Chertoff To Be Medal-of-Freedomed?

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Per Dave's post below about Gonzalez's resignation, the current scuttlebutt says DHS Sec. Michael Chertoff is the leading candidate to replace him. That would amount to a modest promotion for the guy who has overseen various TSA security debacles, implemented the odious liquids ban, and led the federal response to Hurricane Katrina—and just in time for the second anniversary of the latter. 

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  1. And despite all that, he will STILL be a better AG than Alberto.

  2. Given that John Ashcroft’s one great accomplishment was to prove it possible to be worse than Janet Reno, and that Alberto Gonzalez’s one great accomplishment was to prove it possible to be worse than John Ashcroft, I’d say Chertoff is the obvious pick to come next.

  3. What, was Brownie occupied?

  4. You’d think that Bush could find somebody who isn’t a:

    Thug
    Religious fundamentalist
    Ridiculously incompetent political flunky

    to be AG. You’d think that if he proposed some reasonable, civil-liberties-minded person, everyone would be so happy that it would go through Congress like shit through a goose, and he’d get some love from a lot of people.

    You’d think.

  5. Episiarch,

    I’d like to be AG for the week Bush would let me hold the position. Nice resume line, if nothing else. And maybe I’d get on Letterman.

  6. When Jim Lehrer told Chertoff, live on the air, that a PBS correspondant was reporting people trapped in the Convention Centner, who had been without food or water for days, Chertoff yelled at him to stop spreading rumors, even after Lehrer said his reporter was live on the scene and describing it with how own eyes. PR Uber Alles.

    If the news reports are to be believed, Bush’s final choice for AG back in 01 came down to Ashcroft of Montana Gov. Marc Racicot, a relative moderate respected as a straight-shooter.

    Maybe he’ll go back to the road not taken.

  7. I’d wear a uniform, too, like Koop did. Maybe something George Washingtonish.

  8. This is simply the Dilbert Principle operating – managers promote the incompetent as a matter of course, often to protect their own asses.

  9. Thug
    Religious fundamentalist
    Ridiculously incompetent political flunky

    Prereqs for cabinet-level appointees, imho.

  10. . . .and I’d definitely carry a sword.

  11. Remember Gonzo’s nomination?

    Democratic opposition to him could only be explained by partisanship and a racist opposition to Hispanics.

    Yup, that was it. There could not possibly have been anything more to the flack this guy got from Senate Democrats. What they had to say about him being too close to Bush, and about his dismal performance at his previous jobs, and about his general lack of ability, intelligence, and wisdom, could not possibly have been based on an honest and fair appraisal of the man. It was all partisanship and racism.

    I know, because National Review told me.

  12. joe,

    Do you think this guy would be a good replacement for Gonzales?

  13. “Given that John Ashcroft’s one great accomplishment was to prove it possible to be worse than Janet Reno, and that Alberto Gonzalez’s one great accomplishment was to prove it possible to be worse than John Ashcroft, I’d say Chertoff is the obvious pick to come next.”

    What Jesse said.

    Seriously, I didn’t think anyone could make Janet Reno and John Ashcroft look good, but there you go.

  14. Gonzales can actually make people nostalgic for the time when the AG doing something stupid meant covering up a statue’s boobs so his head wouldn’t be next to them in photographs.

  15. I think we should keep Chertoff at DHS. Think of how disheartening it is for our enemies to see that our defenses are being coordinated by the Specter of Death himself. In fact, he should make public appearances in a hooded robe and scythe.

  16. I’m actually somewhat serious when I nominate Urkobold for the job.

  17. Oops, Urkobold is reporting that Walter E. Kurtz has been nominated for the post. Well, if the Senate rejects Kurtz, I will suggest Urkobold.

  18. It would be pretty bad-ass if Bush went Caligula on us and recess appointed Barney.

    The War on Drugs would be dropped in lieu of the War on Squirrels.

  19. Isn’t this guy Chertoff one heckuva corrupt buddy of GWB? He does not even come across as such a smart person to be handling DHS. Fits nicely as a corrupt AG, though. Don’t know about Democrats’ response.

  20. When asked about the confirmation process, Kurtz said, “I’m unconcerned. I’m beyond their timid, lying morality. And so I’m beyond caring.”

  21. I think Gary Gunnels is available for the AG job, isn’t he? I would nominate Dave W., but he’s Canadian.

  22. “You’d think that Bush could find somebody who isn’t a:

    Thug
    Religious fundamentalist
    Ridiculously incompetent political flunky”

    Yeah, but remember he’s limited by tradition to a Republican, so he’s probably stuck with one of the three…

  23. Hey, how about Karen for AG?

    She is a lawyer from Texas, FWIW.

  24. thoreau,

    And one of the ten regular Urkobold commenters. That alone is a r?sum? page.

  25. PL-

    Would Urkobold support her nomination? What about General Zod?

    If Colonel Kurtz becomes unavailable for some reason, perhaps one of Urkobold’s minions can announce Karen’s nomination.

  26. Funny you should ask. Zod condescended to make a comment to the Kurtz posting.

  27. Semi-related, but one of the first things the next president needs to do is to make DHS go away.

  28. “You’d think that Bush could find somebody who isn’t a:

    Thug
    Religious fundamentalist
    Ridiculously incompetent political flunky”

    Given the ridiculously broad definition of “religious fundamentalist” used by the posters on this site and the fact that most Americans describe themselves as religious, it might be tough to find someone who does not match at least part of the above description.

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