Capitalism

Capitalism in Action: Get Your Stabproof Vest for South Africa World Cup 2010

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The U.S. government still can't quite manage to appropriately provision its soldiers with body armor. But gosh darn it, the world's soccer fans will be more that adequately prepared for any stabbing that may occur at this year's South Africa-based World Cup.

For a couple extra bucks you can get your commemorative World Cup protective garment festooned with the logo of your home team. This makes target selection easier for would-be stabber/fans, I suppose. But then the vest will thwart them. See how that worked! One assumes that generic South African stabbers will be indifferent to team affiliation.

I grant you that it seems somewhat improbable that this company is real. But company founder and owner Sascha Cutura (and legit owner of the apparently fully-functional site protecktorvest.com since October) says via email that the product launched yesterday, and that he has already received 35 orders, "mainly from America and the U.K" for the vests, which are made by "a reliable manufacturer in Asia."

Via World Cup Blog.

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  1. Man, the last WC had some of the best riot photos ever. They were having them some fun over there.

      1. Huh+1 don’t remember much rioting at the last WC.

        1. I’ve never had a problem using a Water Closet.

      2. I’m not even sure there was ANY rioting.

        1. There wasn’t. That’s what is so weird about the comment.

          Meanwhile, I’m counting down the days to June. Absolutely cannot WAIT for the World Cup.

  2. Considering the US is playing England in the first round, I suggest any Americans going over purchase one as ‘Hooligan’ is the preferred term for English national team fan.

    1. I had about 20 year “career” playing rugby. In my formative years a guy who’d played both rugby and soccer for the Irish national teams was the first person to explain the difference between the two games. “Rugby”, he said, “is a ruffian’s game played by gentlemen while soccer is a gentleman’s game played by ruffians.”

      1. I’m Irish and I can assure you that nobody has ever played for both the Irish rugby and football national teams. Maybe back in the Victorian era but certainly never since.

  3. Ron Paul was the only congressman to vote against commemorating the Civil Rights Act.

    Is this your hero, racistarians?

    The Civil Rights Act of 1964 gave the federal government unprecedented power over the hiring, employee relations, and customer service practices of every business in the country. The result was a massive violation of the rights of private property and contract, which are the bedrocks of free society. The federal government has no legitimate authority to infringe on the rights of private property owners to use their property as they please and to form (or not form) contracts with terms mutually agreeable to all parties. The rights of all private property owners, even those whose actions decent people find abhorrent, must be respected if we are to maintain a free society.

    What’s your take?

    1. My take? Everything you posted in italics is true , accurate and correct.

      As anti-Paul trolls go? You are a complete and utter failure.

    2. Clearly, if this comment is addressed to racistarians, then yes, he is their hero. Next question!

      1. Next question!

        Will the rest of you racists denounce this man and all he represents?

        1. If we were racists and Ron Paul were a racist, why would we denounce him? Of course, it’s just possible some of us disagree with your assumptions.

        2. I denounce this man and all he represents!!

          Um, you are talking about Al Gore, right?

        3. All he represents? We have to denounce the Texas 14th congressional district?

          1. I’m willing to do that.

        4. What is this, late 2008/early 2009?

          1. Sorry, libertarianism is a discredited, racist, and dangerous belief system. Didn’t you get the newsletter?

          2. Ron Paul is a racist. Do you think property rights matter when a person is using his power to exclude someone BASED ON RACE?

            If Ron Paul isn’t a racist, why didn’t any other Congressman fail to praise the Civil Rights Bill? Even conservatives know that trying to rid the country of racism is important.

            1. HURR HURR

              TROLLIN TROLLIN TROLLIN
              KEEP THEM LIBERTARDS ROLLIN
              KEEP THEM BABY TROLLIN RAWHIDE

              DURR HURR

            2. What’s the point of commemorating something that’s already a law?

              Have you not had your cock slobbered on my Congress enough lately? Must they hawk, spit and go at it again and again?

