Is the MSM Moving Toward the Secret-Muslim Theory?

Because nothing says "newspaper" like being 36 hours late, today's Los Angeles Times devotes most of its front page and five pages of the A section to President Obama's Cairo speech. The lede from Peter Wallsten's page 1 analysis strays into my favorite Obama theory:

Reporting from Washington—As a presidential candidate, Barack Obama left some fuzzy edges to his biography. He affirmed strong support for Israel but implied a strong empathy for Palestinians. His personal story played up his introduction to the black church, leaving his father's Islamic roots in the shadows.

It was a narrative designed to ease any voter concern about Obama's background and counter false Internet rumors that he was a Muslim.

But now, with Thursday's speech in Cairo, Obama is laying bare more of his sympathies and inclinations in the volatile area of Middle East politics.

Fun fact: Wallsten was the villain in last fall's Rashid Khalidi video suppression scandal.

For me Prince Charles will always be the greatest of the crypto-Muslims, and the positive evidence for Obama's Islam is pretty thin. Among other things, the Indonesian stepfather who logistically was the only likely conduit for the faith is presented in Dreams From My Father as a polytheist of sorts. Still it's an interesting trope to keep out there, if only to reflect that Nobodaddy has obviously decided to punish Obama by giving him only daughters. Then again, keeping women lower than whale shit is pretty much the point of all religions—except my own faith of Solanism.

USA Today has a handy rundown of ways in which Obama edited the most holy and exalted mystic Quran to get cheers while avoiding the actual import of the passages. Which is not probative either way: In my experience all holy books are written so that you can't quote them honestly.

Comments

[Mango Punch]

“keeping women lower than whale shit is pretty much the point of all religions ”

-don’t agree but hillarious

[Fascitis Necrotizante]

Tim, your Solanism link gets blocked by my work filter as HATE/DISCRIMINATION. Way to make me look like an asshole to the MIS people.

[toxicroach]

Go one better: the top notch holy books were specifically designed to allow slave holding, polygamist conquest monkeys and celibate pacifist transcendentalist pussies to quote from the same book and get angry that the other side can’t see the obvious truth of their translation.

[BitterSingleDad]

Then again, keeping women lower than whale shit is pretty much the point of all religions

Oh, bull shit! Neither Feminism nor Man made global warming have keeping women in the kitchen as a priority.

[Tim Cavanaugh]

Keep trying, Fascitis. It’s the S.C.U.M. Manifesto, and every word of it is blazing truth.

[the innominate one]

In my experience all holy books are written so that you can’t quote them honestly.

but is that a feature or a bug, Tim?

[a name before submitting the f]

Obama is a documented ex-Muslim. There were papers that said Religion: Muslim.

[Kyle Jordan]

“except my own faith of Solanism.”

Ho-lee FUCK!

I have not read anything that has made me laugh as much or bewildered me so much in years. Possibly ever.

Wow.

[HEART TO THE MAX]

I LOVE THE SECRET MUSLIM THEORY!

[Pro Libertate]

Man, it would be friggin’ awesome if he turned out to be a secret Muslim. The government would be thrown into a frenzy, and nothing would get done for months or maybe even years.

Oh, please, please be a secret Muslim!

[Isaac Bartram]

There were papers that said Religion: Muslim.

Yeah, but they’re safely locked away with the original Kenyan Birth Certificate.

[Tulpa]

Combining this with Obama’s statement that the US has one of the highest Muslim populations in the world — which is utterly false if we believe the publicly available statistics — I’m beginning to think there must be a lot of secret Muslims in the US. Allahctopus anyone?

In my experience all holy books are written so that you can’t quote them honestly.

That’s true of any serious book. Context matters whenever you try to deal with complex issues.

[Mike M.]

I have no idea whether in his heart Obama considers himself a Muslim, a Black Nationalist, a Muslim Black Nationalist, or nothing at all.

But I do know that his big speech over there, while striving mightily to be admirably statesmanlike, was laughably devoid of any connection to reality whatsoever.

[P Brooks]

Teh MOOOOOOOOOOOOOSLUMMMMMMS are gonna git us!!! HAAAALP!!!!!!

[FrBunny]

Ed Schultz (I know, I know) called the Cairo speech the greatest presidential speech on foreign soil of his lifetime yesterday IIRC.

Looking for linky.

[KT]

Obama is a documented ex-Muslim. There were papers that said Religion: Muslim.

Oh, there were papers, you say?! Well gosh, that changes everything! Papers! My goodness. We are through the looking glass here, people.

[Episiarch]

I have not read anything that has made me laugh as much or bewildered me so much in years. Possibly ever.

Dude, watch I Shot Andy Warhol. You will love Lili Taylor’s performance. Seriously, her portrayal of Valerie Solanas is awesome.

[Pro Libertate]

I don’t care if he’s really a secret Muslim; I just want everyone to believe he is.

[domoarrigato]

It’s the S.C.U.M. Manifesto, and every word of it is blazing truth.

