Meet South Africa's Next President
To the threatening sounds of "Bring Me My Machine Gun," a song he appropriated for his 2008 campaign, supporters of African National Congress (ANC) president Jacob Zuma gathered at party headquarters to celebrate the South African state prosecutor's decision to drop all corruption charges against a man widely seen to be the country's next leader. Zuma, who has called homosexuality "a disgrace to the nation and to God" and recently went on trial for allegedly raping a family friend, has a rather colorful background, as described in a long, detailed, and depressing piece by Peter Hitchens in the Mail on Sunday:
Zuma is wholly African. He has at least four wives and 18 children. He has for years avoided standing trial on fraud and corruption charges. Nobody seriously believes he ever will: his approaching election is already spreading fear in South Africa's legal establishment.
Mr Zuma joined the Communist Party in 1962 (he only left a few years ago), and has a dark and inadequately examined past as a much-feared intelligence chief in the ANC's ruthless armed wing, Spear of the Nation. He underwent 'military training' in the old Soviet Union in 1978, when the KGB was very much in charge of such things…
He once spoke of how, in his youth, he would knock down any 'pansy boy'…He has hinted he might restore the death penalty. He is keen on traditional medicine men. He thinks teenage unwed mothers should have their babies taken away; that school prayers should be compulsory and that there is too much sex on TV. He completely lacks the Westernised polish and smoothness of Mandela and Mbeki. His political party, the African National Congress, sometimes seems aghast that it has chosen him as leader. Too late.
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Seriously...Who cares?
Beat up 'pansy boys', likes the death penalty, thinks unwed mothers should lose their children, that school prayer should be compulsory and that there's too much sex on TV?
Check, Check, Check...
If he doesn't win in South Africa, maybe he should run for Governor in Mississippi?
I'm sure Sean Penn will be wearing a t-shirt with Zuma's face on it soon
It's Africa. Get it now?
I wonder how the left is going to spin this one.
I wonder how the left is going to spin this one.
Positively.
Maybe it's time for everyone to admit that this 'democracy' thing just doesn't work.
He thinks teenage unwed mothers should have their babies taken away; that school prayers should be compulsory and that there is too much sex on TV [...]
[...]Mr Zuma joined the Communist Party in 1962 (he only left a few years ago)
A quasi-communist party aghast that they have chosen a quasi-communist as their leader? I'm shocked! Shocked I tell you!
He is keen on traditional medicine men. He thinks...that school prayers should be compulsory and that there is too much sex on TV.
So he's a blacker and fatter George Bush.
What could possibly go wrong?
He thinks teenage unwed mothers should have their babies taken away; that school prayers should be compulsory and that there is too much sex on TV [...]
[...]Mr Zuma joined the Communist Party in 1962 (he only left a few years ago)
Just to show you that there is not one more reactionary than a lefty.
"Seriously...Who cares?"
If you do care
Srangely enuff
Zuma looks like a good thing for SA democracy
South african politics are getting real interesting
The countries been pretty much a one party state (ANC) with various fractions within it
Mbeki was the head of the free market types and Zuma head of the leftists
Zuma ousted Mbeki
which has caused a split in the ANC and the formation of a new non Marxist political party called "cope" full of Mbeki loyalists
The ANC will all but certainly win the next election but for the first time there will be a credible opposition in the form of an alliance between the liberal international affiliated Democratic alliance and the aforementioned free marketeers
Should be interesting for poltics junkies
For all the moral outrage and rabid punditry, American politics are dull.
Ah. More hope and change. Zuma and Kwame Kirkpatrick were separated at birth.
Well, at least he has the clothes for it.
For all the moral outrage and rabid punditry, American politics are dull.
That's because we disallow colorful characters. We either bleach their lives of all interest or stop them at the door.
Elemenope:
Disallow colorful characters? Surely you jest, oh sanctimonious one.
Kwame, Sharpton, Blago, The right revs Jackson and Wright all seem to be cut from the ridiculous colorful cloth of which you so speak.
I wonder if he uses teleprompters?
South Africa can join the rest of the shithole that is Africa.
The ANC will all but certainly win the next election but for the first time there will be a credible opposition in the form of an alliance between the liberal international affiliated Democratic alliance and the aforementioned free marketeers
Should be interesting for poltics junkies
Yup. It's pretty much not a question of who will win, but instead a question of just how well COPE does--and whether its success really does come at the expense of the ANC.
Also, South African citizens living abroad will be eligible to vote this year, per a recent court decision.
