The Evacuating Angel

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Life imitates Buñuel movie:

A 35-year-old woman who apparently spent two years in her boyfriend's bathroom in Ness City had become stuck to the toilet seat, authorities said Wednesday.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. … I still have a hard time imagining it myself," Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said in a telephone interview, adding that it appeared her body fat had grown attached to the seat.

Authorities planned to present their report to the county attorney later Wednesday to see if any charges should be filed against her 36-year-old boyfriend, Whipple said.

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding he never explained why it took him two years to call.

He said the boyfriend had brought the woman food and water during the two years and told investigators he asked her daily to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

The house had another bathroom he could use.

NEXT: At L-o-o-o-n-g Last Sir, Have You No Sense of Humor?

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  1. The house had another bathroom he could use.

    What fun is that?

  2. I bet this guy’s Renuzit bill was astounding.

  3. adding he never explained why it took him two years to call.

    Well, it’s like when you forget someone’s name at work, and you think you’re going to remember, but you don’t. At that point, what are you going to say?

  4. What charges? If she really was telling him she’d come out of the bathroom “Maybe tomorrow”, he wasn’t forcing her to stay there. As her boyfriend, not her parent or spouse, I don’t see any (legal) duty to “rescue” her, either.

  5. Thanks joe. You made me laugh this morning.

    CB

  6. I’d laugh at joe’s joke too if my mouth wasn’t gaping in utter horror.

  7. What charges? If she really was telling him she’d come out of the bathroom “Maybe tomorrow”, he wasn’t forcing her to stay there. As her boyfriend, not her parent or spouse, I don’t see any (legal) duty to “rescue” her, either.

    Any reasonable person would consider her behaviour indicative of mental illness. People have a duty of care towards the mentally ill, just as they do towards children. I imagine you would not take this line of reasoning if the person glued to the toilet seat had been his ten year old daughter.

  8. Clearly we need legislation to keep this from happening again. There should be a commission set up to investigate the toilet seat manufacturer

  9. Since you added the caveat about “not her parent or spouse”, I think my point about the child stands even if the man were not her parent or legal guardian.

  10. RC Dean,

    No crime, you say?

    Compare this:
    Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple
    with this:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Whipple

    And drop the Charmin, you sick, sick puppy.

  11. Free minds, free markets, toilet humor.

  12. What charges? If she really was telling him she’d come out of the bathroom “Maybe tomorrow”, he wasn’t forcing her to stay there. As her boyfriend, not her parent or spouse, I don’t see any (legal) duty to “rescue” her, either.

    RC-Exactly, it was her choice, bizarre as it may seem. I remember reading this morning that when the EMT’s got there, she still didn’t want to come out.

    Two things intrigue me, one is that he waits two years to call. I don’t know how long it would take me in a similar situation, but it wouldn’t be “years”, probably more like “hours” or a day at the most. The second thing is that he calls on Feb 27. My watch, updating itself every morning from the National Time Standard, shows March 13. What transpired in the roughly three weeks between the call and now? Has she been sitting there, or did it take that long for the newspapers to pick it up?

  13. This is really a sad story. Obviously the boyfriend should have done something about it a long time ago, but I don’t see how bringing criminal charges makes anything better.

  14. Free minds, free markets, toilet humor.

    Drink!

  15. but I don’t see how bringing criminal charges makes anything better

    The concept of “this is a shitty or fucked up situation and what justice is served by jailing someone” is long dead.

    The sadism of the law enforcement community has been increasing for years.

  16. After a few weeks without nookie, one would think that this guy would have called 911. On the other hand, maybe she was still putting out.

    I just puked on my keyboard……

  17. JLM, that was great. No need for puking.

  18. On the other hand, maybe she was still putting out.

    That’s called a “blumpkin.”

  19. It’s a blumpkin if she blows him while he’s sitting on the john. What do you call it when she blows him and she’s sitting on the john?

  20. So I guess the real question is, if she was fused to the toilet, when was the last time she wiped her ass?

  21. You can have my toilet seat when you pry it from my cold, dead buttocks!

  22. This is really gettin’ off into the weeds…..

  23. Let McFarren wife-swap with Spitzer and all will be forgiven.

  24. What do you call it when she blows him and she’s sitting on the john?

    Awesome.

  25. Random thoughts…

    I wonder if she was tapping her toe the entire two years… if so, the authorities will end up bringing charges against her.

