Captain Euro Meets the Phantom of the Park

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Euro Speed Racer!

My former colleagues at the Swedish free market think tank Timbro are causing a minor stir with a new report detailing the massive amounts of wasteful spending from the European Union's propaganda department. UPI provides a brief overview:

The European Union wastes millions of dollars annually on propaganda it calls public service information, a Swedish free-market think-tank said Monday.

"The EU's propaganda apparatus has until now gone uncriticized, despite the fact that it acts in a way that would not be tolerated in any member state," the think-tank Timbro said in a report.

The report praised the EU for wanting to inform the public about its work, but said taxpayer money should not be spent persuading people of the Union's virtues in an intrusive manner, the Swedish news agency TT reported Monday.

An English-language summary of the report can be read here. Of course, that Brussels is pissing away taxpayer money on pro-EU propaganda is hardly surprising. As The Daily Mail's Euroskeptic blogger Mary Ellen Synon points out, it isn't that the rah-rah agitprop oozing out of Brussels is particularly difficult to counter, more that free-spending Eurocrats produce heavy-handed material that would make North Korean television wince. The finest example being the pro-EU comic book Captain Euro:

This fellow on the left [For our purposes, on the upper right] is Captain Euro ('born Adam Andros, the only son of a famous European Ambassador'), meant to be a superhero. He was invented by a firm of  'corporate vision strategists' on the orders of the European Commission. He stars in animated films paid for by taxpayers' money and which are broadcast through the internet and television. The official line is, 'Captain Euro is the symbol of European unity and values.'

The villain opposing him is, naturally, the evil Dr D. Vider—get it, Divider? Dr Vider is described as 'a ruthless speculator' which in Brussels code means anybody who supports the kind of free market economics the British do best and the French hate.

Check out the rest of Captain Euro's exceptionally blond comrades here.

NEXT: "Illegal Eggs Taste Amazing"

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  1. the massive amounts of wasteful spending from the European Union’s propaganda department.

    Wouldn’t that be all of it?

  2. Captain Euro has been around for years now and has been equally stupid and unpopular the entire time. I don’t think I’ve ever met a European who had even heard of him.

  3. Why didn’t they just adopt Millar’s “Red Son” Superman? It’d be easier and he’s already recognized world wide.

  4. You compare this saccharine bilge to what the North Koreans churn out?

    What’d the North Koreans ever do to you?

  5. So…why does everyone else in the team wear a jogging outfit, except the black guy? He’s wearing a flashy yellow suit.

  6. So tell me again why the Black guy isn’t named Tokin….

  7. Finally, a superhero with tasteful blonde highlights.

  8. This HAS to be a Parker/Stone prank….

  9. I like how Erik, the uber-Aryan, likes to read the works of European Sci-Fi authors. There examples are Jules Vernes, a classic and European but not Euro, Arthur C. Clarke, a Brit who lived in Sri Lanka for the last 52 years of his life (I guess he was working as an agent for the Twelve Stars), and Isaac Asimov who was born in Russia (not a part of EU) and moved to the US at age three.

    You can have Vernes, and I’ll overlook Clarke as he was a bit wacky towards the end there, BUT you Euro turds can’t claim Asimov!! You only wish you’re team had that kind of talent. I’ll pit secular humanist dream team of Sagan, Asimov and Gould against anyone you have to offer! Sure Dawkins, Darwin and Hitchens are all still good but they’re all British and Hitchens is now an American. So suck it Adam Andros!

  10. Lecrone, eh? Sounds like the typical froggy troublemaker to me. Probably an agent of the evil Dr. Vider.

  11. Oh man, I have to do something with these characters…

  12. Oh man, I have to do something with these characters…

    Well, since they’re supposed to be European, the first thing you should do is dress them in black leather.

  13. Malto, they believe in unity. So the obvious starting point is a five- or six-some (depending on whether you count the dog). Leather wouldn’t be wrong, but rather optional. After all, they’d be fucking for Europe!

  14. Ok, I apologize. That was just wrong.

    I should have come up with a much funnier line from that set-up.

  15. This almost makes our pro Drug War propaganda look good.

    I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

  16. LUPO

    PERSONAL: He measures 75 cm at the shoulder, is 150cm long and weighs in at 60 kg.

    So………….many……jokes.

  17. SCENE I: EURO TEAM HEADQUARTERS

    CAPTAIN EURO: Horrible News! National-chauvinist fascist wreckers under the leadership of Dr. D. Visive are disobeying our European regulations! We must stop them! Quick, to the Euro-mobile!

    CAPTAIN NETHERLANDS: I have just replaced the gas-guzzling engine in the Euro-mobile with an environmentally friendly wind-powered fan!

