Gonna Drop It All Over the Place/ You're Gonna Get It On Your Face

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The first night of CPAC closed with a dinner keynoted by Dick Cheney, featuring a speech by former U.N. Ambassador John Bolton. You'll recall that Bolton was the bellicose neoconservative whom President Bush had a Sisyphean time of pushing him into a job the Senate had to sign off on. This battle elevated Bolton from just another Bush apparatchik to a cause celebre on the right; he opened his remarks by thanking everyone who helped him try to get the job, even though he only won a recess appointment that died this year and "your efforts were in vain."

It's worth highlighting just what pro-war bloggers were fighting so hard for. Bolton believes the U.S. is doing the right thing in occupying Iraq, acknowledging that the lack of WMD there "didn't matter" and that the invasion needed to happen. He pleads for regime change in the two countries he still calls members of the Axis of Evil, and he does so in an exasperated tone that says "I know I'll never get another government job, so go to hell." Here were his comments on North Korea:

Now, we have seen efforts by the liberals in the media and on the Hill and, yes, in the permanent bureaucracy of our own federal government, to overturn the administration's policies. To say that North Korea, Kim Jong Il, can be talked out of his nuclear weapons. Certainly he's a reasonable person! We'll just bargain with Kim Jong Il and he'll give his weapons up! Don't we all believe that? There are people who believe that! My judgment is that nuclear weapons for Kim Jong Il are integral to regime survival and he's not going to give them up voluntarily. What we have to do is apply pressure, apply sanctions, isolate North Korea further, and finally to achieve the real solution to the nuclear weapons problem: Eliminate the regime in North Korea and reunite the Korean peninsula!

That's obviously the goal on the peninsula, but… how much more can we isolate North Korea, exactly? There's nothing to be gained from negotiations? Here's Bolton on Iran:

It is extremely important that President Bush follow up on what he has said, which is that it is unacceptable for Iran to have nuclear weapons. I do take President Bush to be a man of his word. I think when he says "it's unacceptable" for Iran to have nuclear weapons, what he means is "it's unacceptable!"

I can't simulate the applause that followed these statements; imagine the original Allman Brothers wrapping up a 45-minute version of "Jessica" "Mountain Jam," and the ovation that would follow. That'd be a reasonable facsimile.

NEXT: Private Education in the the Third World

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  1. Jessica wasn’t done by the original Allman Brothers lineup. And that post-Duane song is one of my least favorites, so I doubt I’d offer applause after a 45 minute rendition of it. And to the point, if you think there is any benefit in negotiating with proven liars, you are even more boneheaded than I thought.

  2. bolton thought the u.n. ought to be packed up and sent off to zambia or wherever. he’s right, you know, and that causes me to forgive him a lot.

    btw, is reason going to hire a republican shill so he/she and weigel can have an old-fashioned “crossfire”-style shouting match in print?

  3. I can’t simulate the applause that followed these statements; imagine the original Allman Brothers wrapping up a 45-minute version of “Jessica,” and the ovation that would follow. That’d be a reasonable facsimile.

    I bet they sent in some guys dressed as Army seargents with recruitment brochures to hand out — probably cleaned the room out pretty fast so they could clean up.

  4. bolton thought the u.n. ought to be packed up and sent off to zambia or wherever. he’s right, you know, and that causes me to forgive him a lot.

    But that message is more effective when delivered by someone who wasn’t specifically selected because he pisses off half the country.

  5. “Mountain Jam” is the only original line-up Allman Bros. song that routinely made it to 45 minutes.

  6. if you think there is any benefit in negotiating with proven liars, you are even more boneheaded than I thought.

    Negotiating doesn’t mean trusting. If you think there is any benefit to refusing to negotiate with dangerous adversaries, the bonehead is you.

  7. Quit your belly aching Warren; refusing to negotiate or engage Fidel Castro for the last 45 years has put a major “W” in the U.S. column…

  8. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times will only occur with another Democratic president.

  9. Yes, we certainly won that! The Cuban people, on the other hand…

  10. Does he really care if Iran has the goods? I mean seriously, why fight 3 wars for the price of 4 when you can have 3 for the price of 10?

  11. That was dumb. Should wait for caffination.

  12. Should spell check…Oh, fuck it.

  13. This guy needs to shave his moustache. It is sucking all the blood intended to go to his brain cells.

  14. “”Mountain Jam” is the only original line-up Allman Bros. song that routinely made it to 45 minutes.”

    Whipping Post and Memory of Elizabeth Reed are both original member songs that were a good 30 minutes long live.

  15. refusing to negotiate or engage Fidel Castro for the last 45 years has put a major “W” in the U.S. column…

    How do you figure that, exactly? They’re still communist, they’re still human rights violators, Castro’s still in power and the expats are still in Miami waiting for Castro to die so they can get they’re property back while wasting tax dollars on Radio Marti.

    If that’s a win for the U.S. I’d hate to see how you characterize a loss.

