You're Old Enough to Know Better, So Cry, Baby, Cry

The week began with "Leave Britney Alone," and I apologize if you click that link with your audio turned above 10 decibels.

The week is ending, mercifully, with "Leave General Petraeus Alone."

Not as funny as it could be. The original Britney rant (which has 5 million views now) was directed at bloggers (especially Perez Hilton), whereas the Bush rant is a "message from the President of the United States" gone wrong. But the message is clear: The shoreside Petraeus adherents are basically fanboys, and the Republican reaction to MoveOn's ad was as mature as a demisexual man-boy's Britney meltdown.

Coming next (I hope): Godley and Creme's video for "Cry," remixed to include the weepin' mugs of John McCain, Joe Lieberman, and Fred Thompson.

UPDATE: A better parody from the other side: 

Comments

[Billy Beck]

To think that Oscar Wilde has run to all this in only barely a century.

Appalling.

[Lamar]

I can't believe anybody looking at the Chris Crocker video mistook that for something authentic. It was sad enough when we collectively laughed so hard at tongue-tied Ms. South Carolina that spittle hung from our chin. But now we laugh at a fake meltdown?

The Bush Crocker video is kinda funny. Imagine how funny it would be if the flamer kid hadn't done it first.

[John]

So accusing a four star general and the military at large of betraying the country of treason is mature? I am a firm believer in civilian control of the military. The military is not and should never be above criticism. At the same time, disagreement and criticism is not what moveon did. What they did was before Petreus said a word, not knowing his testimony accused him of treason. Of betraying the country and putting his own personal gain over his duty to the Constitution. Not just Petreus but by implication the entire military. That is despicable and the Republicans had every right call them out for it and call out the Democrats in Congress, whom moveon publicly claims to "own" to distance themselves from it. Everyone who is not a moonbat thought that the add was out of line. The ad totally spent all of the political capital the Democrats had to attack Petreus with and essentially handed the most important political week since the 06 election to the Republicans. If I didn't know better I would think Moveon was being run by a group of Karl Rove funded plumbers. As it is, the ad back fired and that is why Weigel and his DNC handlers are screaming like stuck pigs about how "immature" the Republican response was.

[Taktix?]

Conservatives are pretty good at visual parodies like the Eisenhower one, but lose the wit when it gets to the text.

The text under the fake ad looks like it was written by a 4th grader.

[Lamar]

Ahh, that's a great Eisenhower parody....if FDR were a Republican, or Eisenhower were a Democrat.

Still, pretty good at first blush. I can't blame right wingers for not thinking the details through.

[Lamar]

"What they did was before Petreus said a word, not knowing his testimony accused him of treason."

To be fair, Petraeus cooked the books back in 2004, claiming significant progress and successes that weren't happening.

[de stijl]

Here's Seth Green telling everyone to leave Chris Crocker alone.

[Dan T.]

Seen during the Civil War:

General Grant

or

General Take American Lives for Granted?

[Dan T.]

Also seen during the Civil War:

General Lee

or

Generally Cooking the Books?

[Episiarch]

GO DAN GO!

What is this, a Fark thread without the visuals? Pretty funny, though, Dan.

the ad back fired and that is why Weigel and his DNC handlers are screaming like stuck pigs about how "immature" the Republican response was

John, you are usually pretty level-headed, but come on. "DNC handlers"? Not that Weigel needs me to defend him but that's just absurd.

[de stijl]

Cuz of course, no one, no one, ever hilariously compared the names Obama to Osama. That would never have happened.

[CoveAxe]

General Lee, or General Leave Us Alone?

This will be the new internet meme, you saw it here first.

[Ryo]

Ooh ooh, let me try:
General Bradley or Generally Barely American?

[Dave Weigel]

General MacArthur or General Make Things Awful?

[Fluffy]

Lamar is correct.

