Quotable

"I certainly respect the Constitution, but we have some issues that are much bigger than the Constitution."

That's the "worst mayor in America," Jackson, Mississippi's Frank Melton. Guess what issue he's talking about, then click through to see if you were right.

Comments

[TofuSushi]

The corrupt capitalistic system is bigger than the constitution but baggy pants are not. Even on the larger oppressed minorities.

[Elemenope]

Well, the Constitution is only five pages long, so a pair of big jeans is almost certainly bigger.

I see what he's getting at.

[Episiarch]

You know, sushi made of tofu sucks. Give me some hamachi, unagi, toro, or sake.

[Mister DNA]

This only proves that the Jackson, Mississippi City Council is in the pocket of Big Pants.

[TofuSushi]

Episiarch,

Be kind to the sea kittens. Eat tofu sushi.

[R C Dean]

Isn't he really saying that he'll respect the Constitution in the morning, after he's given a good fucking?

[Xeones]

Well, i guessed wrong. Time to downgrade my opinion of folks yet again! Also, fuck Frank Melton.

Epi: last night i marinated tofu strips in sesame-lime-chili sauce, covered them in coconut shreds and sesame seeds, and fried 'em. Delicious. Tofu can be a fine accompaniment to real food, if you do it right.

[TMOF]

Aren't the young folks who wear baggy pants, unwittingly, the new sans-culottes? I say ... off with Melton's head!

[Episiarch]

Tofu can be a fine accompaniment to real food, if you do it right.

It is a flavor sponge, and not a particularly good one at that. Yes, you can make it taste good, but it has no inherent flavor of its own. Hence--no good in sushi.

[Nick]

I guessed drugs or terrorism. I wasn't thinking petty enough. My bad.

I love that he's willing to go to court over low-hung pants. Very effective use of tax dollars, Frank.

If they must write a law why not just say everyone has the right to wear pants all half off their ass and those that do so also have the right to be slapped upside the head by anyone over 40 (if they can catch them...you never know, maybe the baggy pants act like a governor on their speed, should be fun to watch on Youtube).

[TofuSushi]

Episiarch, try the tofu variety. It is good for mother earth.

[Xeones]

Hence--no good in sushi.

Very true. That's why i ate mine alongside leftover Papa John's pizza.

[Episiarch]

If I am going to eat something estrogenic, I'll have some edamame.

[Shannon Love]

Just for fun, an argument can be made that dress codes do not violate the Constitution.

(1) The Constitution does not grant the Federal government the power to implement dress codes but instead leads the matter up to the states. The Bill of Rights does not enumerate such a right so the 14th Amendment does not apply.

(2) Sumptuary laws still existed when the Constitution was ratified so clearly the people of that time did not see them as being in conflict.

(3) Federal and State governments do claim the power to regulate clothing in the workplace based on claims safety and identification (e.g. security guard uniforms cannot look like police uniforms). They also prevent the sale of clothing deemed unsafe for any reason e.g. infant wear. Of course, obscenity laws would also fall into this category because they regulate the minimal amount of clothes a person could wear.

Given the view widely held on the Left that the government can remove any freedom except (in the best case) for the enumerated ones, it would seem that a local government would have the authority to regulate public dress as it sees fit. Indeed, 50 years ago, running around with your butt crack hanging out would have been considered a state matter of indecency.

On another note, I am pleased to discover what has happened to Texas' usually bumper crop of crazy politicians. Apparently, we've been exporting them.

[Pain]

Clearly this is a case that shows why the Constitution should be considered a living document. The Founders simply did not foresee the scourge of modern day baggy pants.

[Pro Libertate]

What if Mother Earth considers fish to be parasites and wants us to eat them?

[Xeones]

Dudes who are comfortable with their manhood can handle having moobs, Epi.

[Pro Libertate]

In my mind, the Constitution is a set of heavy iron shackles, including the iron ball, that the government is locked into. Unfortunately, for some reason, we gave the government the key, an acetylene torch, a high-powered laser, a heavy-duty bolt cutter, and we replaced the chains with poorly woven Spanish moss.

[The Angry Optimist]

Shannon Love - interesting, but I think that free expression concerns would disallow such limitations.

Of course, we still have public nudity laws. One wonder why they do not just expand those a little bit.

[SugarFree]

What if Mother Earth considers fish Sea Kittens to be parasites and wants us to eat them?

Fixed. Now see how silly your question is?

[Episiarch]

So X, do you wear a "bro" or a "manssiere"?

[Xeones]

I'm build like a surfboard, E. A lumpy surfboard, but still.

[Tyler]

"He said the ordinance was an attempt to 'save all the children we can.'"

Please, God, save the children from loose pants! Before it's too late!

[Episiarch]

I don't even know what that means, X. I prefer to think of you as you were in your carefree youth hunting white tigers in Burma.

[Mo]

What if Mother Earth considers fish Sea Kittens to be parasites and wants us to eat them?

Fixed. Now see how silly your question is?

My salmon Sea Kitten ended up looking like a cross between a catfish and narwhal.

Also, tofu sushi blows.

[SugarFree]

Won't someone think of the tofu kittens!?!

[Pro Libertate]

Look, I'm eating the tuna. Gaea can either bless me for it or yell at me, but in the absence of affirmative direction, I'm assuming she wants me to order toro and maguro.

