Pants for the Memories

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Two weeks ago Judge Judith Bartnoff ruled against Judge Roy Pearson, the servant of the law who sued a dry cleaner $54 million for losing his pants, even though they weren't actually lost. End of story, right? Hah.

Roy Pearson isn't giving up on his $54 million lawsuit against a dry cleaner over a missing pair of pants. He has filed a motion today asking a DC Superior Court judge to reconsider her verdict.

Pearson says the judge failed to address his legal claims when she ruled that the cleaners didn't violate DC's consumer protection law. He claims the business failed to live up to his expectations of a "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign.

If we're getting cold feet about impeaching Bush or Cheney, a suggestion: Impeach this moron as a warm-up act.

UPDATE: jkp "thought it curious that no one's really mentioned the whole 'black community versus the Asian community' angle on this story." This has been discussed by people more interested in the story than me. Check out Justin Levene and google bravely onward.

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  1. Thought it curious that no one’s really mentioned the whole “black community versus the Asian community” angle on this story.

  2. I wonder if I could get a mil or two out of Maytag because of the socks that mysteriously disappear in their washer?

  3. From some of the TV shows I’ve watched, I got the idea that there were some sort of “Abuse of process” laws or something. Like where the court could smack some lawyer around for wasting it’s time with BS cases like this one.

    Does anyone know if there is actually something like that?

  4. This guy needs to be disbarred. As a judge, he’s an officer of the court and has a professional obligation not to waste the court’s time.

  5. Warren: hah, you posted at the same time as me. Yes, there are frivolous lawsuit statutes, which depend on the state. But my point is that as a judge, he has a professional duty towards the court. The strictness of either of those statutes and ethical guidelines would depend on state law.

  6. JLM,

    socks that mysteriously disappear in their washer

    They don’t “disappear” as you erroneously claim. Everyone knows that they are broken down by the dryer and are reconstituted as wire coat hangers in your closets. I wish people would learn something about basic science before posting here.

  7. What a total loser

  8. I can tell you where the socks go for a small fee.

  9. SugarFree,

    You don’t know what you’re talking about. ‘Broken down’ and ‘reconstituted’ are just bogus words that sound very scientific, but don’t mean anything.

    While it remains unproven, Sock gnomes are probably the best theory. Sock gnomes are believed to be closely related to the more firmly established underpants gnomes. It is believed that they collect socks out of the dryer and turn them into profit. The wire coat hangers are waste product from their industry.

  10. Sugar Free – you might want to take some of your own advice…

    Dr Science, on PBS TV no less, demonstrated conclusively that the missing socks were taken by demons who whisk them off to another dimension when your back is turned.

    He did this right after the part where he demonstrated why we never see baby pigeons (they are embarrassed about their parentage being the product of mice mating with parakeets).

    Remember Dr Science knows more about science than you do, because he has a master’s degree.

  11. Like I said before, this guy should have taken the $12,000, but I don’t have a lot of sympathy for the sleazy, lying, piece of crap dry cleaners who tried to pawn off cheap crap as their customer’s pants. I’m pretty sure they’ve already been punished enough with lawyer’s fees and bad publicity.

  12. Remember Dr Science knows more about science than you do, because he has a master’s degree.

    In Science!

  13. Sock gnomes? SOCK GNOMES? I heard enough of your pseudo-scientific bullshit on this website to last me a life time! We’re trying to have a SCIENTIFIC discussion and and you keep injecting Gnomianity into it.

    Next you’ll try to tell us volcanoes are the dragon who lives in the Earth getting angry, when everyone WITH A BRAIN knows it has to do with the interaction between moon rays and oceanic basalt!

  14. While it remains unproven, Sock gnomes are probably the best theory. Sock gnomes are believed to be closely related to the more firmly established underpants gnomes. It is believed that they collect socks out of the dryer and turn them into profit. The wire coat hangers are waste product from their industry.

    I believe they are minions of Urkobold&trade

  15. Goddamnit. Now I have to kick him in the balls after all.

  16. Lamar,

    Stop changing the subject! We all know you’re just a stalking horse for Big Thread Topic!

  17. Can’t they just go on Judge Judy and has this settled before the first commercial?

  18. I hear that sock gnomes steal your socks to use them as sleeping bags. Poor little guys need all the help they can get.

  19. I had no idea the guy was black! It totally seemed like something some prickish white lawyer would do, so I just assumed he was.

  20. I had no idea the guy was black! It totally seemed like something some prickish white lawyer would do, so I just assumed he was.

    Terrorific:

    Just as O.J. proved you no longer need to be both famous and white to get away with murder, we should thank Pearson for proving once and for all that prickish lawyers come in all colors.

  21. “””He claims the business failed to live up to his expectations of a “Satisfaction Guaranteed” sign.”””

    So 54 million is what he needs for satisfaction? By this guys logic, we could rip-off anyone with that sign. Yeah, I just bought the new Iphone but it’s not that great and it will take a billion dollars for me to be satisfied. Pay up.

  22. The case of “Simpson v. The Frying Dutchman” ended with more dignity than this.

    “Does that sound like a man who had ‘all he could eat’?”

  23. This is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, “The Never-Ending Story.”

  24. I’m an officialicious, certifiable, cromulent gubermint microbiologist, and the best scientifical thought is the Heisenberg unsockity principal, that states that you can know that you put two socks in the dryer, and you can know the location of one of the socks, but you can’t know both the location of both socks after drying. I’ll post the peer reviewed reference later…

  25. daniel k:

    You’re too late. It was all covered in Schrodinger’s Sockpuppet.

  26. prickish lawyers come in all colors

    The United Colors of Jackass-a-ton

  27. I’m with Terrorific. The picture I had in my head of this guy was strikingly similar to Judge Smails from Caddyshack.

    To paraphrase Al Czervik, “Oh, this is the worst-looking pair of slacks I ever saw. What, when you buy some pants like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, they look good on you though.”

  28. I thought all those extra hangers in my closet where just the adult version of all those extra paper clips in my desk drawer. I read a paper somewhere that socks just sucked out of the dryer and end up as old chamois in your garage.

  29. Mr. Ridgely: your certainty has killed my cat, Socks.

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