              1. Hawks are really bad at blowjobs, dude, unless you carefully file the beak away first.

            3. If Ron Paul isn’t a racist, why didn’t any other Congressman fail to praise the Civil Rights Bill?

              You’re assuming that none of these Congressional delegates are racists because they found it politically expedient to not point out the unintended consequences of PC legislation that has resulted in massive rights violations and trammelling the Constitution.

              I’d say it was highly likely that numerous members of Congress, including some black members, are racists.

            4. why didn’t any other Congressman fail to praise the Civil Rights Bill

              “You are fined two credits for failing to praise the acts of Congress. Please remain where you are for your reprimand.”

            5. Do you think property rights matter when a person is using his power to exclude someone BASED ON RACE?

              Yes. Next.

            6. Try to find a reasonably thorough definition of libertarianism and you will find that it is completely incompatible with racism.

              1. Try to find a reasonably thorough definition of libertarianism and you will find that it is completely incompatible with racism.

                What does libertarianism do for blacks?!?

                1. Nothing. Nor does it do anything for whites, Hispanics, Asians, Women, or homosexuals.

                  It does, however, empower individuals. If the only thing you define yourself by is race you have a serious problem…

                2. The same it does for people of any race, no more, no less.

                3. Oh boy, where to start?

                  If you like we could be like liberals and conservatives. We could partition poor minorities off in housing projects, imprison a majority of their young men with a senseless drug war, or maybe, start huge social programs that keep the less fortunate in a vicious cycle of never ending poverty.

                  Oh wait, we could perpetuate condescending affirmative action programs that basically imply blacks don’t have the intellectual wherewithal to make it without the kindly charity of whites.

                  If individual liberty is what you prize than we have a place for everybody, as individuals. Collective coercion you can find elsewhere.

        5. I am in no position to speak for any racists or any of his supporters. Next question!

        6. “Will the rest of you racists denounce this man and all he represents?”

          Okay. I denounce you.

    3. Is this your hero, racistarians?

      I believe you mean “Rastafarians.”

      1. That’s racist.

    4. Man, KMW will do anything to up the comments on her posts. 😉

      1. She hasn’t mentioned Chemtrails yet.

        1. Mr. Speaker, I rise to explain my objection to H.Res. 676. I certainly join my colleagues in urging Americans to celebrate the progress this country has made in race relations. However, contrary to the claims of the supporters of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the sponsors of H.Res. 676, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 did not improve race relations or enhance freedom. Instead, the forced integration dictated by the Civil Rights Act of 1964 increased racial tensions while diminishing individual liberty.

          Yeah…did the troll read its own link?

    5. Thanks for researching my answer for me. You pretty much nailed it.

  4. Trollin’, trollin’ trollin’…

    1. You got the Blues Brothers lined up for this one?

      1. If only.

  5. The Florida-Tennessee game is in Knoxville next year; I may need to get me one of these vests. I wonder if you can get it in orange and blue?

    1. Kentucky/Louisville as well.

  6. But then the vest will thwart them

    Bulletproof vests don’t stop knives, Katherine. The force at the point of the knife is too great and too concentrated in a small area and it slips through the Kevlar fibers.

    1. Need more betterer materials!

    2. From the page selling the vest:

      Stab vests (also referred to as “stab proof vests”, stab resistant vests or anti stab vests) protect the vital inner body parts from stabs, cuts, slashes and blows from sharp, edged or spiked weapons.

      1. Probably using layers. Top one stops bullets, the next one stops knives. Add an invisibility layer? Now you’re talking.

        1. I totally read “lawyers”.

          1. Sure, a layer of lawyers is a good idea, too. In the event of a litigious event.

            1. Sure, a layer of lawyers is a good idea, too. In the event of a litigious event.

              Winning grade.

    3. Well, if the UK and other nanny states stopped banning guns, we wouldn’t need knife-proof vests would we.

    4. They also don’t protect against snowball attacks or other blunt trauma.

    5. This isn’t being sold as a bulletproof vest, it’s a stabproof. Bullets would, presumably, go right through it.

  7. Who is coaching either team? I figure Meyer is actually going to be there in the end, but it’s anyone’s guess who is going to coach UT, now. Not that I don’t think no coach is a huge upgrade from Kiffin (not Monte, who is possibly the greatest D-coordinator ever).

