Campaigns/Elections

The Dog Days of David Huckabee

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Must Hate Dogs

About the strangest family scandal to emerge so far in Campaign 2008 involves Mike Huckabee's son David, a Boy Scout camp, and a dog dangled unto death. From a Newsweek account by Michael Isikoff:

One issue likely to get attention is [Huckabee's] handling of a sensitive family matter: allegations that one of his sons was involved in the hanging of a stray dog at a Boy Scout camp in 1998. The incident led to the dismissal of David Huckabee, then 17, from his job as a counselor at Camp Pioneer in Hatfield, Ark. It also prompted the local prosecuting attorney- bombarded with complaints generated by a national animal-rights group-to write a letter to the Arkansas state police seeking help investigating whether David and another teenager had violated state animal-cruelty laws. The state police never granted the request, and no charges were ever filed….

Huckabee called [former director of Arkansas State Police John] Bailey's account "totally untrue" and described him as a "bitter" exemployee. "I asked him to resign because he had so alienated the entire state police," he said. "It had nothing to do with my son."…

The director told NEWSWEEK only that a stray dog was "put down" and that the counselors were fired for violating the Scout credo to be "kind."…

Whole thing here.

Are the allegations true? It's not clear from this account, but as a former Eagle Scout interned for several summers at the wonderful Forestburg (near the New York/New Jersey border), I can tell you that what happens at scout camp stays at scout camp.

Isikoff is certainly right to imply that as the former tub of goo Huckabee rises in the polls like some sort of slimmed-down Ron Paul blimp, all sorts of weird shit is going to come out about him, his past, and more. He's been in the public eye too long and comes from a milieu that gave him wide range to pander to all sorts of creeptacular elements in American cultural and political discourse (which, to give Huckabee credit, he might fully agree with). Witness the recent flap over his 1992 comments about AIDS.

If nothing else, the story of David the Doggie Killer certainly makes the Huckabee Christmas card, already a disturbing spectacle, as rich a text as an Antonioni film:

Bonus Tale of Republican Party Animal Killer: Kitty cats say never forget Bill Frist, the Sid Vicious of the Senate, who did things, including felinicide, his way.

NEXT: The Real Mortgage Fraud

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  1. I’ve always lived by the following…

    Be afraid of:

    1. Rabid Dogs
    2. Politicians
    3. Families who take family photos wearing matching outfits

    Since the Huckster meets 2 of 3 (or arguably, all three), I now fear he is a son of Hades…

  2. I’m not sure Reason has ever dealt with the “real” reason Gov. Huck worked so hard to free a rapist–because his victim was related to Bill Clinton! The Huffington Post has the gory details here:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/04/documents-expose-huckabee_n_75362.html

    So Huckabee has a grotesquely fat son who likes to hang dogs and he worked to free a rapist because the chick he raped was related to Bill Clinton. Yeah, we’re in Arkansas!

  3. Don’t forget Rudy’s comare Judy’s former career demonstrating surgical products on stray dogs.

  4. Man, they are asking a lot of those vertical stripes.

    Will the GOP voters be dumb enough to nominate Huckabee? I pray they are. This photo alone ends his chances of winning in a general election.

  5. They sure received a lot of gifts from the Lord’s bounty. Truly their cup runneth over…

  6. They sure received a lot of gifts from the Lord’s bounty. Truly their cup runneth over…

    Lord’s bounty, Arkansas taxpayers, what’s the difference?

  7. Would people really hold Senior Huckabee to task for Junior Huckabee’s crimes?

    Wow. What a shallow nation we have become.

    CB

  8. Mrs. Huckabee seems to a tight grip on the dog’s neck in the photo. Maybe it’s a hereditary thing?

    I don’t even know how to describe those shirts. The staff at Casual Male Big & Tall must have been shocked that they sold three of them. “We’re sold out of 3x,4X, and 5X of the striped ones?!? No fuckin’ way!”

  9. Damn, I thought inbreeding might have been outlawed in AR by now, but those picture seems to refute that.

  10. Would people really hold Senior Huckabee to task for Junior Huckabee’s crimes?

    I think the question here is whether Huck, Sr. played some part in Jr.’s lack of punishment.

