Donny Can You Hear Me

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Idolator's Jess Harvell alerts us to Donny the Downloader, the ne'er do well hero of an American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers anti-filesharing camparing. It's awful, as you would expect: Especially awful if you're young enough to remember these time-wasting presentations that educators would plop in front of you when they grew desperate for a cig break. Sample dialogue from the Donny toons:

Donny: Yo, what's up?

Counter man: Welcome to Jester Burger, you want to ubersize your ……

[interrupted by ringtone]

Fat ringtone dude, that's Walrus Tusk from '72!

Donny: Who knows Yo, some poser I downloaded, still livin' large off his one hit millions, no doubt!

Counter man: Actually no, he's divorced with 3 kids and working counter duty at Jester Burger. You want fries with that?

There's also a video clip of Donny getting beaten up (kind of metaphysically) by a cheerleader whose music company secretary mom has lost her job. At least you're not paying for it.

NEXT: Friday Funnies

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  1. So there’s actually trying to say that most musicians we download are scraping to get by?

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Even if that were true, the artist see very little from album sales. They make their money on concerts and merchandising. The record companies are just trying to convince people that they’re still relevant.

    These are worse that the ONDCP ads, but yeah, you’re right, at least we’re not paying for them.

  2. reason: free minds and free downloads

  3. Was the Counter Man played by MC Hammer? That would have made the whole thing worth watching!

  4. Shut the fuck up, Donny!

  5. I like how they spelled “phat” “fat.” Also, using the term “uber” to cool it up. That ASCAP is hep, daddy-o!

  6. It is always amazing when square adults try to be “hip” for the youngsters. How can they not realize either 1) they are going to sound stupid, so give it up, or 2) how stupid they sound?

    However, the amusement they provide is priceless, so keep it coming, dorks.

  7. Does Poochy show up?

  8. Troy McClure is rolling in his grave.

  9. Hmmmm…….I wonder if Sony is helping them install rootkits with those wonderfully informative disks. This way you can teach your children about the REAL costs of illegal downloading and music piracy, while they can scan your hard drive for downloaded music to sue you over!!! OK – maybe that’s a little over the top, but I still wouldn’t past those asshats, I mean ASCAP.

    You’re out of your element Donny.
    (Had to be done)

  10. This unique hour-long assembly for middle school students features Donny – a cartoon character, a teen’s video diary, and a humorous live skit to teach a powerful anti-piracy message.

    You are going to have middle-schoolers excusing themselves to go to the restroom and hang themselves if you make them sit through an hour of that shit.

  11. Donny: Who knows Yo, some poser I downloaded, still livin’ large off his one hit millions, no doubt!

    Counter man: Actually no, he’s divorced with 3 kids and working counter duty at Jester Burger. You want fries with that?

    It’s interesting to see what type of skill set ASCAP believes its membership possesses.

  12. These guys who had hits in the 60’s and 70’s and are on welfare now usually got that way because they were ripped off by record companies. How many times have artists had to sue to get back decades of royalties released? Maybe there should be a cornball video about that.

  13. I download only music that is in public domain. Unless some asshat manages to shut down even that… I do understand, though, that different people have different tastes, and I assume that if I liked any contemporary music, I’d be highly tempted to download it illegally instead of purchasing in a store or downloading a DRM-challenged version.

  14. I’d like to get a copy of this video. Anyone know a good torrent website to find it?

  15. Dont do what Donny Dont does.

  16. what type of skill set ASCAP believes its membership possesses

    It takes a bit of skill and talent to write a multipart musical score.
    Try it some time, then feel qualified to judge the skills of those who can and do.

  17. ASCAP is a heavy handed dictator that shuts downs small bars for failing to pay their outrageous fees. They even tried to stop the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts from singing their songs at camp.

    ed: ASCAP membership is mostly songwriters, not (as you boldly claim) composers.

  18. Well, maybe you didn’t boldly claim that. Still, most people don’t know how to convince young women to murder people, but does that mean we can’t judge Manson?

  19. ed,

    I guess i don’t rite real gud. ASCAP implies that its members are capable of doing two things once their songwriting days are over: collecting royalties or serving burgers.

  20. most people don’t know how to convince young women to murder people

    One part LSD

    One part Bullshit

    Mix vigorously

  21. ASCAP recently shut down bellydancers in Atlanta because the restaurant didn’t pay money to ASCAP and the others for the music they danced to.

  22. Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such educational films as The Music Industry and America and Hitler’s Music Pirates

  23. Ska – Taktix did it first (above as “Walter”, of course).

    To Taktix and Fyodor – the two musicians that post at H&R – how do you guys feel about sharing, instant availability on Ut00b (and other sites)?

    Do you feel it is a good way to promote your music and tours, or does it take it away?

  24. The sooner we do away with copyright the better.

  25. Do you feel it is a good way to promote your music and tours, or does it take it away?

    It’s a double-edged phallus, really. On one hand, you can get your music out to lot of people very easily and quickly, and the quality is getting better by the day.

    On the other hand, you lose perks by skirting the record companies, such as free studio time, marketing, branding etc.

    It really comes down to what kind of artist you want to be. For me, as an anti-establishment type, I enjoy the “grassroots” feel of the YouTubes and the indie labels, etc., but it’s not for everyone…

  26. jimmydageek:
    Was the Counter Man played by MC Hammer
    Nah, wait a few years and put K-Fed in it.

