Terrorism

A Scary Thing Indeed

Your official 9/11 coloring book.

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Credit: Freeborn County Crisis Response Team

As April ended, America faced fears of a flu epidemic, a low-flying plane over Manhattan brought back 9/11 flashbacks, and New Orleans remained a disaster area almost four years after Hurricane Katrina. The folks at the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) surveyed this wreckage and decided to take bold action.

The first order of business: tidying up the FEMA website. In the process, they unearthed and removed a rather unusual publication called A Scary Thing Happened: A Children's Coloring Book to Help Cope With Disasters. First published in 2003, A Scary Thing had been living on the FEMA site ever since, traumatizing kids with color-it-yourself pictures of towering infernos and children weeping outside hospitals for their dead kin. One page features a smiling child instructing wee would-be tortured artists: "If you still have nightmares and stomach aches for more than 2 months after the disaster, talk to your parents to find someone you can talk to about your troubles." On another page, a little boy wonders, "Maybe it's my fault?"

It's hard to imagine there are many tots lying awake worrying that they somehow caused 9/11. But if they're out there, they will now have to get along without much help from FEMA. Just like the rest of us.

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  1. Somebody proposed this. We pay his salary.
    Somebody appoved this. We pay her larger salary as well.
    Somebody else (a contractor? a National Endowment for the Arts grant? A “challenged” fourth grader?) got paid to produce this piece of crap.

    Will this adversely affect any bureaucrat’s career?

  2. A Scary Thing Happened. FEMA showed up and fucked EVERYTHING up! 😉

  3. “Adversely”?

    No. They probably got promoted to a position with a bigger budget to blow on something even more ridiculous.

  4. …hey wait a minute…why’s Geithner got Crayola stains on his suit?

  5. …hey wait a minute…why’s Geithner got Crayola stains on his suit?

    Crayons don’t stain, monkey (a fact for which, as the parent of a small child, i am exceedingly grateful) so it’s not Crayola. It’s clown makeup. That’s right, Geithner is a clownfucker.

  6. I like the tension created by the plane poised to hit the second tower and the lack of any representations of actual people, which demonstrates the hermeneutics of bureaucratic angst so well.

  7. J sub, why do you hate the children so?

    This publication’s only flaw is a failure to emphasize that, when scary things happen, women and minorities are hardest hit.

  8. THis is odd. I thought all footage of 9/11 had been confiscated by the media.

  9. “THis is odd. I thought all footage of 9/11 had been confiscated by the media.”

    Had to. Showing it would be used as a recuiting tool for the American military. Can’t have that.

  10. I’m not quite sure why the tornado in the picture dropped Dorothy Gale’s house at the 9/11 site. Hm.

  11. I worked in an elemnetary school at the time of 9/11, and at another school where a boy was accidentally shot (thankfully only grazed).

    In both cases, the grief counselors sent to the school the next day were the scariest things about the experiences.

  12. J sub: Makes one wonder how, in gods name, these meetings must go when someone puts one of these flags up the pole and just imagining in horror as other bureaucrats around the room nod and begin to salute.

  13. That’s right, Geithner is a clownfucker.

    No, no, no. That would make all of us clowns. Give it some time, your asshole will start hurting from the Geithner fuck, if it hasn’t already.

  14. “In both cases, the grief counselors sent to the school the next day were the scariest things about the experiences.”

    The whole grief counselor thing has about as much validity as the recovered memory idea.

    It’s another fad that will eventually pass when people see how much damage they do. There are already studies suggesting this.

    But, as we all know, when it comes to THE CHILDREN we’ll try anything if it’s comforting. And they’re “counselers” and there’s “grief”, somebody do something!

  15. This is just screaming for a LOL-FEMA

  16. I heard the version of the coloring book on MSNBC’s website had Cheney labelled as the “20th hijacker”.

  17. I wonder how often grief counselors get punched in the face. I imagine that would be my reaction to some twit with a psychology degree trying to help me come to terms with some tragic event.

