Reason Morning Links: Lou Dobbs Quits, Square One in Afghanistan, Monopoly Movie


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  1. In space, no-one can hear you land on Park Place after another player put a Hotel on it.

  2. With Rutger Hauer as the Shoe.

    1. “I’ve seen socks you people wouldn’t believe. Odor-Eaters on fire off the ankle of Orion. I’ve heard toe-paper crinkle in the dark near the Payless Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like laces in the wash. Time to… be used only to mow the grass.”

      1. “Let’s nuke the Water Works from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”

        1. Wrong director. But I did laugh.

      2. We ain’t passin’ Go in ten minutes, we won’t need no rocket to fly through space.

  3. Being a true reflection of life, it will include a scene where someone gets pissed and flips the game board over.

    1. That guy who played Kramer on Seinfeld should be available for cheap.

    2. All monetary cycles end in a fist fight.

  4. When Dobbs announces his Fox contract, CNN and NBC will have officially tanked like a fiber and corn ridden turd in a toilet bowl. It must suck to lose people to another network that you viewed as marginal and have them turn around and pull in better ratings on another station.

    Sooner or later you would have to ask yourself if you’re running a business. Of course you just claim you are taking the ideological high road, as you sink beneath the waves. That way you can be the martyr protesting the stupidity of the markets and people who choose the other guy.

    1. tanked like a fiber and corn ridden turd in a toilet bowl.

      Dude, I’m eating here!

  5. Anyone care to guess what will burst forth from the Monopoly guy’s gut?

    1. The SLA serpant complete with Kawanza labels, played by Patty Hurst.

  6. When I land on Community Chest, unleash hell!

    1. If you find yourself alone on a square with a car heading towards you, not be afraid. For you are on Free Parking, and are already dead!

  7. I suspect Dobbs will reemerge on FOX. Thus completing their ‘all batshit all the time’ reformation.

    How’s that working out for you Stossle?

    1. Stossle is a background and special report oriented individual isn’t he? I assume that’s the roll he was going to take at Fox, that and the guest roll for some shows. I don’t watch enough TV to know if he has been on Fox much. Anyone seen him?

      All bat shit all the time is better than all blowjob all the time. I’ve always had an affinity for the bat shit crazy people.

      1. “role”. Unless you were using street slang for how he acts.

    2. Since almost no one watches any cable news networks besides Fox, I would imagine it is working out well for Stossel.

      And it will work out well for Dobbs to. He will end up on Fox and have big ratings.

  8. Ridley Scott to make movie based on . . . Monopoly?

    Why is Scott remaking Capitalism: A Love Story?

  9. Scott has 15 movies in development. Brave New World and The Forever War interest me infinitely more. Although I doubt anyone could bring The Forever War the screen and actually capture the spirit of the book. Cultural dislocation is the enemy. You can’t shoot, explode, or race cultural dislocation.

    He’d be better off filming Armor by John Steakley, which is basically all the action scenes Heinlein left out of Starship Troopers. (Of course, Verhoeven has already cannibalized huge chunks of it.)

    1. Isn’t he doing LoneWacko the Movie too? Or are you still on a contractual gag order?

      1. No comment.

      2. Shit, that reminds me. I’m doing the storyboards for that. I need to finish those off soon.

        1. Quiet, you!

        2. I wonder who is doing the soundtrack . . .

          1. Vangelis, of course. Oops. You didn’t hear that from me.

            1. No problem. We can’t hear you unless you double post anyway.

    2. Armor – one of my favorite science fiction books. Why hasn’t it been made into a movie?

      1. I always imagined it was the Starship Troopers problem of filming the armor. They could do it now, but the comparisons to ST would be glaring and possibly legally actionable.

        I supposed they could use the latter parts of the book, and focus more on his background.

      2. RCD,

        Steakley is working on an Armor squeal.

        1. I missed that. Can you repost?

          1. Sounds like someone wants me to give their address to Steve Smith.

            1. Give him my Kentucky address.

      3. RCD,

        Steakley is working on an Armor squeal.

  10. Also in the news, Balloon Boy’s parents pleading guilty to filing false reports and “attempting to influence a public servant”. Apparently, both will get probation, although I’d like to see the dad serve at least some time (or get a big bill) for all of the trouble they caused. Opportunistic bullshit…

  11. Jon Voight as the Banker.

    1. If you ain’t the hat, you’re little people.

    2. Jon Voight or Christopher Walken

      1. Why not both? And speaking of Voight, Alan Arkin as Yossarian.

  12. But clearly (for at least 9/10ths of you), clearly is not the major news of the day from the BBC:

    New warning on ‘perfect vaginas’

    1. Nooooo!!!! My Pudsey Bears!!!

      1. I care about perfect vaginas, but the coverage of the same story on Jezebel was enough for me.…..sks-as-fgm

        FrabjousDay 11/11/09
        Once I slept with a guy who told me my vagina “scared” him because it was too big.

