Jesse Spano Rides Again

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"There is a trend in the pro-drug culture toward promoting legal alternatives to illegal drugs and it can be very harmful."

Apparently, the post-Saved by the Bell generation didn't get the memo about the dangers of NoDoz. A new study shows that kids these days (average age: 21) are getting in trouble with legal drugs:

"We want people ingesting caffeine pills and supplements to know that caffeine is a drug and overuse is potentially harmful, especially when mixed with other pharmaceuticals for euphoria. There is a trend in the pro-drug culture toward promoting legal alternatives to illegal drugs and it can be very harmful," said Dr. Danielle McCarthy, who led the Northwestern University study.

"Young people taking caffeine either to stay awake or for a feeling of euphoria, may actually end up in the emergency department more often than we think," she said, because young adults taken to a hospital for chest pains and heart palpitations are rarely asked if they've taken caffeine supplements.

NEXT: Potheads, Puritans, and Pragmatists

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  1. That is the coolest clip ever. With acting talent like that, it is easy to see why Showgirls was such a great movie.

  2. Wow, that was awful. I couldn’t even finish watching it in an ironic way.

  3. Damn, Gimme beat me to the Showgirls joke.

  4. Dear God, that was awful.

    Who’s the blond boy? It’s spooky, how much he looks like my brother. However, my brother outgrew that level of dorkiness when he was five.

  5. After watching that clip, it’s clear what needs to happen. It needs to be banned.

    Saved By The Bell, I mean.

  6. Instead of the SBTB clip, you could have chosen clips from either family guy or the simpsons. Both have episodes involving children taking trucker’s pep pills. Fortunately, in both, hilarity ensues…instead of terrible acting and some half-assed attempt at teaching kids a lesson.

  7. Don’t forget about the classic Johnny Dakota episode where Zach and the gang just say no to drugs.

    “Come on Kelly. Its just a little pot” -Johnny Dakota

    “We’re outta here.” – Kelly Kapowski

  8. Look, just because not everybody has the intestinal/liver/kidney fortitude to eat an entire box of vivarin and down two bottles of 100 proof peppermint schnapps in one evening then run around lamenting the lack of “bimbosluts” to “do hardstyle”, but certainly not “sensitive style”*, while attempting to play D&D as a retarded ogre named LUXATOR! doesn’t mean that caffeine pills are a bad idea. It means some people aren’t awesome, is what it means.

    And by awesome I mean totally sweet.

    *Which is where you put it in halfway and cry.

  9. Huh. You mean that was a real TV show? I thought it was a joke.

  10. The Alex Keaton speed-freak episode of Family Ties was very special as well.

  11. What? People are actually taking caffeine to stay awake? What’s next, people taking ibuprofen to relieve swelling? Dear god, if people are allowed to purchase OTC remedies and use them as directed, just think of the consequences! Think of the children!

  12. Instead of the SBTB clip, you could have chosen clips from either family guy or the simpsons. Both have episodes involving children taking trucker’s pep pills. Fortunately, in both, hilarity ensues…instead of terrible acting and some half-assed attempt at teaching kids a lesson

    But neither of those was a “very special episode”. Not using it would be like having a post on pedophile bicycle shop owners without a Gordon Jump on Diff’rent Strokes clip.

  13. I don’t understand why anyone would take NoDoze when you can get the real stuff (pure Adrenaline) so easily and cheaply. Plus, it doesn’t have the same health and safety issues.

  14. The post is coming up blank for me. Is it the classic “I’m so excited, I’m so….scared” clip?

  15. JESUS CHRIST. Thank god my mother didn’t let me watch much TV in 1990.

  16. hey, lay off sbtb! i must admit a certain generational soft spot in my heart for sbtb. yes, it was corny as hell. but man, i watched that show every damned day – from miss bliss to hawaiian vacation. and consequently have a disturbingly deep mental catalogue of the series.

    jpe – yes, this was the classic “i’m so excited” episode.

    overall, it was a perfectly harmless show that i’d rather my kids watch than some of the other b.s. that’s on.

    though i’ve heard screech is putting out a sex tape. so there goes my youthful “awe shucks” wholesomeness.

  17. How do you get adrenaline?

  18. How do you get adrenaline?

    hang gliding

  19. Lowdog,

    Ask your doctor. I take it twice a day (I would NEVER abuse my access to a month’s+ supply at a time. Really.), and it runs about $50 per month.

    I doesn’t create the same health issues that downers like NoDoze and nicotine do, so bonus there.

  20. call me when Tiffani-Amber Thiessen puts out a sex tape (pun intended)

    not even screech wants to see screech naked

  21. wsdave – thanks for the info, I wasn’t trying to get anyone in trouble. 🙂

    gaijin – I do participate in some rather intense activities like ice hockey and mountain biking…hang-gliding, I don’t know about, but I would like to try sky-diving.