Shock and awe, baby, shock and awe.

[BakedPenguin]

Here’s an old one: Lonewacker’s top Ten reasons to hate Obama. It includes super secret double-nought Muslim spy.

[Enough About Palin]

“Nobodaddy has obviously decided to punish Obama by giving him only daughters.”

I’m reminded of the man I read about this week that hadn’t washed or bathed in 23 years because he believed that in doing so, he would produce a son. Unfortunately for this man, the only thing the past 23 years have brought to him were 7 daughters. At what point will this man realize that despite what he may have heard and accepted as true, maybe, just maybe, not bathing or washing actually produces daughters.

[Mike M.]

Ed Schultz (I know, I know) called the Cairo speech the greatest presidential speech on foreign soil of his lifetime yesterday IIRC.

It pretty much boiled down to a long version of “Can’t we all just get along?”

That’s certainly a noble and honorable sentiment, but I’m afraid it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than that for anyone who wants to delve into that cauldron of resentment over there in any sort of meaningful way.

[Enough About Palin]

“Ed Schultz”

Should be put in a camp.

[Enough About Palin]

“Dude, watch I Shot Andy Warhol. You will love Lili Taylor’s performance. Seriously, her portrayal of Valerie Solanas is awesome.”

And she’s great in other films too.

[Kyle Jordan]

“Dude, watch I Shot Andy Warhol. You will love Lili Taylor’s performance. Seriously, her portrayal of Valerie Solanas is awesome.”

I check it out when next the opportunity presents itself.

[TrickyVic]

The government has it written somewhere that I’m a Baptist. Don’t believe them.

[T]

The government has it written somewhere that I’m a Baptist. Don’t believe them.

I had dogtags made once that expressed my religious affiliation as “chowderhead”. When asked about it during a readiness inspection, I replied that it was my firm belief that everybody but me was a chowderhead. That didn’t go over well. Neither did the tags that said “druidic”, “heavy metal”, or “strippers”.

[dhex]

“Man, it would be friggin’ awesome if he turned out to be a secret Muslim. ”

i’m glad i’m not the only one who thinks so.

and yeah i shot andy warhol is worth watching. hell the scumm manifesto is worth reading.

at the very least i can guarantee you it’s better than ayn rand.

[T]

at the very least i can guarantee you it’s better than ayn rand.

Shorter, anyway. Just a different kind of sermon.

[Salvius]

Neither did the tags that said … “strippers”.

With the right metaphorical framework, you could make that work: Pillars of faith = stripper poles; something about baring your soul, being naked before God. If you could manage to present it all with a straight face, you could probably attract some followers…

[Episiarch]

And she’s great in other films too.

Six Feet Under (not a film), Say Anything…, Dogfight, Mystic Pizza (barf), Rudy (HAHAHAHA)…

[R C Dean]

If you could manage to present it all with a straight face, you could probably attract some followers…

You’d get plenty of followers just by holding regular services.

I’m guessing the sacrament would be Wild Turkey and Coke.

[JB]

I’m guessing the sacrament would be Wild Turkey and Coke.

I’ve always said that combo is heavenly.

[Enough About Palin]

This:

http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2009/06/04/1000-words-13/

[bigbigslacker]

This is for that hate-filled asshole Fascitis Necrotizante. What’s funny is the site is full of hate for men. The IS/IT people would probably laugh their asses off – have them open the site up for you. Part of the piece by Valerie Solanas:

Life in this society being, at best, an utter bore and no aspect of society being at all relevant to women, there remains to civic-minded, responsible, thrill-seeking females only to overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, institute complete automation and destroy the male sex.

It is now technically feasible to reproduce without the aid of males (or, for that matter, females) and to produce only females. We must begin immediately to do so. Retaining the mail has not even the dubious purpose of reproduction. The male is a biological accident: the Y (male) gene is an incomplete X (female) gene, that is, it has an incomplete set of chromosomes. In other words, the male is an incomplete female, a walking abortion, aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples.

The male is completely egocentric, trapped inside himself, incapable of empathizing or identifying with others, or love, friendship, affection of tenderness. He is a completely isolated unit, incapable of rapport with anyone. His responses are entirely visceral, not cerebral; his intelligence is a mere tool in the services of his drives and needs; he is incapable of mental passion, mental interaction; he can’t relate to anything other than his own physical sensations. He is a half-dead, unresponsive lump, incapable of giving or receiving pleasure or happiness; consequently, he is at best an utter bore, an inoffensive blob, since only those capable of absorption in others can be charming. He is trapped in a twilight zone halfway between humans and apes, and is far worse off than the apes because, unlike the apes, he is capable of a large array of negative feelings — hate, jealousy, contempt, disgust, guilt, shame, doubt — and moreover, he is aware of what he is and what he isn’t.

