To Serve Man


Bill Frist's memoir was published today. It's called…oh, I'll just let you take a look for yourselves:

Hat tip: fellow Twilight Zone fan Bryan Alexander.

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  1. Bill Frist, I don’t use the word “hero” very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.

  2. From the photo on the right it looks like Frist needed to fill his patient’s hearts with gasoline to stop the flat lining.

  3. They put the wrong title on the book. It should just say “Douchbag”

  4. That cover looks like it was jumbled together in Paint in 5 minutes.

  5. “The Passion to Bring Health, Hope, and Healing”

    WTF??? He got tired of being a doctor so he became a congressman.

  6. “To Serve Man” wasn’t a Twilight Zone episode. It was an OUTER LIMITS episode!!!

    Everyone makes the same mistake – they confuse it with a similar Twilight Zone episode. You know, the one where everyone changes except the one guy stays the same and no one believes him. Remember that one? It stars a little known child actor named BILL FRIST!!!!


      Dude I’ve seen the episode a hundred times. Of course “To Serve Man” is a twilight zone episode. Do a goddamn google search before you pretend to be a know it all. That right is reserved to me!

  7. Damnit, I’m really disappointed with my fellow Reason commenters. Jesse Walker provided the setup, and there’s 8 comments, yet no one’s taken the bait.

    Have you tried Frist’s recipe for Fettuccine Schiavo? It’s to die for!

  8. Caption Picture Left. “Soon after, his co-workers stopped asking Bill to contribute to the pot-lucks.”

    Caption Picture Middle. Thought Bubble “Ooooh Bill, what big biceps you have, I can’t wait to get you home alone tonight.”

    Caption Picture Right. “Bringing years of knowledge gained while in congress, Bill shows a poor African farmer how to pour water.”

  9. Bill Frist is a loathsome homunculus.

    I have spoken.

  10. Does his memoir have any helpful hints on remote diagnosis?

    Sorry Bill, every time I hear your name I think of the Terri Schiavo fiasco.

    1. Same here. The guy took federal nannyism to new heights.

      Hey, but the current Congress is trying to beat him.

  11. From Frist’s Wikipedia page:

    In the Terri Schiavo case, a brain-damaged woman whose husband wanted to remove her gastric feeding tube, Frist opposed the removal and in a speech delivered on the Senate Floor, challenged the diagnosis of Schiavo’s physicians of Schiavo being in a persistent vegetative state (PVS): “I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office.”

    I sometimes forget how repulsive the last Republican Congress was.

  12. Is that pic on the right Frist out in his back yard, pouring kerosene on his visitor logs and bank records?

  13. You remember that Night Gallery episode where that guy had an earwig eat through his brain, from one ear to the other? Then, after survived the excruciating episode, the doctor told him that it had laid thousands of eggs in his brain?


    1. I saw that one when I was about 8 years old, It still freaks me out every time I see an earwig (and in South Texas, that’s quite often).

      1. They actually made a reference to that episode in So I Married an Axe Murderer.

  14. P Brooks, I think he’s dousing surplus babies with gasoline, or possibly with a lime-vinegar marinade.

  15. Uh, Bill? Your jug has one hole too many.

  16. Or is that the world’s largest urine stream?

  17. I like that shot of him on the left, you know, the spontaneous one where he’s getting into the MediVac with his medical bag in hand?

  18. Man, I don’t think I can handle another posting about zombies.

  19. “To Serve Man” is a very old joke, isn’t it? Damon Knight wrote the original story upon which the teleplay was based in 1950, and though I suppose C.S. Lewis could have stolen Knight’s original concept for a segment in THE SILVER CHAIR, 1953’s Narnia entry, I always figured that it was a very old joke by that time.

  20. Zombies? oh – they’re getting faster. And are still reading telephone books

  21. The worst part is that earwigs don’t do that, and you don’t have pain receptors in the brain. So all that earwig fear was for nothing. Nothing!

  22. Where, oh where, are the alt-text snarks for these pictures?

    1. Yeah, Jesse’s really good with music references – I was hoping he’d go with a “Call Any Vegetable” gag.

  23. Can someone please explain the supposed libertarian position on the Terri Schiavo cas?
    One thing I really never understood was the ex-husband’s standing in the case. As I understood it, the ex-husband was divorced from Terri Schiavo. If so, why the hell did he have any standing at all with the courts and why did not the care of Terri Schiavo revert to her next of kin as soon as the husband was divorced?
    I mean, really, I am a divorced guy ? hence my bitterness at the world and especially the law. If something was to happen to me I’d like to think that someone that actually gave a shit about me and not my ex-wife was watching over me. After all, I divorced the bitch for a reason.
    I never really gave the Terri Schiavo case much thought at the time, because it seemed that both sides were trying to prove some point that really didn’t have anything to do with Terri Schiavo and both ? I repeat ?BOTH sides made a mockery of the poor woman.

