Campaigns/Elections

Fred Thompson, Human Dynamo or Lazy Turd?

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To give you some sense of how much work is being done, Fred spoke for about 20 minutes, then took questions for another 15, then dove into the crowd for a good 15 more minutes of handshakes and digital photos before getting back on the bus to do a one-on-one interview with a reporter from the Florida Times-Union before we left….

All this and it was barely 11 AM.

Hagiographic depiction? Or dark sarcasm? Human dynamo? Or lazy turd?

You decide.

Hat tip: Film critic extraordinaire Alan Vanneman.

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  1. What a heroic go-getter. He did a whole hour of work before lunch! Jesus, to have such a man in the Oval office.

  2. I vote for dynamic turd! (I’m a uniter,….)

  3. Lazy Turd.

    Thanks for the easy choice, Nick.

  4. human turd, though I wouldn’t bet on the first part of that description.

  5. Have you seen his wife? She is hot and has had two kids with the guy.
    The guy is what, 66 or more.
    Guys who are 66 or more do not get wives like that if they are lazy turds.

  6. The country would be much better off if most politicians were this lazy — “Maybe we should invade Iraq — right after this nap …”

    If they’re doing bad stuff, “lazy” is a compliment. What do you want, someone who’s up before daybreak working to screw you over?

  7. Terry,

    They do when they have money squirting out of their butt.

  8. Guys who are 66 or more do not get wives like that if they are lazy turds.

    Yes they do, only they’re called celebrities.

  9. There was an Onion op/ed of Thompson promising to have “The Hottest First Lady”, but the moved the article and since I’m lazy like Fred, I will leave it to you, intrepid readers, to find the link yourselves.

  10. Whatever happened to empty suit?

    Oh and Terry, famous men get their pick of trophy wives, regardless of age and elan.

  11. A do-nothing president. Hmmmm… the less I hear of this Thompson chap, the more I like him. Ron Paul, move over, there’s a new candidate in town who might do less with power than you will.

  12. Well, yes, Thompson is rich and a celebrity and they do get their whores.
    BUT the whores do not have children with them.
    They sitting around waiting for the geezer to kick the bucked.
    ….Okay, maybe one child, just as an insurance policy for divorce. But not two and they are rarely seen in public.
    Thompson’s wife is stacked and hot and likes to been seen with him in public.
    Give credit where credit is due. Thompson has had a collection of hotties, not just one.
    Evidence says no lazy turd.

  13. They always said Reagan was lazy and I was pretty happy with him as President. I say this only half in jest, generally when Presidents are busy and work hard you get people like Carter and Johnson who dream up lots of new ways for the government to spend money and mess with our lives. I would rather have a lazy turd as President than some busy body do gooder like Carter or Bush II out trying to save the world. I have only two requirements of a President; does he know how to use his veto pen and does he have the balls to use the military to defend the country. If he can do both of those things the rest is shall we say negotiable.

  14. I’m sure the Florida Times-Union’s interview was excruciatingly difficult for him. The Times-Union, the newspaper that prints a Bible verse on its op-ed page every day.

    I’m so happy to be a former resident of Jacksonville.

  15. Thompson – Top-tier Lazy Turd
    Ron Paul – Third-tier Stupid Shit

  16. John,
    Bush has taken record amounts of vacation as president, was also criticized as lazy and managed to expand the power of government more than any since Lincoln and grow it more than any since FDR. Unlike those two, his actions did not free slaves or beat Nazis. You could be lazy and eff things up easily.

    Plus, from what I read about his wife, she’s the Republican Hillary, except way hotter. Waaaaay hotter.

    Well, yes, Thompson is rich and a celebrity and they do get their whores.
    BUT the whores do not have children with them.

    I have 5 words for you Terry: Michael Douglas*, Catherine Zeta Jones. His pickup line was, “I’d like to father your children”. I think F. Scott Fitzgerald said it best when he said, “The rich are not like you and me”. Besides, how much effort does it take to father children?

    * Not young, sexy Michael Douglas, but old scary Michael Douglas.

  17. You know who else has an implausibly hot wife?

    Dennis Kucinich.