    I know little about scout stuff, so I may be talking out of my ass here, but hey, anything to keep that theocratic douchebag out of higher office…

  11. Back in the late 70’s my father proposed a constitutional amendment putting an additional qualification on the presidency – No Brothers.

  12. That picture is unreal. The strips jump out at me like some optical illusion.

    “Shoot Pa, I done hung a dog and now they want to kick me out of scouttin'”
    “Don’t worry boy. The lord forgives you ’cause I say he does. And the State of Arkansas forgives you ’cause I say they do.”

  13. Can’t we just dislike Huckabee on the merits instead of for his lousy christmas card photos?

  14. That picture is exactly the type of image you’d see on Something Awful’s “Cliff Yablonski Hates You” feature. If you go to that link, be prepared. It’s sort of NSFW.

  15. Episiarch — “sort of” Not Safe For Work? Where exactly would such invective and hating be even marginally acceptable viewing matter for a workplace? Goth R Us?

    Had to wiki NSFW — my first guess was “No Stinkin’ Frickin’ Way”

  16. prole, is this your first exposure to Something Awful? You have much to learn, grasshopper.

  17. I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO POSTED THE PIC OF MY WIFE WITHOUT MY CONSENT!!!!!

  18. Has anyone here contemplated the fact that there is at least a reasonable chance, I would say one in five maybe, that the general election next year could be between Huckabe and Edwards? If that happens could someone please shoot me?

    As for Huckabee and his kid going all Michael Vick on some poor dog, anyone who has lived in a small town in middle America knows that the preacher’s kids are almost invariably the meanist nastiest little bastards on God’s green earth. Considering Huckabe is a former minister, this doesn’t suprise me.

  19. Prolefeed —

    I recommend, for your enjoyment, Something Awful’s Photoshop Phridays.

  20. Alan Vanneman,

    That story is disgracful. “Praise the Lord Jesus has saved his soul and he has repented” is not much of a corrections policy if you ask me. Dumb fucking hillbilly.

  21. Don’t forget the Romney family puts the dog on the roof of the station wagon when the family takes to the highway, and that’s the dog they LIKE.
    In other news, damn the Huckabee family is ugly.

  22. I imaged the exchange with the dog went this way:

    “I don’t have to listen to you! You’re a dog! You don’t have a soul!”

    -Family Guy

  23. Wow. Ron Paul only has the one blimp. Huckabee’s got him totally overmatched.

  24. Did anyone think of the movie “Black Sheep” after reading this?

  25. Taktix,

    The whole family in matching outfits is pretty common for politicians Christmas cards. Indeed, even unto the third and fourth generations. It’s pretty creepy to see a whole passel of pink puffy people in matching outfits, from little kids on up to whichever elected buffoon sent the card. They even tell you who they all are up until about 10 members. After 10 family members in the photo, you get the “Poltician family” or ” Politician & Wife and family” instead of individual names.

    My wife gets a lot of these cards. Marveling at the bad taste and horrible matching outfits is one of the many, many things that keeps me from voting republican.

  26. “Did anyone think of the movie “Black Sheep” after reading this?”

    Chris Farley may have been fat drunk and stupid but he never had the serial killer look this guy does. Forget the wierdo strips picture, look at the mug shot of junior.

  27. “After 10 family members in the photo, you get the “Poltician family” or ” Politician & Wife and family” instead of individual names.”

    If they were a little bit more inclusive, they might be kind of fun. “Politician & Wife, Family, ex mistress, drug addled bastard son, current mistress, current part time girlfriend, teenage male page that he likes to talk dirty to, wife’s special female “companion and drinking buddy”. Now that would be a made for TV photo.

  28. Well, I’m not prepared to say who’s who in the larger collections. Maybe that’s how they bulk up the headcount to make it look like they still talk to their family.

    This year’s current favorite has the whole collection sitting on park benches in front of a palm tree down by the shore. One particular specimen who looks to be mid 20s is holding up an empty stocking like he won a prize or something. The politician in question (State Rep W. Smith) looks like he’s half in the bag. If I was motivated I’d pull it off the front of the fridge and scan it for you.

    Tom DeLay’s cards were always pretty classic.

  29. Can’t we just dislike Huckabee on the merits instead of for his lousy christmas card photos?.

    Why not both?

  30. Jeez, that mug shot is worse that the shot of Santorum’s kids last year.

  31. It’s probably just the bad photo and knowing the story, but I got the same vibe off that picture.

    I’d be interested to see a sample of his handwriting.

