A Garden Noam For Your Killing Fields

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There is some confused old dude in our garden again

The Nation magazine sends its loyal readers a fundraising appeal, beseeching them to bid on commie gewgaws like the Noam Chomsky garden gnome (current bud $340) and a Karl Marx plush toy (current bid $35).

Are you tired of all those cute but essentially brainless "beanie" dolls? We were, so to offset the trend we designed the "Little Thinkers." Let the Little Thinkers add a little culture and humor to your life. 11″ Tall and oh, so smart!

But for $35, one can still snag a panoramic photograph of the destroyed city of Hiroshima, though be warned that the Col. Paul Tibbets bobblehead and Bataan death march skateboard both appear to be sold out.

Way back in 2002, Nick Gillespie noted this clever little item for sale on the website of Mother Jones magazine:

Although I've been dead for close to 80 years, I've got a great new gig these days, shilling bowling shirts for my comrades at Mother Jones. I know what you're thinking: It's ironic for me to be hawking merchandise for a left-wing magazine that spends much of its time attacking capitalism for creating false needs. In fact, the May-June issue even slags the makers of  so-called alcopops–"sweet malt-based beverages" such as Mike's Hard Lemonade and Smirnoff Ice–for pitching their product to kids in an attempt to "groom the next generation of drinkers." 

Get it?

But hey–they don't call it a commodity fetish for nothing, and the shirts only cost $39.95. That's pocket change you can probably expropriate from the kulak next door. And what other murderous head of state are you going to wear on your back to show how cool your are? Hitler, Mao, Kim Il Sung, Pol Pot–none of those guys is half as hip as moi.

My only fear is that my current employer is going to catch wind of my dubious past as a proponent of the death penalty, especially since they are rightly skeptical of that policy's efficacy. In 1922, as I was starting to pick off my former beloved revolutionary pals, I wrote to the people's commissar of justice, "It is my view that the leeway for applying the death penalty should be considerably enlarged, and should include all the activities of Mensheviks, Socialist Revolutionaries, and others." Oh well, it's not like I let soda pop be sold in Soviet schools. 

NEXT: Rand Brings Converts, the Hate

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  1. Such a pretty gnome … FOR ME TO POOP ON!

  2. OK… so the Nation selling a photograph of Hiroshima is like another magazine selling a shirt with Lenin on it… how, exactly? Do you think the Nation is celebrating the mass murder that took place in Hiroshima? Or is it equivalent to Leninism to even mention that mass murder took place there? Let us into your world, Moynihan.

    1. (^_^)

    2. Well, I do think that selling a photo of a killing field for $35 is a bit gauche, but not necessarily in a leftish kind of way.

      It’s just kinda creepy, really. Like offering to paint a mural of a serial killer, or something.

      1. Or a painting of his victims.

      2. It’s so much better to forget the genocide.

    3. Well, I do think that selling a photo of a killing field for $35 is a bit gauche, but not necessarily in a leftish kind of way.

      It’s just kinda creepy, really. Like offering to paint a mural of a serial killer, or something.

      1. Goddammit….

      2. a bit gauche, but not necessarily in a leftish kind of way

        Win.

      3. Guernica is creepy?

    4. It is probably supposed to suggest some sort of silent screed against U.S. “aggression”, and as Moynihan suggested, glossing over the reason Hiroshima had to be flattened

      1. glossing over the reason Hiroshima had to be flattened

        Or perhaps they’re questioning whether it had to be “flattened” at all. Which is the same thing as Leninism in your and Moynihan’s world, I suppose.

    5. I wonder how he feels about people buying prints of Guernica?

  3. Good, can I have my cigar back.

  4. On the leftie front:

    Ok, at least I know that Chad and Tony are collectivists and statists, which explains their passionate belief in GW – I gathered as much by reading on their disdain for property and their collectivist inclinations. Just need one more to come out clean . . .

    1. ad hominem attacks make you look smart

  5. Guys, you should see what this guy Chad thinks about labor and society:

    Re: Chad,

    No, I am saying the “fruits” that you collect[…]

    I don’t collect anything. The “fruits of my labor” are my creation, not something I took.

    […]are magnified a hundred-fold by the tools we have lent you.

    What’s with this “we” business, Kimosabe? Who’s “we”? When did you “lend” me anything?

