Study Reveals: Kids Are Stupid

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Hey, raise your hand and shake your wrist if you're convinced by this anti-gay marriage ad out of Wisconsin, by the Coalition for America's Families.

Is the point that kids are so stupid that gay marriages will make them forget (or never learn) the differences between big boys and big girls? Is it that gay marriage will cause a physiological chain reaction transmogrifying American adults into hermaphrodites? It can't be that legal gay marriage is going to make kids grow up in a world where heterosexual relationships become incomprensible; if that was the case, the ad makers would have taken their cameras to Massachusetts and just started filming the atrocities. Unless… maybe there aren't any atrocities?

(Headline explained here.)

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  1. “Is it that gay marriage will cause a physiological chain reaction transmogrifying American adults into hermaphrodites?”

    Kickass!

  2. Hilarious Onion link, depressing political ad. Clearly, we’ll never be able to explain something as complex and bizarre as homosexuality to children without destroying their comprehension of heterosexuality. Apparently, they’re like matter and anti-matter.

  3. Maybe the kids in this ad wouldn’t be so confused if they weren’t forced to wear so much makeup.

  4. Oh come on, don’t those kids know its Adam and Steve not Anna and Eve!

  5. “It can’t be that legal gay marriage is going to make kids grow up in a world where heterosexual relationships become incomprensible”

    Straight marriage did it to me.

  6. Hey heres a crazy idea… How about the Gvmnt get out of the marriage sanctioning business ALL TOGETHER! Ultimately this entire matter is about the G&L crowd getting those benefits afforded to Hetero couples based on their marital status, right? So if the state weren’t the arbitor of the validity of someones marital status, and doled out whatever benefits were available on individual merit, wouldn’t the whole thing be a moot point?

    Why is it the role of gvmt at any level to sanctify marriage? Those who are Christian and/or hetero (I qualify for both) need only have their marital relationship sanctified by the church in which they are married.

    The gvmt sould get out of the marriage business altogether… And while their at it, they (in VA) should get out of the liquor sales business as well!

  7. Oh, it should definitely be marriage only by churches, and all the government does is hand out civil union licenses, which are merely a legal document stating who your partner is in case you die or become extremely ill.

  8. No atrocities in Massachusetts? Don’t two of theirs sit in the U.S. Senate?

  9. The only difference this ad makes clear about kids who are the product of legally sanctioned gay marriage v. unmarried gay relationships is that in one case grandma would have to explain why Heather’s two mommies were married and in the other case why they were not. I’m pretty sure kids can handle this one.

    The facts are just as relevant in non-gay relationships. (I’m a dude, and my girlfriend’s nieces are always asking her why we live together but aren’t married.)

  10. Why is a candidate for treasurer running on an anti-gay marriage platform? Or did I misunderstand the “authorized by…” blurb at the end of the ad?

  11. I assume that person is probably the treasurer of the group “Vote Yes For Marriage.”

  12. Anna and Eve huh? I never heard that one before. Seriously though, if I were on the fence on this subject, I highly doubt this ad would sway me either way. I just found it kinda funny.

  13. It’s not for the center, it’s telling evangelicals to get out and vote next Tuesday or our children will be turned into gayosexuals.

  14. I guess the children they hopelessly confused in the making of this ad were collateral damage.

  15. “Ultimately this entire matter is about the G&L crowd getting those benefits afforded to Hetero couples based on their marital status, right? So if the state weren’t the arbitor of the validity of someones marital status, and doled out whatever benefits were available on individual merit, wouldn’t the whole thing be a moot point?”

    You’re asking for disestablishment of courts by gov’t?

  16. So the kids with two mommies or two daddies are going to be totally confused.

    As opposed to the kids in hetrosexual blended families who have a birth mommy and step daddy and his two kids and the stepbrother and step sister’s birth mother and her boyfriend, and a birth father and his current 18-year-old girlfriend who at least is a little better than the bitch homewrecker who broke up the marriage. And no one can keep track of which grandparents and aunts and uncles are still in the loop.

  17. Holy shit, where to begin with this one?
    First of all, the people who created this ad are putting forth the argument that government should make no decisions that aren’t clearly understood by a six year old.
    Secondly, if we do this, kids will start to think that things like the Adam and Eve myth are so old fashioned. Umm…hopefully?
    Pretty soon, they might be rejecting the Earth-centric universe, spontaneous generation, and demonic possession as a cause of disease.
    The best answer to “If grandpa was a girl, would he still be grandpa” is “No, and you wouldn’t exist to ask that question now, would you?”.

  18. Good lord…I think I lost 20 IQ points watching that gibberish. Do these clueless bigots really expect such crap to have any effect on anyone who hadn’t already drunk their Kool-Aid?

  19. These people make my head hurt.

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