Too Bad to be True


Turns out Belgians aren't taxing BBQ to stop global warming after all. Several news agencies (and I) picked up the April Fool joke a couple of days late.

I do, however, stand by my anti-novelty aprons stance in the original post, and continue to support the development of technologies to detect them. 

NEXT: 'God Saves Our Bunnies'

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  1. I be glum.

  2. “I do, however, stand by my anti-novelty aprons stance in the original post, and continue to support the development of technologies to detect them.”



  3. How about this Caution apron?

  4. “Ha, ha”

    Breathe, Katherine, breathe…

  5. JimmyDaGeek guest-blogged this for me yesterday!

  6. The real shame here though is that in the current environment, this joke was virtually indistinguishable from reality

  7. She’s not a statist, mediageek, she’s a technology enthusiast:
    …continue to support the development of technologies to detect them

    However, while I appreciate Katherine’s technology enthusiasm, I am willing to tolerate bizarre dress (or just about any other quirk) if the person involved is grilling meat.

  8. The last three threads descended into racism (or at least racist internal organs), misogyny, and genocide. Oh, and some ginned up outrage over paterophagy.

    Where will this one end?

  9. “grilling meat.”

    Dr. T (yet again) brilliantly summed it up!

    “grilling meat.”

    I salute you, Sirs!

  10. Thanks for the props, highnumber!

  11. Keep up the good work, jimmy!

  12. Sigh. de stijl, I can convert this thread to a genocide thread, no problem. Ready?

    Meating eating is genocide, you friggin’ predator.

    See? Easy.

  13. Genocide’s already been done today. I demand new bread and new circuses.


    Why would you give the time of day to someone who invented a fake Chinese restauant in a forest somewhere in some pathetic ploy to get us to think he had a real life with friends and such? If maps could be gay, JimmyDaGeek’s map would be the gayest map ever.

  14. Don’t eat beef – think of all the poor little calves (children)

  15. Have you fact checked the Gingrich/Cheyney/Thompson for GOP nominee stories yet? Because they all seem dubious to me too.


    paterophagy: n. consuming one’s father, considered pathological

  17. de stijl,

    Northern Alabama barbecue is the only real barbecue. I’d be willing to exterminate the entire race of a person who says otherwise.

  18. Dear Mr. de stijl:

    I’ve been paterophagist for over 34 years and can assure you that I maintain the highest standards in doing what I do.

  19. Paterophagilistic outrage? Oh, that would be me. Right.

  20. de stijl | April 5, 2007, 4:40pm | #
    Genocide’s already been done today. I demand new bread and new circuses.


    Why would you give the time of day to someone who invented a fake Chinese restauant in a forest somewhere in some pathetic ploy to get us to think he had a real life with friends and such? If maps could be gay, JimmyDaGeek’s map would be the gayest map ever.

    Kip: “Napoleon…like anyone can even know that.”

  21. Only goldiggaz eat NoBama Q.

  22. de stijl,

    Alright then, prepare for mass death. You’d probably barbecue beef or use a vinegar base. Infidel!

  23. de stijl,

    Lay off jimmy. He’s my most prolific correspondent.

  24. meat is murder. tasty, tasty murder.

  25. highnumber,

    How’s the new blog going? I’m thinking that you should upgrade its ranking in Google and get other blogs to link to it. Just not Hit & Run, for obvious reasons. We need to figure out a way for you to post pictures, too.

  26. People

    Johnny Marrs on the new Modest Mouse? WTF?

  27. You’d probably barbecue beef…

    I don’t barbeque silly cows, but I was dumped by one recently.

  28. The saddest statement about Europe is that so few people recognized this as a hoax.

  29. PL,
    Actually, Hit & Run does link to it, don’t they?

    My blog is sort of like the replicants in Blade Runner. It has an expiration date: Tuesday, March 10, 10:28 AM.
    I’ll need some help getting all that stuff together quickly.