[Episiarch]

How about the sweater kittens?

[Pro Libertate]

Gaea demands that you free them, Episiarch.

[SugarFree]

How about the sweater kittens?

They seem pretty comfortable to me.

Cats 'N' Racks

[Episiarch]

Gaea demands that you free them, Episiarch.

Is this "Gaea" hot? She sounds like a fatty to me.

[Ska]

As long as they don't have whiskers, I'm down.

[Robert]

I guessed "cheating at bowling". I think I was close.

[SugarFree]

Is this "Gaea" hot? She sounds like a fatty to me.

She was fairly sexy in Rome. But maybe a bit zaftig depending on your tastes.

[Episiarch]

She was fairly sexy in Rome.

The partner from New Amsterdam? Uh, I'll pass.

[J sub D]

More from the LEO/Saggy pants frontlines.

Dateline - July 7, 2008
July 7: Flint cops crack down on pants

Flint residents now have to watch their butts because Police Chief David Dicks is on the lookout.

Dicks, who took over the department last month on an interim basis, announced that his officers would start arresting people wearing saggy pants that expose skivvies, boxer shorts or bare bottoms.

Dateline - January 14, 2009
U.S. charges Flint chief of police with illegally taking public funds

The city's interim police chief was charged today with illegally receiving public money through a no-show job at a security company run by his father.

David Dicks appeared in federal court in Flint on a criminal complaint and was released on $25,000 bond.

The complaint says Dicks received nearly $47,000 from City Security Guard Co. over a two-year period ending in July 2007.

At the same time, however, he was actually working as a police officer or attending classes at Mott Community College, according to the U.S. Labor Department, which interviewed other security employees and examined Dicks' timesheets.

[Elemenope]

She was fairly sexy in Rome.

If by sexy you mean satanically evil, yeah. She was sexy in Rome.

[SugarFree]

Elemenope | January 15, 2009, 9:58am | #

Moral absolutism about complicated events and people is nearly as exhausting as moral relativism about simple ones.

😛

[J. P. Carlo]

From the end of that article:

"Melton is scheduled to stand trial in federal court next month on civil rights charges related to a police-style raid on a Jackson duplex in 2006."

What exactly is a "police-style" raid? Is that like what Radley always posts about, but involving people who aren't actual cops?

(Come to think of it, I'm not sure whethere that's a step up or down.)

[Not a Libertarian but You Migh]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Melton

.
.
.
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Controversy

April 2006 - Melton was criticized for having potentially broken a law when pulling over four school buses on the busy US I-220 bypass in Jackson, Mississippi for individual hugs.

Um.... What the fuck?

[Elemenope]

😛

Never said Satan wasn't complicated.

[guy1138]

@ Robert
I guessed "cheating at bowling". I think I was close.

This isn't Nam, Robert, there are rules.

[TallDave]

I would have guessed Al Gore.

[Nick]

@ Robert
I guessed "cheating at bowling". I think I was close.

This isn't Nam, Robert, there are rules.

One toe over the liiiiiiine.

[PFJ]

If this guy was mayor of Manchester in the late 1980's we would have never gotten the Happy Mondays or The Stone Roses. Think about that.

[Elemenope]

Fucking dog has fucking papers.

[Kwix]

J. P. Carlo | January 15, 2009, 2:00pm | #

"Melton is scheduled to stand trial in federal court next month on civil rights charges related to a police-style raid on a Jackson duplex in 2006."

What exactly is a "police-style" raid? Is that like what Radley always posts about, but involving people who aren't actual cops?

In short, YES.

[Guy Montag]

Kwix,

At least Radley calls them "military style raids".

[R C Dean]

I dunno, calling it a "police-style" raid implies that it wasn't conducted by actual cops. The one Kwix links to was, although they took a neighborhood auxiliary of teenage vandals with them.

So, in my book, its still a police raid.

And what do you want to bet some the teenagers had low-rider pants?

[Stevo Darkly]

Dateline - July 7, 2008
July 7: Flint cops crack down on pants
Flint residents now have to watch their butts because Police Chief David Dicks is on the lookout.

Dicks, who took over the department last month on an interim basis, announced that his officers would start arresting people wearing saggy pants that expose skivvies, boxer shorts or bare bottoms.

Other headlines:

DICKS ATTACKS EXPOSED BUTTS

WHEN PANTS SAG, DICKS CRACKS DOWN

MEMBERS OF PUBLIC SUPPORT DICKS IN BUTT VIOLATIONS

[Stevo Darkly]

Dateline - January 14, 2009
U.S. charges Flint chief of police with illegally taking public funds

The city's interim police chief was charged today with illegally receiving public money through a no-show job at a security company run by his father.

David Dicks appeared in federal court in Flint on a criminal complaint and was released on $25,000 bond.

The complaint says Dicks received nearly $47,000 from City Security Guard Co. over a two-year period ending in July 2007.

At the same time, however, he was actually working as a police officer or attending classes at Mott Community College, according to the U.S. Labor Department, which interviewed other security employees and examined Dicks' timesheets.

Alternate headlines:

DICKS EXPOSED

DICKS DOUBLE-DIPPING

DICKS SLAPPED FOR BACKDOOR ACTIVITIES

Headlines we hope to see eventually:

DICKS OUT

DICKS TO DO HARD TIME

[steve]

When pants are outlawed, only outlaws will have pants.