Economics

Stimulis: Because All Economies Have Performance Issues

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Are you an economy with performance issues?

If you find it hard to achieve and maintain growth, maybe Stimulis is right for you.

Take Stimulis once every election cycle or whenever you're in need of economic enhancement.

"Stimulis" is written and produced by Ted Balaker, and edited by Alex Manning.

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NEXT: There Goes the Neighborhood

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  1. Noteworthy it is that “acting” means both doing something and falsely appearing to do something.

  2. Too funny. Lets see what the hive mind is going to tell us we must do now or explode all over the place. What a miserable failure Obama is.

  3. Where did all the ads come from?

  4. I don’t see any ads!

  5. Here’s a joke:

    “Three Euro-libertarians walk into a bar (in the 40s). The first Euro-libertarian says, ‘The Germans are marching on our capital!’ The second Euro-libertarian quickly leaves to sell his citizenship. The third Euro-libertarian says, ‘I know what I’ll do! I’ll put on a show!'”

    Yeah, I don’t get it either.

    But, I have a sneaking suspicion that a cheesy video isn’t going to have any impact whatsoever. If Reason wanted to actually do something, they’d go get video of them asking officials about the impacts of the scheme and then upload that.

  6. @ Orange Line Special:

    I’d beg to differ – I think it’s excellent guerilla marketing. What got me into reason in the first place was the illustrations by Peter Bagge, the design that screamed “We care about aesthetics”, Doherty’s article on the Grateful Dead. I can’t imagine the guys over at National Review putting together something like this – even if they could, they’d still come across as a bunch of bloodless freaks and not gleeful, creative, anarchists.

  7. I thought for sure you were going to riff on the priapism warning. Something like “If economic slowdown lasts for more than four years, you may have a serious condition called Newdealism. If this happens start a global war immediately.”

  8. Heh. On YouTube, the second “related video” is LeBron’s disputed 9th rebound against the Knicks, which lost him his triple-double. Damn NBA.

  9. @LoneJackOff:

    Go the fuck away!!!

  10. I’m curious as to how much of Reason’s or the Foundation’s money, including the cost of staff time, etc., was used to create this preachment to the choir.

  11. I see that JimRob and friends are going to be in DC on Mon and Tues.

    If Reason wanted to actually do something – rather than just put on a show – they’d work with them on my plan suggested at the link.

    Discrediting one of the “moderate” Republicans by asking them a question on video that goes on to get hundreds of thousands of Youtube views could scuttle the plan.

    Don’t hold your breath however: Reason is too dumb, too corrupted, or just too gutless to do anything about it.

  12. Shut the fuck up, Lonewacko.

  13. I never understand the twin bathtubs in strange places in Cialis ads, or the twin indoor couches on a dock. The lighthouse I got.

  14. “If this happens start a global war immediately.”

    I’m hoping the Japanese can help us with this.

  15. I think inflation would be the economic stimulus equivalent of priapism.

    “If you experience inflation in excess of 5% for a year or more, you may be suffering from a serious condition called stagflation. We’re not really not sure what you should do, but you might want to stop taking stimulis”.

  16. Look at me. I’m important! I’m so much more important than these libertarian buttholes!

    Watch me, dammit!

    Fine, I’m just going to go help guard the border fence. I hope you libertard reasonoids are happy.

  17. I love livin’ in a dystopia!

  18. Guys, I’m not at work right now, so I can’t post. This is only an illusion.

  19. brec writes: I’m curious as to how much of Reason’s or the Foundation’s money, including the cost of staff time, etc., was used to create this preachment to the choir.

    I wonder how much of brec’s household budget is used to secure the furniture to the floor.

    Seriously, maybe you didn’t notice that NRO’s corner picked this up, giving it a bit more mainstream audience, thus making it a little more OK to mock this giant spending plan in public. Surprisingly, it’s not just ivory tower intellectuals who know that this plan is a sham. Real people who don’t read the wonk mags know it is too. This clip reaches out to them.