  32. When you’re dealing with a baptist minister, you are dealing with the heart of creepiness.

    Just start with the fact that they refer all their decisions to the Holy Spirit, and that THERE IS NO HOLY SPIRIT. Isn’t fifty-two kind of old to be having an imaginary friend?

    Police blotters are full of stories of men who heard a voice in their head telling them to kill. The Old Testament has lots of those stories too, except the perps are the heroes. That’s the culture out of which Huckabee is coming from, and let’s hope he’s not as ‘committed’ a Christian as he claims to be.

  33. If Daddy goes all the way, that kid is a prime candidate for his own brand of celebrity beer.

  34. Police blotters are full of stories of men who heard a voice in their head telling them to kill. The Old Testament has lots of those stories too, except the perps are the heroes.

    All too true. You’re an intolerant radical atheist for pointing it out though. Or so I’ve been told.

  35. You’re never a former Eagle Scout.

    You can be an Eagle Scout formerly interned for several summers at Forestburg…
    You also may be a former member of NESA…

    But you’re always an Eagle. Be proud.

  36. “Police blotters are full of stories of men who heard a voice in their head telling them to kill. The Old Testament has lots of those stories too, except the perps are the heroes.”

    History is full of egotistical atheist utopians promising heaven on earth without God and ending up killing people by the millions. Other than Eric Rudople, I honestly can’t think of a recent serial killer who claimed to do it in the name of Christianity. The guy out California recently was an atheist trying to kill Christians. Tim McVeigh was a radical atheist, although in reason world he is often pointed to as an example of a “Christian Terrorist”. Certainly, religious wars in the reformation Europe killed millions but those were politically as well as religiously motivated and no worse than what the wars started by National Socialism and Communism. I dislike Huckabee as much as the next guy, but all and all I would say his belief in Christianity is preferable than the belief that man can end all injustice by ending the right to own private property and having everything owned and divided to each according to his need by the state and all of this can be yours if only you renounce religion and transform yourself and everyone around you into the new man. Frankly, that idea has killed a hell of a lot more people than the belief in the Holy Spirit.

  37. The idea that there is only one true way to live and anyone who holds differently must be cleansed by fire and steel is responsible for most of the problems of mankind. What exactly that one true way might be is a moot point. Christians, especially here in the South, make a lot of us less devout types nervous because they are way too willing to use the hammer of the state to enforce Christianity on us. If you think I’m exaggerating, please explain to me why the liquor store is closed on Sunday.

  38. “Christians, especially here in the South, make a lot of us less devout types nervous because they are way too willing to use the hammer of the state to enforce Christianity on us. If you think I’m exaggerating, please explain to me why the liquor store is closed on Sunday.”

    Tradition. Having lived in both the South and the Northeast, I can honestly say that while I am no friend of the evangelicals, the generally make me a hell of lot less nervous than the gun confiscating, transfat banning, for the children big government liberals we have in the Northeast.

  39. T & John,

    Can’t we just agree that the religious right AND the progressive left are both quick to call in the state to force others into compliance with their views?

    I think we can safely leave it at that without arguing over which party is better or worse?

  40. “Can’t we just agree that the religious right AND the progressive left are both quick to call in the state to force others into compliance with their views? ”

    Fair enough. They are two sides of the same coin. The hard left is just the puritans who changed their allegence from God to the State. Ever wonder why the worst nannystaters tend to be in the Northeast and Mass in particular? That is why, they just turned the New England puritanism from the religion of God to the religion of the state. But make no mistake, they are the same sanctimonious bastards they always were.

  41. Wow ! Now that is a Ton o’ Huckabees !!!

  42. Other than Eric Rudople, I honestly can’t think of a recent serial killer who claimed to do it in the name of Christianity.

    Charles Manson.

  43. Can’t we just dislike Huckabee on the merits instead of for his lousy christmas card photos?

    Speaking of Christmas card photos – I didn’t appreciate getting a great big piece of pop-up advertising when I clicked on it, Mr. H&R Editor. And I really don’t care what prize I’ve won.

  44. Ever wonder why the worst nannystaters tend to be in the Northeast and Mass in particular? That is why, they just turned the New England puritanism from the religion of God to the religion of the state.