  18. Ladies and Gentlemen, the link:

    If Elected, I Will Have The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History

    http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/if_elected_i_will_have_the

  19. Ian, implausibly hot, bi and with a tongue piercing

    Advantage Kucinich

  20. db, that’s the best thing you’ve done since you dropped out of that plane oh so many years before.

  21. You know, being a Lazy Turd, Fred Thompson becomes more and more appealing to me as President. I mean, what better way to institute gridlock than having a President who naps 8 of the 16 waking hours in a day??

  22. Edward, thank you for the insightful, informational, and relevant comment.

  23. Can I just vote for the hot trophy wife and leave the washed-up old actor out of the equation?

    Tyrannical government would be a lot easier to stomach if it came wrapped in a pretty package.

  24. ChrisO,

    I agree completely! Let’s get that Strippers for Ron Paul thing changed to Strippers for Congress. I mean, we have had no equivalent to Cicciolina in Congress. How can we claim to be the greatest democracy on earth when we have yet to elect a single stripper or porn star to Congress?

    I think I’ll go make some campaign donations after work.

  25. “””I would rather have a lazy turd as President than some busy body do gooder like Carter or Bush II out trying to save the world. “””

    Same here.

    I thinking a politician keeping a speech to 20 mins or less is commendable.

  26. Shame on you, Mr. Gillespie! Laziness is a serious medical condition that, for some reason, only the Satanists have been raising money for.

  27. Satan willing, I’ll be able to embed that YouTube here:

  28. I wonder if I haven’t been proud enough, or envious enough.

  29. “Bush has taken record amounts of vacation as president, was also criticized as lazy and managed to expand the power of government more than any since Lincoln and grow it more than any since FDR.”

    The President never really vacations. The job follows him wherever he goes. Yeah, Bush may be out on the ranch but outside of the daily photo shoot of him cutting limbs or something, his day there is just like it is at the Whitehouse. The press claims that every Republican is lazy and every Democrat is a tireless worker. It is just part of the spin they give. I know a couple of people who have worked at the whitehouse and Bush from what they say works hard and is very engaged. The press said the same thing about Eisenhower only to find out later, he was in the middle of everything. It is a separate issue from whether you agree with the guy or not, but I really think the “Bush is lazy” charge is pretty baseless.

  30. The problem with Thompson is we don’t know if he’s lazy all year or if he hibernates like a bear, which would mean there’s an active period in the spring.

    And LOL @ only speaking for 20 minutes. I just did that for fun.

  31. Regardless of what you think of his policies, you have to love the politician that gives a speech in under 20 minutes. If I were President, I would never give a speech over 20 minutes and would stop doing state of the union speeches. Congress can get a written report like is specified in the Constitution.

  32. If Fred is anti-Guliani, that’s good enough for me. He is probably the only pro-war exec I could stand behind. The more I see of his lasidaisical campaign, the more I have hope that he’d do less harm to the republic than any of the other candidates, barring Ron Paul.

  33. Lots of places to be and lots of people to see fits exactly with the way you described his actions. By the sound of some of your readers it appears they dont understand multi tasking which is exactly what all great leaders are capable of doing either in the political world or business world if they are to be successful. Fred Thompson has a track record as a politician, look it up, either you agree are you dont agree with his beliefs but like it are not that is the core from which he will make his decisions in the future. Make no mistake hard decisions will need to be made in the future for this Country to move foward and be secure and Fred Thompson is the kind of man that can get it done, if you believe that being brief and moving on to the next thing on the agenda is a sign of laziness then you should call up our Governor democrat Kathleen Blanco from Louisiana I here she is looking for a job. She made no decisions quickly during hurricane Katrina and we are still in a mess. We need someone who can take care of business quickly and decisively it sounds like that is what you are describing. Thanks Fred

  34. Y’all are lending great support to my theory that Millard Fillmore was the greatest President ever, for the simple reason that he did the least.

  35. Well, yes, Thompson is rich and a celebrity and they do get their whores.
    BUT the whores do not have children with them.

    Why do I hear the theme music from Entertainment Tonight in the background?

    Oh well, thanks for the insight.

  36. And it is pretty incredible considering the rights disgust with Hollywood types getting involved in politics wouldn’t you say?