(more election news here, here, here, here, and here)
Ah, he's probably good on his feet and doesn't need to read(or can't).
There are cultural attributes that are prerequisites for a representative democracy to endure.
Many nation's citizenry lacks these attributes.
It seems to me that South Africa is one of those nations.
I hope I'm wrong with my third statemant but fear otherwise.
I like him already! I bet there aren't many cosmotarians in South Africa, and if there are, they'll leave quick! What's not to like?
The spear in hand indicates that your third statement is a bulls eye.
If I remember correctly, this blog was none too kind to Mbeki. Part of that had to do with his support for Mugabe. I wonder, what is Zuma's stance on SA's relations with Zimbabwe?
Granted, certain elements of the situation in Zimbabwe have changed recently, but I would hardly characterize the situation as stable.
Disallow colorful characters? Surely you jest, oh sanctimonious one.
Kwame, Sharpton, Blago, The right revs Jackson and Wright all seem to be cut from the ridiculous colorful cloth of which you so speak.
Kwame and Blago were criminals, out and out. That's an odd definition of "colorful". But for the others, yes, America has little stomach for people who say things outside the narrow boring middle and ostracize them.
And Wright's appearance on that list is non-sensical; he's never run for office. If he did, I doubt he'd get far. Not boring enough, says too many provocative things. Can't have that.
We haven't had a leader with c-cups since Clinton.
"Also, South African citizens living abroad will be eligible to vote this year, per a recent court decision."
I also wonder how this decision was taken by the ANC, given the large proportion of white South Africans making up the population living abroad.
He called Zuma's past "colorful". It's obviously a slant directed at his race!
Praise be to our God, democracy.
"Many nation's citizenry lacks these attributes.
It seems to me that South Africa is one of those nations."
Now just replace "South Africa" with "United States" or "the vast majority of countries with nominally democratic governments", and you've got another true statement.
Elemenope,
We Americans prefer for people to be stupid/insane/severely misguided, but to project a calm, reasonable, and commanding exterior. Duh.
"Kwame and Blago were criminals, out and out. That's an odd definition of "colorful". "
Oh, I apologize Elemenope. I thought Zuma WAS a colorful criminal. Silly me.
"Ah, he's probably good on his feet and doesn't need to read(or can't)."
Ah, what would a discussion of Africa be without a subtle bit of racism thrown in for good measure.
We Americans prefer for people to be stupid/insane/severely misguided, but to project a calm, reasonable, and commanding exterior. Duh.
That's about right. Man, I pine for the days of Lincoln and T. Roosevelt, not for the policies, but for politicians whose speeches didn't immediately move me to yawns.
That's about right. Man, I pine for the days of Lincoln and T. Roosevelt, not for the policies, but for politicians whose speeches didn't immediately move me to yawns."
Didn't? So you were there for the speeches of Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt? You must be Hit & Run's version of Shirley McLaine.
B: Nothin' subtle about it.
Elemenope,
I dunno. I never find old speeches terribly interesting either.
Still, a lefty populist coming into power in a country with vast natural resources but longstanding economic and social problems.
This seems familiar, somehow.
Obama's speeches sure are interesting.
I dunno. I never find old speeches terribly interesting either.
It's not the speeches, themselves. It's how they were delivered. Check out old video shots of T. Roosevelt speaking. Dude was a fiery little man, with passion and animation.
As much as Obama is a monumental grammatical improvement over Bush, what with his whole sentences (sometimes [gasp] compound and complex sentences!) and all, he's got a boring delivery style. Bush, when he spoke, made me want to take a sharp object to my eyes and ears, whereas when Obama speaks, I just get all drowsy.
I've seen empty beer cans with more substance than Obama's speeches.
"Bush, when he spoke, made me want to take a sharp object to my eyes and ears, whereas when Obama speaks, I just get all drowsy."
That's why I never watch televised media. It has even less substantive information than most print media, and it forces me to hear the former douche-in-chief and his successor actually speaking.
And Wright's appearance on that list is non-sensical; he's never run for office. If he did, I doubt he'd get far. Not boring enough, says too many provocative things. Can't have that.
Off the top of my head -
Ben Nighthorse Campbell
Dixie Lee Ray
Jesse "the Body" Ventura.
Jerry Brown
Other reasonoids will undoubtably be able to add to this list of off-beat politicians who've won at least statewide elections.
Granted, none of the above has run a spear through their political opponents. Still some colorful and controversial politicians appear in the U.S. from time to time.