Since Petraeus' 2004 claims of progress were ultimately proven wrong, we are justified in speculating on why they were wrong. As far as I can tell the choices are:

1. He was right, but subsequent events led to a significant change in the direction of the war.

2. He was wrong, but not deliberately so. He was merely mistaken, and is incompetent but not dishonest.

3. He deliberately provided false claims of progress to support the President politically.

4. He's one of those army officers who always exaggerates the positive and downplays the negative, because he sees this as part of his job of "keeping up morale" and "maintaining political support for the military objective".

Now, personally I think #4 is the most likely answer. But as long as #3 and #4 are possibilities, Moveon.org is perfectly entitled to run their ad. If we can debate which one of these is the truth, Moveon gets to participate in that debate and their ad is one way of doing so.

[Lamar]

General Sherman: General Not Sure If He's a Man

[sixstring]

"General Take American Lives for Granted"
"General Leave Us Alone"
"Generally Barely American"
"General Make Things Awful"

In general, you guys suck at this.

Stomps off, desparately trying to make something funny out of Schwartzkopf. I mean funnier than the literal translation.

[de stijl]

sixstring,

I'm with you. The best I had was General War is Tough, but that's massively lame.

[Episiarch]

General Tso's Chicken
General Disarray

[JBinMO]

I am pretty sure that the point of the add was to build credibality. Move on is so sure that things are going to go bad that they want to be able to say in a year, "look, we said this in September and now were proved right".

[Lamar]

Uhh, Gen. Shorts Are Cut-Offs??

I thought we were trying to make these bad.

[CoveAxe]

General Powell, or General Trowel?

WHAT

[Mr. Spock]

You people are much more fun than the ones on Salon.com

[ChicagoTom]

We are talking about the same General Petraeus whose boss, Admiral Fallon (the chief of CENTCOM), labeled : "an ass-kissing little chickenshit" ?

Yes this Petraeus fellow is definitely above reproach.

[sixstring]

Is that pronounced Lame-r?

[JasonC]

General Patton or General Sat In A Pile of Crap?

ahhh, good times. My meager intellectual resources are spent for the day.

[George Tenet Fangirl]

General Washington or General Killing for Fun?

[gorgonzola\'s foil]

Lemme go back to the Cold War for a few:

General Westmoreland or General Death for man

General Curtis LeMay or General Launch'em Today

[Ryo]

General Tommy Franks or Generally too many mistakes?

General Benedict Arnold or Generally being a dick to the old?

[Lamar]

"Is that pronounced Lame-r?"

I don't care how you pronounce it as long as you say it and don't spray it.

[John]

From a Loyalist pamphlet:

General Washington or General Botch-a-Ton?

[WalterBoswell]

General Curtis LeMay or Generally Bombs Away

[Dan T.]

General Curtis LeMay or General Launch'em Today

Probably the most accurate one thus far...

[TrickyVic]

""""What they did was before Petreus said a word, not knowing his testimony accused him of treason.""""

The WH has used a general in the past to dish out deception, and it was well known in advance that the White House had a major hand in it.

Burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me. After Powell, any general speaking in favor of the WH must earn credibility, that credibilty can no longer be assumed. I wish that wasn't true.

Not to mention the right-wing has played the "treason" card. It's a card that neither side should play and I think Moveon was wrong for it. But that has become the nature of politics in this country today and that's the fault of both sides.

[Timothy]

General Sherman or General Sure, Burn Them?

[Jim Treacher]

Still, pretty good at first blush.

Have another lemon!

[John]

No. I don't think Weigel had DNC handlers. It is just fun to insult him.

Most of you people are anti-war. My question is why aren't you livid at moveon? The vast majority of the American people left or right are not going to tolerate claiming Petreus is a traitor. They handed the whole week over to Bush just to make some jackass self absorbed emotional rant. If they had kept their mouths shut, the Democrats in Congress could have respectfully listened to Petreus and said "thanks for you service General but we just don't think that there is anyway to keep the peace in Iraq without an open ended and huge commitment of US troops, something we are not going to do. The military is doing a brave of a job and you are doing your best effort to put lipstick on this pig, but the sad fact is that those stupid barbaric Iraqis are incapable of running their own country and we need to stop kidding ourselves and come home now." They could have killed Bush this week. Instead Moveon comes out and basically makes anyone who goes after Petreus associated with Macarthyite moonbats. They just blew it. They proved it is all about Moveon and their various egos and neurosis and nothing about actually getting political results. Seriously, you guys should hate those fucks.

