Nanny State

And Don't Even Ask About Purple Nurples and Wet Willies

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Via Fark comes this quote:

The police spokesman said they are ever vigilant and on the lookout for wedgies here.

"You might get away with that in Lincoln or Omaha," the spokesman said. "But we're not going to allow wedgies in North Platte."

NEXT: The Investigation Continues, but Here Are a Few Reckless Allegations

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  1. What about Texas Chili Bowls?

  2. And Indian sunburns?

  3. The accompanying photo is the best part. I doubt there’s anything similar in Getty Images.

  4. That picture is awesome.

    Funny story: I was at a sports camp in 4th or 5th grade, and the older kids were relentless hazers. A friend and I were rushed unexpectedly one day. I managed to get away but my friend was not so lucky–and he was wearing a jock strap. From my hiding place, I watched as the older kids gave him a wedgie with the jock strap, to the point where they stretched it over his head–but behind his shoulders–and finally released it down on the front of his neck.

    I LOL’ed, but I’m sure it was very unpleasant. But it wasn’t me!

  5. I’ve got to side with the police on this one. Wedgies are an attack on a person’s body and thus violate a person’s right to control his own body. Even though a wedgie is a very minor assalt, stopping them is still within the government’s proper role.

    Of course, the age of the wedgie giver and response of parents can be a factor. The article just says the wedgie giver was a minor. If he was a 10 year old with responsible parents, grounding would be sufficient. If he was 17 1/2 years old or the parents encouraged the wedgies, calling the police is a reasonable response.

  6. Of course, the age of the wedgie giver and response of parents can be a factor. The article just says the wedgie giver was a minor. If he was a 10 year old with responsible parents, grounding would be sufficient. If he was 17 1/2 years old or the parents encouraged the wedgies, calling the police is a reasonable response.

    You, sir, are far too reasonable for your own good.

  7. I support capital punishment for bullies.

  8. From my hiding place, I watched as the older kids gave him a wedgie with the jock strap, to the point where they stretched it over his head–but behind his shoulders–and finally released it down on the front of his neck.

    I believe this is known as an atomic wedgie, although I question whether it is possible to give a proper wedgie at all with a jockstrap (lacking, as they do, anything that will “wedge” in the behindular region of the wedgie-ee).

  9. behindular

    genius

  10. But no one was arrested! When I saw it was a Balko posting I was afraid someone was going to a foster home or some other horrible outcome.

    Reasonable cops in North Platte, who’d a thunk?

  11. And to think people don’t respect the police!

  12. RC, I believe this is a special class outside of an atomic wedgie, such as a gamma wedgie or a supertrapezial wedgie.

  13. In northern Wisconsin (at least the part where I grew up) wedgies are known as grundies. That isn’t really relevant to anything but, y’know, FYI.

  14. Yeah, but what about the dreaded Rear Admiral?

  15. I’ve got to side with the police on this one. Wedgies are an attack on a person’s body and thus violate a person’s right to control his own body. Even though a wedgie is a very minor assalt, stopping them is still within the government’s proper role.

    Fair enough, but I’d argue that if North Platte cops have nothing better to do that chase down drive-by wedgies, there are too many cops being paid too much in that town.

  16. Oh come on!

    They got an assault complaint. They sent a policeman over. He talked to the participants and worked out some accomodation between the warring parties.

    Nobody was arrested. Nobody was cited.

    When questioned about it, the police department spokesman mad a joke out of it.

    If you are a minarchist and think that the police should be providing security, then you should be happy because this is how the system is supposed to work.

    Anarchists like me on the other hand…

  17. I’m with Tarran (except maybe for the anarchist part.)

    The LEO showed some restraint and common sense and defused the situation with nobody getting arrested, no child taken to a foster home, and no violence.

    No doubt he’ll be severely reprimanded.

  18. Fair enough, but I’d argue that if North Platte cops have nothing better to do that chase down drive-by wedgies, there are too many cops being paid too much in that town.

    C’mon Taktix?, they received a citizens complaint about an assault. They had to respond. They did, defused the situation and left. Andy Taylor would have been proud.

  19. I love what the spokesman said, like the rest of the country is being overrun by an epidemic of wedgies and he’s not gonna let it happen in his backyard.

  20. Fair enough, but I’d argue that if North Platte cops have nothing better to do that chase down drive-by wedgies, there are too many cops being paid too much in that town.

    Mayne’s principles of police work, 1829, #9:

    To recognise always that the test of police efficiency is the absence of crime and disorder, and not the visible evidence of police action in dealing with them.

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