    SCENE TWO: DR. D. VISIVIVE’S HEADQUARTERS, TWO YEARS LATER

    CAPTAIN EURO: Well, we’ve finally arrived, thanks to our environmentally-friendly, nonpolluting Euro-mobile! Now let’s show Dr. D. Visive and his evil minions that you just don’t mess with . . . the Euro Team!

    CAPTAIN UK: Let’s just not step on any hidden trapdoors . . .

    ALL: A giant hidden trapdoor leading to Dr. D. Visive’s laboratory! Ahhhh!

    SCENE III: DR. D. VISIVE’S SECRET UNDERGROUND LABORATORY

    DR. D. VISIVE: I see that some Euro-trash has dropped in through the garbage chute . . . now, before I kill you, let me show you the plans I have concocted to destroy your precious united Europe!

  18. CAPTAIN UK: I say, it’s several boxes of fruit . . . and their weight is measured in pounds and ounces, not grams! This will cause the English to go back to the English system, instead of the unifying metric system the rest of Europe uses!

    CAPTAIN EURO: This devilish plot against the unity of Europe will not stand! Euro-powers, activate!

    CAPTAIN FRANCE: Let us see if Dr. Divisive can withstand my garlic breath!

    CAPTAIN ITALY: Mama Mia, the sight of me wearing this skimpy male bikini will sear your very eyeballs!

    CAPTAIN GERMANY: Achtung, Dr. Divisive vill not be able to escape after I haf forced him to drink zis humongous stein of beer!

    DR. D. VISIVE: You have all overpowered me!

    CAPTAIN EURO: Your teamwork has paid off, comrades, I mean colleagues. By working together using your individual strengths, you have defeated Dr. D. Visive!

    CAPTAIN BELGIUM: Let’s indict George W. Bush again!

    ALL: Yay!

  19. Meh, I’ve always preferred the Golden Age Captain Euro. His costume was brilliant for the era — a wool overcoat, brigadier’s cap and shiny, knee-length jackboots.

    His rogues gallery was a bit different and more interesting than in his current incarnation. But he still stood for European Unity.

  20. Mad Max: bravo, just bravo

    Hugh Akston: nice…very nice…

  21. I’m confused. Which one wields the power of Heart?

  22. Why does Captain Euro look like a angry gay baseball player? Is he based on scenes from Major League: We Totally Lounge Around The Locker Room The Whole Time?

  23. Being an EU superhero does have some advantages, they get 6 weeks off in the summer.

  24. And in Germany they only fight crime four days a week.

  25. Why does Captain Euro look like a angry gay baseball player?

    There’s a Tom of Finland joke in there somewhere.

  26. You spend too much time on that site. You’re gonna get don’t-ask-don’t-told.

  27. You’re gonna get don’t-ask-don’t-told.

    I actually knew, in passing, one guy that got chaptered on a don’t-ask-don’t-tell rap. Guy actually kind of looked like Captain Euro.

  28. Everybody needs a Euro sometime.

  29. Also, Sugarfree, I…I go for the art, OK?

  30. Sure you do. The thick, veiny art.

  31. LOL, Sugarfree, you just gave me an idea of how to push the limits of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. A Soldier puts a bunch of Tom of Finland posters up in his room, and maybe Macho Gay Stereotype Edition Freddie Mercury and, say, a leather hot-pants wearing Rob Halford.

    It would be awful hard for that dude’s squad leader/first-line supervisor not to “ask”.

  32. During room inspection, that is.

  33. Yeah, not like you’d want them up all the time or anything.

  34. Yeah, not like you’d want them up all the time or anything.

    “Hey, Sarn’t, my predilection is for consensual sex with adult human females.”

  35. “Of the missionary type, of course. None of that icky ‘oral’.”

  36. So after perusing the “Baddies” listed for Captain Euro and crew, the greatest threat to Europe apparently are carnies and circus folk?

    How will they ever survive.

  37. the greatest threat to Europe apparently are carnies and circus folk?

    You’ve gotta read between the lines. Gypsies.

  38. You’ve gotta read between the lines. Gypsies.

    I foockin’ hate pikeys!

  39. A few years back in response to massive complaints, our local water and sewer authority, which enjoys a monopoly, spent tens of thousands of dollar on tv commercials touting their wonderful service. If you have to use propaganda to convince people how great you are, you’re missing the point.

  40. Did someone just quote the Daily Mail? :O

  41. “This HAS to be a Parker/Stone prank”

    Not to far from the truth

    but from other side of the political spectrum

    Apparently its culture jamming from The Yes Men

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Yes_Men

    nothing to do with EU

    quite funny for lefties

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