    If we take a third as compensation, you have nothing to whine about.

    Why not half, while you are at it. How about 100%?

    There is no threat that we would ever take more than the share which we have earned, because long before that, the Laffer effect would set in and make us both worse off.

    You’re citing the Laffer curve?

    Are you suggesting you want to live off my labor, at least one third of it?

    Government is just one manification of society.

    Did you mean “manifestation”?

    What would be another “manification” of society? I mean, I would like to know, you know, for comparison purposes.

    1. No, of course we don’t stand on the shoulders of giants, everything springs forth from me like Athena out of Zeus’s head.

      1. Athena sprung from Zeus’ thigh, not his head.

    2. “Guys, you should see what this guy Chad thinks”

      Let me finish teaching this pig to sing first.

    3. We long ago grew numb to the fact that Chad is a Communist piece of shit.

    4. You are under several layers of propaganda and delusion about how the world works.

  6. Mark my words, Reason’s next webathon will feature Lobster Girl plush toys (Fleshlight sold separately).

  7. bid on commie gewgaws like the Noam Chomsky garden gnome (current bud $340)

    Yeeeah, it would HAVE to be full of bud for me to pay that kind of money. 🙂

  8. And you know, Michael, it’s almost like you’re telling us this to invite trolls over there for fun and games.

    Excuse me…

  9. We can only imagine the fundraising activities they do at Feministing.

    1. What a perv you are, Tulpa. What?

  10. Does the Nation still ask its readers to leave a “gift” for the magazine in their wills?

    1. Clearly you have a problem with free markets.

  11. On my deathbed, I’m going to give The Nation total consciousness.

    1. So they’ve got that going for them. Which is nice.

  12. Free markets are for everyone.

    1. Indeed. it’s called the Third World. Somalia. Never been a freer market in modern times.

  13. And tell me you wouldn’t get a boner over a Rand Gnome!

    1. +1

      i got a boner just thinking about t

  14. I wonder how much video games have to do with this? In the Call of Duty series you play roughly half the game as a Soviet soldier.

  15. obi juan,

    In Soviet Union, video game plays you.

  16. What about the Noam Chomsky blow up doll (and the leather-bound edition of “Heather Has Two Mommies” (with the sweaty pillow fight scene on page 69))?

    🙂

    1. ….and the homophobic assholes are heard from. I’d miss ya if I didn’t hear from ya. The internet just saved your life.

      1. WTF??
        homophobic? bzzt. wrong number.

        (that’s (Heather) an old joke from earlier days hier at H&R – Mr. Steven Crane and I used to banter that one back and forth)

        Actually, I have no idea why I’m being nice to you, since you threw down that card to start…. but I am and will continue to be so.

  17. Chomsky bobblehead?

    Sorry, I’m saving my money for the Khmer Rouge collector’s set.

  18. Perhaps we could also mention Milton Friedman and the killing fields of Chile, since that comparison would be fairer than the one with Chomsky (who never advised the Khmer Rouge about anything).

    1. WRONG CLASS. WRONG.

      NOAM ADVISED THE KHMER ROUGE ABOUT HOW TO GET RID OF THOSE TRICKY HOLIDAY LEFTOVERS.

      AS PUNISHMENT, WE SHALL SEEK OUT MR. STEVEN CRANE AND BANISH HIM FROM STEVO’S BUNK.

    2. “(who never advised the Khmer Rouge about anything)”

      No, he just lied for them :

      http://jim.com/chomsdis.htm

      1. You are under the delusion that Chomsky has an actual power. Noam Chomsky didn’t commit genocide or order bombings.

    3. Yes we should especially given that the contrast are so stark.

      Friedman showed up in Chili years after the killing ended and he had nothing to do with the overthrow of Allende’s incipient communist dictatorship.

      By contrast, Chomsky was a pivotal figure arguing for allowing the Khmer Rouge to come to power. He wrote constantly about how the people of Cambodia would be better off living under the rule of the Khmer rouge than they would be fighting them. He studiously played down their longstanding voiced plans to depopulate the cities and kill people “contaminated” by education. Chomsky directly advised politicians who voted to cut off support to anti-Khmer Rouge Cambodians even as the Soviets and Mao where pouring support in. Even as the reprots of the killing fields filtered in, Chomsky tried to deny the fact, to downplay its magnitude and to blame the deaths on America.