    I was looking for extraneous adrenaline

  22. Based on my foggy recollection of that episode, I had assumed that the episode was about prescription stimulants. Once again the TV of my youth turns out to be even lamer than I remembered.

  23. SBTB & pot together are far more dangerous to college students’ careers than meth, alcohol, and acid combined, let alone no-doz.
    Kids, I did it so you don’t have to.

  24. I wish I’d gone to a high school where all the female students were hot 25-year-olds — and check out the girl in the boots, short black skirt and hot pink camisole top, or whatever the hell they’re called, at the 24-second mark — and all the guys were even dorkier, scrawnier and/or unmanlier than I was.

  25. ‘um, never mind the adrenaline, could you tell me where a little fellar could get some testosterone?’

  26. Geez, Stevo, if the tv show was so distracting that I skipped classes to get stoned and watch it, I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I was in class with those girls. I didn’t smoke the reefer in high school, but, uh, yeah, the girl in the miniskirt. YEAH!
    I never would have graduated high school.

    My favorite memory of skipping class involves scoring a felonious amount of reefer, a cigarette machine that could make doobies that looked like filtered smokes, and me thinking I could smoke it unnoticed on the way to an acting class. Needless to say, I made it 1/3 of the way across campus before the “cigarette” looked like a joint with a filter glued to the end, I was a freaked-out, paranoid wreck who could hardly speak in front of even close friends, and I decided to head back to the dorm to hang out with Zach, Kelly, Jesse, Slater, Lisa, and Screech. Good, good times.

  27. In my tenure as a broadcaster I have aired every episode of every season of Saved by the Bell, including the Miss Bliss years and the college episodes, at least twenty times. I can tell you that the speed episode is one of the more palatable ones.

    I can also recite the Hawaiian Wedding movie by heart.

    I am not proud of this, and have often considered ritual suicide as the only sure way to rid myself of these awful memories.

    Tiffani-Amber was hot in Woody Allen’s Hollywood Ending.

    Now Swan’s Crossing, with a teenage Sarah Michelle Gellar, THAT was a show…

  28. “You got it, momma” ??? What I want to know is how the ‘actors’ on that show were able to deliver lines like that *without* being on the most potent drugs known to man.

    This one ups Reefer Madness I believe. Where did they get the notion caffeine could induce amnesia?

    Next Saved by the Bell episode: Screech gets high on twinkies, goes postal and takes out the whole high school, except for the mini-skirted.

  29. What? People are actually taking caffeine to stay awake? What’s next, people taking ibuprofen to relieve swelling? Dear god, if people are allowed to purchase OTC remedies and use them as directed, just think of the consequences! Think of the children!

    Ha ha…yeah, really. My workplace posted an a study done by a reputable research university (can’t remember which one) right next to our coffee/tea station about the mental benefits of caffeine. It improves short-term memory (a.k.a. working memory), alertness, and…something else that I can’t remember. (Obviously, I haven’t been drinking enough caffeine…or maybe I “experimented” with drugs for slightly too long…)

    Unfortunately, no amount of drug counseling will cure the frame of mind that caused Jesse Spano to wear a flowered thong unitard over leggings with white hightops and white socks. That is a sartorial nightmare that no LSD trip could take credit for.

  30. I’m so excited! I’m so excited!

    – Josh

  31. This Very Special Episode of Saved By The Bell is brought to you by Red Bull: it gives you wings…

  32. “a flowered thong unitard over leggings with white hightops and white socks.”

    Been tryin’ to get Jennifer into that outfit for years.

    Sigh.

  33. I pounded caffeine to pull an all-nighter before every exam I took in college, and I don’t think that I scored less than a stand dev above the average more than once of twice, and the caffeine definitely enhanced my academic performance. That being said, I also developed a bad heart condition where my resting heart rate is like 120 beats per minute, so I am now on heart medication at age 22.

  34. I made my own choices, though, so it’s all good.

  35. Jeff P.,

    Three words: Orion slave girl.

    Sure to break the ice at parties. And Jennifer should look good in green. Skin, that is.

  36. I always found it completely bizarre how “squeeky clean” shows like this are so sexually expunged save for one very glaring exception – the girls dress like hookers.

    And don’t get me wrong. I am all for young women dressing like hookers, especially 28-year-old “teenagers”.

  37. PL: That’ll never happen. First she’ll complain that the make up makes her break out. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then she’ll say how ugly she looks. Then Dan T. agree with her on something and her head will explode.

  38. Huh. You mean that was a real TV show? I thought it was a joke.

    False dichotomy!

    caffeine definitely enhanced my academic performance

    Caffeine does that, as do most other stimulants.

  39. Jeff P.,

    Well, that’s too bad. I think the absolutely coolest outfit any woman can wear is the Orion Slave Girl outfit. A friend of mine’s ex-girlfriend did it several years ago, and we’re still talking about her performance. With the music and everything!

    You’re not Dan T., right? That would be wrong if you were. I don’t believe in him, any more. Kinda like the Easter Bunny.

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