  20. Amusing.

    One challenge is that Cialis/Viagra etc. actually WORK!

    So, the list of side effects might ring untrue for those on the fence. Who cares if one has a heart attack, so long as the sex is good.

    Taking on stimulus through mockery has its place. But this effort seems a bit off target.

  21. I never understand the twin bathtubs in strange places in Cialis ads, or the twin indoor couches on a dock.

    The side-by-side aspect assures her that he’ll stick around afterward, and the separation assures him that he’ll retain his autonomy. Win/win.

  22. Mostly marvelous!
    This is the sort of thing that could go viral, etc.
    One problem – raising the subject of masturbation at the end of the video will limit its distribution if it does go viral. Other than that, it’s absolutely marvelous! More! More! On other subjects too please!

  23. All I know is that this current Stimulus package leavbes the SHeeple in the dark as usual!

    RT
    http://www.anonymity-tools.us.tc

  24. Interesting. Satire, what a concept. It seems to have worked for Michael Moore, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. Is this the only way to get a point across to the masses? It seems nobody wants to be informed, just entertained. Want to win a debate? Just be more entertaining than your opponent. Don’t worry about facts or logic. Nobody understands that stuff anyway.

  25. As for the stimulus. At the very least, it provides more funding for Pell grants. Yeah, I know. You lead the man/woman to the university, but you can’t make him/her think.

  26. With all the money for the NEA grants, the stimulus will be able to fund satirical ads of itself.

    Fuck, it’s like an M.C. Escher painting…

  27. @ brec:

    A lot of the footage looks like it was stock footage, but even if everything was original, you’d be surprised how cheap it can be to shoot something like this on a digital camera. A friend and I shot a 2 minute parody of Dawn of the Dead for about $100.

    @ Michael:

    Satire has a much more respectable pedigree than Moore, Coulter, and Limbaugh. Think Swift and Orwell, and while a lot of it went over my head at the time, Rand really did a bang up job of satirizing a lot of the American intellectuals and writers that would have been her contemporaries in The Fountainhead.

  28. As for the stimulus. At the very least, it provides more funding for Pell grants. Yeah, I know. You lead the man/woman to the university, but you can’t make him/her think.

    Yes, because the job market isn’t already flooded with Humanities BAs…

  29. guppymd@hotmail.com

    “Satire has a much more respectable pedigree than Moore, Coulter, and Limbaugh. Think Swift and Orwell, and while a lot of it went over my head at the time, Rand really did a bang up job of satirizing a lot of the American intellectuals and writers that would have been her contemporaries in The Fountainhead.”

    We know where it was, but look where it is now.

  30. “Yes, because the job market isn’t already flooded with Humanities BAs…”

    It seems the job market is just plain flooded at the present. At a rate of over 500,000 jobs/month lost, even Tricky Dick Cheyney won’t be able to get a job soon.

    Is Haliburton hiring? How about Blackwater. Exxon/Mobil? Enron? I hear Bernie Madoff needs a few more attorneys on his team.

  31. Taktix?,

    What do have against the NEA. Weren’t you forced to take piano lessons as a child?

  32. What do have against the NEA. Weren’t you forced to take piano lessons as a child?

    I’m more peeved that I am forced to pay for others’ lessons as an adult…

  33. Don’t worry your pretty little heads about the stimulus package. In eight years we can cut spending, lower taxes and go to war. Then in 16 years, we can increase spending, raise taxes and have peace… and ’round and ’round she goes. There’s your Escher painting. I think I’m going to have to pay a visit to Sasha Shulgin, soon.

  34. “I’m more peeved that I am forced to pay for others’ lessons as an adult…”

    There’s that “I”, “me”, “my”, again.

    I thought it said “We the people”.

    That sounds an awful lot like Communisn or Socialism, don’t you think?