While Ron Paul doesn't have a terribly colorful background, he can always be controversial.
1. Arnold
2. Sonny Bono
3. Richard Petty
4. A-hole Franken
AND
5. Jerry Springer
Obama sounded like an idiot at the G20 press conference.
Hilarious as this is, that outfit is the best thing about this guy.
Seriously, I so want a tiger-skin loincloth and a spear.
Yes. Zuma is gonna rock with the Wild Tchoupitoulas in N.O. next Mardi Gras.
We don't force our politicians to be boring, we force them to hide all their wacky quirks and deviations, because as we all know it's better to repress and conceal things. Good for the psyche.
Isn't there a shield like the one Zuma is holding in the opening credits of Johnny Quest?
Cynthia Mckinney
Jerry Butler "The Iceman"
Hi-larious. Frickin' hi-larious.
@Hazel Meade Apr7,2009 21126 hrs:
Not to be too nitpicky but it is leopard skin and not tiger skin.
Tigers unlike leopards are not found in Africa.
south africa + 20 years = zimbabwe today
obviously 2116 hrs and not 21126 hrs
We don't force our politicians to be boring, we force them to hide all their wacky quirks and deviations, because as we all know it's better to repress and conceal things. Good for the psyche.
Ta da. It's like I said at the beginning: either they have to be boring or they have to *become* boring.
It was a mere 97 years ago that we elected a human to the Presidency of the Galaxy. Upon learning of his accension among the ranks of all the assembled sentient species, the man climbed up on to a high stooped area above us, and he preceded to shock us all by attempting to make a speach.
Everyone gasped, 'what the hell is he doing?'
'What does that have to do with governing?'
Within the hour we impeached him and shipped him back to earth. We had mistakenly included you into our midst before you were ready, and so long as you continue your barbaric practices and maintain a superficial understanding of leadership you wont be invited back. Really, speach making, why don't you just judge your leaders on the basis of violin playing abilaty, it is no more logical.
Grow up, humans, especially you, LMNOP, primate.
Should be interesting for poltics junkies
Ahh, politics as sports. Who cares who wins and what happens, as long as we see a good fight.
Tigers unlike leopards are not found in Africa.
Of course you can. Zoos. Duuuhhh.
I judge a president by his skill at vetoing spending bills.
It's racism to criticize black people.
C.O.G.,
Your cute anecdote would be helped along by the proper spelling of "speech".
In any case, I wasn't saying that good speechmaking made good leaders, only ones tolerable to listen to. You can not like what a guy has to say and still not desire to lose the power to understand speech whenever he opens his mouth.
I wonder if that's his cabinet pickc behind him? It's obvious they all shop at the same clothing store.
pickc? picks.
Okay, Leopard skin. I didn't realize some people were so uptight about the correct descriptions of animal skin types.
geez.
I'm only here to observe, and then I'll be off to report back what I find.
The rest of you humans can thank LMNOP for your short life spans and one world travel plans.
Your cute anecdote would be helped along by the proper spelling of "speech".
P.S. Pedantry is for zoo or pet worthy species.
'Honey, how do you spell, 'semolina'?'
'Ask the monkey, dear.'
Hazel Meade | April 7, 2009, 9:16pm | #
Hilarious as this is, that outfit is the best thing about this guy.
Seriously, I so want a tiger-skin loincloth and a spear.
Well maybe we can get you that outfit and you can pose with Jennifer in her Burkha.
That would be cool.
C.O.G. must be Douglas Adams' underachieving nephew or something. It's like being quirky without bringing the funny.
One must deduce that celebrity loons Madonna and Angelina have already been in touch w/ Zuma re: establishment of an adoption/rescue pipeline to their "Hollywood" estates. The parent-less kids of Philly, Gary, Flint, & Detroit (etc.) are filled w/ envy. We all salute Madonna and Angelina's global racial compassion. twats.
C.O.G. must be Douglas Adams' underachieving nephew or something. It's like being quirky without bringing the funny.
Obviously, a subtext here.
I put it through the translator, and this split forth:
If there's something strange in your neighborhood
Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
If there's something weird and it don't look good
Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost
If you're seeing things running through your head
Who can you call?
Ghostbusters!
An invisible man sleeping in your bed
Oh, who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost
Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
If you're all alone, pick up the phone
And call
Ghostbusters!
I ain't afraid of no ghost
I hear it likes the girls
I ain't afraid of no ghost
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
If you've had a dose of a freaky ghost
You'd better call
Ghostbusters!
