Another Amazing Discovery From the Annals of Science: Men Like Fast Cars!

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porsche

The CBC reports the stunning findings from a new study just published in the journal Organizational Behaviour and Human Decision Processes:

Researchers at Concordia University's John Molson School of Business in Montreal took 39 willing young men and let them take a cruise in a $150,000 Porsche 911 Carrera Cabriolet.

The men were then asked to drive a 16-year-old Toyota Camry. They drove each vehicle once on a busy street where they would be seen by women, and then again on a quiet road. After one hour, the men's saliva was tested for testosterone.

The researchers found that in the sedan, the men's hormone levels remained low, but in the sports car, testosterone levels stayed high — with or without an audience.

"In other words, just put a guy in a Porsche, and his testosterone levels shoot up, whether people watch or not," said marketing professor Gad Saad, the study's lead researcher.

What's next? Scientific reseearch finds that men like pretty women and good whiskey. (Well, real men anyway.)

Go read more about this important study* here.

*All right, all right, I don't need to be so snarky. The finding that testosterone is elevated after driving a swank car is mildly interesting and is very much in line with the recent finding that testosterone levels jump when a professional trader makes a killing in the market.

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  1. Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money . . . .

  2. Jesus Christ monkeyballs, are they serious? At least they could have seen if testosterone levels jumped differently for various cars, like a Porsche, a Ferrari, and a classic Mustang.

    1. I think I can predict the levels of testoserone in Trabant drivers.

      However, after the firth breakdown, their adreneline levels would probably be very high.

      1. Trabant? Is that some sort of Canadian car, dude?

        1. Dude. Seriously? The fucking Trabant, man, also known as the Shitbiscuit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBsPFI–muo

          1. Sigh. No, not seriously. Aresen is Canadian.

            Sarcasm lost on a denizen of the intertubes once again. Where are the sarcasm tags, damn it?

            1. S**t.

              I thought my secret was fading into the distant past. Like GWB.

              1. You can never escape that stigma, dude.

                “I moved here from Canada and they think I’m slow, eh?”

        2. Affectionately known as the “Trabi”.

          1. Everyone jumps on the Trabant. From what I’ve heard, it was a fucking Toyota Civic comapred to the Moskvitch.

  3. OUR RESEARCH INDICATES THAT, SURPRISINGLY, MEN LIKE BIG, BOUNCY, LUSCIOUS TITS, TOO. THE URKOBOLD INTENDS TO USE THIS KNOWLEDGE IN, OF ALL THINGS, ADVERTISING.

  4. I volunteer for the whiskey research.

  5. The criticism of scientific experiments that merely demonstrate things that are “obviously” true would make more sense if so many things that were “obviously” true hadn’t proven to be false.

  6. “But honey I had to buy it, the Dr. said I had low testosterone.”

  7. I suggest that adrenaline increases boost testosterone production in men.

  8. I will be conducting a study this weekend to see if men driving sports cars make women hornier. The study will start and end at a swanky hotel. I may need some help replicating this experiment- any takers?

    1. The most effective aphrodisiac is money.

      Lots and lots and lots of money.

      1. ARESEN, YOU ARE A WISE, WISE MAN FOR A CANADIAN MALE PROSTITUTE. THE URKOBOLD SHALL STEAL YOUR IDEA AND MAKE IT HIS: TIT-BASED ATMS!

        1. Urkobold,

          If you need any technical help implementing your idea, give me a yell as soon as you have the funding. That’s a project I would be happy to work on.

          -jcr

  9. Is it the “sexiness” of the car, the speed, or the vroom-vroom? At least one of those questions might be addressed, were the researchers to employ the all-electric Tesla Roadster as test vehicle.

  10. If driving cars such as this boosts testosterone, wouldn’t that mean that lots of driving would cause the body to raise the estrogen levels to make up for it? Hence, man boobs? It would be cheaper to stay home and eat soy all day.

  11. In another study: Priuses cure priapism.

    1. Ah, the flaccid anals of science.

      1. I’m gonna pretend there was another “n” in that post, sage.

        1. Trying again:

          “Nah, the flaccid anals of science.”

  12. How come I never see ads for this kind of study? “Young men wanted to drive sports cars.” All I ever see are “We’ll pay you $5 to solve logic puzzles for 45 minutes” or “Live in our windowless lab for eight weeks while wearing a rectal temperature probe”.