    Warren:
    The sooner we do away with copyright the better.
    No, copyright does in fact serve a useful purpose. Let’s just return it to a term of 13-26 years as our founders intended. As a principled pirate, I only download material produced before 1981.

  27. Warren –

    check this site, hier. It’s by Michele Boldrin and David K. Levine, called “Intellectual Property Page” with the tag, “Dismayed by the effort to stifle technology and innovation under the guise of protecting intellectual property? Read on.”

    They have a whole bunch of stuff in intellectual property – including an older paper on Sony.

    enjoy!

    Taktix – thanks! And that makes sense where the choice is. Thinking of a few I’ve met, they wanted best of both worlds – they wanted the big label and wanted to preserve an aura of indie cred. But since they cited U2 and Dave Matthews as their indie heroes, that tells us everything we need to know about them. 🙂

  28. VM,

    A lot of the people I’ve met tend act like they don’t like the big establishment, but when it all comes down to it, they really are just in it for the $$$.

    And while I in no way think it’s a bad thing, (standard libertarian disclaimer #2), it’s kind of bullshit to whine about “selling out” when you plan to sell out anyway.

    It also depends on where you draw the “selling out” line. I draw it at the point where you start altering your music in accordance with what’s marketable, what focus groups think would sell, etc.

    There’s no place in that for music and art in a post-modern world.

    I suppose it’s just irritating to see that major record labels rarely go out and recruit new bands. They just put together a bunch of people that look good, write the music for them, digitally edit their mistakes (see: Vocals, Avenged Sevenfold), and sell them as a product. I won’t be coming off an assembly line anytime soon.

    To quote SLC Punk: “I didn’t sell out, son. I bought in.”

  29. ASSCRAP?

  30. Taktix?,

    Re: SLC Punk – good call!

  31. I likes The Who reffed title

  32. “Actually no, he’s divorced with 3 kids and working counter duty at Jester Burger.”

    That’s right. He has a music degree from USC, can write multipart musical scores for a variety of media, and could be a session musician on five different instruments, but darn it, he can’t seem to find work other than Jester Burger.

    And the worst thing? Due to copyright infringement, his wife left him.

  33. And the worst thing? Due to copyright infringement, his wife left him.

    Also, Napster was directly responsible for that nasty stroke he had in ’81 after he ODed snorting coke off a stripper’s breast after bluffing his way backstage at an Oingo Boingo concert.

  34. Danny Elfman did all right for himself. Jester Burger dude just needs to man up or else befriend oddball young directors on their way up.

  35. Danny Elfman did all right for himself.

    No shit, he scores tons of stuff, and not just for Tim Burton. Plus his neice-in-law is Jenna Elfman.

  36. To Taktix and Fyodor – the two musicians that post at H&R

    No love for ed?

  37. The irony of all this is that recording artists are going to release their stuff on the intertubes because, historically, the music industry has raped them repeatedly on royalties. If you can fill a 3,000 seat arena you can make a damned decent living.

    I strongly support IP rights, but reality must be faced. Children have been Xerox?ing portions the encyclopedia at the public library
    since the ’60s. Amazingly enough, World Book and Brittanica are still in business.

  38. You aren’t wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole.

  39. As a principled pirate, I only download material produced before 1981.

    He means, “I only download the good stuff.”

  40. Skoal – ed?

    Apologies! Linky, please to his work!!!!!!!

    Lunchstealer- I said “musicians” not “really pathetic, sad, little men who are fucking freakers”
    ooh. that was mean. oh, no it wasn’t! (see: UO for confirmation)

  41. They just put together a bunch of people that look good, write the music for them, digitally edit their mistakes (see: Vocals, Avenged Sevenfold), and sell them as a product.

    The Crystals, The Shangi Las, The Monkees, The Brill building, Phil Spector, and on and on …

    Of course they used analog technology back in olden times.

  42. But since they cited U2 and Dave Matthews as their indie heroes, that tells us everything we need to know about them. 🙂

    gasoline + fire = freedom

  43. The Dude, His Dudeness, El Duderino, Jeffrey Lebowski | November 2, 2007, 11:39am | #

    You aren’t wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole.
    ——————–
    You’re not into the whole brevity thing, are you

  44. If I were Jester Burger dude I would gone off on Donny but busting up his car with a tire iron while screaming, “This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!”

  45. Another irony is that the downloader doesn’t even know who the artist is, i.e., he wouldn’t have bought the thing anyway.

  46. *picks up Jackie Treehorn’s notepad*
    *uses NbNW scribbling technique*
    *sees imprint of stick figure drawing with huge erection*

  47. Ska – brilliant!

    “Beaver?” (the Scenes with Maude were hilarious)

  48. VM – MC900ft jesus FTW

  49. Fat ringtone dude, that’s Walrus Tusk from ’72!

  50. The major labels practiced a form of indentured servitude with the artists, and were able to get away with it due to their stranglehold on access to radio airplay (and later MTV). If great art came out of that system, it was by accident. So I say good riddance to bad rubbish.

  51. I wish there was more I could do to destroy those companies….

  52. This is all fine and good, but I just want to know if Autobahn’s Nagelbett was released before 1981, so I can download it in good conscience.

  53. I’m downloading podcasts to my ipod to listen to. Is that wrong? I’m so confused!

  54. Cross-posting heresy!
    New Hillary campaign video.
    Hot!
    Rigid bones! Double entendre!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRdDa7_xVvY

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