Keyes to the Kingdom (or, Fit for Command!)

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The best fringe candidates are the ones who claim intelligence above and beyond the rest of the field. Lyndon LaRouche isn't running this year (he's old, he's retiring), but there are movements to draft both Alan Keyes and Jerome "Unfit for Command" Corsi into the race. And both are hilarious. The lengthy petition for the Keyes bid includes this preamble:

Whereas, in view of profound national security and foreign policy issues that face our nation, we need a president who deeply understands these issues by virtue of firsthand experience and background — and who will not merely rely on elite "experts" to guide our national security and foreign policy in these perilous times;

Ha! Take that, Mitt Romney! Maybe in your next life you'll get a gig as a mid-level functionary in a popular Republican administration—a true qualification for the power absolute.

Of course, Keyes has actually run for president and won votes. He got 14 percent in the Iowa caucus; he got 1 million votes in the 2000 GOP primary. (Peter Bagge's chronicle of this in Suck is an unjustly-overlooked classic of 21st century political journalism.) The Corsi movement is just weird. For some reason, authorship of a best-selling John Kerry slam book, a fearmongering Iran book, and a grab-bag of paranoid WorldNetDaily columns have turned Corsi into a leading Constitution Party presidential contender.

The chairman of the National Veterans Coalition, retired Air Force Brig. Gen. Charles Jones, told WND his group decided to draft Corsi because he's "probably one of the few people that was really aware of the grave issues facing this country" who "can turn the country around and keep it from going over a cliff."

"He's not only aware of the problems, but he has solutions to them," Jones said. "We feel from a veterans' standpoint it's going to take someone with his intelligence, knowledge and intestinal fortitude."

Jones said his coalition's plan is to call on the 26.2 million veterans on the official roles and another 5 to 8 million unregistered vets to mobilize behind Corsi.

Corsi actually represents the angry right Michael Savage listener pretty well—he loathes Bush almost as much as he loathes terrorists or border-jumpers. But one of the Calvinist elect who can lead America into the golden dawn? Well, OK.

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  1. “We feel from a veterans’ standpoint it’s going to take someone with his intelligence, knowledge and intestinal fortitude.”

    That’s what we need! A little more feel and a little less think. Riiiigghhtt.

  2. I welcome both. Every hyperconservative candidate who siphons single issue pro-lifers, ultraevangelicals, and Jeezhadist votes further fractures the Republicans, thereby reducing their chance of victory. [I know Ron Paul, but common guys, get real].

    While I care little for the Democrats, I consider it at least a little more likely they would roll back some of the assaults on the Constitution.

  3. Make that “come on”

  4. I love how they think they’re going to mobilize all the vets who ever lived.

    Veterans for Corsi: Because the goddamned officers were so great in the military, we want them running the show on the civilian side as well.

  5. As soon as conservative Republicans realize that their candidate isn’t going to win, they start the “not a real conservative” drumbeat.

    See Bob Dole.

  6. Do I lose libertarian street cred if I mention that a dozen years ago I wanted to be putting a Gramm/Keyes 96 bumper sticker on my care?

    Still looks like a better ticket than Dole/Kemp.

  7. I admire the Corsi’s energy. Between swiftboatin’ and humping for war with Iran and riffing off all the Savage demo favs like them mexicans, he also has time to be a major abiotic oil crackpot.

  8. I probably lose cred to. I briefly supported Keyes back then. I’d like to think I matured a lot since then and I didn’t really know how much of a nut he was. I ended up voting Browne but I didnt hear of the LP until close to the general election. During the primary debate season I was an independent considering the Republican candidates.

    Also, Keyes is a nut. But he won every GOP debate that I saw- easily.

  9. VM,

    Fair enough. Just as a note, 1996 was me giving the GOP “one last chance”. I had effectively ditched them after screwing up in 95 (caving to Clinton over gov shut down). As soon as Gramm & Keyes were out of the nomination picture, I sent my first check to the LP.

    Paul is the first candidate Ive remotely considered voting GOP for since then.

    However, for years I have joked about making a Gramm/Keyes 96 bumper sticker and putting it on my car anyway, just because I find people with old election bumper stickers to be funny.

  10. JCJ3,

    Not only did he win the debates, he had the most libertarian answer in any of them. He was ranting like a nut on some issue and the moderator asked him what he would do as president to solve that issue. His answer was “Nothing. Government cant solve this problem.”

  11. In the 2000 debates, when Bush talked about his tax cut would be, then McCain said his would be bigger, then Bauer said his would be bigger than that, then Steve Forbes said, “screw it all, let’s implement a flat tax,” I thought it couldn’t get any better. Then, Alan Keyes piped in with “Let’s repeal the 16th amendment.”

    The only time in my life I was actually proud to be a Republican.

  12. robc:

    Like the old bumper sticker idea!

    Keyes was such a fired part time circus freak when he carpet bagged Illinois (but he wasn’t a racial choice for candidate) a few years ago!

    When he couldn’t win the counties on the IL-IN border, he was in trouble!

    How about a Jack Kemp-Steve Largent ticket?

  13. He was ranting like a nut on some issue and the moderator asked him what he would do as president to solve that issue. His answer was “Nothing. Government cant solve this problem.”

    Wow.

    Truth to power indeed.

    But that sure aint no way to get elected 🙂 In Election Land, presidents can do *anything*!

  14. The Republicans should nominate Alan Keyes so William Howard Taft will no longer have the lowest percentage of the vote of any major party nominee.

  15. “While I care little for the Democrats, I consider it at least a little more likely they would roll back some of the assaults on the Constitution”

    What are you smoking Tbone?

    The Democrats have assaulted the Constitution even more than the Republicans. Read a history book sometime.

    robc,

    Phil Gramm and Keyes were very “libertarian” candidates for the Republican POTUS nomination- as far as Republicans go. I’d say you earn cred not lose it.

  16. The only announced candidate that I could support is Ron Paul. I do not do much weighing of the unannounced candidates. In the past I have supported Keyes, but would support Paul over Keyes in this election. Ron Paul I believe is the only Republican that can win the general election. He will have the support of the Constitution, Libertarian, American First, Marijuana Reform, and Pot Parties and probably many more smaller parties. Do not underestimate the power of these activist working for the Republican party candidate instead of for their own candidate.

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