    Did she pay her taxes while locked in the bathroom?

    Should we Snopes this?

    How was she being fed?

    Did no one in her family try to call her/visit her?

    Is there a phone in the bathroom? What about a TV? Does she have Tivo in there?

    CB

  26. Clearly, toilets need some sort of shocking device or ejection seat capability to prevent this sort of thing. I see billions for an enterprising products liability attorney.

    The woman is obviously mentally ill. Legal duty or not, anyone who let her do this is messed up themselves. Not just the boyfriend–where were her family and friends?

  27. And I thought I had problems getting a turn for my shower!

  28. ChrisV,

    The woman is obviously mentally ill, but that is not the same as being an invalid. For all we know, she was hell on wheels about staying in that bathroom.

    It will probably disappoint the people telling sex jokes here, but I think we can be 99% sure that these two had no sexual activity for those 2 years. But he kept preparing and bringing her food several times a day.

    We really shouldn’t call him her boyfriend, given that set of circumstances. He was obviously her servant or thrall.

    He was probably completely cowed by her. You’d have to be to tolerate waiting hand and foot on someone who stayed in the bathroom for two years. You can said he had a duty of care, but what if she was some kind of domineering bitch? I think she would have to be, to get this guy to feed her for two years.

  29. What do you call it when she blows him and she’s sitting on the john?

    A blowjob, chowderhead. Now, if she takes a dump while doing so, I guess it might be a:

    Reverse blumpkin
    Blumpkout
    Plumpkin

    ?

  30. ChrisV–Think of the imaginary children! Oh wait…

  31. You know the most horrifying thing?

    The Exterminating Angel is unavailable on DVD. Almost everyone puts it among Bunuel’s top five films and…nada.

    Far more appalling than the underlying story.

  32. Henry,

    Same thing with Ken Russell’s The Devils of Louton. What gives?

    Market failure!!

  33. People have a duty of care towards the mentally ill, just as they do towards children.

    You only have a duty of care to people if you are in a legal relationship that creates such a duty. You don’t have a duty of care to random mentally ill street people, for example, but you do toward your kids.

    Just being a boyfriend or cohabiting with someone doesn’t create a duty of care, as far as I know.

    I imagine you would not take this line of reasoning if the person glued to the toilet seat had been his ten year old daughter.

    No, I wouldn’t, because he does have a duty of care to his daughter.

  34. What do you call it when she blows him and she’s sitting on the john?

    Classy

  35. What do you call it when she blows him and she’s sitting on the john?

    A painful accident waiting to happen?

  36. mk–

    Probably some kind of goddamned rights issue.

    Zabriskie Point is also AWOL. Not only that, Turner Classic Movies had it on its schedule for this month, but their Standards & Paractices Dept. vetoed it–replaced it with Alice’s Restaurant!

  37. “What do you call it when she blows him and she’s sitting on the john?”

    Multitasking.

  38. cohabiting with someone doesn’t create a duty of care, as far as I know.

    Where’s the love for common law marriage?

    In these states, of course.

    Alabama
    Colorado
    District of Columbia
    Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
    Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
    Iowa
    Kansas
    Montana
    New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
    Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
    Oklahoma
    Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)
    Rhode Island
    South Carolina
    Texas
    Utah

  39. Hey, everyone keeps going on about her sanity.

    What does bringing food and water for two years to a woman who won’t come out of the bathroom say about the guy’s brain?

  40. Where’s the love for common law marriage?

    I deal with common law marriage issues all the time. I don’t know the details in Kansas, but in most places there has to be an agreement to be married and you have to hold yourself out as married. I don’t see any of that here.

    Most people who claim to be common law married only really want to be married when its convenient for them (e.g., when it gets them some of the other person’s stuff), and not married when its not (e.g., when it means they have to pay the bills for the other person). What trips most of ’em up is that they never file their tax returns as a married couple.

  41. Mr. Whipple? With his girlfriend on the toilet for two years? No way.

  42. “A blowjob, chowderhead. Now, if she takes a dump while doing so, I guess it might be a:

    Reverse blumpkin
    Blumpkout
    Plumpkin”

    … the things I learn at Reason. I had no idea. If someone had offered me some blumpkin, I would have thought it was a piece of pie.

  43. but in most places there has to be an agreement to be married and you have to hold yourself out as married. I don’t see any of that here.

    Everyone knows that being married means the couple carries on a conversation even when one of the parties is on the can.