  18. The whole grief counselor thing has about as much validity as the recovered memory idea.

    No kidding. I’m not sure how dwelling on a trauma, picking at the scab, and coaching kids to suffer even more than they already have is supposed to be constructive.

  19. “I’m not sure how dwelling on a trauma, picking at the scab, and coaching kids to suffer even more than they already have is supposed to be constructive.”

    Well, I’d guess its very constructive…for the grief counselor’s paycheck.

  20. Imagine the reaction if the NRA had passed out something similar to this publication.

    In both cases, the grief counselors sent to the school the next day were the scariest things about the experiences.

    Used to work for an agency that had a therapist going around to schools and teaching kids everything they needed to know about staying safe on the internet. He was also available to counsel kids who had a scary experience online. About once a week I had to go over and straighten out something he had done to his email or browser.

  21. About once a week I had to go over and straighten out something he had done to his email or browser.

    Yeah, those porn sites are seriously trojan and malware infested, and can definitely mess up your browser.

    Umm, that’s what I’ve heard, anyway.

  22. I usually love KMW’s photos, and lobster girl is legendary, but this one makes me nauseous.

  23. I want to see the one about “how to deal with your step daddy raping you” Or Mommy and me get beaten!

  24. “Now… it seems we were in a similar position on Monday when I thoughtfully suggested we get everybody together for an unadulterated emotional outpouring. But no. You took this as an opportunity to play yet another round of ‘Let’s Laugh at the Hippie.'”

  25. Of course Hurricane Katrina is your fault kid. Your parents have to drive you around in an SUV because your car seat won’t fit in a compact or sedan.

  26. J sub, why do you hate the children so?

    They don’t have jobs and we can’t have sex with them. 😉

  27. Nice, Rhywun. Heathers.

  28. I prefer the Black Panther Coloring Book: http://is.gd/15C7S.

  29. IF YOU DON”T QUIT YOUR GRIEVING RIGHT NOW I’LL REALLY GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO GRIEVE ABOUT.

  30. and to make it perfect, comic sans font. dear god.

  31. This was just a warm-up to the recovery.gov coloring book.

  32. I know this will ruin everyone’s “big gubmint is teh evil and stoopid” festival, but take a look at the last page from Granit26’s link above:

    “This coloring book was made possible, in part by the generiosity of the following contributors:

    Albert Lea Medical Center–Mayo Health System
    Albert Lea, MN

    Arrow Printing
    Albert Lea, MN

    Christianson Plumbing & Heating
    Albert Lea, MN

    Kerry Ingredients
    Albert Lea, MN

    Security Bank Minnesota
    Albert Lea, MN”

    It’s a coloring book put together by a handful of people in a small town in Minnesota (my home town, as it turns out). I wouldn’t be surprised if the balance of the “generosity” was came in the form of bake sale proceeds. I’m guessing the only taxpayer money that was spent bringing this to you came from DARPA, providers of our fine internet.

  33. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  34. My only point is that if you take the Bible straight, as I’m sure many of Reasons readers do, you will see a lot of the Old Testament stuff as absolutely insane. Even some cursory knowledge of Hebrew and doing some mathematics and logic will tell you that you really won’t get the full deal by just doing regular skill english reading for those books. In other words, there’s more to the books of the Bible than most will ever grasp. I’m not concerned that Mr. Crumb will go to hell or anything crazy like that! It’s just that he, like many types of religionists, seems to take it literally, take it straight…the Bible’s books were not written by straight laced divinity students in 3 piece suits who white wash religious beliefs as if God made them with clothes on…the Bible’s books were written by people with very different mindsets…in order to really get the Books of the Bible, you have to cultivate such a mindset, it’s literally a labyrinth, that’s no joke Of course Hurricane Katrina is your fault kid. Your parents have to drive you around in an SUV because your car seat won’t fit in a compact or sedan.
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