    You probably also believe that the Brits bugging out of Iraq means our strategy is working.

  16. A major W in the U.S. column? What about all the lost business and real estate opportunities? I’m sure the Dutch and the Canadians don’t see that as a major win for the U.S.

  17. Hey, that wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. I thought that no one can call our Cuban policy a success, so I was just trying to poke fun at James Ard with my comment, and I totally agree with Warren. I’ll go get some coffee with Steveintheknow.

  18. “CPAC”

    Crazy People And Crackpots?

  19. Did he pound his shoe on the podium?

  20. I’m guessing Bush said it would be unacceptable for North Korea to get the bomb, but, voila! they got the bomb!

    If I was Iran, and I read what Bolton said, I’d be high-fiving my nuclear scientists.

  21. Anyone who responds to any real-world situation with, “it’s unacceptable,” should be sacked immediately. What the heck is that supposed to mean, anyway?

    KJ-I: I have a nuke.
    Bolton: That’s unacceptable!
    KJ-I: And yet, here I am with this nuke.
    Bolton: I am unable to accept that!

    The mind boggles. “Unacceptable” seems simply to mean, “I ought to be given a blank check to deal with this problem.” Or possibly, “I am unwilling to rank this problem relative to others in order to balance priorities.” In either case, it’s a simple admission of incompetence.

  22. Bolton’s the guy who announced publicly, during the anthrax attacks and shortly after 9/11, that Cuba had operational biologial and chemical weapons programs.

    There is no point in negotiating with a proven liar, Mr. Bolton. That’s why the Democrats threw your ass out.

    (BTW, are we going to get a link to the story about the North Korean uranium enrichment program – the reason we withdrew from the Agreed Framework, and the North Koreans restarted their plutonium program – being false?)

  23. Grant, if you read between the lines, I think what Bolton means is that Bush should do to Iran what Tojo did to Pearl Harbor. That’s certainly what the neocons have been advocating.

  24. yeah, fucking whipping post man! seriously.

    bolton’s a nice hot cup of wtf in the morning.

  25. Anyone who can remember anything about the Allman Brothers hasn’t been smoking enough dope to be a fan of the Allman Brothers.

    Re “Moustache John” Bolton, how much grass does he think his audience has been smoking to blame the recent agreement that W announced with N. Korea on “liberals in the media and on the Hill and, yes, in the permanent bureaucracy of our own federal government”?

  26. I think what Bolton means is that Bush should do to Iran what Tojo did to Pearl Harbor. That’s certainly what the neocons have been advocating.

    Yeah, that’s what I got out of it too. That’s some good readin’ the mood of the country going on there. Good luck with that, guys.

  27. thedifferentphil,

    Now you see why someone needs to invent a sarcasmoticon?

  28. joe: I was wondering about that. I read a couple of news stories about the US backing away from the “enrichment program” accusation and then the story died. One theory I heard suggested was that the US is suddenly worried that, now that inspectors are going to be let back into the country, they’re going to completely fail to find the enrichment program Bush used as a pretext for pulling out of the previous agreement…which caused the North Koreans to throw the IAEA out of the country, grab the plutonium that had been under international control, and start cobbling together nukes.

    In other words, the whole crisis was manufactured. The North Koreans bought some centrifuges-which violated the spirit, but not the letter, of the previous agreement-in order to extort more aid from the West. Bush decided ‘Merka didn’t need to negotiate with anybody and gambled the whole of US foreign policy on Iraq. The North Koreans gambled their foreign policy on Iraq, too, reckoning that the US would have to come back to the table and, when they did, they better have something the Americans wanted. Large numbers of centrifuges are difficult to build and expensive, to boot, but nuclear bombs are cheap once you have the plutonium. Thus the US, instead of having to buy back the 20 or so centrifuges the North Koreans smuggled in from Our Loyal Ally Pakistan, also had to buy a half-dozen nukes.

    Or, as one diplomat reportedly put it, “If we had handled this differently, we might not have had to talk them into giving up actual weapons.” That must be one of the bureaucrats Bolton despises so. I’ll bet the foreign policy professionals just love his amateur ass to death, too.

  29. i dont get the allman brothers reference. can someone translate?
    i’m more at home listening to project pat talk about lean and going crazy to killswitch engage.

  30. whipping post is a good song, man.

    think, uh, comets on fire but shorter and more focused and less wanky. the live versions of whipping post were all insane keyboard/geetar freakouts.

  31. “i dont get the allman brothers reference. can someone translate?”

    And it seems the Weirdos reference went past everyone.

  32. Am I the only one who got the FEAR reference?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear_%28band%29

    /We got the Neutron Bomb!

  33. Also unacceptable to John Bolton: The closing of Plato’s Retreat.

  34. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, that Bolton! HAHAHA!!! Oh, my sides are aching!! HAHAHA!! Because he’s so wrong! It should be totally acceptable for Iran to build nukes and use them to advance their insane Islamist agenda!! HAHAHA..haha….ha? Right?

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