  30. Whoops! Should be
    Tuesday, April 10, 10:28 AM

  31. It has an expiration date that already past? So, you have a spoiled blog??

  32. highnumber | April 5, 2007, 4:18pm | #
    JimmyDaGeek guest-blogged this for me yesterday!

    jimmydageek | April 5, 2007, 4:32pm | #
    Thanks for the props, highnumber!

    highnumber | April 5, 2007, 4:36pm | #
    Keep up the good work, jimmy!

    Rarely feel the need to comment, but I gotta say, in all honesty, this shit has been cracking me up all week. Kudos.

  33. They’re just questions, highnumber’s blog. In answer to your query they’re written down for me. It’s a test, designed to provoke an emotional response.

    Shall we continue?

    Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about… your host.

  34. highnumber,

    Are you sure? I’ve posted in the archives before, just to see if it could be done. Though that was pre-transformation. My folks are from Tennessee, so maybe I could get you Instalanched. Hit & Run would simply have to give you server space if that happened.

    I swear that if I somehow get my fifteen minutes before April 10, I will mention your blog on Letterman.

    Incidentally, if can remain in continuous possession of this blog space for five years, you can take actual title to it under California’s adverse possession law.

  35. de stijl,

    Is this the part when I shoot you?

  36. I like barbequed venison.

    Especially at Christmas.

    With small children present.

    I tell the it’s Blitzen.

  37. The saddest statement about Europe H&R is that so few people recognized this as a hoax joke.

  38. Nelson:

    guilty, right here!

  39. PL,

    I based the expiration date on some research I did for my one of my favorite threads. It was true for that one. I won.

    Good luck getting on Letterman! Let me know if/when.

  40. Salty ham tears!!!!!

  41. You know what? I don’t give a crap about that crying girl after all. Parenthood must be numbing me to human suffering.

    You’ll be the first to know if I achieve Top Ten List glory. Actually, my goal is not to be on the show, but to have James Earl Jones appear and read excerpts from my best posts at Hit & Run.

  42. Kids cry over really silly s**t, ja?

  43. That, or I grant Dave an interview after I become the first person to be appointed Chief Censor of the United States.

    Stupid kid. I plan to ridicule her publicly, right after I praise your blog.

  44. I have a novely apron with tits. Not like, protruding, but silkscreened. Im pretty down with it. Children love it.

    I always wanted one like that guy… whatshis name… Wok and Roll? Or i’d take one that were like… papal robes or something.

  45. Martin Yan.

  46. d’oh.

    %#&*$^&*$%^%*&^(^$@$ fucking html tags.

  47. Would you make sense of that, please?

  48. YOO DA MAN!!!!! That’s all the sense you need know.

    your comments to Laura.
    The “make-a-wish” one
    The comment from 11/18 @ 1:49am

    basically everything.

  49. barbecue is not a verb

    barbecue is picked or chopped smoked pork

    You can grill or smoke chicken, ribs, beef or whatever but barbecue is pork

    and bbq sauce should be vinegar and pepper
    not ketchup and liquid smoke

  50. har,

    didnt someone on the previous thread make that poiint already? (‘what is barbecue’)

    Being a bit of a bbq snob as well, you make it sound as though carolina style bbq is the true faith, while memphis or texas bbq are heretical blasphemers…

    personally i’m on the NC style pref as well… pit smoked, served with pickles in a red/white checked paper basket, cheap bun, and some vinegar-pepper sauce at hand. maybe some collards, sweet potatoes, and a MrPibb to go with. – but that doesnt mean texans dont have their own point of view, and would probably go to the mat over it.

    childhood-favorite BBQ joint: Wilson Bros BBQ in South Hill VA. They also often do a ‘fresh critter’ brunswick stew. local people bring in strings of possum, squirrel, rabbit and whatnot. now thats some thugged out shit

    but anyway, my earlier point to other BBQ nazi was that the word has evolved beyond its narrowest meaning, and there’s no getting around it. I get pissed when i hear people say, like “a car crash transpired” or something… (transpired = ‘breathed between’ i.e. ideas transmitted – not events ‘happened’)… but the english teacher who pointed this common error out also noted that hundreds of words used today no longer mean what they started out as. It’s part of how language works. People use close approximations of what they mean, and eventually they become more colloquially ‘standard’

    Doesnt mean you cant still nag people from time to time to demonstrate your advanced cultural sensitivites 🙂






    So, “Mmmmm, that’s good” = no good?

