Have You "Had Sex"? Are You Sure?

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sex survey image

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinski," declared [youtube alert] President Bill Clinton back in the prelapsarian 1990s. It turns out that the former chief executive may have been something of a semiotician since a new survey by Indiana University researchers find Americans disagree over the meaning of "had sex." The press release from the Kinsey Institute researchers reports:

The study involved responses from 486 Indiana residents who took part in a telephone survey conducted by the Center for Survey Research at IU. Participants, mostly heterosexual, were asked, "Would you say you 'had sex' with someone if the most intimate behavior you engaged in was …," followed by 14 behaviorally specific items. Here are some of the results:

*Responses did not differ significantly overall for men and women. The study involved 204 men and 282 women.

*95 percent of respondents would consider penile-vaginal intercourse (PVI) having had sex, but this rate drops to 89 percent if there is no ejaculation.

*81 percent considered penile-anal intercourse having had sex, with the rate dropping to 77 percent for men in the youngest age group (18-29), 50 percent for men in the oldest age group (65 and up) and 67 percent for women in the oldest age group.

*71 percent and 73 percent considered oral contact with a partner's genitals (OG), either performing or receiving, as having had sex.

*Men in the youngest and oldest age groups were less likely to answer "yes" compared with the middle two age groups for when they performed OG.

*Significantly fewer men in the oldest age group answered "yes" for PVI (77 percent).

Discuss among yourselves. Check out more IU sex survey results here.

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  1. Significantly fewer men in the oldest age group answered “yes” for PVI (77 percent).

    So it’s true: as you get older you forget what sex is. How unfortunate.

    1. What the fuck is PVI?

  2. I hope the Kinsey Institute’s academic standards have improved since the original Kinsey Reports.

    I see they’re as classy as always, though.

    1. Difference between classiness and skewed statistics.

      But yeah, talking about sex, so unclassy!!!!!!! Unclean, repent, repent!

  3. Can we get a Catholic school girl specific version of this study? I bet some of those “yes” numbers go WAY down.

    1. Because most of the Catholic schoolgirls do?

    2. Agree. My buddy dated a girl that was a “virgin”, but was cool with doing PAI. She also didn’t count PVI if it didn’t go past the fireman’s helmet. Personally, I think it’s like scoring a touchdown, once you break the plane, it counts.

      1. I dated a “virgin” who defined virginity as — only having a penis in her vagina unexpectedly and briefly a few years earlier.

    3. Technical virgins are the only proof I’ve ever accepted that the universe might have be created by a benevolent higher being.

    4. Perhaps the best example EVAH of the law of unintended consequences:

      Catholic girls that won’t do it missionary style, and therefore give up the buttsex and the blowjobs.

  4. 95 percent of respondents would consider penile-vaginal intercourse (PVI) having had sex

    5% are completely ignorant? They didn’t understand the question?

    Probably they were just goofing off.

    1. 5% of people will say anything in a survey.

      1. The question to ask is, What percentage of people like to fuck with polls/surveys?

        I do.

        1. Yes, but what percentage of people think fucking with polls/surveys is having sex?

          1. It was good for me. Was it good for you?

            1. Shit, I have clean my clip board again.

              1. hahah

                so wanna know what that 5% would consider “had sex”

                must be some freaky shit

                It aint sex until the kangaroo and the dwarf…..

        2. Apparently 5%.

    2. That was the question that immediately occurred to me. If you don’t consider penile-vaginal intercourse having sex, then what do you?

      1. Oh, I thought it had something to do with prison!

    3. It’s possible to have PVI without ejaculation, so maybe that’s the standard the 5% go by. In the Middle Ages, a marriage wasn’t considered consummated until ejaculation, so it’s not an indefensible standard.

  5. I happen to live on the edge of IU campus (the Bloomington one, that has the Kinsey Institute in it), and noticed this story on the front page of our paper today.

    A couple of friends of mine have stories about volunteering to be experimented on at the Kinsey Institute for money.

    One describes wearing what appeared to be a little blood pressure cuff on his penis while being shown images.

    But the best one was a friend of mine who describes being shown a machine with a hole in it, and being asked to put his erection in it.

    He was then supposed to adjust dials on the machine, so that the researchers could find what pressure and rhythm from the machine he most preferred.

    He said that at the mere suggestion of this, he walked right out. My initial reaction was that I, on the other hand, would have let the robot fuck me for money. And also, you know, for science!

    In other news, I am now resolved to go to bars this weekend and ask coeds if they’d care to come back to my place for a little “PVI”.

