Campaigns/Elections

Choose Between a Douche and a Turd…or Die (Special Get Out the Vote Edition)

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Cartman and Butters campaign in

I realize it's not breaking news or anything, but last night Comedy Central featured a rerun of the South Park 2004 classic "Douche and Turd," where the kids' choices for a new school mascot are between a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich.

Given that we are in the early parts of a presidential campaign and will hence face an exactly analagous decision this time next year, I figured I'd send along links to the two rousing songs from the episode, both of which are designed to underscore not just the privilege of voting but the absolute necessity of doing so. Click below to listen:

Get Out the Vote

Vote or Die

Read reason's interview with South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone here.

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  1. Does anyone have an uncensored version of ‘Vote or Die’?

  2. Speaking of “Vote or Die,” I think that, if I was undecided before the 2004 general election, the last person I would vote for, R or D, would be the asshole endorsed by the pre-recorded P Diddy message I received as part of the “Vote or Die” campaign.

    Yes, I’d love to vote for someone who:

    A: Has me in their database for no reason

    B: Doesn’t have the fortitude to call me in person

    C: Has the gall to tell me, a musician, to vote for who fucking P Diddy says I should vote for. Anyone with even the slightest musical ability knows that P Diddy was the biggest rip-off artist in the last century, including Steven Foster.

    Have any of the candidates, Dr. Paul excluded, ever actually talked to a citizen of the U.S. outside of telling them to bring the car around?

  3. There is still hope that we have a relatively decent choice in Nov ’08. There is at least 1 candidate on either side that is better than douche or turd, unlike the past 2-3 elections.

  4. Cue the campaign music –

    Doot doot doodle do do doot doot doo doot.

  5. This is why I don’t get the complaints about “South Park is funny, but it’s gotten too preachy.” This episode (and a few others like it, namely ‘Trapped in the Closet’) is about as preachy as it gets and they’re also among the funniest of the series.

  6. Given that we are in the early parts of a presidential campaign

    That was a joke, right?

  7. Isn’t “or” the wrong preposition?

    I swear that every election is my last time voting. But then the powers that be always seem to be able to trot out some atrocious troll of a candidate, far worse than the last round, like Hillary, that I *have to* out and vote against.

    So that’s the plan to keep us voting, eh? Keep democracy safe by running ever more horrific and intolerable politicians?

  8. Ok, ok. We get it. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have some kind of relationship with Reason. Conferences, interviews, folk songs, posts linking to songs for no real purpose…this is getting out of hand. I mean, did you know Reason had a conference–in AMSTERDAM, wink, wink–that Parker and Stone actually attended?

    Crazy times!

    You Reason folks (Magazine and Foundation) are like little girls crushing over these guys, and it’s getting a little pathetic (it has been for a while, actually).

    I love South Park, and I think Parker and Stone are geniuses, too. But sometimes we can go a little overboard, to the point of appearing desperate to be one of the “cool” kids.

    Just be who you are, Reason. Anyone who doesn’t like you for who you are isn’t a real friend anyway. Next time you’re feeling down on yourself, or if you need an “I’m cooler than these other policy wonks” pick-me-up, don’t link to some South Park song.

    Just go to an AFF happy hour.

  9. “I swear that every election is my last time voting. But then the powers that be always seem to be able to trot out some atrocious troll of a candidate, far worse than the last round, like Hillary, that I *have to* out and vote against.”

    Hehe…but who do you vote for when it’s Hillary versus Rudy?

    Personally, I think that’d be about the time that I’d stick as many forks in my eyes as possible, just to take my fucking mind off of the predicament we’re in…

  10. This is why I don’t get the complaints about “South Park is funny, but it’s gotten too preachy.”

    The people who say that are the ones who have a belief or two that got skewered on the show. The choice was to laugh at themselves or stop watching South Park. Sadly, most people take themselves too seriously.

  11. There is at least 1 candidate on either side that is better than douche or turd, unlike the past 2-3 elections.

    Pleasant, but they won’t get the nomination.

    Keep democracy safe by running ever more horrific and intolerable politicians?

    There has to be a point where the law of diminishing returns kicks in, and either one of the the two indistinguishable parties will shape up or a third party will finally get some recognition.

    Or, at least I hope. This bullshit storm has to let up eventually. I pray to Zeus that one day, some politician will fuck up so badly that Americans will finally wake up.

  12. I pray to Zeus that one day, some politician will fuck up so badly that Americans will finally wake up.

    Wow.. that that day has not come with the current administration really says something, don’t it?

  13. There is at least 1 candidate on either side that is better than douche or turd, unlike the past 2-3 elections.

    not on the republican side there isn’t cause their all turds. john kerry wasn’t a turd either but the republican machine made him look like one which is why bush won and we’re still in this mess. your just threatened by obama and clinton, who are going to wipe the floor with your republican party because the country is tierd of war and voting for dems is the only way we’re going to get out of iraq.

  14. I swear that every election is my last time voting.

    It’s easy–you can do it!

  15. Vote for change. Vote third party.

    Vote Asshat in ’08!

  16. I also saw this episode last night and it got me thinking…

    I agree with the episode overall: you absolutely have the right to abstain from voting. Part of the freedom to do something includes the freedom not to do something. I think the creators were just trying to voice their feelings of alienation from the political system, especially when the choice between the Republican and Democrat is like choosing between cutting off your left testicle or your right testicle.

    However, I do think everyone should vote whenever they can. Even if you’re voting for some obscure third party candidate who has no chance of winning, you’re at least voicing your opinions.

    How many people succumb to the thought of “well, I don’t like either candidate, but I hate that guy more than that one, so I’ll vote for ‘the other guy'”? If all of those people did a little more research (other than watching the talking heads on cable news), I’m sure they could find a candidate they liked. We might have a few decades of shitty administrations, but it would be a good habit to get ourselves into, and eventually free ourselves of this “two – party – whoever – has – the – most – fundraising – dinners – and – celebrity – endorsements – and – corporate – pals – wins” political environment.

  17. Shake them titties when you vote!

  18. Hehe…but who do you vote for when it’s Hillary versus Rudy?

    No, not vote, run.

  19. who do you vote for when it’s Hillary versus Rudy?

    If there’s no LP candidate, I write-in “Micky Mouse” or sometimes I write-in myself

  20. We need an Anarchist Party. Then they can run “Nobody” as a candidate. “None of the above” is a cheap ploy by the sellout closet statists. We need a REAL choice, like “Nobody”.

    p.s. I would also like to see “Auction off the White House in a symbolic gesture to pay down the national debt”, but I don’t think that would fit on a Diebold touchscreen.

  21. Yeah, the candidates suck, but I really enjoyed how they trashed celebrities who feel they are doing a service by asking people to vote. Higher voter turnout doesn’t help anything, this is not the most important election ever, and no candidate will make things that much better or that much worse. We’ll probably see two candidates who both want to stay in Iraq, who both want national healthcare, and who both will continue the expansion of execuitive powers and secrecy. Divided government is all we can hope for.

  22. SCREW ZOD!

    ZARDOZ 2008!

    The Gun is Good, The penis is evil!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQR9cHkyeFM

  23. Is this supposed to be some sort of metaphor for Kubby vs. Phillies?

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