        1. Once I slept with a guy who told me my vagina “scared” him because it was too big.

          Gee honey, maybe if you didn’t date wussy patchouli-oil granola munching dudes, they wouldn’t be frightened of your massive pudenda.

          I mean, I can see a guy being scared of one covered in warts or pimply rashes, but a big labia? Wow. How does a guy like that get laid, anyway?

          1. I dated a girl with a fat pussy once. I found it glorious, personally. I liked a nice handful of sculch.

            1. More the crinkles,
              the hotter my sprinkles!

              Don’t worry about the hoo hoo ladies, rarely is there one that isn’t a masterpiece of evolutionary design and aesthetics.

    2. No more beef curtains.

  13. Ridley Scott to make movie based on . . . Monopoly?

    It’s the singer, not the song, I suppose.

  14. Speaking of movies, boy does Avatar look like a PC piece of shit. Evil corporation and military kill peaceful noble savage natives. Wow, that theme has never been done before. Too bad they couldn’t work in the racist South.

    1. And they sued or forced the other Avatar movie to change its name. Even though the Avatar comic has been around longer than the Camerons movie.

      1. Alienate comic book fans when releasing a new sci fi movie. That is a brilliant marketing strategy.

        1. May this be the movie that ruins JC.

          Not likely though, unless it is R-rated, the shots I have seen of this film seem geared to child hood vanities and will be sopped up by the rugrats.

    2. I was thinking pretty much the same thing. If I want noble savages, I could just read Rousseau again. At least he stumbles on an occasional idea once in a while.

      1. Or watch a good Western. It is just such a tired theme. And modern Hollywood isn’t sophisticated enough to make a decent movie about it. Instead of making an interesting movie like say the Searchers that really examins what happens when two totally alien and incompatable civilizations collide, Hollywood today just makes polemics about the evil white man and capitalism with no subtlety or nuance at all.

    3. Dances with Smurfs as South Park labeled it.

      1. Last night’s south park episode was terrible. I don’t even want to capitalize it.

    4. I’m still hoping (probably vainly) that there is something a little more to the movie than what has been shown. Cameron has generally been a lot more subtle in his themes previously.

    5. It’s rumored that, after the ad budget, it will be the first 1/2 billion dollar movie.

    6. I had the same wincing reaction to the trailer. And I was kinda looking forward to it.

  15. Could Dobbs be seriously considering a run for office and not a move to FOX?

    1. I heard that this morning too.

  16. The fourth place cable network just lost one of their only semi-interesting guys? Not too good for them; look for them to drop behind the Food Network pretty soon.

  17. Lou Dobbs quits CNN.

    Reading the transcript of his sign-off, I actually think that he’s going to try to run for office.

    Ridley Scott to make movie based on . . . Monopoly?

    Well, it’s only been a little less than 20 years since the Monopoly game show.

  18. The only option I’d like to see Obamessiah consider is “Bring the Troops Home Now.” Otherwise, it is not encouraging to see him behaving like Lincoln and GroFaz, second-guessing his generals who have far more military experience than he has
    (which is none). Lincoln at least served briefly as a captain in a Black Hawk War militia unit and GroFaz was a decorated veteran of the WWI trenches.

    1. Hello. Harvard Law Review. I mean what more do you want?

      1. Well I did read that Harvard has more Medal of Honor winners than any school other than West Point. So perhaps he comes by his military experience through osmosis as he walked through the Yard?

  19. Wow, I must admit that was quite a surprise. I cant help but wonder what the REAL reason for his departure is. I guess we will never know.


  20. No mention on reason of the market and a possible asset bubble due to carry trade. Actually not a lot of mention of it period. It kills me that people (not directed at Reason) are so willing to ignore vast upswings and possible bubbles, but are quick to expound on collapses. I guess one being speculation and the other fact might play a role, but fuck me 10300 on split or questionable fundamentals. It’s like living in Neverland.

    It seems like some of the foreign stimulus is getting out, and creating a bubble in our market. Not good for us. Time to buy stock in KY and Astroglide.

    1. H&R had a post on a Roubini FT article on a dollar carry trade bubble earlier this week or last week.

      1. doh missed it. Danm life and all that other shit you have to do. I figured it would hit here soon. Only a few places are paying attention to it.


  21. What’s Scott’s philosophy on Free Parking?

    1. I take it Kate Moss will be the thimble.

  22. Geena Davis wins second prize in a beauty contest and uses the $10 to go on the lam….and rediscover herself.

  23. Morgan Freeman should definitely reprise his role in the Electric Company.

  24. And today, in another “Is it real, or is it the Onion?”, the government is going to pay down the deficit with…wait for it…TARP funds

    1. linky brokey

      1. Reason is cutting you off from links, Warren, due to your donation position.

    2. Here is a link.

      The lead sentence, following, is “priceless”. 😉

      “The Obama administration, under pressure to show it is serious about tackling the budget deficit, is seizing on an unusual target to showcase fiscal responsibility: the $700 billion financial rescue.”

