United Kingdom

This Proactive Plot, This Synergistic Earth, This High-Impact Realm, This England

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The United Kingdom doesn't have a constitution, but it's working on a mission statement.

[Via Flip Chart Fairy Tales.]

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  1. “…through continuous improvement in the provision of boiled beef, and by leveraging core competencies in British humor, we will impact our fundamental mission to….”

    That’s gotta be in there somewhere.

  2. I thought that was a reference to an old Sherlock Holmes movie. Turns out the quote’s from Shakespeare. Who knew?

  3. What was the response of the Silly Party?

  4. There has got to be something about fish and chips in there; oh, and bangers and mash. 😉

  5. But if they don’t have a constitution, what do the politicians wipe their asses with?

  6. hard to improve upon “rum, sodomy, and the lash.”

  7. “We would like to apologize for the way in which politicians are represented in this programme. It was never our intention to imply that politicians are weak-kneed, political time-servers who are more concerned with their personal vendettas and private power struggles than the problems of government, nor to suggest at any point that they sacrifice their credibility by denying free debate on vital matters in the mistaken impression that party unity comes before the well-being of the people they supposedly represent, nor to imply at any stage that they are squabbling little toadies without an ounce of concern for the vital social problems of today. Nor indeed do we intend that viewers should consider them as crabby ulcerous little self-seeking vermin with furry legs and an excessive addiction to alcohol and certain explicit sexual practices which some people might find offensive. We are sorry if this impression has come across.”

  8. x,y wins. Immediately. Next topic.

  9. This royal throne of kings, this sceptered isle,
    This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
    This other Eden, demi-paradise,
    This fortress built by Nature for herself
    Against infection and the hand of war,
    This happy breed of men, this little world,
    This precious stone set in a silver sea,
    Which serves it in the office of a wall
    Or as a moat defensive to a house,
    Against the envy of less happier lands,
    This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England,

    Richard II, Act II, Scene 1, lines 40-49

  10. Buddy favorite has always been the opening of Richard III.

  11. “…through continuous improvement in the provision of boiled beef, and by leveraging core competencies in British humor, we will impact our fundamental mission to….”

    That’s gotta be in there somewhere.

    Also something about enhancing value for all steak (and kidney pie) holders.
    ————–

    “Right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up with this country being sick and tired. I’m certainly not, and I’m sick and tired of being told that I am.”

    “Well, I meet a lot of people, and I’m convinced that the vast majority of wrong-thinking people are right.”

  12. Britain: Home of the Womby Vaultages.

  13. But if they don’t have a constitution, what do the politicians wipe their asses with?

    As with most Europeans, they forgo frequent use of constitution paper for bidets which gently shower their intimates with the blood of the innocent.

  14. x,y: they don’t have asses, they have arses.

    Well, they may have asses, but they have stable boys to wipe them.

  15. PL, come now, France is the true home of the Womby Vaultage.

  16. lunchstealer,

    Technically, you’re correct, but since there’s no longer a Dauphin, I think we can just assume the womby vaultages are now in the U.K. somewhere.

  17. Pro Libertate,

    Somewhere in Northumberland I am sure.

  18. “Surveillance every 5 feet.”

  19. Fun Shakespeare fact: It is more authentic to read Shakespeare in the General American accent than in the modern Received Pronunciation accent of England. That is, NBC’s Brian Williams sounds more like Shakespeare’s era than Patrick Stewart.

    Ponder that for a while.

  20. S of S,

    Yes. And the womby vaultages close proximity to Scotland is why the Scots banned swords. Scotland! Swords!

    England lost its mojo long ago, of course.

  21. “A healthy tooth in every child.”

  22. Technically, you’re correct, but since there’s no longer a Dauphin, I think we can just assume the womby vaultages are now in the U.K. somewhere.

    The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land.

  23. Fun Shakespeare fact: It is more authentic to read Shakespeare in the General American accent than in the modern Received Pronunciation accent of England. That is, NBC’s Brian Williams sounds more like Shakespeare’s era than Patrick Stewart.

    I think it would be as wrong to think that Shakespeare didn’t have a variety of accents for his characters as it would be to have them all talk in an American accent. Theer was no one English accent in his day, just as there isn’t one now.

    His Welshmen spoke in Welsh, his toffs in toff, his Londoners in London (innit?) and his Scots in Scots. Accents like Suffolk, Lincolnshire and West Midlands would also have featured. His plays were played by ACTORS to a cosmopolitan audience.

  24. We have all incurred an unpayable Karmic debt for connecting Shakespeare to those abominations before the language known as “mission statements.” Gag. I once served on a committee to write my employer’s mission statement. I suggested a line from Tennyson’s Ulysses. We ended up with thoreau’s post. No one else on the committee had even heard of Tennyson.

  25. …hard to improve upon “rum, sodomy, and the lash.”

    Abdul, remind me to never come to your parties.

  26. Well we might not get a libertarian utopia but perhaps we can all feel better knowing that socialist will always fail in the long run.

    Ouch

  27. Karen

    I’ve served on those committees. too. [Involuntary servitude, I must admit.]

    My take on ‘mission statements’: If you need to write one, you don’t know what you are doing.

  28. Abdul, remind me to never come to your parties.

    I was kind of hoping for an invite, myself.

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