10. “because he’s offering just the right combination of conspiracy theories, gay sex, and left/right convergence to make the world feel like a Gore Vidal novel.” Same reason I like Reason comments;-)

  11. Maybe now Democrats will learn to keep their fucking mouths shut about Obama’s plans. Do what you’re told, fuckheads.

  12. Is Emanuel a made man yet?

    1. Yes he is a made man. And Massa thought he was a made man to. That is until he showed up at the Whitehouse for the induction ceremony and Rahm shot him in the back of the head.

      1. I’m picturing an “Eastern Promises” style bathhouse fight scene.

        I forgot to mention above, Rahm is covered in home-made russian gangster tattoos.

        1. Viggo Mortensen is the ultimate man.

          1. A History of Violence. I’ll never look at a set of stairs without a smile.

            1. Arnold may be good enough for a man but Viggo has the full package. He speaks six languages and looks like a man should.

  13. Rahm Emmanuel anagrams to “A-Ha! Lemur Men!”

    1. Also, “Hum, lamer name”

      1. Better… “Erm, Human Meal”

        1. Umm, leaner ham.

  14. You just know that Massa is a racist. I mean, look at his name for crying out loud!

  15. “Asked whether he has had shower encounters like the one Massa alleged, Sen. John Thune (R-S.D.) was interrupted by an aide — “Senator, we definitely have a speaking engagement” — and whisked away before he could respond.”

    No, no. The aide said “Senator, we definitely have a spanking engagement.”

  16. I’ve been once told that Chicago’s bathhouses were rather popular places among the less savory elements of the city’s political and economic spectrum. The alleged reason was that one could confidently conduct business with otherwise untrustworthy characters in safety as it was nearly impossible to smuggle weapons into such meetings. I have no way to confirm the validity of this claim, but it did originate from someone who is considerably on the up and up in regards to such matters.

    1. Who squealed? I’m going to get that rat bastard.

    2. Obviously this was before the time of the ass bomber.

  17. But former congressman Eric Massa’s accusation that White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel once berated him in the gym’s shower over his vote against President Obama’s budget left Washington watchers wondering how much business politicians conduct while naked….

    They should conduct all their business naked. They should be required to be naked on the House and Senate floors. Their aides should have to be naked whenever they are in the building.

    I will make an exception for Pelosi.

    1. It wouldn’t work. Somebody would create the Congressional Clothed Caucus. I’m hoping it’s Henry Waxman.

    2. I like it, Spartacus, but you need to expand the rule to include everyone who is in the federal office buildings and the Capitol.

      For security, you know.

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