Although completely physical, the male is unfit even for stud service. Even assuming mechanical proficiency, which few men have, he is, first of all, incapable of zestfully, lustfully, tearing off a piece, but instead is eaten up with guilt, shame, fear and insecurity, feelings rooted in male nature, which the most enlightened training can only minimize; second, the physical feeling he attains is next to nothing; and third, he is not empathizing with his partner, but is obsessed with how he’s doing, turning in an A performance, doing a good plumbing job. To call a man an animal is to flatter him; he’s a machine, a walking dildo. It’s often said that men use women. Use them for what? Surely not pleasure.

Eaten up with guilt, shame, fears and insecurities and obtaining, if he’s lucky, a barely perceptible physical feeling, the male is, nonetheless, obsessed with screwing; he’ll swim through a river of snot, wade nostril-deep through a mile of vomit, if he thinks there’ll be a friendly pussy awaiting him. He’ll screw a woman he despises, any snaggle-toothed hag, and furthermore, pay for the opportunity. Why? Relieving physical tension isn’t the answer, as masturbation suffices for that. It’s not ego satisfaction; that doesn’t explain screwing corpses and babies.

Completely egocentric, unable to relate, empathize or identify, and filled with a vast, pervasive, diffuse sexuality, the male is pyschically passive. He hates his passivity, so he projects it onto women, defines the make as active, then sets out to prove that he is (`prove that he is a Man’). His main means of attempting to prove it is screwing (Big Man with a Big Dick tearing off a Big Piece). Since he’s attempting to prove an error, he must `prove’ it again and again. Screwing, then, is a desperate compulsive, attempt to prove he’s not passive, not a woman; but he is passive and does want to be a woman.

Being an incomplete female, the male spends his life attempting to complete himself, to become female. He attempts to do this by constantly seeking out, fraternizing with and trying to live through an fuse with the female, and by claiming as his own all female characteristics — emotional strength and independence, forcefulness, dynamism, decisiveness, coolness, objectivity, assertiveness, courage, integrity, vitality, intensity, depth of character, grooviness, etc — and projecting onto women all male traits — vanity, frivolity, triviality, weakness, etc. It should be said, though, that the male has one glaring area of superiority over the female — public relations. (He has done a brilliant job of convincing millions of women that men are women and women are men). The male claim that females find fulfillment through motherhood and sexuality reflects what males think they’d find fulfilling if they were female.

Women, in other words, don’t have penis envy; men have pussy envy. When the male accepts his passivity, defines himself as a woman (males as well as females thing men are women and women are men), and becomes a transvestite he loses his desire to screw (or to do anything else, for that matter; he fulfills himself as a drag queen) and gets his dick chopped off. He then achieves a continuous diffuse sexual feeling from `being a woman’. Screwing is, for a man, a defense against his desire to be female. He is responsible for:

War: The male’s normal compensation for not being female, namely, getting his Big Gun off, is grossly inadequate, as he can get it off only a very limited number of times; so he gets it off on a really massive scale, and proves to the entire world that he’s a `Man’. Since he has no compassion or ability to empathize or identify, proving his manhood is worth an endless amount of mutilation and suffering and an endless number of lives, including his own — his own life being worthless, he would rather go out in a blaze of glory than to plod grimly on for fifty more years.

[T]

You’d get plenty of followers just by holding regular services.

I’m guessing the sacrament would be Wild Turkey and Coke.

Y’see, there’s your first schism right there. I’m much more partial to Makers Mark or Knob Creek. However, I’m not going to excommunicate anyone over a simple difference like that. Except maybe the guy I used to know who would drink shots of Turkey and chase them with grape crush. That’s definitely a sin in my new religion.

Plus, if done correctly, the whole thing becomes tax-exempt and gets you out of all kind of annoying zoning and use restrictions, doesn’t it?

[Fascitis Necrotizante]

Gracias, slacker. I found it elsewhere and have been digesting it in pieces all afternoon. She’s pretty well got me pegged.

The only other time I’ve stumbled across a “Hate/Discrimination” blocker was when I followed a link that turned out to be to vdare. Might as well have been 24ahead.com…

[R C Dean]

I’m much more partial to Makers Mark or Knob Creek.

Splitter!

[T]

Splitter!

There’s room for all in the comfy chairs in front of the stage, RC. Except grape crush guy.

Church members with excellent donation histories get VIP seating, of course.

[Fascitis Necrotizante]

a great segment of the SCUM piece:

All diseases are curable, and the aging process and death are due to disease; it is possible, therefore, never to age and to live forever. In fact the problems of aging and death could be solved within a few years, if an all-out, massive scientific assault were made upon the problem. This, however, will not occur with the male establishment because: …

[Poustman]

“Then again, keeping women lower than whale shit is pretty much the point of all religions.”

“In my experience all holy books are written so that you can’t quote them honestly.”

These sentences are far beneath the usual Reason discours . Come on, Mr. C.

[Poustman]

“discourse”

[Urkobold™]

INTERDISCOURSE.

[Heh. Heh-heh.]

She’s pretty well got me pegged.