Wait, Wait… Rufus Wainwright Is Gay?

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[UPDATE: The original site is down; the whole thing could be a ruse. Still, amusing.]

Great find over at the Idolator: A website called Love God's Way is cataloguing bands that could turn your kid gay.

One of the most dangerous ways homosexuality invades family life is through popular music. Parents should keep careful watch over their children's listening habits, especially in this Internet Age of MP3 piracy.

The list of banned bands includes Eagles of Death Metal [authors of the gay anthem "Whorehoppin' (Shit Goddamn)], Metallica, Kansas, Jay-Z (he's got 99 problems but a vagina ain't one!) and John Mayer. Of course it includes more obvious sinners like the Pet Shop Boys, the Indigo Girls, and Scissor Sisters, but it leaves Husker Du, Antony, and Kathleen Hanna's side projects free to molest the iTunes accounts of America's heteroyouth.

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  1. I for one am gladd to see Dick Cheese on that list. He may or may not be gay but his music is spot on.

  2. After a quick look at the website… c’mon. It HAS to be a spoof. It’s way too over the top to be real.

  3. You know Andrew, I find my self saying that WAY too often when dealing with the religious right.

  4. LOL! Guess they should also list classical composers like Tchaikovsky, Copeland, and Barber, whose music I was *required* to study when I took a music appreciation course at the Christian university I attended.

    (BTW, I’m gay, and out, and *finally* off that university’s mailing list – an alumnus must have ratted me out!)

  5. I can’t wait ’til they discover Turbonegro.

  6. Phish?!

    Is it because they’ll turn your kid into such a lazy hippie that he won’t be able to resist when the gays come knocking at his bedroom door in the middle of the night?

  7. My favorite: Frank Sinatra.

    But seriously, Sufjan Stevens? The man’s a Christian, for God’s sake. But the wrong sort, apparently: he attends an Anglo-Catholic church. And Audioslave?!? I mean, at times Chris Cornell all but paints it in big red letters that he’s Christian. Maybe he’s not, but the religious imagery in his lyrics is pretty damn Christian-influenced. And Kansas actually included some bona fide Christian artists for a while (John and Dino Elefante, who produced a looooooooooot of Christian albums in the early 90’s, including Petra).

    Although listing Elton John twice, with the notation the second time that he’s “really gay,” makes it seem like a spoof.

  8. Spoof – Cyndi Lauper is listed as safe music.

  9. As easy as these guys are to make fun of, is there really any doubt that the arts can be an effective way of promoting viewpoints and perspectives?

    It doesn’t strike me as too unrealistic to say that pop music has contributed to society’s recent increase in tolerance of gays. Which is a good thing, in my opinion.

  10. Sounds like if a band doesn’t make the list they suck. The link won’t work, however I didn’t see the Magnetic Fields on the abbreviated list. That’s just wrong.

  11. Zizzy,

    Christian University?? Thats the real spoof.

    Sorry your mom and dad wanted you indoctrinated that bad.

    They should have taken those Wham! posters in your room down sooner.

  12. Wasn’t Kansas made up of a bunch of Christian rockers? Turn you into a wus maybe? But gay?

    Frankie Goes to Hollywood, what, you mean “Relax” had two meanings?

  13. I’ve been telling people that Metallica has been gay since the black album.

  14. Okay, I’m willing to believe that this site is not a spoof. But what a sloppy job they do.

    How could they leave out such obvious homosexual recruiters as Gaye Bikers On Acid?

    And how could they single out electronic composer Morton Subotnick (who’s actually straight, as best I can tell from a quick Google search) while forgetting entirely about that far more famous electronic composer, transsexual Wendy (ne? — or is that n?? — Walter) Carlos?

    If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s incompetent homophobes.

  15. I can’t get their website to open, but I looked at some of Google’s caches of their pages. Under a quote from Oscar Wilde, they describe him as a “reformed homosexual.” Either they are a spoof, they are ignorant, or they think a dead homosexual is reformed.

  16. “I’ve been telling people that Metallica has been gay since the black album.”

    And you have been right Lamar.

  17. Speaking of reformed homosexuality, there is some nutso group here in Atlanta that has a big billboard downtown with a picture of a smiling man in his 30s with the words “I questioned homosexuality” in big letters below his face. I wonder everytime I see that if the guy in the picture is a member of the group of some face shot model whose agent called him one day and said, “hey I have got this good paying gig for you, it is for some religious group doing advertising” only to do the shoot and be driving along 75/85 one day and go “WTF?”

  18. No mention of Faggy McGee and The Fagtones?

  19. Wow, a DK reference this am and now a Gaye Bikers on Acid reference.

    Takes me back to Cortland State, WSUC FM, 1988. The only job I ever loved, DJ’ing.