      Pinochet killed 3,500 people out of population of 10 million. In the previous four years, roving gains of communist thugs had murdered far more ordinary Chileans.

      Pol Pot’s crime was larger by 3 orders of magnitude. Pol Pot killed 1.5-2.0 people out of population of only 7 million. It was the largest proportional democide in recorded history.

      With Friedman’s help, Pinochet managed not to utterly destroy the Chilean economy. Indeed, Chili prospered under his rule compared to the rest of Latin America. He eventually peacefully transitioned the nation to democracy.

      With Chomsky’s help, Pol Pot destroyed his country’s human capital and involved the nation in nearly 20 years of communist internecine warfare. Today, Cambodia remains a devastated country whose landscape is covered in land mines.

      The fact that Pinochet has been elevated by the left to the top ranks of 20 century mass murderers reveals the complete and utter narcissism of the left. Pinochet’s crime isn’t that he killed 3,500 people (compare to the much admired Castro’s count of 14,000 Cubans and 20,000-80,000 Africans.) No, Pinochet’s real crime in their eyes is that he killed members of the leftist elite, people whom leftist regarded as a kind of inviolate aristocracy. Had he killed 3,500 peasants, they wouldn’t have cared. Certainly, he gets more negative attention than those who killed significantly more people regardless of their politics.

      Pinochet rather surgically went after the Stalinist leadership, much of it foreign, who had worked in collusion with the Soviet Union and China to turn Chile into a totalitarian communist state with all the oppression and mass murder that implies. He mostly killed people that were the moral equivalent of Nazis and deserved it at least on a karmic level. (You join the fan club of sociopathic mass murderers you have to expect some blowback.)

      Comparing Pinochet to Pol Pot is a joke. It’s like comparing a guy in bar fight to a serial killer. Comparing Friedman to Chomsky is even more comical. At worst, Friedman helped after the fact someone who overreacted in fighting the greatest mass murdering evil in human history. At his best, Chomsky did everything in his power to advance the cause of that very same greatest mass murdering evil in human history.

      People who can’t see the difference have serious intellectual and moral problems.

      1. “Friedman showed up in Chili”

        Grosss, sounds worse than the time Greenspan showed up in my Cobb salad.

        1. hahahahahaha

      2. This is quite possibly the best comment i’ve ever read on an internet comment thread. And i’ve been reading them for about 14 years.

          1. I third that.

      3. You almost make it sound like Cambodia was our business in the first place. Clearly you are a mouthpiece for power who can’t stand a little dissent. Even though said dissent is decades old. Hold many grudges?

    4. Ah, the old “Milton Friedman advised Pinochet” lie again, eh, classwarrior.

      It’s truly amazing what a life that old chestnut has gotten. I guess it really is true.

      But then, I suppose it’s only fair to point out that Shannon Love, who’s supposedly on “our” side, seems to have fallen for the same lie.

      On the other hand, Milton Friedman actually was an adviser to Richard Nixon who incidentally followed his advice to the same extent as every other world leader has; ie, not at all.

      1. Correction:

        “I guess it really is true.”

        Should read:

        “I guess it really is true that if a lie is told often enough people will believe it.”

  19. is that where Jalapeno peppers come from?

  20. Nation readers would love to try to dig up the corpse of Marx and try to suck his dick.

    Fucking retarded fetuses.

    1. What do you mean?

  21. Wow. You People ™ really can’t stand it when one person speaks truth to power. You really are just mouthpieces for the powerful, aren’t you? Ayn Rand was an amoral nutjob, by the way. Not a good role model.

    1. You’ve got us figured out. This whole site is just one big mouthpiece for big government. Can’t you tell?

  22. Fuck that gnome, I’m sick of my teammates not keeping the zombies, jockeys, spitters, chargers, and all the other rabies-infested mutants off me while I’m trying to haul it to the helicopter while a Tank is trying to punch me out of the stadium like a pebble being flicked. Make less retarded achievements in your next game, Valve.

  23. um.

    *stares*

    (just got a strange error message, “Your comment does not appear to be written in an English script. Please comment in English.”)

    nej. det skal jeg ikke. rend mig, hr. computer)

  24. Stuff like this is the reason Tom Lehrer retired.

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