[prolefeed]

And, for the obligatory Friday hot girl clip, here's Ms. South Carolina. Turn the volume off if you just want to ogle, up if you want a good laugh:

Hot Dumb Girl

[SIV]

Ahh, that's a great Eisenhower parody....if FDR were a Republican, or Eisenhower were a Democrat.

Still, pretty good at first blush. I can't blame right wingers for not thinking the details through.

Lamar,

WTF are you talking about? Are you such a fucking partisan dumb ass that you think Eisenhower was a "Republican General" ?

Is Petraeus a "Republican General"?

[Happy Jack]

What If MoveOn.org Existed 65 Years Ago?

Accusing Eisenhower of treason? Maybe they would have called them something like, I don't know, the John Birch Society. Dirty hippies.

[Warren]

My question is why aren't you livid at moveon?

Because while I'm not calling for Petraeus to be tried for treason and executed, I remeain convinced that he has allowed his personal ambition to color his judgment. His evaluation of the situation, and therefore his leadership, is contributing to aggravating a misguided and unmitigated failure of foreign policy. So from my perspective, while I don't endorse MoveOn's ad, I find it not so far off the mark.

[TrickyVic]

In the arena of extreme hatered politics, deceptive political rhetoric, name calling, and lies. I'm yet to be convinced that Moveon is more guilty, or engaged in piss-poor distasteful tactics, more so than the other side.

[John]

"So from my perspective, while I don't endorse MoveOn's ad, I find it not so far off the mark."

You are like in the 10% minority on that. Maybe your 10% is right, but that doesn't change the reality that Moveon did more harm than good to your side by running the ad. If nothing else you should loath them for stupidity. Further, if it is okay for MoveOn to run that ad, then I guess it is also okay for its opponents to claim that those who call for a pullout are actively helping the enemy.

[TrickyVic]

What's the proof that it did do more harm?

[TrickyVic]

"""I guess it is also okay for its opponents to claim that those who call for a pullout are actively helping the enemy."""

That mantra has received more airplay than anything Moveon produce.

[Pug]

Is Petraeus a "Republican General"?

Short answer: Yes.

I want to know how come General Petraeus has so much more "lettuce" on his uniform than General Eisenhower.

[Cesar]

I can't stand moveon, code pink, International ANSWER or any of the other groups that continually embarass the anti-war point of view and don't help a freaking thing.

[Fluffy]

Too bad, John.

10% minority? Whatever. When 90% of the public supports the President's Iraq policy, get back to me.

Frankly, I think the ad was helpful. Regardless of what the quick reaction polls say, it deeply planted the seed of the thought that people should not uncritically accept what Petraeus has to say. That's worth a little bad press. The administration's entire political strategy here is to try to buy some more time by hitting the reset button. Since Bush has played the "We're making progress" card too many times, they had to send someone else out to do it, and they chose Petraeus. Anything that shakes his credibility makes it more difficult for Bush to run out the clock by recycling old bullshit progress claims and crappy slogans.

[TrickyVic]

I don't know what Petreaus's voter registration card sez. But all active duty Generals are lackies for the C in C. Political party is irrelevent. It may be easy to call him a Republican because it is his duty to serve the Republican President.

"""I want to know how come General Petraeus has so much more "lettuce" on his uniform than General Eisenhower."""

I don't know, but these day's they will give out a Silver Star for being shot by friendly fire if it serves their purpose.

[Dan T.]

My question is why aren't you livid at moveon?

Because they piss guys like you off.

