Substanceless State of the Union Post

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I've made a habit of watching the State of the Union from the health club. It serves two purposes. One, when I get pissed off at just how stupid the president (and for that matter, the response) is, I can channel my frustrations into the elliptical machine. And two, the closed-captioning for the speeches always provides for some entertainment when the stenographer mishears or mistypes what's being said.

My favorite example from last night came during Jim Webb's response, where this line:

"As I look at Iraq, I recall the words of former general and soon-to-be President Dwight Eisenhower during the dark days of the Korean War, which had fallen into a bloody stalemate."

Turned into this:

"As I look at Iraq, I recall the words of former general and soon-to-be President Dwight Eisenhower during the dark days of the Korean War, which had fallen to bloody, stale meat."

Which come to think of it, is really only a more graphic, slightly lurid way of saying the same thing.

Also, Drudge helpfully links to this Broadcast & Cable article which notes that Nancy Pelosi clocked in at a nearly sweat-breaking 25-30 eye blinks per minute, and adds:

Cheney barely mustered 3 or 4. If energy conservation is a personal virtue—as he once said so dismissively—Cheney is a saint. The man functions admirably on standby power.

That is the kind of analysis this country needs!

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  1. Was it just me or did Pelosi look like she was sucking on a jolly rancher or adjusting dentures the entire time?

  2. the real president sitting behind Bushs’s right shoulder was too busy pulling the strings of marionette Bush to blink. He had to keep his eye on him at all times.

  3. You know you’re in trouble when a broad has eyelids that don’t quite touch the irisis. You get that glassy, round-eye stare that goes right through you. Plus the way her top lip curls up like a mortis grin when she does that forced “smile” of hers.

    But Pelosi is a sweet ol’ grandma! And she can hold a baby in one hand as she strikes down the gavel with the other. So I guess she’s okay.

    And on a slight tangent… I checked out “That’s My Bush” last night for the first time, and thought it was absolutely amazing. Trey Parker is a genius.

  4. It’s not just you Mr. Hill, I thought she had some kind of jaw-breaker of something going on (and I noticed the blinking too). But I’m sure she had some pretty tremondous pressure on her, it’s the first time a Democrat has been that visible in the State of the Union in years, and of course she is the first woman. I think they have to really worry “should I stand and clap to that last line? How will it look if I do/don’t?” That speaks volume about the pettiness of our political scene .
    On another note I was greatly impressed with Webb’s response. I did not agree with everything he said, but I liked that his speech did not insult America’s intelligence (at least not from a verbal point of view). That fellow is bright and frank, and that over the long haul can only be good for the US.

  5. …pulling the strings of marionette…

    Hilarious!

    I remember a bumper sticker during the ’04 election run-up that said “Vote Bush for another Four Years of Cheney as President” or something to that effect.

    My SOTU pie-in-the-sky wish: The Prez would start the speech by saying “Please hold all applause until the end.”

    SOTU wet dream: Prez simply mails the speech to congress and we all read about it the next day when it’s available on the web.

  6. The closed-captioner also transcribed “white collar professional” as “white cholera professional.”

  7. Nancy Pelosi clocked in at a nearly sweat-breaking 25-30 eye blinks per minute

    Which is odd, as deer-in-the-headlights rarely blink before impact.

  8. Three or four eye blinks a minute? Is Cheeney a lizard of some sort?

  9. Pelosi’s rapid blinking (if it’s a new thing and not something she’s been doing all her life) may be as a result of a recent eye tuck. After my mom had her surgery she was Ms Blinky McBlinkalot for a few months.

  10. I’m ready to take a beating from our resident historians, but it seemed like Webb’s Eisenhower analogy left the door wide open to a rebut. Maybe if Eisenhower hadn’t “cut and run” we wouldn’t be dealing with a nuclear North Korea today. I’m not saying I agree with this, but I see it as a valid argument. What am I missing.

    Be gentle.

  11. de stijl:

    Your post suddenly made me think of Pelosi having saran wrap over her face like that maternal make-over scene in “Brazil”.

    She looks kinda like that actress, too.

  12. “Three or four eye blinks a minute? Is Cheeney a lizard of some sort?”

    Probably just a wide-mouthed frog who’s been sucking too many flies.

  13. With the frequent cutaways to the audience, how could you accurately measure the blinks per minute of Pelosi and Cheney?

  14. Matt J –
    I’ve pondered something similar, in that we cut and ran from Vietnam, and now that country seems to be doing pretty well. Considering their situation in the early 70’s I wonder if they would be doing better or worse than they are now if we’d chosen to stay the course.

    Not that America could afford or would ever support a 30 year war, just an interesting “what if” game.

  15. I would swear I heard Bush pronounce it nu-cle-ar instead of nu-ku-lar a couple of times.

  16. either Poloci is on the pill or she is taking estrogen for menopause…

    note to guys: chicks on the pill tend to blink more then chicks not on the pill.

  17. Also, Drudge helpfully links to this Broadcast & Cable article which notes that Nancy Pelosi clocked in at a nearly sweat-breaking 25-30 eye blinks per minute

    As tight as the skin on her face has been pulled, I’m surprised she can blink at all.

    I’ve pondered something similar, in that we cut and ran from Vietnam, and now that country seems to be doing pretty well.

    Once you overlook the totalitarian state and the mass murder of hundreds of thousands, having the Communists run the joint for a generation ain’t so bad!

  18. Matt J.,

    “What am I missing.”

    That fact that we might well have lost.

    Or continued to lose troops at the rate of 10k per annum without achieving anything worthwhile.

    ‘Your post suddenly made me think of Pelosi having saran wrap over her face like that maternal make-over scene in “Brazil”.’

    LOL! It’s funny, because it’s that close to being true.

    “hundreds of thousands?” Shoot, we were going through that many every year for a decade. Please, tell the story about Cambodia being a tranquil paradise right up until we ended the war? I love that one.

  19. With the excessive amount of applause, watching Bush’s state of the union address was like watching one of Stalin’s speeches.

  20. SOTU wet dream: Prez simply mails the speech to congress and we all read about it the next day when it’s available on the web.

    You mean the way every president did from Jefferson up to Wilson (and one or two since–like Hoover, IIRC) did?

    That’ll happen about the time a president concedes that the “commander-in-chief” clause isn’t carte blanche to make war anywhere, anytime.

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