Mayor Bloomberg's Eight-Point Plan to Magically Transform New York into…a Media Capital?


What was I saying about damn-fool ideas for governments to use our tax dollars on media? Here's a press release for ya: "Mayor Bloomberg announces eight initiatives to strengthen the media industry in New York City."

Reading the whole thing is like dunking your eyeballs in boiling vinegar; here's a semi-random selection of price-tagless bureaucratic barfola:

How'd that whole thing work out for ya, Time?

"Providing media and tech entrepreneurs and the academic and not-for-profit communities with access to companies looking to conduct innovative research, will ensure that New York City maintains its role as a leader in the global media and technology industries. Creating a Media Lab will enable the City's businesses to capture the growth in the digital and new media marketplaces," said WPP's Chief Executive Sir Martin Sorrell. […]

NYCEDC has created the Media Tech Bond Program to help companies purchase new manufacturing, research or production facilities, retrofit existing building to accommodate hi-tech servers, or make large IT purchases. […]

To increase opportunities for successful start-up companies in new media and encourage innovation in emerging sub-sectors, NYCEDC has established the Media and Tech Fellowship to be awarded to approximately 20 "rising star" media and technology entrepreneurs on an annual basis. Fellows will be provided with training, mentoring, networking opportunities with venture capital firms, and support services such as legal aid. […]

I vill sock your subsidies!

The Department of Information Technology and Telecommunications will encourage local start-ups and established firms to team up on bidding for City IT contracts, and promote other City contracting opportunities for start-ups. The Department of Small Business Services will administer a "Prepare for Success" program which is a package of services to assist and encourage start-ups companies to expand through government contracting. […]

"New York City has a wealth of independent media and tech talent that will benefit from access to resources that otherwise may have been prohibitively expensive or inaccessible," said Huffington Post Chief Executive Officer Eric Hippeau. "By creating new 'freelancer hives' targeted to specific sub-sectors within the industry, the City has created an environment where that community will have an opportunity to thrive, in spite of the difficult economic climate." […]

Totally rolling in his grave

"Making sure that our talented workforce has the tools necessary to keep pace with new media technology is one of the key challenges that traditional media outlets face," said Hearst Magazines President Cathie Black. "The City is taking an important step in addressing those needs through programs like JumpStart New Media, to retrain workers to provide them with new skills necessary to succeed in today's marketplace." […]

To keep it competitive within the global marketplace, and to increase representation among emerging international and domestic media players, the City, along with executives from New York City-based media enterprises, is embarking on a recruitment campaign in emerging markets across Asia and the Middle East, and in Silicon Valley and the greater Boston area.

You can start applying for all those government contracts and social-network loft spaces and retraining sessions and rising-star fellowships and tax-free bonds–or at least submit a username and password to a ghost site–here. You can also cry in the night.

Link via Romenesko. Reason on corporate welfare here.