    Of course it was also the only credit I earned that semester.

    They didn’t ask me back to a state school, man…like I was the coolest Gaye biker on acid ever dude!

    Really, it was all that music makin’ me want to bang my roommates.

  20. I wonder everytime I see that if the guy in the picture is a member of the group of some face shot model whose agent called him one day and said, “hey I have got this good paying gig for you, it is for some religious group doing advertising” only to do the shoot and be driving along 75/85 one day and go “WTF?”

    It’s probably a stock image in which case the model in question WTF factor quadruples.

  21. Wasn’t Kansas made up of a bunch of Christian rockers?

    Nah…Just Kerry Livgren and he left after he became born-again. But still…Kansas? That’s like declaring Toto and The Alan Parson’s Project satanic.

    And John Mayer? All of his songs are about love a heterosexual sex. I’ve seen him in concert twice, BTW. He rocks.

  22. How did Frank Zappa get left off the list?

  23. Rufus is a Tit Man.

  24. “And John Mayer? All of his songs are about love a heterosexual sex. I’ve seen him in concert twice, BTW. He rocks.”

    I went to see BB King in New Jersey a while ago and Mayer showed up and jammed with him. John Mayer is a fantastic blues guitarist. He was incredible. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been there. As far as him making you gay, how could listening to a guy who used to bang Jennifer Love Hewitt make you anything but straight?

  25. Good grief, how could they forget Boy George, Duran Duran, Queen (starting with the name for christ’ sake!), The Village People. I mean, if we are going to have a list, let’s make sure it’s comprehensive and correct, damnit!

    I think they haven’t watched enough Eddie Izzard, personally. Lists is entirely the wrong way to go, they need to be planting flags, claiming stuff, and telling us that le chat est sur la table.

    Other than that, Metallica was lame, but not yet gay, with the Black album. True gayness was achieved with Load and Reload, which I promptly sold back to the damn music store (heaven knows why I bought them in the first place?).

  26. Adam…Queen & The Village People ARE on the list.

  27. Ravi Shankar??

  28. Rufus is a Tit Man.

    Don’t think so…he’s been out of the closet since ’99.

  29. wasn’t able to get to the list Madpad, so I went by this entry. I work for a catholic charity that blocks that site at the firewall, but not Reason. Go figure.

  30. I wonder what they think of Jerry Lee Lewis?

  31. If we are going old school, you gotta put “Dead or Alive” on the list.

  32. Ravi Shankar??

    I guess someone forgot to tell him when he was off fathering Norah Jones…

  33. Poison looked kinda gay

  34. Who sang that song “Drives Me Crazy?” put them on there

  35. the “I’m too sexy” guys too

  36. people who bought a “Color me Badd” CD have a lot of ‘splainin to do to

  37. every boy band from New Kids to O-Town have a special place on the list

  38. You too, 98 Degrees

  39. “Who sang that song “Drives Me Crazy?” put them on there”

    Fine Young Canabals.

    CAb, I think anyone who bought a boy band CD in the 90s has some spinning to do.

  40. Who sang that song “Drives Me Crazy?” put them on there

    Fine Young Cannibals

    Add Menudo, Michael Jackson and Glass Tiger

  41. Fine Young Canabals!!? You can tell they are heathens right there.

  42. I should have gone with MadPad’s spelling.

  43. the “I’m too sexy” guys too

    Right Said Fred

  44. Neither Wham nor George Michael made the list. WTF?

  45. Melissa Etheridge?

  46. cecli – awesome! GBoA got airtime on our show on WHCL, too!

    (and I probably threw oranges at your hockey team)

    🙂

    GW: agreed. Same line of thought, too.
    Cab – switch to ice beer. It mitigates that effect somewhat.

  47. The website is back, but the e-mail accounts listed are from gmail. No street address or telephone. Gotta be a fake.

  48. “The website is back, but the e-mail accounts listed are from gmail. No street address or telephone. Gotta be a fake.”

    Probably Reason staffers who needed something to post on Hit and Run on a slow news day.

  49. Has to be a kids hoax. Their not old enough to know the original flamer, Little Richard.

  50. John Mayer is the definition of gay music. Not in the “I want to have sex with guys” way, but in the “this song is gay” way.

  51. And, I must not be old enough to know the difference between “their” and “they’re.”

  52. “John Mayer is the definition of gay music. Not in the “I want to have sex with guys” way, but in the “this song is gay” way.”

    That is why his guitar skills are so shocking.

  53. Its totally fake. My favorite one..

    Morrissey(?questionable?)