  35. Didn’t your parents teach you how to “share”.

  36. guppymd@hotmail.com

    I’m not so sure I classify Rand as Satire. She was more philosophical. The Fountainhead was more of a response to Karl Marx’s philosophy. But i could be wrong. It’s been a long time since I’ve that book.

  37. @ Michael:

    You are right – it has been awhile since I read The Fountainhead, and I will concede that it’s main thrust was philosophical. However, the English lit student in me (at the time and now) recognized that she was satirizing real authors and intellectuals in the pages of The Fountainhead.

    It’s been over fifteen years since I read it, but there is a wonderful, and all too brief scene where she has pithy descriptions of a bunch of writers at a gathering, and some of those descriptions, I’m sure of it, were based on recognizable figures. I’m sure Henry Miller was alluded too at one point, but alas, time and memory are working against me here.

    My point is that while I’d hate for a reader to miss out on the philosophical implications of The Fountainhead, there is a lot more going on in that novel then it’s usually given credit for. I had a lit teacher, who disagreed with Ayn Rand on just about everything, but did claim that The Fountainhead represented the high tide watermark for high modernism in fiction.

  38. Mark ,

    If I can find it I’ll reread it. It’s been about 25 years for me.

  39. Damn, it has been a while. I had The Fountainhead confused with Atlas Shrugged. Sorry.

  40. I never understand the twin bathtubs in strange places in Cialis ads

    They learned it from us.

  41. Also, we’re not around anymore, so fitting two aging baby boomer fat fucks into a single tub ain’t very practical.

  42. I just clicked on lone wacky’s website… and my IQ dropped 30 points.

    Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
    [Take a deep breath and push! Learn from your mistakes.]

    Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

  43. Oh Bill, you’re such a funny guy! Actually, compared to the clowns today, yer pretty good.

    No Calvin Coolidge, though. 🙁

  44. wow that lone guy is a good deal of a moron. Interesting video, Not the most amazing but

  45. waldo,

    I haven’t seen you around until recently, so let me fill you in:

    Mr. Line Special has a well established track record of stupid. If you have the Greasemonkey plug-in, I’d suggest yuo add him to the list and save yourself the waste of 2-3 life-minutes…

  46. LoneSchmucko is our pet retard. You can play with him, but be careful, because he drools a lot. And bring some cake for him. They all want cake.

  47. Misspelt my own damn handle.

    I am my own pet retard.

  48. Dude,

    Many questions need to be answered on BSG.

    – What happened to Earth?
    – What happened to Starbuck?
    – Who designed the cylons in their current form?
    – Who came up with the plans for the Cylons, and for the humans?

    Who gave the cylons their rules? Designed their resurection ships? Programmed their behavior? Was able to make a new starbuck and her ship?

    Clearly their is some Cylon knowledge and ability not shown in the Cylons we have seen.

  49. Also, my take is that underzog hates Israel and is masquerading as a pro Israel dude, to defame that side.

    No one is that dumb, nor that nuts.

  50. No one is that dumb, nor that nuts.

    kwais: Sean Hannity. Little Green Footballs. Naomi Klein.

    These people aren’t faking it.

  51. Pretty good ad – felt a little rushed. The guy doing the voice for it (I’m sorry, I don’t know who that is) doesn’t really have an announcer’s voice. It’s supposed to be soothing while it tells you about the possible death caused by the product.

    A good effort though.

  52. “kwais: Sean Hannity. Little Green Footballs. Naomi Klein.”

    The Unholy Trinity of Dumbfucks.

  53. Who gave the cylons their rules? Designed their resurection ships? Programmed their behavior? Was able to make a new starbuck and her ship?

    I’m convinced that Sci-Fi shows intentionally leave questions unanswered in order to draw a larger crowd at conventions…

  54. But hey Penguin:

    Isn’t it a little bit scary when LGF is actually _right_. I always thought Hannity was a moron but… it turns out that he was pretty prescient about the Obama presidency. Actually, it would be great if Obama were only as bad as wossisname predicted. Let’s see how this sort of idiocy plays out. We have at least 4 more years.