  53. Vinegar is for sinners, true, but at least no one here is suggesting that the substance, “beef” can be barbecued. It can’t.

  54. PL,
    I don’t eat the pig.
    Does this mean I will go to the heaven for Jews & Muslims, only to be, in some ironic twist, damned to BBQ hell?

  55. Memphis and Kansas City style are Apostasy.

    In Texas they smoke beef, ham, processed turkey roll, sausage-everything but pork-and call it BBQ. Not only is it not barbecue it is a heresy
    that calls for a supression that would make the fate of Albigensians and Cathars look like a parking ticket.

  56. I’m sorry, I’ve spent plenty of time in the “north”, and pork bbq is garbage. I quote Slate, which doesn’t know shit, but, at the same time, probably isn’t in the pocket of big texas…

    Here’s the amazing thing about Texas barbecue. Even a run-of-the-mill place around here is better than the best barbecue anywhere else.

  57. highnumber,

    I consign thee to an eternity at Arby’s. Without Arby or Horsey sauce. Tremble and weep, beef-eating heretic!

    Texans of all stripes–I’m talking to you, too. Go eat some beanless chili and leave barbecue to the professionals.

  58. America’s


  59. Feh. All you Eastern folks are just too close to the Yankees.

    Beef ribs are nothing to pork ribs, but denying brisket? Chopped beef sandwiches?

    Hush your mouth, indeed.

    Besides, your crusade wouldn’t make it to Louisiana.

  60. Hey, Highnumber, don’t go knocking Arby’s! I have fond memories of my dear husband taking me to our local Arby’s for a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner a couple of years ago.

    (No, we weren’t broke… just bloody-minded. We both hate all the Valentine’s Day hype, so this was our way of saying, “Love you, honey — In your face, Hallmark/FTD/DeBeers!”)

    As for the (ahem!) actual topic of the thread, well, I’m a Californian barbecue heathen. Bring on the pork, beef, chicken, duck, grilled eggplant, marinated summer squash in balsamic vinegar and rosemary oil, melon kebabs, whatever! It’s all good. 😉

  61. Talk about bringing it all back home…
    For some unfathomable reason, my wife picked up a couple of frozen California Pizza Kitchen pizzas at the Target last week. We had one last night (Margherita – meh, I couldn’t even taste the basil). On the box, the founders of the company tell their story. They opened in 1985 and they claim to have invented BBQ chicken pizza. I do not believe them. I recall eating “taco pizzas” from the school cafeteria in the early 80s. I cannot believe that “taco pizzas” predate BBQ chicken pizzas. Someone from one of the great BBQ states must be able to confirm that some local pizza joint was serving BBQ chicken pizzas in the 70s.

  62. RE: Highnumber’s disappointing experience with CPK’s Pizza Margherita: Next time, try “Pizza Margarita!”

    Pizza Margarita
    Gedankenrecipe* by Mary in LA

    1 12″ pre-baked pizza crust
    1/4 cup (or more) olive oil
    1 lb. cooked shrimp
    1 recipe (3/4 cup) Chile-Tequila Sauce (see
    Rock salt

    Brush pre-baked pizza crust generously with olive oil. Scatter shrimp over pizza and top with Chile-Tequila Sauce.

    Cut one end off the lime and rub the cut end lightly around the rim of the pizza crust, followed by sprinkles of rock salt. Slice the rest of the lime; reserve.

    Set oven to “Broil”. Broil the Pizza Margarita in the oven until the crust is hot and the sauce starts to bubble, not more than 3 – 4 minutes (if cooked too long, the shrimp will be tough). Remove from oven, garnish with lime slices, and serve immediately, accompanied by margaritas of your choice.

    *Caution! The sauce recipe is real, but the pizza recipe is completely made up. Now, of course, I’ll have to go home and try it…

  63. Oops, forgot to add “1 lime” to the gedankenrecipe.

  64. Mary in LA,

    How was the pizza?

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