Latin America

New Coke


Evo Morales plans to put the coca back in Coca-Cola. Sorry, Coca-Colla:

"Oh look, Madge. They spell 'cola' differently down here."

Intended to rival its more famous US cousin the fizzy drink is at the centre of a plan coca growers from Chapare in central Bolivia submitted to the government last week to boost coca production….

The project will be launched in four months and could be either run by the state or a joint partnership with coca growers.

Officials said the drink's packaging would feature a black swoosh and red label similar to the famous Coke insignia.

Note: The article is a month old (Hit & Run: bringing you yesterday's news today!), so if they've kept to their schedule the launch date will be in three months, not four.

NEXT: Taco Truck Takedown! Why is the LAPD Harassing Food Carts?

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  1. Can’t be any worse than Pepsi.

  2. I’m thirsty.

  3. Real sugar?

    1. It’s the real HFCS: High Fructose Coca Syrup.

  4. Oh wow, what a great idea! I like it.


    1. Spam off fuckbot.

      1. Hold on, man. Anonymity bot had a serious opium habit. What might seem glib, even like spam, is in fact a reference to anon-bot’s past addiction problems and possibly also a cry for help.

    2. Hey, maybe all those Columbians could get their northern amazon parrots dancin around like toucan-sam on this stuff!

  5. a plan coca growers from Chapare in central Bolivia submitted to the government last week to boost coca production….

    Boost coca production? I foresee an invasion in your future, Evo.

    1. Shock and Awe!!! Regime Change!!!

  6. Did they get the Coca-Cola company’s permission? If not, then I see some trademark issues.

    1. I don’t know for sure, but I’m willing to bet that President Morales doesn’t really give a shit about teh EVIL AMERICAN CAPITALIST COCA COLA CORPORATION’s trademark rights.

      1. He will when we invade to protect the Coke trademark. Yeah, the IP lobby is that powerful.

  7. Yes, but can I get a stripper up to my hotel room with a case of Coca Colla?

    1. Probably.

  8. Looking forward to watching videos on YouTube of people snorting this through a straw.

  9. I shall live to see the day when the real Coca-Cola returns to its rightful original formula.

  10. Wouldn’t this be a treaty violation under the single convention treaty? IF so it is an act of war and will likely result in an invasion and regime change.

  11. When are they going to bring back the original Royal Crack Cola?

  12. And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good. (Genesis 1,vs. 11-12).
    This was the third day even before he created man. God prepared for mankind everything necessary for our survival. Of all the herbs, fruits, fowls, animals and other thingsGod created why is one singled out and considered illegal?
    Man have created for instance alcohol which have been proven to cause so much harm to society and it is legal. I think we need to take a serious look at our actions and let those who chose to use marijuana use it. Just like other vegetable or fruits people would grow their own and a lot of the so call drug problem would be solved. Those who sell marijuana for a living would have to find another profession cutting out so much of the criminal activities which are associated with the possession and distribution of it.
    Genesis 1, v 29. And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
    My question is, do we as human knows better than God what is best for us? Who will be the one to say to God what he have given us is illegal?

    1. Man have created for instance alcohol

      To paraphrase a standard homebrewer line “Man makes wort, yeast makes beer”.

      Applies for other types of alcohol too.

    2. It’s not that you’re wrong, it’s that the dude on back of the school bus who argued this to me in the tenth grade was more convincing.

  13. Shock and Awe!!! Regime Change!!!

    Wuz up is Juanita!

  14. Tea, flour, toothpaste and liquor are already being produced using a coca base.

    Is this as awesome as it sounds?

  15. He might be a socialist but he has some good ideas regarding drug policy.

    1. I agree with you, and acknowledge that even politicians I despise usually have one or two good ideas.

  16. even politicians I despise usually have one or two good ideas.

    You can’t be wrong all the time, either.

  17. its funny because of the exemption for “decocainated” leaves means coca is in a grey area. the only true “decocainated” coca product in the US is Coca-Cola. they get their leaves from Stepan Company out of New Jersey. Stepan imports the leaves from South America and extracts the cocaine and sells it to the Mallinckrodt pharmaceutical company (yes coke is CII and still used medically) and the spent leaves are bought by Coca-Cola. on the other hand there are still many coca products that make it to the US, but these are not truly decocainated, studies show it still contains a decent amount of coke. so not only the coca leaf tea, flour, wine, etc. has more than trace amounts of coke which means they are technically CII, that is the grey part of it. even stranger is that products like Red Bull Simply Cola (banned in Germany for containing coke) and Agwa de Bolivia coca liqueur are made in Europe where the coca leaf used is hardly “decocainated” if at all. basically you can get real coca leaves and real coke products even though they are technically illegal. the feds need to just give the fuck up and legalize coca and cocaine. if real coca tea were available it would be giving coffee and tea a run for its money.

    1. real coca tea is available, you must import it from S. America

      1. available, but according to the Controlled Substance Act those imported leaves are not really decocainated. so they aren’t really legal. which is bullshit but thats my point coca in the US is a grey market. in the 80s the DEA harassed a bunch of Mexican markets in southern CA that were selling non-decocainated coca tea, but the funny thing is they let them sell the rest of what they had in stock!
        under schedule II of the CSA this is what it says for coca: (4) coca (FOOTNOTE 3) leaves, except coca leaves and extracts of coca leaves from which cocaine, ecgonine, and derivatives of ecgonine or their salts have been removed; cocaine, its salts, optical and geometric isomers, and salts of isomers; ecgonine, its derivatives, their salts, isomers, and salts of isomers; or any compound, mixture, or preparation which contains any quantity of any of the substances referred to in this paragraph.

  18. There’s already coca in Coca-Cola. And having used coca before, I can attest to the fact the leaf and the drink have a very similar coca flavor.

    1. Its not what it used to be. See above.

  19. he most significant result of ‘new Coke’ — by far,” Mr. Goizueta said, “was that it sent an incredibly powerful signal … a signal that we really were ready to do whatever was necessary to build value for the owners of our business.”

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