    1. Dick LeBeau would like a word with you.

      1. You think?

        1. Speaking of UT, I think Fulmer would be a good coach for USF.

  8. $1 OF EACH ORDER WILL GO TO CHARITIES TO FIGHT KNIFE CRIME

    LOL Capitalism rocks!

    1. Do monkey knife fights constitue knife crime?

      1. Not in international waters! Woo hoo!

        1. They’re pretty good, Dagny.

          Here’s my non-musical reply from two years ago.

    2. Have you renounced the racism in your heart, Warren?

      1. I don’t consider myself a racist as I despise all races.

        1. I really only hate white people.

          1. That is the politically correct position.

          2. Code for: hating the Irish. Self hate is the best kind of hate.

            1. I only hates meself the morning after . . .

    3. Buying guns for “extra-governmental redistributionists” counts, right?

    4. I look forward to the stories that will be printed after they give $$$ to a charity for dyslexia.

      “What ‘Fight Knife Crime’? Shit, we thought we got the money to Knife Fight Crime.”

      I’d love to see teams of dyslexics roaming the city knifing miscreants.

  9. Knifing someone is like raping them all over. Stop sticking your sharpened phallus substitutes in me!

    DON’T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME!

    IGNORE ME!

    1. Male Gaze Shuts Women Up.

      Use this power at your discretion, gentlemen.

      1. I gazed at my wife the other day. I think she liked it.

        1. Dammit, Pro L, you’re missing the point. Try for the threatening, rape-y sort of gaze next time. A well timed mustache twirl never hurt either.

      2. I think you mean “gauze”.

      3. You must have missed the Morning Links. It was filled with gazy goodness from that article.

        1. Aw, sorry Sug. Shoulda known you would be all over that. Favorite line from the comments?

          “It’s times like these that I’m glad that I’m really unattractive.”

          1. It’s OK. I fucked up the link anyway.

            Although, it’s the first one in a while. Rehab’s working!

            1. Likes this.

      4. In which it is proven that there is no winning:

        CherrySoda15
        01/12/10

        It’s times like these that I’m glad that I’m really unattractive. There have been times where I’ve been forced to silence by men, but it was purely due to them ignoring me. I’ve never in my life been ogled at, hit on, or seen as attractive by men.
        But at the same time, I’m not sure what’s worse; being completely ignored/invisible or feeling objectified. Both can be equally degrading.

        1. “I’m not sure what’s worse; being completely ignored/invisible or feeling objectified. Both can be equally degrading.”

          I bet a lot of women living under sharia law would agree.

  10. Per the commenter’s suggestion at the linked WC Blog, I’m asking for a stab vest that says Free Hugs on it for my birthday.

    1. What does “WWJGD” stand for?

      1. I’ve always thought “JG” stood for JG Ballard.

        That was an amazing catch he had in the Rose Bowl.

  11. I’d like a trodding-proof vest.

    1. Show us on the doll where the man trodded you ProL.

      1. “Toes and heels all over me. It’s like he had 15 feet!”

        1. I was thinking “Don’t Tread on Me.” So I’d like a government-proof vest.

      2. My wallet. He trod on my wallet.

  12. Can I wear this on the plane ride across the pond?

  13. They should also market this to English Division One fans who want to see their team visit Millwall.

  14. Maybe soccer fans wouldn’t be so violent if their sport was actually interesting.

    1. 1/10

      Unoriginal.

      1. All I’m saying is that if I was that bored, I’d start punching people too.

        1. 0/10

          -1 for trying too hard to keep the unoriginality up.

          Don’t make me set my Male Gaze upon you.

          1. If you didn’t already know soccer was boring, you wouldn’t get so defensive about it.

            I played it for four years in middle and high school. I coached it for two years at the YMCA. I’m not sure how I survived.

            I’m continually afraid that the last 23 years of my life has just been a daydream while standing in the backfield and I’ll wake up, still playing that boring fucking game.

            1. -1/10

              Poor performance.

