Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh


Razor blades in your apples? How quaint. Here's something to get worked up about: What if the sex offender down the street slips some rohypnol into your kid's candy? Hell, what if he puts a pumpkin on his porch?

The AP reports:

Sex offenders on probation or parole in Tennessee are banned from Halloween costume parties this year and aren't even allowed to put up decorations like jack-o-lanterns that might attract youngsters.

The new state guidelines are meant to clarify policies that prevent offenders from interacting with children, said Board of Probation and Parole spokesman Jack Elder, and were not enacted in response to any specific problems the board has seen during the Halloween season.

Tennessee isn't the only state keeping close watch on sex offenders during Halloween….Maryland has even told sex offenders on parole or probation to keep their porch lights turned off Tuesday night.

The Tennessee rules "apply to all sex offenders on probation or parole—about 2,000 of the 8,100 registered offenders living in the state—and not specifically to those offenders whose crimes involved minors." Because our children can never be too safe.

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  1. Let’s just stop the half-measures and require them to wear a large bell tied by a rope around their necks, ring it every five minutes and cry “unclean, unclean.”

    1. I like costumes, but I’ll defend to the death your right to let me eat your slice.

  2. Are sexual harassment offenders included in “sex offender” lists?

  3. How ’bout a goatse jack-o-lantern?
    (Safe for work, due to it being a pumpkin.)

  4. Sex offenders are the sacrificial goat for all of society’s ills. This kind of stuff is the result of the same mentality that caused people to burn witches and Jews when their harvests failed.

  5. John

    Your harvest failed, too? Obviously, we’re not burning enough.

  6. Opposing this kind of common sense is but one reason among many that libertarians will never be anything but a minor party. Do any of you even have kids?

  7. Does anyone know what percentage of people on the sex offenders lists are actual pedophiles as compared to people who may have gotten busted screwing another adult in a car or outdoors or something less dangerous to the all important Children?

  8. Wow – not too shabby! Only 6 replies and we already reached the “It’s for the chilllldren!!” stage.

    Since recividism is rampant among sex-offenders, why don’t we skip the bells and “unclean, unclean” part and just shoot them after their 2nd offense? Would sure cut down on the social worker backlog, eh?

  9. I love how NAL believes that restricting someone’s rights is just “common sense.”

  10. NAL,

    I have a son. I have a niece. I love them both.
    Stranger danger is BS. Worry about your friends and family. They are far, far more likely to molest your kids. Draconian laws are stupid, almost evil, even if they are “for the children.”

  11. Do any of you even have kids?

    Yes, I do. And I don’t see how it helps her if a sex offender whose crime didn’t even involve a minor is banned from carving a jack-o-lantern.

    one reason among many that libertarians will never be anything but a minor party

    I didn’t realize I was the Libertarian Party’s spokesman. They might want to hire someone else for the job, since I’m not even a member.

  12. but why stop w/ halloween? how about no christmas lights, cuz we wouldn’t want any kiddie carolers stopping by. hell, we should require that all sex offenders erect a barbed wire fence around their property, and post signs saying “a potential sexual predator lives here. stay away!” cuz we dont want any girl scouts trying to sell ‘it’ cookies, or whatever. perhaps if we required they wear a big red S on all their clothes when they go out? then we will be clear to everyone whom to ostracize

  13. This is pretty common sense stuff to me. These rules apply to people on parole and probation. i.e., folks who are not yet done paying their debt to society.

  14. Nal:

    I have a daughter and this is still fucking stupid. BTW, having worked in the criminal justice system which leads me to agree with Highnumber. Most molesters live under the same roof as thier victim. And I also know that some of the people who have to register as sex offenders are not necessarily pedophiles.
    And if I was worried about winning lessons, I’d give up my ethos and learn to kiss and suck ass.

  15. Hey NAL,

    I know a guy who is registered sex offender for life for guess what…selling a blow up doll in a head shop where it is legal to do so. So what’s the catch? Well you see you can sell blow up dolls in Texas, you just can’t refer to them as “sex toys” or anything that implies such. So how did he get busted? Well an under cover cop out on a head shop sting, in order to protect the greater public morality I’m sure, asked him if he would be able to have sex with this one particular model if he were to by it. My friend, ignorant of the law, replied ‘I don’t care what the fuck you do with it’.

    As a result he is a registered sex offender for life, and would not be able to put a pumpkin on his porch if he moved to Tennessee. I know I feel safer now.

  16. Marcus Welby has a very good point.

    What percentage of the “sex offenders” are genuine pedophiles? As opposed to the 16-year-plus-one-day-old guy caught in bed with his 15-year-old-plus-364-day-old girl friend? Or the guys/gals busted under some state’s ban against sex devices?

    I can sympathize with the people who want to protect their children, but not every “sex offender” is dangerous.

  17. Rather than having a generic list of offenses that land people on sex offender registries, Wouldn’t if be better if the judges/juries in such cases could assign registration as part of the sentencing? That way, at least the facts of the case have been considered.

  18. How about a pumpkin carved to say “SEX OFFENDER”?

  19. So now the Sex Offender becomes the Creepy Guy Who Doesn’t Celebrate Halloween (similar to the Cat Lady or Old Hermit With The Shades Drawn).

    And, of course, children are never curious about such characters…

  20. Also, I consider the act of producing and raising a child incapable of detecting the gentle plying of predators a Sex Offense.

    By the way, does anyone know if there are any fetish child molesters? Y’know, like guys who only prey on those morbidly obese 4 yr olds I see on Springer?

  21. Joh H:


  22. Even for people on probation, this is silly. In Texas, and lots of other states, people who got caught doing something with another adult will often be put on probation and not adjudicated if they complete the probation satisfactorily. This is called “deferred adjudication,” and does not result in a conviction. So, some guy who got caught with a hooker in his car and is on deferred is now prohibited from carving a pumpkin. He won’t have a conviction on his record, but will be required forever to register as a sex offender, and, apparently, won’t be allowed to carve pumpkins or give out candy. Gee, my sons are sooooo much safer.

    I don’t have an objection to registration laws for people convicted of sex crimes with actual children or violent rapists (why are they out of prison at all?) but there are lots of things that are “sex” crimes where the perp doesn’t pose a remote danger to society, even if he does put out a jack o’lantern.

  23. Here in Pinellas County, Florida police officers even went door to door to tell sex offenders that Halloween decorations were a violation of probation.

  24. …and aren’t even allowed to put up decorations like jack-o-lanterns that might attract youngsters.

    I never decorate for halloween. I’ve tried turning out all the lights. They little shits still come to the fucking door.

    So if a “sex offender” does the same thing the kids are going to stay away, right?

    Goddamn, while the antics of our moronic rulers usually just amuse me, when they pull shit like this they just make me mad.

  25. Since when did parents stop being parents and let their kids wander the streets taking candy from ANY stranger? People need to start taking responsibility for their own lives instead of making up stupid ass laws that don’t stop people from committing crimes anyway.

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