Post Office

Santa Claus, Sex Offender


A sex panic shuts down Operation Santa Claus, a long-lived charitable tradition in which volunteers read poor people's letters to Father Christmas and then personally bring presents to Santa's supplicants:

santaoffenderThe United States Postal Service abruptly shut down public participation in all the Operation Santa programs—in New York and other major cities across the country—at 1 p.m. Wednesday, without offering post offices or letter-seeking citizens any understanding of why.

A Postal Service official in Washington, after an initial, limited acknowledgment of a "privacy breach," said that at one of the programs, not New York's, a man whom a letter carrier recognized as a registered sex offender had "adopted" a letter. When postal officials confronted the man, the official said, he said he was sincerely trying to do a good deed, but postal inspectors nonetheless retrieved the letter and notified the family of the child.

The Postal Service, indicating that the closing down of all of Operation Santa might be temporary, said that it felt it was wise to take the precaution.

The post office is now talking about a revised approach in which the recipients will be anonymous, the government will operate an elaborate matching system, and donors won't deliver their presents in person. Debbie Nathan argues that this won't work, pointing out that the charity "was always based on complex class relations and conflict, complete with reticulated fantasies that could only be satisfied by the letter reading, the name gathering, and those noblesse oblige home visits. Without all this, the program is kaput."

NEXT: One of the These Things Is Not Like the Other Ones

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  1. Priceless photo to go with this post – nice work, Jesse!

  2. Did you actually read the piece you’re linking to?

    Debbie Nathan sounds like a real ****, based on that article. [I am using asterisks because it’s the holiday season.]

    Basically the gist of her article is this:

    An anonymous program won’t work because the people who donate gifts to others via the program are emotional vampires who want to warm themselves by the fire of the self-abasement of the poor, and anonymous people can’t abase themselves well enough to make the exchange work.

    Basically, it’s an especially toxic variant on the perennial theme that if helping people makes you feel good, or if you choose to personally make any distinction between people you want to help and people you don’t, your help is not really virtuous but predatory and you should be spat on.

    Fine, if feeling good about it if I give toys to poor kids is wrong, or if being moved to give toys by an emotionally affective letter and unmoved by a grasping and hostile one is wrong, then fuck it I won’t help anyone. Happy, ****? I’ll do my bit to prove your thesis correct.

  3. I’ve been waiting for that depraved fat asshole rapist to get shut down! Yeah, he expects “cookies” to be left out for him. My “cookies”! Thanks mom and dad!

  4. Happy, ****?

    Someone missed the memo about Cuntday. It’s apparently the most wonderful time of the year.

    I don’t know about these Santas, but those department store Santas were creepy as hell. Sitting on their lap I could usually smell booze. Thanks mom and dad!

  5. What about the ones holding hot dogs between their legs?

    I had a few drinks at lunch and am feeling a little punchy. My bust.

  6. Santa isn’t supposed to smell like booze, cigarettes, stale sweat, and the fat female elf?

  7. I don’t get the worry about the sex offender. Are sex offenders officially forbidden from doing good things for the rest of their lives? Or do they figure that this is the only way a pedophile could identify were children live?

  8. Hmmm… reticulated, you say?

  9. When I was a kid, we didn’t believe in Santa Claus, because obeying Jesus was the real meaning of Christmas. And by obeying Jesus, I mean sitting the skinny cult leader with the googly eye’s lap. Right before he got his turn touching mommy, because the lord Jesus would have wanted daddy to share. Thanks mom and dad!

  10. The Post Office for a long time has used Santa Claus for it’s own self interest and their instincts are always to dump their problems with him on another branch and level of government.

  11. If you perverted fuckwads want to help the poor, you’ll do it our way and like it. Now get in line and gimme your money to be anonymously “matched up” with a departmen– I mean “needy child”.

    Sorry, this window is closed. Move to the back of that line there. Dickhead.

  12. Q. Do “libertarians” even have a Santa?

    A. Yes, of course. However, he isn’t at the NorthPole but is currently based out of a compound in Somalia beyond the reach of InternationalLawEnforcement which wants him for ElfWorkerAbuse as well as selling his “presents” to the ChineseArmy. He also refuses to get a DriversLicense.

  13. What’s the SeriousStory behind the IrregualrSpacingAndCapitalization, LoneWacko? Is it just a gimmick like Hacksaw Jim Duggan and his 2×4? Just curious. 🙂

  14. I wouldn’t have worded it as snippily as Debbie Nathan did, but the fact is that giving a toy to a child and actually seeing the delight on her face is quite different from handing money to some overpaid civil servant and nodding in agreement when he assures you he’ll spend it in a way you like. Charity is never improved by extra layers of bureaucracy.

  15. Just remember: we need more of this kind of thinking in our health care system!

  16. Any truth to the rumor that Mark Foley will be named the new head of Operation Santa?

  17. No wonder he lives at the North Pole…the nearest playground, school, church, ice cream shop, or day care center is 3000 miles away, and he doesn’t want to go to jail.

  18. Well I guess that explains why he surrounds himself with elves.
    Labor laws-no.

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