[J sub D]

I want to know how come General Petraeus has so much more "lettuce" on his uniform than General Eisenhower.

They give medals for any goddam thing these days. Awards inflation, like grade inflation, sucks to an honest observer.

[Al]

"The text under the fake ad looks like it was written by a 4th grader."

That's nothing. I'm old enough to recall a time when Reason's headlines were witty.

[agorabum]

The paradoy add is much better. Only thing is that Ike did stop the Korean war.
While he did quietly tolerate McCarthism in the government under his watch (see the Oppenhemier hearings), he also railed against the military industrial complex (which has expanded to massively corrupt proportions in Iraq).
I'd expect the current crop of 'wingers would be pretty against Ike and his policies (like when he sideded w/ them A-rabs in the Suez crisis in '56).

[TrickyVic]

I'm still waiting for some sort of proof on how the moveon add was so damaging for the anti-war crowd. Maybe that was a right-wing urban legend.

[Pug]

Ike wouldn't fit in well with the Modern Republican Party.

He'd throw KBR, Boeing, et al out on their asses. He did side with the Arabs during Suez, fire McArthur and end the Korean War and build the interstate highway system. Not exactly a Red State kind of guy.

[TrickyVic]

There was no end to the Korean war. It's been a ceasefire. The President of South Korea wanted Bush to officially end it. Bush wasn't interested.

[Isaac Bartram]

Pug

Actually Truman fired McArthur. But it took Ike to end the war (or at least get a ceasefire).

I'm not sure how McArthur would have handled having his longtime aide (who he referred to as "the best clerk I ever had", when Ike won the election) as CinC. But then I'm not sure that Ike would have given some of the boneheaded orders Truman did either.

[Jim Treacher]

The text under the fake ad looks like it was written by a 4th grader.

Yeah, it doesn't have the subtle sophistication of "General Betray Us."

[jpe]

Yeah, it doesn't have the subtle sophistication of "General Betray Us."

Or "MorOn.org." Another gem.

[KenK]

"The President of South Korea wanted Bush to officially end it."

BRING THE TROOPS HOME!!!

I definitely think it would be interesting to see how long it would take NK to invade the south if the USA wasn't there to protect the ungrateful idiots. I'm bone tired of hearing them whine about the USA - I say let them take care of themselves.

The troops now in Korea should be on our own border stopping "La Reconquista".

[M]

I know! I know! General Cure This Malaise!

[bill]

Seth Green's is way funnier.

http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/125410/Seth_Green_Chris_Crocker_Rant.html

[Jim Treacher]

Or "MorOn.org." Another gem.

General. Betray Us.

[KenK]

The Fury of the Legions

"We had been told, on leaving our native soil, that we were going to defend the sacred rights conferred on us by so many of our citizens settled overseas, so many years of our presence, so many benefits brought by us to populations in need of our assistance and our civilization.

"We were able to verify that all this was true, and because it was true, we did not hesitate to shed our quota of blood, to sacrifice our youth and our hopes. We regretted nothing, but whereas we over here are inspired by this frame of mind, I am told that in Rome factions and conspiracies are rife, that treachery flourishes, and that many people in their uncertainty and confusion lend a ready ear to the dire temptations of relinquishment and even to vilify our actions.

"I cannot believe that all this is true, and yet recent wars have shown how pernicious such a state of mind could be and to where it could lead.

"Make haste to reassure us, I beg you, and tell us that our fellow citizens understand us, support us, and protect us as we ourselves are protecting the glory of the Empire.

"If it should be otherwise, if we should have to leave our bleached bones on these desert sands in vain, then beware the fury of the Legions."

Centurion Marcus Flavinius, Second Cohort, Augusta Legion to his cousin Tertullus in Rome. No date given.

[Pug]

It was indeed Truman who fired McArthur. My mistake.

Chris Matthews had an interesting observation on the Betray Us ad tonight. He said it is easier to attack the anti-war crowd than to defend the war. I haven't seen many except Red State, Powerline, et al charge to the defense of what Bush had to say last night.

