America, Huck Yeah!

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Former fatty Mike Huckabee—probably history's first prospective for head of state who rose to power by becoming less of a man—is running for president. Drag your bones over to the enticingly-named Explore Huckabee website and be inspired by facts about the former Arkansas governor like this one:

One big issue facing parents across our nation today is the subject of federally-funded sex education programs. Again, Mike is unambiguous in his core principles on this issue. He believes sex education programs should return to being the domain of the states and not the federal government. Even if the federal government chooses to assist in funding, the manner of curriculum must be left to the states. Under his decade of leadership as governor, Arkansas focused on abstinence-based education.

He got Arkansans to reproduce less? This is intriguing.

In all seriousness, Huckabee was a visionless governor who raised taxes, spent money like Montgomery Brewster, and said stuff like this in his defense:

What do our critics want—to rip the feeding tubes out of an 8-year-old or an elderly person on Medicaid?

Finally, a Republican who can talk Hillary Clinton's language! At the American Spectator, John Tabin quizzes Huckabee on foreign policy:

When I asked him when, if ever, he'd contemplate military action against Iran, he didn't mention anything about the Iranians' progress toward going nuclear, instead taking the opportunity to emphasize diplomacy and coalition-building in the Middle East.

Well, OK.

Another reporter asked who he'd be taking foreign policy advice from; he didn't have any names at hand.

This is less OK. But at least he's a Southern governor who can beat those Democrats!

A new poll shows Arkansans favor Democratic Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York over Republican Gov. Mike Huckabee in a potential 2008 race for the White House.

In poll results released Thursday, 51 percent of respondents said they would vote for Clinton in a head-to-head match-up with Huckabee and 36 percent favored the governor, with 15 percent undecided.

Maybe Huckabee should have listened to Nick Gillespie: The politics of weight loss and mandatory calorie-cutting is a non-starter.

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  1. “In all seriousness, Huckabee was a visionless governor who raised taxes, spent money like Montgomery Brewster, and said stuff like this in his defense:
    What do our critics want — to rip the feeding tubes out of an 8-year-old or an elderly person on Medicaid?”

    Considering the fact that the entire Reason staff spent the fall shilling for a Democratic Congress whose main promieses were to raise taxes, why isn’t this guy tops on Reason’s list of candidates? Sounds like a first rate Reason man to me, at least in 2007.

  2. As a former governor who is running for the White House, Huckabee has already been eclipsed by Mitt Romney and (maybe) Bill Richardson. In the Republican primary, his status as the only other governor running will siphon votes from Romney, while Sam Brownback’s status as a “genuine” social conservative will do the same.

  3. He’s the Republican Vilsack.

  4. How can you have a post about Mike Huckabee and not even mention Wayne Dumond?

    Go Bears!

  5. Even if the federal government chooses to assist in funding, the manner of curriculum must be left to the states.

    The man has no clue.
    Government funding–>Regulation.

  6. Don’t know much about his political positions, but Huckabee was genuinely funny and charming on the Colbert Report last year. Quick-witted, seemed smart; you have to admire a guy who has lost a hell of a lot of weight, too.

    Also, by virtue of running the NYC marathon just before the election last year, he probably fucked over former Clinton impeachment manager and DEA head Asa Hutchinson, who was running for AK guv. Probably not his intention, but a good result just the same.

  7. Lost your meds again, John?

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