  55. I’m convinced that Sci-Fi shows intentionally leave questions unanswered in order to draw a larger crowd at conventions…

    Along those lines, I think that the CGI in the Galactica engine room was inspired by, and a homage to, the Galaxy Quest chompers. I mean, it serves no useful purpose to have a bunch of orthogonal, articulated worm gears on a space ship right?

    Also, your comment reminded me of this

    On one of the other topics, lumping LGF in with Hannity and Klein is a little off. LGF is a groupthink effort, while the other two are point sources. You could say that Klein’s and Hannity’s hackery is intelligently designed, while LGF’s is a product of evolution. (and that’s another particular difference; Johnson rather enjoys trolling his own audience with his evolution posts.)

  56. I’m convinced that Sci-Fi shows intentionally leave questions unanswered in order to draw a larger crowd at conventions…

    They leave the questions unanswered because developing compelling, logical backstories for your plots and characters is something that only novel writers have time to do. TV shooting schedules are insane enough as it is just getting the current episode written; there’s no time to develop backstories.

  57. Isn’t it a little bit scary when LGF is actually _right_. I always thought Hannity was a moron but… it turns out that he was pretty prescient about the Obama presidency.

    He’s not an idiot because he’s always wrong, he’s an idiot because he simply regurgitates GOP talking points, right or wrong, as if they were his own opinion.

    Yeah, a lot of right-wingers were right about Obama being a socialist because he is a socialist, but any PolySci 101 student could tell you that.

    They look like idiots because they say these bad ideas eminate from Obama, when Bush was expanding government just as much if not more. Yet the right-wing talkers were defending Bush.

  58. I always thought Hannity was a moron but… it turns out that he was pretty prescient about the Obama presidency.

    The Obama presidency is younger than the milk in my refrigerator. Any ‘predictions’ are as of yet, at best, unproven.

  59. They leave the questions unanswered because developing compelling, logical backstories for your plots and characters is something that only novel writers have time to do.

    It seems to me that Wheadon reverses this; he’s all about the backstory. But perhaps this proves you point, as I think his batting average for successful shows is currently well below .500. And I have a bad feeling about ‘dollhouse.’ (as an aside, you know who can’t do backstory worth a crap – Abrams.)

    For that matter the backstory for the first season or so for Galactica was a solid as anything that’s been put on television. The big hole from the starting gate though, was saying ‘and they have a plan’, when in fact, the cylons did not. But other than that, the most solid writing I’ve seen in sci fi or in tv in general.

  60. The Obama presidency is younger than the milk in my refrigerator.

  61. You need to throw that out, dude.

  62. I never understand the twin bathtubs in strange places in Cialis ads, or the twin indoor couches on a dock.

    The side-by-side aspect assures her that he’ll stick around afterward, and the separation assures him that he’ll retain his autonomy. Win/win.

    Now somebody’s going to have to explain the explanation. What do limp but encourageable dicks have to do with sticking around afterward or autonomy?

    Who would put even a single bathtub, let alone 2 — and right next to each other, as if a crowd were expected and you didn’t want to keep them waiting — in such places where there’d be no plumbing and where it’s unlikely anyone would want to bathe? But it doesn’t look like there’s any water in the tubs in the ads anyway, let alone soap. It’s just the world’s least comfortable lawn furniture. Sure, rainwater’s “soft”, but how long you going to wait to fill them up that way, especially in the desert setting used in one ad? And you want to talk mosquitoes?

    And who would carry even a single couch, let alone 2, out onto a dock, where you know they’re going to get wet & moldy from the rain if nothing else? Sure they’re more comfortable than bathtubs, but you want to sit on a dock, you sit on the dock. Now dangle a fishing pole between your legs and then you’ve got some symbolism! Hey, caught a big one, look at it fight! But couches are just obstacles if you ever tied up a boat there.

