DC Pols Have Forgotten More Sex Than You'll Ever Have in Your Whole Lifetime!

Via the excellent FishBowl DC comes a pointer to this cheeky reminder from FamousDC about a decade's worth of sex scandals (including former-future Washington Mayor Marion Berry's "bitch set me up" tryst, which technically happened in the Pleistocene Era).

Future-former Sen. John Ensign's recent revelation of an-on-the-clock affair clocks in at number 10. Read deep the gathering gloom, which includes a number of scandals I am happy to say that I either never heard of at all or have successfully repressed (e.g., the Rep. Vito Fossella love child bit, Rep. Tim Mahoney [?], Rep. Don Sherwood [??]).

A snippet:

… 4. Sen. John Edwards + Cici from Poison

Ok, so the woman just looked like Cici from Poison but the former Presidential candidate was caught leaving their love nest by the National Enquirer.

Considering the fact that his wife has cancer and his family is generally adorable, it's no real surprised that we have not heard from the boy wonder since.

3. Former Governor Elliot Spitzer + $$$$$ Hooker

The plate on the door of the Mayflower Hotel where Spitizer and his lady friend would rendezvous has been stolen several times.

This scandal had everything … hookers, hypocrisy and weird, weird sex….

Whole list here.

Why do we care about the sex lives of the powerful? Mostly, we don't, because it's bad enough looking at these guys (and with the rare exception of someone like former Sen. Helen Chenoweth, it always seems to be guys) with their clothes on, much less imagining forming the beast with two, three, or more backs. But in the cases of folks such as Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) and New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, the rampant hypocrisy brings home the point that most of these people can't run their own lives, much less yours and mine. So there's a lesson to be learned here: Don't do this at home, kids. Or, if you do, then don't run for office. And if you do run for office and manage to get elected, don't moralize in a way that is grossly at odds with your lifestyle.

Comments

[Syd]

Too bad Jim McGreevey didn't take his boyfriend to Washington. He could have topped this list.

[Michael Ejercito]

I wonder why Mark Foley is on the list.

No sex was involved.

[Episiarch]

Spitzer will always be #1 to me. God, that was a great week.

[John C. Randolph]

hookers, hypocrisy and weird, weird sex....

Got that right. What kind of a sicko wants to have sex with a politician?

-jcr

[Tulpa]

I think the Larry Craig story (which also didn't involve any sex) grew such wings not because of the hypocrisy, but because it was just so over-the-top weird. Sen. Vitters' prostitution scandal occurring at roughly the same time was every bit as hypocritical but it vanished almost instantly from the pubic eye.

Prostitutes, interns, and secretaries getting into bed with our noble statesmen are a dime a dozen. A senator regulating interstall commerce is another story.

[Mister DNA]

What? No Strom Thurmond?

[Tulpa]

And how in the 'verse doesn't Monicagate get on the list? That would be like failing to put Andrew Johnson's shitcanning of Edwin Stanton on the list of the 10 most controversial presidential firings.

[Syd]

Monicagate was more than 10 years ago. But that doesn't explain why Marion Barry's on the list.

[the innominate one]

"Read deep the gathering gloom..."

great line! I would've sworn this post was written by Tim Cavanaugh, based on that.

"And how in the 'verse doesn't Monicagate get on the list?"

liberal media!

[Tulpa]

Syd, I didn't see that restriction the first time. But as you point out, if you're making an exception for Marion Berry...

[Mister DNA]

Tulpa, I would chalk it up to it being a shitty website. Sure, the Bill/Monica tryst has been over a decade ago, but if you're going to include Marion Barry's decades-old dalliance, Clinton should qualify.

I'm curious, btw... as far as 20th Century sex scandals go, how high would FDR having sex with Eleanor Roosevelt rank on such a list?

[B]

Jeff Gannon should have blowed up a lot bigger. Or maybe gay republican sex scandals are so common it's the rare ones who like girls like Ensign that stand out.

[SugarFree]

Nancy kicked a lever under the cold metal table Dick was strapped to. He felt the blood rush into his head as his feet pivoted into the air. Nancy straddled his face, her genital piercings cracking a tooth as she lost her balance. She began tracing his open heart surgery scars with her tongue, paying attentions to every one.