    1. Michael Schiavo was still legally married to Terry but was married in all but name to another woman, who had met after Terry’s condition had set in.

  24. …position on the Terri Schiavo case.

  25. R C Dean,

    Here’s the alt-text you can’t see in FF (and maybe elsebrowser): “Paging Rod Serling.”

  26. I assume he’ll be running for president or something now?
    Will his supporters be called “Fristers”?

  27. Frist/Palin?

  28. I just got the weirdest error message: “Your comment does not appear to be written in an English script. Please comment in English.”

    1. Maybe they thought you were John.

  29. Here’s what I posted:



    1. Fr?stp?l?n is Finnish for Lonewacko.

      1. At least we can post umlauts.

        And there’s a preview button. Rejoice!

    2. So Palin will be Frist-ed?

  30. . . .but it stopped me with the error message. Looks English to me.

  31. The comment bot is clearly a racist.

  32. BitterB*st*rd,

    Up until her death, Michael Schiavo remained married to Terri. He was next of kin. It was his sad responsibility to decide whether to continue medical care or not. He claimed that she had stated she would not have wished to continue in such a state.

    My opinion is that the next of kin makes those decisions, not the parents. Were Terri single, her parents could have made the sincere and slightly weird decision to continue keeping a body alive long after the person who’d occupied it had left.

    This was all hashed out in Florida courts (took way too long to reach the obvious conclusion about next of kin) and then the GOP decided that suddenly this was a federal issue to placate their right to life supporters.

    Does that help?

  33. Who reads this crap?

  34. Which crap? You mean the book or this thread?

  35. “I just got the weirdest error message: “Your comment does not appear to be written in an English script. Please comment in English.””

    God Damned Reason Xenophobes!

    1. Maybe Lou Dobbs is moonlighting.

  36. “Who reads this crap?”

    Scatologists, silly!

  37. The cover needs a photo of him escaping by helicopter from a rooftop while being pursued by a gang of terrorists.

  38. Die Sauerkraut ist in mein Lederhosen.

  39. What a selfless public servant. How lucky we are that such a selfless person was able to make the SACRIFICE involved in becoming a super-powerful politician.

  40. Nothing will ever top “Reagan in His Own Hand.”

  41. Now that wasn’t English. What gives? Play back the error message now!

    1. my hovercraft is full of eels

  42. Trust VM to immediately get all Germanic movie references.

  43. . . .and respond to them with Pythonizations.

    1. just whatever you do, don’t mention the war.

      (it’ll not be much fun in stalingrad)

  44. It can even be beautiful and thrilling work, as I discovered that day in the lab when I first saw the wonderful workings of a dog’s heart… I spent days and nights on end in the lab, taking the hearts out of cats, dissecting each heart, suspending a strip of tiny muscle that attaches the mitral valve to the inner wall of the cat heart and recording the effects of various medicines I added to the bath surrounding the muscle.” “I lost my supply of cats. I only had six weeks to complete my project before I resumed my clinical rotations. Desperate, obsessed with my work, I visited the various animal shelters in the Boston suburbs, collecting cats…”

    1. “Some suggested that Lott’s book, which portrayed Frist in a negative light, was designed to impede Frist’s possible presidential campaign, but Frist did not run.”

      ~ Wiki, on what should have been called Hurting Cats.

  45. Did this prick ever save a dying man for free? If not, please go fuck yourself.

    1. What a rational comment!

  46. Speaking of books, I’m about half-way through Matt Latimer’s “Speech-Less”

    The book is very funny.. he’s a pretty witty … though the book depresses me,because as poorly as the Bush admin was at administering this catastrophic govt, I shudder to think what the power-mad unprincipled Leftists are doing right not… scurrying like termites into every nook and cranny , eating all they can.

  47. I want to take this moment to fucking complain about how this how Medical reform bullshit scam the Congress is engaging in is basically a coup of our government order.

    The Democrats have deliberately created an enviroment where there’s a bunch of competing, contradictory, vague, confusing, bills. (And locking out the GOP from input, and the MSM not reporting on those the impression that the GOP is just in a corner pouting)..

    So anyway.. there is no single plan that anyone can point to to either support or oppose.

    The Democrats are going to pass whatever they could get away with in either chamber n, and then just the Stimulus bill that was written by a outside Far-Left radical group, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid will bring out the REAL bill during the Conference meeting.

    The House and Senate will be given 10 minutes to read the totally re-written unseen law and pass it like the totalitarian fuck heads that they are.

  48. Hazel Meade won the thread at 5:55.

  49. you need the heart at the right place

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  51. I came as close to puking as I ever have while reading Hit And Run. Jeeze Bill, thanks for all your “service” and all your “sacrifice”. Some people are just givers.

  52. You people should get a life. Terri Schiavo was a disabled woman who lived as such-with a feeding tube-for fifteen (15) years. Thank you Bill Frist for all your efforts to stop the deliberate taking of an innocent woman’s life.

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