    3. Good, put the money back in the Treasury where it belongs.

      TARP did nothing except prop up a few favored financial institutions and reinflate the stock bubble a bit, and should never have been enacted at all.

  25. Fox has officially canceled Dollhouse. Remaining episodes to be burned off two-at-time in December and January.

  26. Fox has officially canceled Dollhouse.

    I blame the season 2 title sequence change.

    1. It was doomed from Fox screwed up the damn pilot. Same thing the fuckwads did with Firefly.

      I hope Whedon’s not committed to making three series for those assholes.

  27. I have an idea. How about we bring back something much better, like, um, Firefly? They can steal back the cast by the time they’re ready to shoot.

    1. It would be hard to recapture the magic without Book or Wash.

      1. What? That was a dream sequence.

        1. Or you set the series before that. Like the unproduced Buffy animated series that was to take place around the episodes of season 1 and the first half of season 2. And would have occasionally retold an episode so as to fit Dawn in.

          1. That’s what I always figured would happen if the show came back. Serenity was lovely, but the story really needs to be told more slowly, via a series.

  28. I think Penny Arcade got it exactly right about Dollhouse.

  29. Fillion seems awfully cozy over at ABC now.

    1. Yeah, so comfy that he keeps sneaking in Firefly references. The man craves Malness.

      1. Oh, I haven’t been able to watch enough of Castle to notice. Sounds fun!

        1. Hulu still has the Halloween episode. Try and catch it.

    2. Pretty soon, ABC will have the whole set! They’ll have to buy Chuck, though.

  30. This is fun.…..ue&s=x

    Yesterday I recommended that women quit treating periods as a female-only topic, and I’d like to reiterate that recommendation now.

    Okay, and then we can discuss my farts, the difficulties of peeing while I have a boner, and the consistency of my feces, right?

    Oh, and one of the comments mentions some chick’s boyfriend actually going down on her during her period. Yeah…no thanks. If you’re bleeding, sure, I’ll fuck you, but I am not putting my mouth down there.

    1. Yeah, I was going to post that and then didn’t have the stomach. Taking a dump is totally natural too. Shall I discuss my last one? Jeez.

      1. Taking a dump is totally natural too

        Not the way I do it.

      2. Did you break the water line?

        That is the goal, right?

    2. How do you guys wade in there every day? It is like diving into a septic tank for fun.

      1. Are you talking about the Jezebel site or the subject of the article?

        1. Jeazebel. Your preversions are your business.

          1. All of my preversions are now postversions, thank you.

  31. I want to see Bernanke in the Monopoly movie; in a skintight jumpsuit, like Frank Gorshin, only with zeros instead of question marks.

  32. Dobbs/Buchanan 2012*
    “Change is Bad”

    *Featuring Lonewacko, as Campaign Director.

  33. SugarFree,

    Whedon should go to a cable network like A&E or something for his next series. Safer, more independent, and can come close to broadcast network-level ratings these days. Screw it.

    1. I think we may be at a tipping point. A series like Mad Men doesn’t even come close to breaking even with ad sales, and only gets close after many airings. They make the money on the DVDs. (HBO learned this long ago.)

      Free TV will eventually become hour long ads for the DVDs. Showtime has this model down. They air the season once, and then it disappears until after it’s out on DVD and only re-runs right before the next season as free promotion.

      Whedon would do great in that environment. Maybe even cut out the middle man. Air a few episodes on-line, then sell the DVDs. There would be a lag time in production for the full set, but it could mean higher quality shows and creative freedom.

      1. Maybe TV will some day come to an end. Do you think we will still be watching TV 2000 years from now?

        1. No, but I bet we’ll have some sort of fiction for entertainment. Unless we all become emotionless killing machines. [crosses fingers]

          1. Why emotionless? I don’t see any reason not to program them (or us) to enjoy their job.

            1. Or we could run on blood. Eating is very pleasurable.

              1. Sure, why not? Wasn’t there a DARPA project recently announced about a robot that would power itself by consuming dead flesh?

  34. Have you guys considered that a large part of the problem is Whedon? Firefly could be fun, but there were large eye-rolling inducing stretchs with barn dances and ren-fairs in space etc. And terrible acting and writing.

    The pilot of Dollhouse was horrible. I suspect that the acting and much of the writing remained so.

    1. But the pilot wasn’t the pilot. It was the 3rd show of the series. And what should have been the pilot never even aired and was sliced up and stuck in other episodes.

      I don’t think Whedon is perfect, but I like his ideas. And I’d like to see what he could do with both budget and freedom.

  35. I agree–Whedon has his flaws, but taken as a whole, Firefly was one of the best science fiction series ever. It might’ve blown apart from its own weight, but it would be nice to have that problem rather than wonder what might’ve been.

  36. Into an area of wild speculation…

    whom would a Dobbs Presidential candidacy hurt more, the President or the Republican candidate?



  38. Let me do the math here. Nuthin’ over nuthin’. . .carry the nuthin’.

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