    Except for the parts where “the worst nanny-staters” are from the upper midwest and the west coast, the political legacy of Puritanism was turned into a tiny sliver by the hard-drinnking Irish Catholic political machines a century and a half ago, and the most enthustiastic “nanny-staters” are and have always been openly religious, that’s some great politicall theory right there.

  45. “Except for the parts where “the worst nanny-staters” are from the upper midwest and the west coast, the political legacy of Puritanism was turned into a tiny sliver by the hard-drinnking Irish Catholic political machines a century and a half ago, and the most enthustiastic “nanny-staters” are and have always been openly religious, that’s some great politicall theory right there.”

    In truth I am a little hard on the New England Puritans. You are correct to point out that some of the worst nanystaters are in the upper Midwest. The upper Midwest was settled by Presbyterians from Scotland and Scandinavia and they every bit or more insufferable than the original New England Puritans. If you want to blame anyone for our woes, blame John Calvin. I would also point out that mainline nonevangelical Protestant Churches tend to be incredibly liberal.

  46. Yeah, I’ll never forgive the methodists for helping Castro repatriat Elian Gonzalez. Fucking social justice loving communists.

  47. Wow ! Now that is a Ton o’ Huckabees !!!

    “More Huck for the buck!” tm

  48. Republicans are cruel to animals??

    Well I guess its an improvement from always calling them racists any time they mentions entitlement reform.

    Also aside from crying after rowing a canoe 100 miles from the cold and the wet and the sheer exhaustion plus only being like 13 years old…i really don’t think my boy scout experience had anything about it worthy of hiding…well there was the over exposure to Duran Duran on the camp radio…but that is not something to hide but something to forget…i hated their music then just as I do now.

  49. Except for the parts where “the worst nanny-staters” are from the upper midwest and the west coast

    In Oregon you can still smoke in bars….and drink whiskey while watching strippers.

    I should go back and visit Portland…and drink and smoke and watch strippers in bars…it is kind of weird that i only did that twice even when i lived there for 5 years.

  50. In Oregon you can still smoke in bars….and drink whiskey while watching strippers.

    “I have been to the mountaintop!! And I’ve seen the promised land!!!”

    Really? Or-re-gon? how does a man get there brother? Im a heading out today. Im gots to get my freedoms! Babylon system is da vampire!

    Jeez, it’s fucked up that we’ve gotten to the point where silly things like having a smoke in a bar is like, “Wowwww! Can you park on the street too??”

  51. Can’t we just agree that the religious right AND the progressive left are both quick to call in the state to force others into compliance with their views?

    I’ll drink to that. Since I keep a well-stocked bar, the Sunday blue laws are more of an inconvenience than anything else. Still, it pisses me off when I run out of cheese on a Saturday night and I can’t buy more on Sunday since I get my cheese at the liquor store.

    I, of course, have no desire to use the state to force anybody to do anything. I just want to be left alone. Can I use the state to force the state to leave me alone?

  52. Will people start showing up at Huckie rallies in dog costumes now? It could be mirthful.

  53. . . . as a former Eagle Scout interned for several summers at the wonderful Forestburg (near the New York/New Jersey border) . . . .

    I was a camper and then a counselor at Forestburg in the mid-70s. One of the prettiest spots on the face of the earth.

  54. Damn, I wish MY dad was governor.

  55. In Oregon you can still smoke in bars….and drink whiskey while watching strippers.

    That’ll stop as soon as enough people from CA move up there.

  56. I didn’t realize that in addition to being a political family they moonlight as the wait-staff at a chain restaurant for people who think the portions at Applebee’s are too small. Two to one that dog was barbecued five minutes after the photo was snapped.

  57. His son’s look like they could be villans in the next Batman movie. Man that pic is scary.

  58. Oh my goodness. That photo will sink anyone’s election. Except in Arkansas, I suppose. It evokes images from movies depicting slick Southern politicians and their cornfed bumbling sons. “O Brother, Where Art Thou” might be the most recent film to employ that caricature.

    All joking aside, Huckabee really failed as a father and as a minister when he never took the time to say, at any point during the first 17 years of the kid’s life, “Now, look here. You don’t go hanging dogs. Even if they do look a little sick.”

    Unamerican, Huckabee. Downright unamerican.

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