              1. I just hope you get help some day.

                1. What’s weird is that fights don’t seem to break out in the crowds at MMA matches.

                  1. They do happen quite regularly at NFL games, though.

  15. Those pussy-ass vests won’t do shit for you when I attack you with my halberd.

    1. Would if I added a halberd-proof layer. It’s all about layers.

      1. By the time you added a mace layer and a laser layer and a taser layer, etc., you wouldn’t be able to move.

        Then we could just starve you out.

        “Pro Libertate laid there like a slug. It was his only defense.”

        1. Wrong! I’d add a thinning layer, too. And a layer of cured bacon.

          1. Bacon? Add a rabid coyote layer.

      2. Orgres got layers

      3. You might want to add a latex layer too. And have it cover other body parts.

        1. Oh, good idea.

    2. That reminds me of a special I saw about an English guy who made re-creations of medieval weapons. He was approached by a biker who wanted a flail. He asked the guy what he was going to use it for, and the biker replied, somewhat astonished, “to fight with, what do you think?” The weapon maker politely declined.

  16. Is it too late to start the football vs. soccer semantical argument?

  17. Let’s not go there.

    1. Okay, how about we go to the “are we going to fuck this up again?” argument? We s/b able to beat Algeria and Slovenia, but we screw up the big matches so often, I’m not optimistic. Especially after that (yes, I know it was a bunch of youngsters) drubbing the Mexicans gave us in the Meadowlands. Jesus, that was humiliating.

      1. Dude, don’t fall into the MexiTrap of believing that that was anything other than a cathartic ass-whupping in an inconsequential match that few US fans even expected that bunch of rejects and one-timers to reach.

        Really, all that needs to be said in reply to the Mexicant trollery of 5-0 is “Jay Heaps”.

        That should put it all to bed.

        As for the group we were drawn in and fucking it up or not, the “trends” such that they are indicate that this will be a good cycle for us. We seem to do well when the tournament is not held in Europe, which happens to be every other one since we started qualifying again.

        Plus, the Confederations Cup performance lends some credence to that. We seemed to be comfortable in RSA once we got fucked out of the Italy match (Clark’s red card was one of the weakest reds I’ve seen in some time, and it killed our chances early. It was on Gattuso, for fuck’s sake! That guy is a fucking barbarian.) and shat the bed against Brazil (which really was the product of Demarcus Beasley making a U-12 error and us getting caught up having to press the most composed team in the world).

        Though I really wouldn’t look past Slovenia AT ALL. They can be very good on their day. It’s a great matchup for me to watch since a good part of my ancestry is from there.

  18. U.S. confounds the world and wins it all. As a result, everyone with nuclear weapons wipes us out. ‘Cause we can’t have the U.S. being great at soccer, too.

    1. The US has as much chance of winning the Football World Cup as they have of winning the Cricket World Cup.

      1. Thank God we broke away from England before cricket was developed.

      2. Well, even if they did have a chance, FIFA would ensure that they didn’t.

        1. That is likely true.

        2. Bah. FIFA Supremo Sepp Blatter loves US success in soccer. Evidence of that is that he recently tried to tell us to move our league schedule to fall-spring or else he’d pout. If he didn’t like us, he’d shut the fuck up and butt out.

          1. Everyone knows Blatter just hates the English. We should be fine in that regard. Now having enough talent to go deep is another question totally. The US team isn’t totally lacking in talent, but we’re going to have a hard time breaking down organized defenses, and I certainly don’t see us doing that the multiple times needed to make it to and win the WC.

        3. Actually, FIFA would love the US to go into the later rounds. Even if there are only 8 million fans in the US, there are only 6 million people in Ireland. It’s all about the money.

          Also, BSJ & Brett – cricket was popular in the US until after WWI, when baseball took over. The Brits conspired to keep us out of the loop of international competitions (e.g., their empire), so the popularity of the sport declined. Cricketing great Donald Bradman toured the US & Canada as late as the 1930’s. The longest continuous international sporting competition is the cricket match between the US & Canada, which has happened every year since 1840 or so.