    Oh well, when they advertised Petite Nate children’s toiletries on TV, they had 2 girls in what looked like a cross between a bathtub and a love couch — two tubs with angled straight faces so they could be put together in the space of one, one child in each compartment so they could play but not kick each other, and one dumping a bucket of water from her tub into the other one’s. What was that about?

  63. I don’t think Sean Hannity really likes the GOP as much as one would think, but instead is just absolutely terrified of Democrats. I’d imagine he dreams of Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein speaking with forked tongues of gay rights and Fairness doctrines while he cowers in fear, and then, lo, from the east rides in Mitch McConnell on his white steed and in his polished armor to do battle. After slaying both foul creatures, the senator from Kentucky offers his hand to the trembling anchorman, at which point he wakes up sweaty and with a throbbing erection.

  64. cuernimus – your last sentence doesn’t agree with your first. But I think you’re basically correct, nevertheless.

    soundenouska – what Taktix & cuernimus said.

    …there’s no time to develop backstories

    Depends on the genre. It’s obviously a lot harder for a show like BSG (or any other) with tight multi-show story arcs. It’s a little easier for genres like comedy – think Newsradio. Even Arrested Development, which had some damn tight arcs, left room for backstory, although it was often “just-in-time”. They could get away with that, because the rest of the writing on the show was fantastic (and they often used it to set up a joke).

    Whatever the show, they’ll always stick in some backstory when it’s needed for a current plot that they want to write, which is why it’s always a good idea to find time for it beforehand. If you mentioned that Jimpy is a great unicyclist fourteen episodes ago, and again three episodes ago, it comes off a lot better when the plot demands the group find a great unicyclist for the big unicycle race that pays $10,000, exactly what the group needs to pay off Jimpy’s grandma’s mortgage. Instead, they usually have “just-in-time” backstory with dialogue like this:

    Kumpy: Gosh! Why didn’t you tells us you was a great unicyclist, Jimpy?
    Jimpy: Golly, I wuz all embarassed cuz’ the kids used to make funs of me. But now I can saves grandma’s place!
    Kumpy: Yeah, buts too bad you’re still a penus!
    *laugh track*

  65. The big hole from the starting gate though, was saying ‘and they have a plan’, when in fact, the cylons did not.

    Just because the individuals that we have met didn’t have a plan, doesn’t mean that there wasn’t one.

  66. Robert, LOL. I would pay to go through a gallery of surrealist painters with you and hear your commentary.

  67. Baked Penguin:

    Are you the understudy for Pelosi?

  68. The Left has no humor and whenever confronted with their insanities they demonstrate their sheeplike behavior be rabbiting “I don’t get it.”

    I’d liek to see more of this type of ridicule of the Socialists and worshippers of Marx.

  69. Obama’s plan to inject the economy with Spanish Fly should really work. That’s why it comes with Pelosi’s condom plan.

  70. If only they’d have put Barney Frank and Chris Dodd in bath tubs explaing how NINJA loans would save the economy.

  71. I have a question: why do libertarians keep breaking in and stealing the contents of my septic tank? I don’t have to call the guy to clean it out that much because of that, but I’m just wondering why that’s a libertarian thing.

    Thanks in advance.

  72. cuernimus – your last sentence doesn’t agree with your first.

    Ah, yes, I can see that I should have been more specific. He has that dream instead of one where he is running through fields of clover towards his favorite GOP congressman whilst wearing his prettiest spring dress. So he likes the Republicans because they keep the Democrats at bay, but he would dump them if (for imagination’s sake) the Libertarian or Constitution Party took their position of power.

    The fact that the dream arouses him is because the most vocal anti-gay or anti-whatever types hold their position as a result of what they perceive to be their own moral failings. Which makes me wonder, did LoneWacko hire an illegal once to trim his trees or something?

  73. Cuernimus and Baked Penguin demonstrate what dope does to your brain. Do we really need to hear about your gay fantasies and incoherent
    ramblings?