    When I think of ex actors turned to politcs, I just can’t think of a single one who didn’t turn to the GOP. The same seems to go for ex sports stars as well.

  37. Davebo,

    Two counterexamples: Al Franken (although he wasn’t much of an actor) and Heath Shuler (although he wasn’t much of a pro athlete and he is a Blue Dog Dem).

  38. Fred Thompson has a track record as a politician

    Yeah, but it’s a 45.

    I own it, btw. I bought the limited release when it first came out. You probably never heard of it.

  39. Johnny,

    Deep breath. Slow down. Breathe in. Wait. Wait. Breathe out. Now close your eyes. Relax. Think of Law & Order. Law & Order: SVU. Law & Order: Trial By Jury. Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Comfortable? Now think of Sex and the City, season 3, episode 2, Politically Erect. Oh, yes. Yes! Yes! YES!

    Next time, keep your Fred Thompson wanking to yourself, please.

  40. Y’all are lending great support to my theory that Millard Fillmore was the greatest President ever, for the simple reason that he did the least.

    Sorry, wrong answer. Thanks for playing. The correct answer is “William Henry Harrison.”

  41. Can we take up a collection of commas, periods and paragraph breaks for Johnny Henderson?

  42. Can we take up a collection of commas, periods and paragraph breaks for Johnny Henderson?

    ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

    I didn’t need so damn many commas, anyway.

  43. (Bush) managed to expand the power of government more than any since Lincoln and grow it more than any since FDR.

    Not even close.FDR wins the power contest and LBJ and Nixon created way more programs and agencies.

  44. Thompson – Top-tier Lazy Turd
    Ron Paul – Third-tier Stupid Shit

    Go away like you’ve repeatedly said you would, you sad, needy, pathetic little shit. And take Guy Montag and TLB with you.

  45. I know that I’m the one who sicced Nick onto ole’ Fred in the first place, but “lazy turd” seems a little harsh. You latte-sippin’ city folk don’t seem to realize that a country boy just ain’t worth a damn in the morning til he’s had his grits and his morning sitdown. As some reviewers have noted, Fred gets up early enough to pick himself up some sweet pussy, not to mention a fat paycheck for talking mush ten minutes a week on the TV.

  46. Hyperbole,

    Here’s something from reason earlier this week (it’s still on the front page):

    When adjusted for inflation, discretionary spending – or budget items that Congress and the president can control, including defense and domestic programs, but not entitlements such as Social Security and Medicare – shot up at an average annual rate of 5.3 percent during Bush’s first six years…

    That tops the 4.6 percent annual rate Johnson logged during his 1963-69 presidency.

  47. Asharak – EDDIE has an aspiring career as a Guest Editorialist for the URKOBOLD!

  48. Also, Hyperbole, isn’t Bush the first president since Lincoln to get rid of habeas corpus? I know righties like to accuse people that make extreme claims about this administration of BDS, but the facts have my back on this one.

  49. “””Not even close.FDR wins the power contest and LBJ and Nixon created way more programs and agencies.”””

    Available technology at the time allows Bush to beat FDR. Bush has far more electronic tools at his disposal.

  50. Though no President has the authority to revoke habeas corpus, the civil war met the insurrection or rebellion requirement in the Constitution.

  51. Wow, I just Googled Fred Thompson’s wife. Guys, she’s not half as hot as you make her out to sound. Get a grip. Fer real.

    Also, LOL @ Alan Vanneman 8:41am. And I’ll go with ‘lazy fascist turd’.

    Ron Paul 2008!

  52. You H&R losers are such a pathetic group with your wacky devotion to a loser candidate who will give you a “win” if he gets 1.5% of the vote.

    Just go away and play your role playing games in your grandma’s basement and smoke your dope and play with your guns and leave the politics to grownups.

    And Thompson’s wife is plenty hot for you losertarians. She’s out of your league. Leave the politics to us.

    I’m done with you. Fuck the horse you rode in on.

    *in case you missed it. this was a parody. Any resemblance to an actual asparagus fern is purely coincidental.

  53. Well, I did miss it. I bought the asparagus fern all the way. I mean, totally.

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