She bit down hard on the disc of the pacemaker she could feel under the skin of his chest. Dick gasped and coughed, fighting for air under the clanking rings and studs in her vulva. She hadn't washed in days, like she promised. She worked her way down him, sliding her breasts toward his mouth. She began biting harder, drawing blood from his clavicle. She sucked briefly and then spat the blood onto his wobbly neck.

Nancy was squatting over him now, staring intently into his rheumy eyes. Quick as a striking snake, she bit gobbet of flesh from his right cheek, shaking like a rat terrier to free it. She stood and took it out of her mouth. She ringed her insensate nipples with blood and threw the ragged chunk of Dick away.

"Get on with it, you commie bitch!" Dick growled. Nancy stretched the plastic wrap over his mouth and nose, stood and began pissing on his face. She watched as he choked, writhing against the restraints. The sensation of drowning was perfect, encompassing. His penis got a little larger with every electronically-assisted heartbeat.

[Tulpa]

I'd like to forget that bit of sex....

Pissboarding, omg.

[Shadow of the Past]

Mostly, we don't, because it's bad enough looking at these guys (and with the rare exception of someone like former Sen. Helen Chenoweth, it always seems to be guys)

What about Hilary's fling with Vince Foster? She used to be quite the fox in those days.

[Naga Sadow]

SUGARFREE!!!!!!!!!!!

What the fuck are you trying to do!! Get everyone sickened? You could very well turn this entire blog into a "The King Wears Yellow" scenario you fool!!!

[Brandybuck]

Oh no, the Yellow Sign! We're doomed! Dooooomed!

[Randomizer]

I find it interesting to wonder the possibilities of an "openly polyamorous" politician in DC.

"I have pictures of you banging someone other than your wife!"

"And your point is?"

How might that go over with the american people?

[Art-P.O.G.]

SugarFree | June 18, 2009, 10:12pm | #

Hmmm...you should either get a Pulitzer (literature or journalism...I can't tell which one that story was) or a nice long stay in the psych ward for that one, SF :p

[Naga Sadow]

Holy shit! You read the whole thing!?!? I almost shit my pants and tossed my dog through the window in a fit of insanity just from reading small bits of it! You are clearly a mighty warrior, Art POG!

[Art-P.O.G.]

You are clearly a mighty warrior, Art POG!

😀 You know, SF's writing reminds me of certain passages from Gravity's Rainbow combined with, maybe, David Cronenberg.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Postmodern Graphically Erotic Grand Guignol, I'd say.

[This.]

wobbly neck

[Wilson Teed]

LOL, aint it the truth! TOo funny dude!

RT
http://www.privacy-web.tk

[Bronwyn]

Well, stevia. That's one way to start my morning, I suppose.

Do you have some brain bleach for the rest of us, so we aren't haunted by the visions all day?

[Guy_Smiley]

don't moralize in a way that is grossly at odds with your lifestyle

Well, three of the top five were Democrats, and as I understand it, they openly support adultery. Maybe I should reread their platform.

The Republicans, on the other hand, by actively endangering their own marriages, are simply pointing out to the electorate, the pressing need for a Defense of Marriage Amendment to our Constitution.

So everything's fine.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Hey, notice how SF hasn't posted in this thread since his harrowing account? He's probably too busy fielding phone calls and offers from publishers of erotic fiction. Or the lawyers of um, certain politicians.

[SugarFree]

Bronwyn,

Here. Something to warm the cockles.

[SugarFree]

I just figured I'd let you guys bat it back and forth for a while. Stanley Fish declared that the author is dead, that reaction is much more important than intention. (Stanley's an idiot, but it's one way to look at things.)

And I've become interested in the notion of "attractive repulsion" as a literary device. It's not hard to pull off in short bursts, but in a longer piece it's difficult to sustain. Producing the literary equivilent of a fatal car wreck is my end goal.

[Art-P.O.G.]

And I've become interested in the notion of "attractive repulsion" as a literary device. It's not hard to pull off in short bursts, but in a longer piece it's difficult to sustain. Producing the literary equivilent of a fatal car wreck is my end goal.