    When I heard gay people could do that, I stopped supporting the Defense of Marriage Act.

  44. Regarding the duty of care, it sounds like the boyfriend is also mentally ill. If he couldn’t get her out of the bathroom you’d expect him to call her parents, or someone who could help. I don’t know how you could go day in and day out never deciding to resolve the situation. So the real question is who, if anyone, is responsible for the boyfriend.

  45. Kansas:

    There are various types of activities which constitute a holding out to the pubic as husband and wife including, cohabitation, using the same last name, filing joint tax returns, opening joint bank or savings accounts, joint ownership of property, pooling resources, the woman using the man’s last name on a driver’s license and in daily affairs, designating the other person as spouse and beneficiary on insurance policies, having children and generally gaining a reputation in the community as husband and wife.

    http://gdgrifflaw.typepad.com/kansas_family_law_/2005/03/kansas_common_l.html

  46. Everyone knows that being married means the couple carries on a conversation even when one of the parties is on the can.

    I thought you were married when the other person needs something from the bathroom and can’t wait 5 fucking minutes so they barge in while you’re trying to take a dump.

  47. Episiarch | March 13, 2008, 10:35am | #
    What do you call it when she blows him and she’s sitting on the john?

    A blowjob, chowderhead. Now, if she takes a dump while doing so, I guess it might be a:

    Reverse blumpkin
    Blumpkout
    Plumpkin

    ?

    Actually I’d call it a Plop-kin.

  48. Any reasonable person would consider her behaviour indicative of mental illness. People have a duty of care towards the mentally ill, just as they do towards children. I imagine you would not take this line of reasoning if the person glued to the toilet seat had been his ten year old daughter.

    My DUTY to the mentally ill is to not let them get lice on me during my commute.

    My DUTY to other people’s children is not speak with them or accidentially hit them while pulling out of my driveway.

    My personal feelings of compassion vastly increase how I interact with these two types of people, but someone’s DUTY is clear.

    And as far as the lady in the john, at least she’s not whining about going to the movies or out to dinner all the time. Throw a new roll of TP her way occasionally and it’s all good.

  49. KD, nice. Late, but nice.

  50. Isn’t this similar to the people who throw twinkies to those folks who are so fat they can’t leave their house? Is that a criminal offense?

  51. Curious makes a good point, that kind of leans into the point I was making.

    The two-ton guy who is too fat to get out of bed has enablers, too.

    I don’t think these enablers are criminals, because whether they have a duty of care or not, the two-ton guy or the lady on the toilet probably were immense whiny and abusive bitches during whatever period of time passed when their behavior was questioned, and the enablers probably ultimately gave in just to get them to shut the fuck up.

  52. Wrong vs. actionable. Used to be more things fell into the former than the latter.

  53. Episiarch | March 13, 2008, 1:14pm | #
    KD, nice. Late, but nice.

    Thanks Epi – Yeah I know its on the ragged edge of relevance, but I couldn’t resist. Seems like it’s one of those rare times where I actually found something more compelling to do early in the day. But still, felt I had to get small a hit of H&R in.

  54. nm:

    using the same last name

    that means my sister and i are married.

  55. Who’s gotten book/movie rights for this?

  56. I’ve heard of quite a few fucked up relationships, but this takes the cake.

    I have so many sick, morbid, depraved questions….

  57. Did someone say “cake”? Why don’t you bring that cake in here for me? I swear I’ll come out… maybe tomorrow.

  58. “Any reasonable person would consider her behaviour indicative of mental illness. People have a duty of care towards the mentally ill … ”

    — Comrade Stalin, we’ve got another loonie situation …
    — How do you know he’s insane ?
    — Wants free elections.
    — In Soviet Russia ? He’s definitely crazy … please, do help him.

    Mental illness is in the eye of the beholder.

    There was this guy, Simon, who lived on the top of a pillar and genuflected day and night. His peers thought he was a genius.

    I strongly believe that the vegetarians and the vegans are insane, and criminally insane when they force their children to adhere to their diet.

  59. I strongly believe that the vegetarians and the vegans are insane

    Oh, right. My parents both died in their 60s of malignant tumors (Mom had breast cancer and Dad had an inoperable brain tumor). My primary care physician is, coincidentally, an oncologist, and she says being a strict vegetarian is the smartest, sanest thing I can do for myself right now. So stick it in your ear, chum.

    Now those raw foodists… those are the real crazies 😉

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