  54. Yeah, none of the affiliated sites (donniedavies.com/eveningservice.com)have physical contact either and they are all supposedly run by one guy. Looks like this guy spent a lot of effort designing these sites for a spoof.

  55. Bronski Beat too. Oh, and Morrissey’s not gay, he’s “celibate”

  56. Celibacy is gay.

  57. Sure, NOW he’s celibate, but in a couple years he’ll come back and say “You know, I’m gonna have sex with guys now”

    I agree about John Mayer, he’s pretty good when playing things other than his own music, which you know, is pretty gay.

  58. And John Mayer? All of his songs are about love a heterosexual sex. I’ve seen him in concert twice, BTW. He rocks.

    Madpad? Totaly queer.

  59. Total, that is.

    mi know spel gud.

  60. VM, I did finally get my damned degree in CNY, but it was 15 years later at Syracuse.

    So, now I am an old orange alum and you are an old orange chucker!

    Ah, the halcyon days of Rapeman, the Fools, Sonic Youth…and getting drunk at 4:00 am on Sunday morning in studio!

    Totally off the subject: Please, Tony Dungy and Bob Ersay, shove your Bible-thumping “we won ’cause god like us better” bullshit up your asses.

  61. Of course it includes more obvious sinners like the Pet Shop Boys, the Indigo Girls, and Scissor Sisters, but it leaves Husker Du, Antony, and Kathleen Hanna’s side projects free to molest the iTunes accounts of America’s heteroyouth.

    It does list Bob Mould. But anyway, yeah, it’s a great bit.

    Sully posted a video from this site earlier today too:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MRWqlf_8M8&eurl=

  62. >Christian University?? Thats the real spoof.

    >Sorry your mom and dad wanted you >indoctrinated that bad.

    So you can’t get a good education at schools like Notre Dame, Villanova, etc?

  63. What about this gem from the early 80’s

    Jesus

    We nailed you to a cross, but you’re still a fucking pain
    Dead 2000 years, still can’t get it through your brain
    You’re just a worthless corpse, you’re just a pile of shit
    Give me a couple of nails, and I’ll ventilate your pit

    Jesus entering from the rear
    Fucking you in the ass
    Just another faggot
    In just another mass

    We won’t take it any more, we just won’t take that trash
    You’re another stupid martyr with another rectal rash
    We won’t take you in the butt, we’re just waiting for the when
    We’ve got a lot of nails to do it to you again

    You thought it would be cute, you thought it would be fun
    But wait ’til I split your shitter with a soldering gun
    Jesus on a plate, Jesus a la carte
    Jesus under glass, just another fucking tart

  64. Gayest Video Ever – not made by a gay.

    Rock Me Tonight

  65. Warning: long post to follow.

    SD – I was referring to fundametalist Christian colleges. So, maybe you have a point, based on my less-than-clear allusion.

    Hell, I went to a school founded by Methodist ministers, the chapel is in the center of the quad at Syracuse. Yes, you can get an excellent education at schools affiliated with Christian sects, but there is a diference between the two:

    I won’t even begin to run down the list of things I find repulsive about Jerry Falwell and his pet Liberty, but maybe these excerpted mission statements can shed some light:

    Biola (from SoCal):

    “Biola University’s vision is to be an exemplary Christian university characterized as a community of grace that promotes and inspires personal life transformation in Christ which illuminates the world with His light and truth. Further, as a global center for Christian thought and an influential evangelical voice that addresses crucial cultural issues, Biola University aspires to lead, with confidence and compassion, an intellectual and spiritual renewal that advances the purpose of Christ.”

    Biola: we’ll teach you enough so that you too can be “transformed in Christ”

    Now, take a look at Notre Dame:

    “The intellectual interchange essential to a university requires, and is enriched by, the presence and voices of diverse scholars and students. The Catholic identity of the University depends upon, and is nurtured by, the continuing presence of a predominant number of Catholic intellectuals. This ideal has been consistently maintained by the University leadership throughout its history. What the University asks of all its scholars and students, however, is not a particular creedal affiliation, but a respect for the objectives of Notre Dame and a willingness to enter into the conversation that gives it life and character. Therefore, the University insists upon academic freedom which makes open discussion and inquiry possible.”

    Notre Dame: we’ll provide an environment of “diverse scholars” who are not required to buy into a “particular creedal affiliation”, thus nurturing an environment of “academic freedom which makes open discussion and inquiry possible”.

    So, is my university going to transform a kid into one with Christ (just in case your parents and your pastor haven’t fucked you up enough already) or is the university open to discussion and inquiry?

    I am sorry, but the idea of a university that embraces intelligent design and the literal interpretation of 2000+ year old texts disturbs me.