          1. Also, cricket sucked ass until limited-overs formats became popular. The American people have many things to be ashamed off, but eschewing Test cricket is definitely not one of them.

            1. I have to agree. I might actually prefer to watch a Jim Jarmusch film than 50 straight “dot balls”. 20-20 was a great idea.

          2. The might let us into the round of 8 but no further. No way would FIFA allow the US to beat Brazil or a big European power like Germany, Italy or France. They will pat us on the head and hope that we get into the elimination rounds and maybe win a game. But, once the round of 8 rolls around and we are playing one of the big teams, the refs will screw us royally. You watch.

            1. Why did they let us all the way to the semi-finals in 1930, then?

              Anyway, FIFA “let” us get to the final of their “2nd-most prestigious tournament”, where we had a 2-0 lead on Brazil at halftime.

              Anything’s possible, so long as that fucker Hugh Dallas stays far, far away from us.

              1. It was 1930 that is why. I hope you are right.

      3. Actually, that’s not true. The U.S. has been good enough to get to the final in the past. So have a number of other teams that haven’t made it. This team is tough to gauge. I’m sure they’ll choke, but you never know.

        Bet we win the next time we host. I’ll be watching that one in my bunker.

      4. Our odds of winning in South Africa are WAY higher than anything we could accomplish in cricket.

        1. We’re 85 to 1 to win the Cup, and we’re 14th on the list, which is pretty close to our FIFA ranking.

          1. I was looking for that number, but my Google fu took me to all betting sites, which are verboten at work.

    2. Eh…already a good part of the way there. We’re a top 20 side. Mexico is now routinely ranked below us (though not by much).

  19. Pro Lib, ever since someone else won (post “dream team”) gold at Olympic basketball, soccer is fair game for us.

  20. Naked Women’s Rugby.Now there’s a sport that’s way overdue.

    1. Yes, but will it be League or Union?

      1. Not sure but I bet the Brazilians would be fan favorites.

      2. Could be Sevens.

        1. I would vote for Union, based on having the most naked chicks on the field.

          1. On the other hand, have you seen the average women’s Rugby player.

            Let’s just say there isn’t a whole lot of The Male Gaze flummoxing that group.

    2. http://www.blogcdn.com/www.aut…..it2010.jpg

      Here is my first pick for that league.

      1. I loved a girl like that once.

        hmmm, maybe it was twice.

        1. I thought you were going to stop with the Male Gaze.

          1. Yeah, dude, stop gazin’ off. It offends the women.

  21. Spain should win this one. Casillas is the best keeper in the world. Xavi and Iniesta might be the greatest midfield partnership in the history of the sport. It’s impossible to get the ball off of them. Torres and Villa is also the best striker pairing of any country. On top of that, most of their substitutes would start for any other country. The only question about them is if they will travel well. Historically they haven’t.

  22. They are legendary chokers. They finally cast off that yoke at Euro ’08, but I doubt they have totally forgotten their usual form. Something about their mentality just seems to sabotage them time after time.

    1. Spain, The Netherlands (Orange Crush, anyone?), Sweden and Mexico are my top four for most over-rated/under performers in WC competition. I’m just sayin’…

  23. The great thing about this World Cup is that it comes as soccer has finally found a comfortable spot on the American sports radar. No, it’s not NFL or MLB level. But it’s a big enough deal nowadays, and it ain’t going away.

    Watch ESPN go absolutely bonkers with their coverage this summer, for instance.

    It’ll be nice. We’ll finally get to enjoy a World Cup summer without every other article focusing on goofy stuff like “when will soccer make it in the United States” and “Americans are born to use their hands” (unlike all the other hominids on earth, apparently), etc. etc.

  24. “I grant you that it seems somewhat improbable that this company is real.”

    Given that this is South Africa, it’s sadly probable that this is real

    More ridiculousness here.

  25. Unbeliveable and the liberials in America want to model our socity like the Europeans. BOTTOM FEEDERS
    World Cup World Dopes

  26. Dear all FIFA fans check out a recent BBC documentry on Johannesburg:

    http://video.google.com/videos…..BEQqwQwAA#

  27. cannot WAIT for the World Cup.

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