This reminds me of Kerry's flubbed "stuck in Iraq" joke before the 2006 elections. The right thought they had struck gold, but they still got clobbered in the elections. It is getting harder and harder to distract the voters because they want the war over. I have to think they were much more focused on what Bush had to say than some dumb ad in The New York Times.

[Douglas Gray]

Petraeus is in an awkward position; he has to support a megalomaniacal Commander-in-Chief, try to keep up morale, (like a cheer leader whose team is behind), and be truthful to Congress, all at the same time. He's a good man and a good general, but his position sucks.

[Tom]

Political name-puns are stupid no matter which side they're coming from. Whether it's "Hitlery" or "Shrub" or "Obamination" or "Prick Cheney," they have no value except to signal "I dislike this person," which is about as useful and illuminating as hearing what a stranger had for breakfast last Tuesday. They're the lowest form of argument; actually, they're not an argument at all. They reflect the thought process of a 3rd grader, who doesn't know or care about persuading and just wants to be mad.

They do serve one good purpose, however. Their presence on a given blog or web page are a quick, handy way to know that you can move ahead and click elsewhere.

[Cesar]

The most stupid nick name for Republicans I ever saw was on a left-wing blog. They called them "RethugliKKKlans". How witty.

[Lamar]

SIV: Perhaps I am swayed by Eisenhower's election to the presidency as a, how you say, Republican? One doesn't have to be a partisan shill to recognize simple facts. Eisenhower wasn't a rank partisan, you shouldn't be one either. Petraeus, on the other hand, plies his trade in what seems to be a more polarized partisan atmosphere.

[wayne]

Gen Eisenhower

or....

Gen Hide and Cower

[Ray G]

Quick, I'm having a stupid moment. There should be a ton of material out there for Wesley Clark, but I'm blank.

An aside, it says a lot about Ike that he didn't have all of his ribbons on for that photo. The Army gives away awards like candy on halloween, and doubly so for their officers. Once they hit major general and beyond, they give them medals just for waking up in the morning.

Very modest for someone who still had the ego to run for president.

[joe]

John the Concern Troll.

When your opponent gives you tactical advice...DON'T TAKE IT.

[joe]

Letterman ended his monologue bit about Britney Spears' on-stage collapse with, "...but General Petraeus said it went great!"

Leno told a joke about the Secret Service going on alert because they couldn't find President Bush. "But it turned out to be a false alarm. He was hiding behind General Petraeus."

The Republican War Party is desperate to party like it's 2002, but it ain't. Everybody sees through this little charade, the country is still 2:1 against continuing this war, and Patraeus's testimony came across as just another round of the same "stay the course" bs.

Everbody, that is, except the increasingly irrelevant True Believers.

[TrickyVic]

The Weekly Standard just suckered John and us Hit and Run posters. I didn't notice any poster previously debunking the fallacy. The moveon.org add DID NOT level the charge of treason at the General. NO WHERE in the add is the word treason used. Betrayal does not equal treason. This is a major discrepancy introduced by the right-wing media to discredit Moveon.org. The media, and many others fell for it.

[Grand Chalupa]

General Tommy Franks or Generally too many mistakes?

General Benedict Arnold or Generally being a dick to the old?

Ok, you lose the thread.

[Grand Chalupa]

Accusing Eisenhower of treason? Maybe they would have called them something like, I don't know, the John Birch Society. Dirty hippies.

At least the John Birch Society considered being a communist spy treason. A Move On equivalent would've applauded it.

[Hindsight]

Hey Grand Chalupa, why didn't you just go ahead and say MoveOn would've aligned themselves with America First, or the Confederacy, or the Redcoats? I hear they hate mom and apple pie too, why didn't you mention that?

[Fourth-grader]

They reflect the thought process of a 3rd grader, who doesn't know or care about persuading and just wants to be mad.

I am so ashamed.

[Mad Max]

You know that your position is no longer sure
When even H&R posters start calling you immature