Hmmmm...I know what you mean. Pynchon and W.S. Burroughs are great writers, but to me their novels are not *entirely* successful. But, in the same vein you're working in, Palahniuk's Rant and Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow and of course Naked Lunch are the only examples I can think of. To me, Neal Stephenson's kind of like Pynchon, but less gross and overall better as a writer, and your stuff strikes me as more overtly heterosexual than Burroughs' work. Here, I'm battling the fact that I'm not a terribly prolific reader, but I can't think of any other authors to reference who have been successful in this particular genre.

[dhex]

ballard covered that territory with crash. quite well, i think.

[SugarFree]

Art,

The closet to what I like to do (without pathetically imitating, of course) is Ballard's Crash.

The book explores themes such as the transformation of human psychology by modern technology, and consumer culture's fascination with celebrities and technological commodities. The human characters in the novel are cold and passionless, unable to become sexually excited unless some kind of technology is involved (typically architecture and cars). The gruesome damage inflicted on car-crash victims is not seen as shocking, but as the liberation of new sexual possibilities, that have yet to be explored, such as in one scene where a man and a woman have sex in a car that was involved in an accident, but rather than have vaginal sex, he penetrates a wound on her thigh that she received in a crash.

But Palahniuk is probably the closet current writer, even though I want to stay away from the thrashing around that accompanies the last half of most of his work. Palahniuk is also a little too aggressive for what I envision. He dares you to look away, lurking authorially in the shadows waiting to call you a "pussy" if you blanch. I would like a more detached tone that wouldn't let you look away in the first place, but without employing a tumult of dream logic to carry it along.

I'm still turning over, letting it compost in my mind. I've abandoned re-edit and polishing all my old work and am waiting for the bilious muse to move in me.

[SugarFree]

dhex knows the score.

But I will say about Crash: read the book. The movie adaptation was fucking terrible. It's like they didn't read the novel at all.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Ah, yes Ballard. I almost brought up his name, but seeing as how I've yet to read him, I'd've felt like a terrible poseur if I had. Definitely got to give Crash a good reading at some point. When I read Rant, I eventually got referred to Crash.

I would like a more detached tone that wouldn't let you look away in the first place, but without employing a tumult of dream logic to carry it along.

I've never read Tom Clancy, but based on the movies of his work, I think a Clancyesque thriller with completely revolting and uncalled-for details could work.

[Art-P.O.G.]

t's like they didn't read the novel at all.

😀 Odds are, someone, somewhere really did see it thinking it was an adaptation of Ballard's work.

[SugarFree]

Ballard's early "end of the world" novels are good, but he doesn't hit his stride until The Atrocity Exhibition, which is followed by Crash, the lurid, dreamlike Concrete Island, and High Rise... which is notable for being the book Neal Stephenson ripped off for his first novel, The Big U. (Which I have one of the much-prized 1984 Vintage first editions of. I bought two from the same place in 1993 for a buck each and sold one for a $100 on eBay years later, before he allowed it to be re-printed in 2001.)

[Art-P.O.G.]

Yup, gotta hit that Ballard. By the way, when you get published, you have my permission to use this quote

more overtly heterosexual than Burroughs' work.

in the "praise for..." section of the book cover.

[SugarFree]

You guys are all going to get blurbed. It's going to be the entire back cover.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Sweet.

[The Angry Optimist]

"Read deep the gathering gloom..."

great line! I would've sworn this post was written by Tim Cavanaugh, based on that.

Yeah, who would have guessed that Nick was a Moody Blues fan?

[brotherben]

"I find it interesting to wonder the possibilities of an "openly polyamorous" politician in DC."

Wouldn't Obama qualify? I mean, he's fuckin hell outta bunches a rich folk is what I hear told around here.

[LoonBoy]

""Read deep the gathering gloom...""

Ripped off from the Moody Blues?

[Michael Ejercito]

There is a meme that Democrats excuse, condone, or even praise adultery among their ranks. While this was true for Bill Clinton, it was not true for Eliot Spitzer or Tim Mahoney.

Why do some get passes for this type of indiscretion while others do not?

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[jeans outlet]

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