    1. He said that at the mere suggestion of this, he walked right out.

      I don’t blame him a bit – what if the thing had teeth?! What if it malfunctioned? What if it was made by Toyota? Uhn uh – not me, dude.

      1. What I hear you saying is, there has to be mutual trust between you and the machine before you’ll become intimate.

        I can respect that.

      2. Uh, most men have no problem sliding Mr. Happy into an opening with teeth.

    2. I’d fuck a robot. I’d fuck her ’til she popped a gasket and then I’d fuck her in the gasket hole too.

      I ain’t fucking no guy robot, though. That’s gay.

    3. My initial reaction was that I, on the other hand, would have let the robot fuck me for money.

      SkyNet is banking on collaborators like you.

  6. “Would you say you ‘had sex’ with someone if the most intimate behavior you engaged in was…”
    Does “someone” include yourself???
    I kinda think of my left and right hands as two separate entities. My life hand has to be plied with booze and flowers to make it give it up, while my right hand is just a promiscuous slut.

    1. Your “life hand”? Is that your “life partner”? You’re cheating on your life partner with your right hand? You scum!

      1. Me bad speler – I meen “left”
        And your suppose to be a libertarian!
        Me, my left, and my right, form a free thinking community of free love…although I do notice that when me and “lefty” are involved, “righty” squeezes awfully hard on my love sac.

    2. No no no — right hand for operating the mouse for Teh Intertube Pr0n, left hand for the deed itself.

      Amateurs.

      1. Unless you’re left-handed …

  7. Seeing that picture gives me the strange urge to do it on the world’s largest clipboard.

  8. Does “someone” include yourself???

    If you can manage PVI all by your lonesome, the internet has a job for you.

    1. and so does the circus…

      1. And the music world.

  9. Do we need to change the name of Roxxy the Sexbot?

  10. The article doesn’t say anything about happy endings.

    1. PAIs were too mentioned.

      1. How about pegging?

  11. You’ve never really had sex until you’ve got busy on a giant clipboard.

  12. I have it on good authority (and no, the person who told was not the President of the United States):

    Eatin’ ain’t cheatin'”

    1. Trey invented sex but he ain’t teach you how to ____ it.

    2. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there. Eating a bitch out and giving a bitch a foot massage ain’t even the same fucking thing.

  13. What if it was made by Toyota?

    The BRAKES!! Where’s the BRAKES???!

    1. Toyota – moving forward.

      1. Toyota – moving forward.

        whether you want to or not

        1. Well, nothing for me to do here.

      2. Toyota – moving forward. And backward. And forward. And backward. And forward. And backward. And forward. And backward. And forward. And backward. And forward. And backward. And forward. And backward. And forward.

        1. Repeat if necessary…

  14. Sally: “Honest Honey, I’m still a virgin!”
    Bobby: “But you ain’t got a cherry!
    Sally: “Of course I don’t, silly. I lost it fisting back in sorority, but that’s not sex”.
    Bobby: “And that sheep during pledge week doesn’t count for me either.”

  15. If a nipple made an appearance, it’s sex.

    1. If there ain’t poop, it aint sex.

  16. PVI + E != HadSex @ 5%

    In related news, 10% of survey participants spoke no English whatsoever.

  17. Perhaps it would be useful to define “having sex” as “sexual intercourse” for the benefit of the retarded.

    1. Hey! You said the fucking “r” word! I’m offended.

  18. 81 percent considered penile-anal intercourse having had sex

    So 19% of the population believes Warty, Epi, and Sugarfree have never had sex? Who da thunk?

  19. So the sample size is less than 500, which is dubious enough, but even samples of smaller groups are billed as “significant”? So you interview 40 men over 60 and that has any statistical validity at all? Ron Bailey is rolling over in his grave. If he happened to be in a grave.

  20. Personally I think we should define “sex” as the next step beyond what Nancy Pelosi’s ever done. Because I really don’t want Pelosi to have had sex. Ever.

    1. Sadly, the woman has five spawn. I’m assuming she had somekind of sexual interaction to produce them.

      1. mitosis

        1. Nah – fission, like an amoeba.

      2. Turkey baster

  21. Visual feedback from her would be tough (assuming you leave the light on). She always has that surprised oops-I-missed-again look on her face…

  22. Is it really “sex” if there’s no pony play?

    1. Settle down, Mr. Knickers, or no carrots for you.

  23. and 1/2

  24. Gee, all of those things sure sound like fun.

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