  66. You know how I know you’re gay?

    You framed a postar of Asia.

  67. Edit: Poster

    Preview… Damn YOU!!!

  68. That Billy Squire video just made me gay.

    Thanks.

  69. Um, Squier. Or whatever. I’m too gay to spell now, too.

  70. Ghostface will throw that guy down the stairs.

  71. Good point Happy Jack. Little “The only thing better than a big dick is a bigger dick” Richard kicked this whole satanic snowball down the hill, give the man his props.

  72. Little Richard is way too sexy to be gay.

  73. Oscar Wilde did become a Catholic on his deathbed, which may or may not have implied renunication of his homosexual past.

  74. Maybe we can get Richard Cheese to cover more Culture Club…

  75. I couldn’t find Culture Club on the list. WTF.

    And why The Doors? Jim wanted to fuck his mother. That’s not gay.

  76. Why is Metallica on this list? None of the members are visibly gay (they all have wives or girlfriends), nore are any of their songs clearly about being gay.

  77. Wilco? Why is Wilco on this list?

    Phish and The String Cheese Incident? Jam bands are gay?

  78. jf – I just watched that video too….say, do you want to meet for dinner and drinks or something?

  79. Rufus is a Tit Man.

    Don’t think so…he’s been out of the closet since ’99.

    It’s the title of a Song his dad, the vastly underappreciated Loudon Wainwright III wrote when Rufus was a newborn.

  80. More “unintentionally” gay videos

    http://usedwigs.com/lists_14.html

  81. Eagles of Death Metal?? Any band that writes songs about banging 19-year old girls is quite ungay.

  82. Did the leave off 1000 Homo DJs?

  83. The most egregious omission from the unsafe list is a little band called Gayrilla Biscuits.

  84. Morrissey(?questionable?)

    QUESTIONABLE????

  85. [Highnumber said:

    Under a quote from Oscar Wilde, they describe him as a “reformed homosexual.” Either they are a spoof, they are ignorant, or they think a dead homosexual is reformed.]

    Contest time: What would Oscar say in response to being called a “reformed homosexual”?

  86. Incidentally, site’s back up.

  87. I went to see BB King in New Jersey a while ago and Mayer showed up and jammed with him. John Mayer is a fantastic blues guitarist. He was incredible. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been there. As far as him making you gay, how could listening to a guy who used to bang Jennifer Love Hewitt make you anything but straight?

    Isn’t he banging Jessica Simpson now? I didn’t know he’s had Hewitt too… damn.

    His most recent two albums are great. Try! and Continuum. He also wrote a song on the JJ Cale/Eric Clapton album, Road to Escondido, called “Hard to Thrill”. He’s no longer interested in making “Your Body is a Wonderland” shit. He told his record company to go stick it.

  88. Everyone who’s surprised by Mayer: He’s long been rumored to be gay. In fact, here’s an Idolator post about that from just two days ago. I can’t believe y’all fell for the I’m-banging-Love-and-Jessica bit… they’re both total fag hags. Also, your beard has got to be hot or no one will buy it.

    I gotta say that Man or Astroman is a pretty surprising group to have on this list. Are they even touring anymore? Are they famous enough to be a bad influence? Is dressing up and pretending to be an alien gay or just dorky?

  89. Cole Porter, but no Lorenz Hart? While I generally eschew such notions as “gay pride” (in the same way that I wouldn’t say, for example, I’m particularly “proud” of having brown eyes), I must admit a get a little twinge of pride that the two greatest lyricists of 20th Century American pop songwriting were both gay.

  90. Gotta agree with Mike — leaving Larry Hart off the list is just wrong. Hart was the master of the interior rhyme (check out “Mountain Greenery”).

    All this list shows is that gays are the new blacks for the cultural right. I still recall with fondness the terror that “race music” engendered in the breasts of white America in the 50s. Good times. (The terror not the 50s). In fairness, though, the current offerings pale in comparison (yeah, that’s right, pale) to “Work with Me Annie” and it’s peerless sequel, “Annie Had a Baby, Can’t Work No More”. For sphincter-tightening effect, they’ve had no equal.

  91. Sorry if this is redundant but the aforementioned site is a spoof. See his other video:

    http://eveningservice.com/Video

  92. I mean, at times Chris Cornell all but paints it in big red letters that he’s Christian.

    Dude, Christian music is TOTALLY gay.

  93. “Follow me and together we’ll C.H.O.P.S away the Gay.”

    My favorite part. Sucks nobody mentioned the Frogs, or Paris Hilton.

  94. What do you call a group of 500 heavily armed lesbians?

    Militia Ethridge

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