Social Issues

Lock Up Your Daughters, Missouri!

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The egg harvesters are coming:

A few points, before the harvest begins and the women of Missouri are strapped down and wrested of their ova. Notice the wording: Amendment boosters need "thousands of eggs for their experiments." Poor women "will be deceived by money." (Whatever that means.) Anyone watching would assume scientists are prepared to pay big money for fresh ova. But that would be false, given that the measure in question explicitly bans researchers from paying for eggs.

I could go either way on the amendment, but I'll support anything that stops the onslaught of cringe-inducing ova puns. (I am not immune.) Eggsploitation? Egg in your face? Chicks Protect Their Eggs? Make it stop. For our daughters.

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  1. I hate the liberal idea that if you offer somebody money for something that it is evil to do so if you are in a better position they are.

    For example, businesses are expoliting Mexican workers even though these people risked their lives to be “exploited.

    “Deceived by money” means that people should not be able to make decisions about what benefits them and what does it. Those decisions ought to be made by liberal intellectuals.

  2. I’m locking up my daughter. In Californicate. Just as soon as she’s eleven, she’s going in the basement. It’s the egss I’m worried about. But not for the same reason.

  3. Eggs are delicious. I’ll have two, over medium.

  4. Gotta be yolking.

    There, that’s done.

  5. Soon there will be sperm harvesting. Men everywhere will be deceived by money and, with heads hung in shame, allow women to harvest their sperm. A number of methods shall be utilized. Some will involve alcohol.
    Already the internet is rife with images and videos of sperm harvesting. Sometimes the men are restrained or bound, sat upon, molested, and otherwise humiliated, all to obtain the precious sperm.
    Stop the madness.
    Deny them your essence!

  6. “I could go either way on the amendment, but I’ll support anything that stops the onslaught of cringe-inducing ova puns.”

    I prefer them ova easy.

  7. “Gotta be yolking.”

    I was eggspecting that one.

    Seriously, though, Egghead was the best batman villain ever.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BY5vV84d-mg

  8. Once they own your DNA they can do whatever they want with it. So when you see a two-headed clone of yourself walking down the street don’t be surprised ;).

    I think we oughtta be able to copyright our DNA or something, I mean seriously think about it.

    Also, if people want to sell their bodies that’s their deal, but leave me, the taxpayer, out of it because I disagree with it.

    So I’m against government funding for anything like that, but I’m also against outlawing these scientific ideas as well.

  9. Jeff P.
    Where are these places of degradation, bondage, and humiliation where nubile (hopefully) young women harvest(so I can be sure to avoid them and save my precious bodily fluids – although I may stop by such places once a week, or maybe daily, to confirm such horrors really exist)?

  10. You’re right about not being able to pay for the eggs, but there isn’t any law about paying you for your time. That’s how plasma centers get around “buying” your plasma from you.

  11. Eggcellent topic!

    I think we oughtta be able to copyright our DNA or something, I mean seriously think about it.

    Hmm…to protect my copyright, I’d have to be able to document my DNA…something tells me this might be a bit like changing a few punctuation marks in a novel and claiming it as my own unique work…any practicing biologists care to educate us?

  12. I also have questions for biologists:

    When “they” (evil cloning scientists) harvest the eggs, do they put them in tiny cartons?

    And are the eggs brown or white depending on the donor?

  13. I wish someone would “decieve me with money.”

  14. Completely awesome blogging.

    I’ll be thinking about this post as zygote to work.

  15. Grand Chalupa–

    That’s why real liberals support slavery. It creates jobs while not deceiving anybody with money.

    Dammit, all the good puns have been forcibly extracted.

  16. And these poor minority folks might go out and turn that deception money into food. Seriously, who among us hasn’t been deceived by eating? Or paying rent: the big lie.

  17. What “buying eggs?” Do you mean that none of M.J. Fox’s celebrity friends will be donating
    eggs to this cause they so fervently support?

  18. I hope the situation doesn’t become so dire that scientists start poaching eggs.

  19. Grand Chalup said: “Those decisions ought to be made by liberal intellectuals.”

    What a colossal dodge of reality.

    In the midst of right-wing, conservative, red-state Republican crusade, you have the nerve to say that “liberal intellectuals” are to blame? If anything, this campaign proves that the right has just as much nanny state desire as the left.

  20. Actually, Lamar, this is the perfect bipartisan united front issue.

    The liberals get to “protect” women from making “bad economic choices” and the conservatives get to “protect” women from making “bad moral choices”.

    This is the kind of stuff that guarantees voting majorities.

  21. I agree with Lamar, the forces using this “deceived by money” line are conservative forces AGAINST stem cell research (liberals tend to be overwhelmingly for it). There are plenty of conservatives who claim to “know what’s best” for other people, including what’s best to do with their own money. Think of the Christian Coalition (must not make your own decisions to buy porn, give same-sex employees partner benefits, buy contraception, etc.).
    Liberals can be nannies, but currently the GOP are obssessive compulsive granmas (without the cookies).

  22. I know, Ken, I was mostly kidding.

    But I must confess that I am glad that the two camps are divided by issues like stem cells, abortion and evolution because if they ever joined forces there would be no stopping them.

    Three cheers for factionalism.

  23. I’m hoping the egg-harvesters are the tentacled, Japanese kind.

  24. Hey guys, don’t get in a roe over this.

  25. Some of the puns on this thread are truly eggregious.

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