Let me tell you something
Bustin' makes me feel good
I ain't afraid of no ghost
I ain't afraid of no ghost
Don't get caught alone, oh no
Ghostbusters!
When it comes through your door
Unless you just want some more
I think you better call
Ghostbusters!
Ow!
Who you gonna call
Ghostbusters!
Fraid of no ghost, LMNOP?
"I didn't realize some people were so uptight about the correct descriptions of animal skin types. "
Sure, that's why you see a lot of women wearing mink, but very few wearing skunk.
Fraid of no ghost, LMNOP?
"My parents built that house. I was born there!"
"You're not gonna lose the house. Everyone has three mortgages nowadays."
"There are cultural attributes that are prerequisites for a representative democracy to endure."
Replace cultural with "biological" and you'll be on to something.
SA is now also the rape and murder capital of the world, BTW. Thank God we ended that evil old apartheid.
I was trying to keep an open mind about this until I got to this part: and that there is too much sex on TV.
Too far is too far!
I found no direct analogues of that outfit in the Johnny Quest opening, but they do have a Walking Eye.
"Yes, I only hunt Blaculas."
"So you only hunt African-American vampires?"
"No, sometimes I hunt British vampires. They don't have "African-Americans" in England."
"Uh, yeah... good point."
"So, I only hunt Blaculas..."
"...I was just trying to be..."
"Man, I specialize in hunting black vampires. I don't know what the PC name for that is."
"now i've got blue balls in my blood eye"
It's like being quirky without bringing the funny."
that's a very long way of writing out "douglas adams" again.
"Tigers unlike leopards are not found in Africa."
Somebody apparently missed the documentary "The Meaning of Life". I forget who directed the film, but I think it may have been Michael Moore or Oliver Stone. As documented in the film, a very large tiger bit an officer's leg off during the Zulu wars. Now tell me, how could that have happened if there were no tigers in Africa? Or maybe you mean present tense - there are no tigers in Africa today?
Here is the relevant clip
So, this guy's all keen on "traditional medicine men" except for when it comes to using corrective eye wear it would seem.
I'm sure Obama knows the protocol for speakiing to this head of state...
*ducks*
All we can say (if we could talk, which we can't) is that this guy has totally lost our vote.
"Sure, that's why you see a lot of women wearing mink, but very few wearing skunk."
I know quite a few women who smoke skunk
(drum roll)
"south africa + 20 years = zimbabwe today"
I hate to Defend Zuma
I think he's a cock,
but he relatively intelligent and wants power
He's gonna stick firmly to the "Progressive left"
and spend as much time sucking up to Obama, Lula de Silva, G. Brown etc as possible
he's gonna stay well clear of the Chavez/Mugabe/Kim Yong posse
To his credit he's been th most vocal opponent of Mugabe in Africa and I do believe he was involved in the strike of dockers that prevented a shipment of Chinese weapons gettin to Mugabe before the election.
also i'd say that the death penalty and social consevatism is fig leaf to Afrikanners
who all seem like quite a socially conseravtive bunch at the best of times
Zuma! Zuma!
Vote for Zuma! He'll put the Africa back in South Africa.
Thank you, Anonymous, for lowering the quality of the discussion.
Dude is rocken some serious c cup man boobies.
18 children, fraud and corrupt and won't stand trial, a 'former' Communist who admires the old USSR.
Quick, call Barry, Nancy and Harry, we have found them the perfect Dem!
"He's wholly African?"
Oh my, isn't that, like, a racist comment or something?
South Africa deserves this guy, just like we Amurkins deserve Obama.
Didn't zuma also believe that you could have sex with an HIV positive woman without a condom and by having a quick shower afterwards you could avoid catching it?
I do admire the prim sexual morality of people that have numerous wives that are much younger than them.
Maybe he's smart enough to leave the whites alone. He knows how that went elsewhere.
Love his suit and like his spear. He'll bring change just like the Obamatron.
Why do I get the feeling he probably speaks Ooga Booga with an Ixford accent?
That should read an 'Oxford' accent.
Zimbabwe.
I've been coming to this blog for a few years now....
KEEP DOPE ALIVE...
But this particular thread is the funniest thing i've ever read IN MY LIFE !!!
Threeofclubs: Yes, Zuma testified in his rape trial that after having sex with the woman (whom he knew was HIV-positive), he took a shower to minimize the risk of contracting HIV.
At the time, Zuma had been head of the National AIDS Council.