    Have you considered a position with the Annointed One? You could write his speeches.

  74. I don’t know about SURrealists, but regarding the UNrealist, Picasso, I got a misimpression of part of “Guernica”. A lot of the people in that painting looked distressed — being a bomb target will tend to do that to you — but there was one guy looking up who looked really happy. Then somebody pointed out I’d misinterpreted the orient’n of his head, so I was taking as a big smile his frown/grimace. Now that I know, I choose to interpret it that way anyway — why shouldn’t at least SOMEbody have been getting a kick out of getting bombed? Shouldn’t be a total loss.

  75. Cuernimus and Baked Penguin demonstrate what dope does to your brain. Do we really need to hear about your gay fantasies and incoherent
    ramblings?

    Have you considered a position with the Annointed One? You could write his speeches.

    Are you perhaps bi-Curious George? Because then they could be your gay fantasies. NTTAWWT.

  76. Whoa, I think I just had Deja Vu…

  77. Have I mentioned this video is a work of sheer genius?

  78. I see that JimRob and friends are going to be in DC on Mon and Tues.

    If Reason wanted to actually do something – rather than just put on a show – they’d work with them on my plan suggested at the link.

    Discrediting one of the “moderate” Republicans by asking them a question on video that goes on to get hundreds of thousands of Youtube views could scuttle the plan.

    Don’t hold your breath however: Reason is too dumb, too corrupted, or just too gutless to do anything about it.

    Oh goodie, a Freeper! Has RimJob ever explained to you why it takes almost a quarter million dollars a year to maintain a site with 1990s software?

    You kiddies have fun guarding the porta-potties there in DC, m’kay?

  79. “However, the English lit student in me (at the time and now) recognized that she was satirizing real authors and intellectuals in the pages of The Fountainhead.”

    John Waters is a fine example of the state of satire in America. His film “Pecker” really did a number on the arts community.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0126604/

  80. “Who would put even a single bathtub, let alone 2 — and right next to each other, as if a crowd were expected and you didn’t want to keep them waiting — in such places where there’d be no plumbing and where it’s unlikely anyone would want to bathe? But it doesn’t look like there’s any water in the tubs in the ads anyway, let alone soap. It’s just the world’s least comfortable lawn furniture. Sure, rainwater’s “soft”, but how long you going to wait to fill them up that way, especially in the desert setting used in one ad? And you want to talk mosquitoes?

    And who would carry even a single couch, let alone 2, out onto a dock, where you know they’re going to get wet & moldy from the rain if nothing else? Sure they’re more comfortable than bathtubs, but you want to sit on a dock, you sit on the dock. Now dangle a fishing pole between your legs and then you’ve got some symbolism! Hey, caught a big one, look at it fight! But couches are just obstacles if you ever tied up a boat there.”

    Wow! Quite the romantic!

  81. “Smoke pot till your balls fall off ya fuckin’ hippies!”

    “The study of 369 Seattle-area men ages 18 to 44 with testicular cancer and 979 men in the same age bracket without the disease found that current marijuana users were 70 percent more likely to develop it compared to nonusers.”

    Thank God I’m 52!

  82. cuernimus, I think BiCurious George is “Thomas Jackson” – some random pro-WoD LGF troll. I don’t know if he’s related to Veritas & ‘Special’ Agent Don, but anyone who thinks I have any love for Obama / Pelosi is obviously a fucking moron.

    Gosh, marijuana increases the chance of cancer? I better only drink, then.

  83. My fellow Americans, nothing is impossible so long as someone else pays for it.

    It’s time to move beyond the failed policies of greed and selfishness, and start forcing our neighbors to support us when we no longer feel like working. Only then can America live up to its promise.

  84. it seems our country dosent produce much anymore,everything we buy is made somewheres else.everyones solution to job losses are send the unemployed people back to school.can we all be bosses?maybe it might be a good idea to do whats nessesary to bring back manufacturing jobs to america.

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