    1. You need to take the approach of Bill Murray’s character in Ghostbusters: create your own study and make sure that the hawt girl subjects do well–which of course would require further study.

      1. I was just going to say… eight o’clock?

  13. Doing stupid studies probably boosts testosterone in scientists or something.

  14. How come I never see ads for this kind of study?

    The ones I see are all for trials of a drug that blocks the effects of cocaine. And they’re BYOC.

    Fuck you, science.

  15. when a professional trader makes a killing the market.

    Eh, a Ron Bailey? Whatsamatta you now? Why you no likea the grammar? You makea the hurting my head.

  16. I’m a scientist. Nothing shocks *me*.

  17. I was thinking the same thing. Only with more letters.

  18. Okay, what is up with all the posts that don’t have a username?

    1. Sorry, that 4:47 was mine. I wrote a post with a link, hit “submit”, and it said “your comment has been posted”. I didn’t see it, so I was afraid I’d left a tag open. I wrote a blank post with a < /a >; I should have included “close tag”, but I figured no one would get upset about it.

      And my comment was that everyone rags on the Trabant, but it was a friggin’ Toyota Camry compared to the Moskvich.

      1. That’s HTML terrorism, buddy.

        1. If the Obama Internet bill had already passed, I expect my door would busting open right about now.

          1. Nah, he’d just shut down the Internet for a day.

  19. they are unonymous

  20. There didn’t used to be this many of them though…site glitch? Spambots?

  21. the squirrel must be drunk, it is friday afternoon.

  22. Testosterone also causes male pattern baldness. So ladies, if you want a thick mass of hair to hang on while your man goes down on you, go for the guy driving the sixteen year old Camry.

    1. With the “BRNDYBCK” vanity plate?

    2. while your man goes down on you

      Brandybuck, I like the cut of your jib. Not enough equal opportunity road head, I say.

    3. Male pattern baldness is caused by high levels of testosterone?

      My levels must be very, very high.

      1. Male pattern badness is usually androgenic alopecia. Notice how a few really big people in the lime light are bald? Hulk and Jesse Ventura are good examples. But I’m guessing their pattern baldness due to DHT is probably because drugs like Propecia weren’t around when their testosterone levels were, uh, soaring.

  23. GILMORE: Damned pesky prepositions! Fixed. I hope your head feels better now. Have a great weekend.

  24. You know who else had high testosterone levels?

    1. Even with only one testicle?

  25. 100K porsche = no donuts or power slides (at least not until I’m a billionaire)

    16 year old toyota = some wicked reverse donuts and awesome parking break slides.

    You just have to know how to use what ya got to maximize your utility.

    As far as the women go a latte, semi trendy clothes and an obama book will raise your odds of scoring fairly high. Along with ruffies and natural light.

    1. As far as the women go a latte, semi trendy clothes and an obama book will raise your odds of scoring fairly high.

      That’s what women will tell you, just before they jump on the back of a hog with some guy who’ll slap them around.

      -jcr

      1. I was speaking campus wise. I should have qualified that statement.

  26. I like Johnnie Walker Blue Label whiskey.

    I would be willing to be a subject in a study to determine if men like me enjoy Johnnie Walker Blue Label whiskey.

  27. To a certain type of mindset, a belief held by large numbers of (non-intellectual) people is suspect, especially if it is a *traditionalist* belief.

    Such views are prejudices or stereotypes, and are presumed wrong. That presumption can only be overcome with a scientific study, and the results of that study are reported as if they were shocking and counterintuitive.

    Consider the book The *Unexpected* Legacy of Divorce (the ‘unexpected legacy’ is that divorce harms children), or the classic New York Times headline, Prison Population Growing Although Crime Rate Drops.

  28. NY Times link didn’t work, try this:

    http://www.nytimes.com/1998/08…..drops.html

  29. I think it would be more interesting to see if women’s testorone levels “shoot up”if we are allowed to drive a porsche instead of merely gazing in wide wonder at the joy men had found.

  30. Johnnie Walker Blue Label whiskey.

  31. and Efficiency, in Battery systems, Aerodynamics, and Electrical and Electronic Components.

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